The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

On 11/06/2022 at 6:37 PM, bull said:

..... the local tarts .......... sauntered slinkily

Dear NESers ...... It is obvious from the above that bull knows all of the "sexy phraseology" and has evidently been sauntered over to slinkily after one of his textbook landings in his Jackoffroo.

[onetrack]

....straight-in approach, which costs less and gets a more rapid settling of the.....

[bull]

..........helo drivers nerves,after experiencing the feeling of 1000 parts rotating at high speed waiting to...............

[turboplanner]

.....fly [avref]....................

[Captain]

45 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....fly [avref]....................

.... up (avref) .....

[turboplanner]

to an altitude of 9999 feet [avref] where, if he blew his nose [avref]................

[onetrack]

.....he'd blow the limit for....

[turboplanner]

.......altitude emission.

Not many people have kept up with our governments around the world, such as last week's introduction of a cattle burp tax in New Zealand to save us from global warming. The extra cost will be considered by the farmers, who, being practcal will shoot the lot. So much for steak dinners in NZ.

Australia, though had introduced an Altitude Emission Law, where anyone flying 9,999 feet would be required to wear and Exhaust Gas Recirculator (EGR) which would record the emission of CO2 from that point, and charge 50 cents a gramme emitted. The upside was that the EGR had a touch point for credit cards, so a very clean payment system. The downside was that the cost amounted to double the normal cost of the flight, and .................

[Captain]

..... the personal EGR is also hard to fit, particularly for blokes, because it chafes on the sticky outy bits + the personal exhaust gas collector tube (PEGCT) is a little large because the government purchasing department (GPD) got the lowest tender from a bloke in Manjimupupmup who had a job lot on 75 mm pipe.

 

The credit card swipe device for the PEGCT was also uncomfortable as it was located at the back right where the plumber's crack (PC) can normally be spotted when Onesie wears his stubbies &  ......

Edited June 14, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

....has his glasses on. Then there arose the regular problem, in that numerous users started reporting that their credit card melted upon near contact with the EGR, which meant the transaction was annulled - and immediately a transaction for emissions payment was declined, the software locked the controls, which immediately meant that......

[Captain]

6 minutes ago, onetrack said:

....has his glasses on. Then there arose the regular problem, in that numerous users started reporting that their credit card melted upon near contact with the EGR, which meant the transaction was annulled - and immediately a transaction for emissions payment was declined, the software locked the controls, which immediately meant that......

...... Turbo was always seen flying with his left wing 10 degrees low (Turboflyingref), which I have been trying to correct each time he comes to me for his mates-rates/always-pass, BFR, when I always say .......

Edited June 14, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

...... Turbo was always seen flying with his left wing 10 degrees low (Turboflyingref), which I have been trying to correct each time he comes to me for his mates-rates/always-pass, BFR, when I always say .......

.....Turbo old mate, if i had not known you for years i would have to.........................[believed to be a cranky Cappy with Turbo in the bin chicken.]

[Captain]

1 hour ago, bull said:

Rare photo of Turbo's last BFR at Kapooka International. Note the specially reinforced dual nose-wheel for Tubb's usual nose landings. If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times during his last 60 years of BFRs, "It's a tricycle undercarriage, not a unicycle, so try to flare this time & use it all please Turdboy." then I close my eyes and commit to fate.

Edited June 14, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......fail you, but I also know there's no point in that because you're the Treasurer for the Flying Comancheros, and we know how much notice they take of us conscientious soldiers of CASA.

 

At the mention of CASA there was a pregnant silence followed by furtive looks followed by aircaft being locked up and people walking down the main road from Kapooka to town.

 

There was no doubt at all who was kingpin in that town, and it wasn't the Flying Comancheros, except for one.............

[onetrack]

.......fly in the ointment, the bloke known around Kapookistan as "The Rat". He gained this moniker thanks to his continual furtive looks, and style of quick, short movements, before darting into the next set of shadows - as if at any moment, something or someone would step out, and grab him, and say, ".........

[Captain]

43 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.......fly in the ointment, the bloke known around Kapookistan as "The Rat". He gained this moniker thanks to his continual furtive looks, and style of quick, short movements, before darting into the next set of shadows - as if at any moment, something or someone would step out, and grab him, and say, ".........

..... "Have you had your bubonic plague vaccine shots yet, and show me your inoculation certificates".

 

El Ratso was indignant, truculant & agro, all at the same time "I'll have you know that I am a CFI and therefore I am at the top of the aviation .....

[bull]

.ladder and being a rat i can not work out how to climb down , and shove that coviddy shit as far as you can................

[turboplanner]

".........breathe your viral load."

"l'll have you know that I am vaxxed and boosted" replied Ratso in technical terms most Americans wouldn't understand.

 

The soldier of CASA didn't understand the words either, but didn't want to admit that so he said "Do yyou know what a Ramp Check is?"

 

Of course he had Ratso there, and continued "Legs apart, hands on the wing, and don't turn round until I tell you", and, stepping back with his hand on his hip and his left teeth showing, "do you have a gun"

 

"Just the old Browning" replied Ratso, and suddenly sventeen soldiers of CASA appeared, lights and sirens, guns, and Ratso was handcuffed..

 

Of course handcuffs were useless with his tiny hands but he stopped them slipping off with his fingers, and waited for an opportunity ........;;

[bull]

..to reach out and...........

[onetrack]

.....grab an unwary set of.....

[bull]

.hanging ...............

 

[onetrack]

.....tentacles, which belonged to one of the CASA soldiers right behind him. "Tentacles?", you might ask? Yes, dear NES readers, ever since the CASA job selection criteria was extensively widened to cover all non-binaries, all sexual orientations, all possible breeds and backgrounds (including interbreds) - they had put some amazing creatures on the payroll.

 

When one job applicant turned up sporting tentacles, instead of the normal appendages, it was deemed by HR, that not only could they not refuse him a job, it was also a light bulb moment for CASA, as senior management suddenly realised, that someone sporting tentacles could be universally useful to the regular CASA aircraft and air facilities checking operations.

 

"Imagine putting this bloke onto a suss aircraft or pilot?", said Senior Operations Manager Woffel Junkson. "Neither the aircraft nor the pilot would stand a chance! They talk about the 'tentancles of CASA!' - well, now we'll be able to show them, we really do have them fitted to our soldiers!"

 

And with one quick movement, the Rat grabbed one of the tentacles of the CASA soldier, and started to twist it. But as the Rat soon found out, as soon as you nail down one CASA tentacle, another........

 

Edited June 16, 2022 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

........reaches out, grabs your most precious possessions and mimics your actions. He squeezed harder trying to make the CASA soldier let go, but as many Pilots have found, right back to the days of the original Flying Doctor, Clyde Fenton, who based himself at Batchelor, NT as a way of getting as far from DCA in Melbourne as he could, once they grab you, they just don't let go, so he ..........

[bull]

poked him in the eye and with a blood curtling ............

[turboplanner]

...............rodentic scream (if you've never heard a scream from someone whose blood has been curtled, it's as terrifying as the screams of the Indian shytes in the Himalayas).

He also let go one of his rat bombs (respects to rats past present and emerging), a flatulence odour that would clear a stadium, and the CASA Soldier was beaten.

"Another one got away" he reported to his FoI handler who was quite philosophical and said "Is there an AUF show coming up ........."