The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

...... "Buttons?" said Bendova? "I'd much prefer to push buttons than undo 'em .... and particularly starter buttons".

 

 

 

"And I don't care whether they are connected to a Rotax or a Subaru or even a Lycoming, however I must admit that I am slightly partial to a little Jabiru power, and a good ...................."

 

 

[BigPete]

...and a good landing with FULL FLAP. I hear lately that not all owners of OZStork products are enjoying themselves to the nth degree because they don't have ANY FLAPS. :yuk:

 

After stuffing around all morning laying upside down in the confines of a OZStork cockpit with multimeter in one hand and torch in the other and a very cold wind blowing straight into the hanger I now find mysef with STILL NO FLAPS. :yuk:

 

(I'm going back after lunch to pound something with a BIG hammer.) :hittinghead:

 

And so, with some regret we mus leave our FLAPLESS aviator to his own devices as the latest newscast from our local radio station (FM Who gives a FLAP) reports that.......

 

:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

 

regards

 

 

[Captain]

(I didn't realise that this thread was so autobiographical Pete .... & I meant your last post, not this one)

 

 

 

........winds will be 250 at 40 knts with occasional severe turbulence below 5000 for the next few days, as Hewee's way of giving Peter some lead time to fix his flaps without looking pineingly skyward.

 

 

 

How will our intrepid switch mechanic (and I use the term loosely) get to Hopetoun when he has no hope-to-un couple his switch and switch it for a new switch.

 

 

 

"Oh. You wanted a switch change?" said the doctor as Ben woke up. "I thought you said sex-change".

 

 

 

So his only hope to reverse the change and switch the switch was to ...........................

 

 

[BigPete]

(sorry Captain - can't help myself)

 

....come up with an alternate method of slowing down. A decent sized grappling hook with a 500kg breaking strain might just do the job if it could be deployed successfully.

 

And then in an instant the answer came in a flash (sort of like a short circuit without the smoke). DOORS - if I could fully open them both at the same time, it would be the equivilent of flying in pea soup (or landing in Warragamba dam..you need to go back and read earlier). :big_grin:

 

Armed with lots of rope and enough pulleys to refit the Endevour, our intrepid hero (yes I know its me, but who's writng this anyway?) (so far it's just me and the Captain!!) sets off for the hanger. :big_grin:

 

Meanwhile, all the xxxxx owners were voicing their dissent. "We haven't got FLAPS on our aeroplanes" they said. "Why can the Jabiru jockeys have flaps (working or not) when we don't even get the choice of (working or not) Flaps" :yuk:

 

And so...

 

:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

 

regards

 

 

[Captain]

(Me either BigPete)

 

 

 

........ if I can get this door idea to work, I can flick my flaps then I can also get rid of my rudder. That will also let me get rid of my pedals.

 

 

 

That will all reduce the aircraft weight by about 20 kgs and make it look individual/strange (cross out which is not applicable).

 

 

 

And so a new movement amongst J 160 owners resulted in flapless & rudderless aircraft all easily hitting 130 kts TAS/indicated (cross out which ever is not applicable), with the added benefit that the owners all had huge muscles from opening the doors at such a speed.

 

 

 

This made the owners irresistible to men/women (cross out which ever is not applicable) and .........

 

 

[BigPete]

 

Geez you're funny Geoff - I can't stop laughing - I'll sleep on it and reply tomorrow.

 

:big_grin::big_grin:

 

regards

 

 

[drifter_driver]

This made the owners irresistible to men/women (cross out which ever is not applicable) and .........[/font]

 

Jabiru owners became so muscular from this activity that their demand as models\bodybuilders\sex slaves soared. These new found passions became too irresistible for jab drivers and they left in their droves leaving behind scores of now defunct Jabi’s scattered in junk yards of airfields around the country. Rag & tube brigade never even imagined in their wildest dreams of what was happening right before their eyes – demise of the once mighty plastic fantastic brigade. They sensed an opportunity to take over the skies again and started regrouping/arming for the final battle of the skies………………………………

 

 

 

[BigPete]

....."this will be our finest hour" they cried. Some of the Rag n' Tube owners were, however not convinced it would be so easy. WE need protection, they decided - go forth and collect all those plastic skins from the dead Jabiru's. Use them as armour, use them as camoflage, just use them.

