The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

......wouldn't return, once you reeled it out. But the quality of Tasmanian awards really didn't matter to OT, Turbo and Cappy, because they were all happy to add some more medals and glitz to their chests, so they could impress African dictators, and possibly even North Korean Generals - if the Norks ever considered letting the trio into NK.

 

But Turbo was keen on getting into NK, because he had this idea that NK would become a huge recreational market, once he explained to Kim Jung-un and the Generals, that allowing recreational flying freedom for North Koreans was the.......

 

 

(To all NES'rs - Please note that OT is the one who has clicked the NES over to SEVEN HUNDRED pages! - and he eagerly awaits the bestowing of the stupendous NES award, for this major achievement....)

 

Edited April 26, 2022 by onetrack

[Captain]

YEAHHHH 700 FOR THE UNIROOT. Please stay tuned for contact from Eeeeeaan and from Turbine Enterprises on how to collect your prize. (Terms & Conditions do apply) - Moderator 13 - The People's Moderator.

Edited April 26, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

44 minutes ago, onetrack said:

But Turbo was keen on getting into NK, because he had this idea that NK would become a huge recreational market, once he explained to Kim Jung-un and the Generals, that allowing recreational flying freedom for North Koreans was the.......

 

..... best method of achieving world peace, to reunify the 2 Koreas ..... and to get chicks.

 

However this was all stymied when Kim and one of his Generals asked about the great AUF dissention at the  .........

Edited April 26, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

15 minutes ago, Captain said:

YEAHHHH 700 FOR THE UNIROOT. Please stay tuned for contact from Eeeeeaan and from Turbine Enterprises on how to collect your prize. (Terms & Conditions do apply) - Moderator 13 - The People's Moderator.

Wheres mine? i been here since turbo stuffed the evinrudes ,way way back in the early days when turbo still had his f16 before the accident that..........

 

Edited April 26, 2022 by bull

[Captain]

29 minutes ago, bull said:

Wheres mine? i been here since turbo stuffed the evinrudes ,way way back in the early days when turbo still had his f16 before the accident that..........

 

..... made Turbo the unsightly & tragic soul that he is today and increased, even more, the dysfunction of his ........

 

TURBO IS NOT AN ANIMAL

Edited April 26, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

seeing eye dog,,now this dog also flew the plane for him now and was always......

[onetrack]

....having problems with keeping the aircraft in level flight - mostly because the dog got excited any time he spotted a rabbit or sheep from the air, and he immediately forgot about flying the plane, to concentrate on exactly where the rabbit or sheep was heading, so he could cut them off.

 

The dog got that excited as he spotted a cottontail, he swooped over the rabbit, and launched himself out of the cockpit, to make a grab at it. Of course, dogs rarely hurt themselves when they launch out of a moving vehicle, to latch onto their quarry - and in this case, it was no different from the plane.

 

Snoopy the Dog landed in a big bush, promptly righted himself, then orientated himself, then spotted the rabbit again, and took off in hot pursuit, with the rabbit squeals of terror exciting Snoopy even more.

 

Meantimes, the aircraft flew on, pilotless. Turbo, blissfully unaware of what was unfolding as regards his normally-loyal companion, sat in the front seat, enjoying the wind in his face, until he........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

 

Meantimes, the aircraft flew on, pilotless. Turbo, blissfully unaware of what was unfolding as regards his normally-loyal companion, sat in the front seat, enjoying the wind in his face, until he........

...... applied his usual pilotage (avref) skills, which clearly meant that the aircraft (avref) remained "pilotless", so Turbo took the extreme step of .....

[turboplanner]

............phoning his Fortune Teller to see if he would make the destination alive.

When she hesitated, he immediately sent a text to UberPilots and an ex airline pilot, full of himself took took control explaining the he was a c ross-dresser and was that a problem.

Turbo felt it was time he had some currency training, so he................... 

 

[Captain]

.... put on his best pink evening gown, no undies, and those mirrored silver shoes that he loves so much, adopted his best coquettish pout that has achieved such success over the years, before he sauntered up to the .....

Edited April 27, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

Blue oyster bar with his new found piloty friend, now the night grew longer and the debuachery increased to the point that the........................

[turboplanner]

..........UberFlight dude realised he was an hour late for his next job, a Jetstar flight to the Gold Coast, and phoned in with an apology, and who should he get but SaraH Doubtfire, one of their new hostesses who was wishing she still had the powers to throw unfortunates from one end of a divvy van to the other, or .............

[bull]

engage in unspeakable acts with Cappy as they used to do back in the day!  But alas the jet start job came with a ..............

[onetrack]

......requirement that a proper flight officers uniform and hat be worn, and this meant that they all had to change out of the cross-dressing outfits.