 

And so, began the pheonix of our time, thousands of Jabiru's discarded by their former owners, once again took to the skies. All the Rag n' Tube owners experienced for the first time, comfort, warmth, actually getting from A to B, (and able to pass trucks below on the freeway).

 

"Behold" said Ex Drifter Driver, "I have seen the Lord" - "and he flys a Jabiru"

 

The moral of the story dear reader is this:

 

Don't ever try to muck with a Jabiru drivers head.

 

:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

 

regards

 

 

[planedriver]

For lo and behold out of the blue yonder, there occasionally appears one of those "fresh air" flyers, who has secretly been converted, and yet is probably busy behind the scenes, seeking out one of the discarded warmer-to-fly Jabiru's without the need dress-up to look like "Michelin Man".

 

"Fear not", said the flyer, "clothes alone, not maketh the man, but to have the gut's to fly like a bird when we were designed to walk on the ground certainly say's something. Are we convinced by this statement, or, could he be talking Sierra, Hotel, India, Tango?.............

 

 

[drifter_driver]

The story didn’t end there, former R & T folks were getting more and more addicted to creature comforts which resulted in aircraft coming out with things like rudder paddles fitted with shoe shine devices, pilot massage chairs, panels with MS flight sims (so that you don’t get bored whilst flying the plastic fantastic) etc. this caused massive relocation of limited available resources in the economy to these activities from other productive use. The other sectors of economy suffered massive losses resulting in a recession, which in turn caused job losses which further caused broken marriages and defaults on mortgages.

 

So once again the story ended in junk yards.

 

After loosing his wife/kids/house/job former drifter driver pondered over the situation and cursed big papa for his predicament.

 

But then he remembered about a spare chainsaw lying in his garage, the sound of its two stroke motor filled him with great excitement and hope…………………………

 

 

 

[BigPete]

or as we used to say in the signals corps

 

nine dits and a dah.

 

:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

 

regards

 

 

[planedriver]

Armed with the chainsaw and the new idea of making an aeroplane out of timber,ex drifter driver raced to his closest bit of rainforest to cut down a few trees to get the materials for the airframe. There was so much pandamonium caused by his actions with branches falling, which still had protesting greenies attached. One big branch fell on one of the protesters bright yellow combi vans with the flowers painted on it :faint:and wrote the bloody thing off. With a wry grin, ex drifter driver said to the bruised owner "MAAAAATE, todays your lucky day;).As yer combi's stuffed, i'll be prepared to help you out with 10 bucks for the old motor co's I can put it to good use with a fan on the front"

 

 

[hihosland]

A comment that totally confused the Kombi owner who knew that the only place for a fan on a Kombi was back of the motor

 

 

[Captain]

As an aside .................... as the weather has been unflyable around here recently I have just been for a little motorcycle run around NE NSW and did almost 3000 kms in 3 days thru snow, sleet and rain. While I have been away it is great to see that Peter now has some new friends and worthy adversaries with which to take the N.E.S. to greater heights.

 

 

 

And I just HAVE to comment that I am fascinated with Drifter Driver's concept of a Jabiru panel fitted with MS Flight Sim so the pilot can play with the simulator if he (or she) gets bored with flying. That is great and I bet Pete wishes he had thought of it.

 

 

 

So when you get bored with flying your Jab you fire up Flight Sim and fly the Jab that is in there. Then the next version of Flight Sim will show their J panel with Flight Sim installed and will show the simulated pilot in Flight Sim playing Flight Sim.

 

 

 

By about Flight Sim version 2027 they will have run out of Jabiru's to simulate and maybe, just maybe, it will go full circle and Pete's 160 will be actually flown by some Sim jockey who is being flown by Pete when he is bored with flying his and is using the Flight Sim to hone his skills.

 

 

 

Oh well, it is just a thought.

 

 

[planedriver]

It is possible that this concept may be packaged with BikeSim simulating Captain beating up the highways and byways and Drifting Driving (to coin a phrase) through the snow, all from the comfort of your fireside chair.

 

Simply deposit an initial down-payment of $50 accompanied by a bottle of red to Planedrivers account while he works out the feasability and projected delivery date for the system.:thumb_up:

 

Sorry!! This could be construed as commercial advertising which is banned on the forums.

 

Maybe Ian can give special dispensation for the bottle of red, if I share with him??***!!

 

 

[Captain]

........I know how to make a fortune thought planedriver. Lets fully develop BikeSim, then we'll add GirlSim for the boyz, BoySim for the girls, WhateverturnsyouonSim for the others, SimSim for the computerbuffs, JabSim for the Doctors and a separate version for the CT Owners, and for those that can't make the Fly-in to Hopetoun on August 3rd I'll develop HopeSim, + I have lots of other ideas in the pipeline (or in PipeSim as he calls it) including ......

 

 

[planedriver]

Din Sim for those like a lot of of aircraft noise.

 

I'm not real enthusiastic about adding to the range Quote :GirlSim for the boyz, BoySim for the girls, WhateverturnsyouonSim for the others, because these always seem to attract those unwanted emails to make it bigger, smaller, last longer, or, even to get it back working occasionally;). However, a flightsim which automatically deducts monery from credit cards each time the flyer passes over the top of a motorway toll booth sounds even better for the pension fund.:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

(ah, that is where you have all that dosh invested planedriver)

 

............. so we'll have DimSim for those like me and for those who like Chinese food on their computer, KlimswimSim for those that want their kids to learn to swim at home without getting wet, BoardmemberSim for those that miss out at the election, and WhimSim for those that have a fanciful notion, however the idea of tollbooths automatically deducting your hard-earned no matter which way you pass by them, has already been patented, so we'll .................

 

 

[planedriver]

have to draw Big Pete into the equation again for some of his ideas, or, anyone else who has a few suggestions to offer. Meanwhile back at the ranch at Kenthurst, The Pope enjoys his extra-thick aussie steak and say's "youssa aussies makeaa da meat lasta uno meal onerly, when we Italians cudda maka plenty spaghetti bollognaise for da poor peeple while usa getta fat on yur owna, which just goes to prove that ..........

 

 

[Captain]

....... the german Pope really does speak with an italian accent, cardinal Pell didn't mismanage the molestation scandal (perhaps there is a market for LittleBoySim or CelebacySim), that wasn't a latest model black 450SL Merc (V10Merc.or8SeriesBMWSim) that the cardinal rides around in (while asking his congregation to give up their hard earned (DonationSim)).............. and pigs might fly (PinkOinkerSim) ........... which brings us back to this flying caper where there are lots of ..............

 

Where are ya Peter??

 

 

[BigPete]

Huh, Wot, Eh, Oh - SORRY - with all that Pope talk, I thought you have to be catholic to contribute. :ah_oh:

 

Now - down to some serious flying talk. The Chinese subsidury of OZStork (WunhungloStork) have perfected a rubber powered version of the J230. :thumb_up:

 

Surprisingly it's not much different to the old rubberband flying models that most of us played around with in our youth. :big_grin:

 

The major difference however is the amount of turns required to power the thing long enough to get it airbourne. :yuk: As of this reporting you need 63,000 turns to do 2 circuits. It takes 17.5 hours to hand prep the motor.

 

With labour so cheap in China that works out to be 40 cents per 12 minutes (2 circuits) The Chinese were hoping to deliver the aircraft pre-wound to make it a bit more attractive to the overseas buyer.

 

The unit cost (pre-wound) was thought to be about $28.70, once production had hit a peak of around 20,000 units per week. Unwound price is $28.30.

 

Ozstork really like the idea, and have come up with a solution to the hand wound problem.