 

"But I'm going to keep the stockings on!", said Cappy, "simply because they're too hard to keep taking off, and putting on again, and besides, once we're airborne, who's going to know we're.........

[turboplanner]

......stockinged, because this is Jetstar, not Virgin, and ..............

 

 

[Not many people know that on the Australia-New Zealand flights Virgin Richard Branson decided that Australians don't have long enough concentration spans to read in-flight magazines, and New Zealanders can't read, so the Dunny Roll Act plays to the packed crowd. The aircraft is put on auto pilot, someone holds the end of the dunny roll outside the dunny, crew members hold it over their heads until the roll holder gets to the opposite end of the plane. The dunny person walks in opens the flush hatch and starts feeding the length of paper in; suction takes over  and the long length disappears out of sight down the hatch. There are thousands of dunny strips spread over the Canterbury nd Liverppol Plains and academics hve been obtaining grants to conduct research into how they grow naturally in these locations]

 

[bull]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......stockinged, because this is Jetstar, not Virgin, and ..............

our hosties,opps flight attendents have been around the bush and are very very very experienced . And in first class the "full service"can be had for......

[Captain]

.... those that have special requirements.

 

This raised the CT's interest, amongst other things, as around Darraweit Guim almost all of the population have a tendency towards .........

 

 

ACCORDING TO LEGEND, SOME OF THOSE "TENDACIES" HAVE BEEN "RELEASED"

AT MIDNIGHT ON THE FULL MOON IN THE CEMETARY BEHIND HERE.

(TURBS HAS BOOKED INTO THE DG HILTON FOR THE NEXT 2 FULL MOONS)

Edited April 28, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

....... a need for "special schooling", and "special needs". Of course, this makes CT believe that all the DG inhabitants belong to that group of "very very special people", who are highly sought after by the.......

 

 

(and below, we have procured a photo of those "special" DG inhabitants, obviously carrying out a rather forced wedding ceremony.....)

Edited April 29, 2022 by onetrack

[Captain]

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

....... a need for "special schooling", and "special needs". Of course, this makes CT believe that all the DG inhabitants belong to that group of "very very special people", who are highly sought after by the.......

...... Andrews government to provide security for Dan the Dick-tator.

 

However the photo provided by the Uniroot was been a major shock to Turbo as even with their sunnys on, he recognizes 3 separate offspring that he has not seen for over a decade, 1 blonde lady who has been chasing after him for a number of years and with whom he has "given in" recently a couple of times, and the 50 cal + the silver 1911 had been given to Turbo as a mark of appreciation from when he .............

 

(The bloke at right, at the back, has a spud-gun that Turbo used in 5D to shoot Miss Perin, his French teacher) 

Edited April 29, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

retired from the foreign legion, but thats a whole new story branchline for the NES  and will be kept for later... Anyway Tubs did not know whether to !1:run or 2:greet the rello,s and smile at the Blonde lady like she.

Edited April 29, 2022 by bull

[bull]

was some long lost cousin or lottery winner or such.  Now Pricktator Dan had decided that the  legion could be the way porward for Vic/pol ,some new rules and more open points of contact could stop those pescky hoons that are doing donutes in the front of Cappy,s grandmother ,Jules. Oh it is terrible some nights ,she said ,they are always doing it and doing it and.........

[onetrack]

....they just won't stop! The noise and the burning rubber smell is just awful! I just don't know what to do!?

"I have an idea", said Cappy. "What you need to do, is install a blue flashing light out front of the house. As soon as the hoons start performing, turn the light on, and they'll disappear like rats diving into a drainpipe!!"

 

"What a great and simple idea!" said Jules. "But I'll need someone to install it. I don't have those kind of skills to source a blue light and install it and wire it up".

"Not a problem!", said Turbo, stepping forward. "I'll have an employee from Turbine Industries Blue Light Installations & Hoon-Scaring Equipment P/L, out to your place shortly to measure up, and give you an installation quote.

While he's there, he'll also be able to check your bore, your swimming pool, the service levels on your car, the condition of your blinds, whether your mattress needs immediate replacement, and..........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

While he's there, he'll also be able to check your bore, your swimming pool, the service levels on your car, the condition of your blinds, whether your mattress needs immediate replacement, and........

.... as the TIBLI&HSEPL also provide medical training, he is a certified practicing Gynecologist (who doesn't get as much practice as he wants or needs) he can check out your ....... 

Edited April 30, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

microwave for radiation levels and such too. The best part of his skills is the way he can make a...............

[Captain]

Just now, bull said:

microwave for radiation levels and such too. The best part of his skills is the way he can make a...............

..... a lady ....