 

All new Jabiru (Sorry, OZStork j230 owners will not only receive a complimentary Hat and T-Shirt with their purchase) - (Yea, Right, I spent 75,000 on my J160c, and I'm still waitng for a free cap! ) - but will also get FREE a self contained Chinese family with at least two of its members well trained in pre - winding OZStork motors.

 

AND

 

If you think this is drivel - go back a few posts. :big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

 

(I'm back) :big_grin:

 

regards

 

Peter

 

 

[Captain]

............ Geeeeez thought Skipper. A free hat and J-shirt. I'll be in that.

 

And 63000 turns to do 2 circuits is a lot better than 63000 dollars in AvGas to do those same circuits. These chinese chappies are onto a good thing here.

 

And I know how to strengthen my right wrist to be ready for the winding, + it's an excuse I can use with mum, too.

 

However Skipper had a rubber band powered model when he was a kiddy and being a forceful kind of a nipper he always wound it up full tilt, until eventually the ****-end came through to the front (very quickly), and didn't leave much in between.

 

That wouldn't be good in real life (or this N.E.S), and then it dawned on him.

 

There is already a rubber band powered version of the J230.

 

It's a (wait-for-it .... wait-for-it) CTLW, so I'll just grab one of those and all will be well, except that ........................

 

 

[BigPete]

.....unfortunately :confused: - nobody checked the direction of the rotation. It seems that most Chinese are left handed and so nearly all the eager thrifty (can't wait to get in the air and save money) pilots took off ----backwards. :yuk::yuk:

 

"Bloody hell" said BackwardsPete "Orvile and Wilbur sure knew something all those years ago". "This thing flies much better going in reverse and I can see the hour meter on the tacho rewinding like HG Well's Time Machine. :thumb_up:

 

And so many pilots began to reverse - saving money by not having to do any maintenance at all. And except for some very interesting times in the circuit (some older pilots stuck to convention ) most people were happy and content. :big_grin:

 

CASA, however were not amused.....

 

regards :big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

 

 

[Captain]

CASA, however were not amused.....

....... as because things were going in reverse, CASA started to satisfy all of the needs of the aviation community in a friendly and efficient manner, without any personal vendettas or staff issues.

 

The oil companies weren't happy either as they were required to send all aircraft owners $1.99 for each litre of fuel that they did not use. "What are you doing sitting at home" said all of the Aviator's wives/husbands. "Start winding and get out there and fly more" as we need an extension on the house, just like the Baker's, & we need the money from those worthy & community minded corporate citizens at Shell/BP/Mobil.

 

So the whole world ran backwards& the Murray River filled up again just because of a little story written by a bloke in acuchE.

 

You're our hero etePgiB said all of the 20 year old virgins in the Riverland (so there weren't many of 'em) until the fit hit the shan just because of ..............................

 

 

[planedriver]

Bigpete's reputation. With the good news from the Captain about the Murray River filling up again, Bigpete decided it might be a bit of fun to take the day off and try his hand at a bit of fly-fishing. So with the Jabby just above stall speed he opened, or to be more precise bent the Jabby door open, and tossed out his favorite lure in the hopes of catching a nice Murray Cod to cook on the barbie. Unfortunately his lure missed the river, but did catch the last remaining pure Riverland girl in the area who just happened to be bending over tieing her shoe laces. Feeling the sudden jerk, Bigpete thought he'd caught something good and wound in his line with great vigor. The miss'es will be pleased with me he thought, untill he saw what he had caught. As his catch came up near the port landing gear, he thought what the ---- am I going to do with this????????? there was this poor lass hooked by no more than a bit of knicker elastic, flapping around in the slipstream. He tied the line off to that short stick between the front seats and headed back to base. On his final approach, the Jabby took up the sort of port wing low attitude that you would expect with a 40knt crosswind. Unfortunately as he came over the fence his catch caught up with the barbed wire fence causing half a dozen extremely fast go-arounds. After touching down safely in his usual manner, other flyers were intrigued to learn his technique in achieving so many circuits in such a short time. Using such techniques must surely qualify one for a certificate in far less hours they thought.