The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

15 hours ago, bull said:

curtling ..........

As an aside to the NES, Cappy notes that this has been misspelled and the correct spelling is "turtling".

 

As all male NESers would know from their flying whoopsies, the dictionary meaning of Turtling is ................. "The act of the male penis shrinking in horror and retreating into the abdomen whenever danger is present or a very unpleasant, anti-arousing thought is experienced. Much the same way a turtle retracts it's head into its shell when faced with danger."

 

Now back to the NES ........................................................ and to un-turtle.

Edited June 17, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

......where we could put the Tentacle soldier to better use?" "Yes", said Woffel, "I believe the AUF is holding a meeting in a small public toilet - because, fortunately for us, there's only 3 members left - on the 27th of next month, in the town of.....

[bull]

Bowen river at the pub, What said the inspector!!!  thats out in the sticks near coal mines ,i,m not going anywhere near that.[ see that little track on the left between the road and the campgrounds? well thats the airstrip !![ps our fearless Bull has been known to attend this event as well, heres an old video of him and mates leaving after the weekend and he was testing out his GT500 with the yellow wings ,,as usual he was last to leavehttps://www.facebook.com/scott.d.evans.7/videos/10213841023844725

lol Now the Bowen river rodeo association has declared that any and all casa reprasentatives will be used as the oily calf catch by the local kids[some of whom are over 6 ft tall ] and this has caused a major reshuffiling amongst the casa crowd ,after they all put their names in a barrel and one was chosen for the bust of the century and sent to Bowen river and..................

Edited June 17, 2022 by bull

[Captain]

1 hour ago, bull said:

and this has caused a major reshuffiling amongst the casa crowd ,after they all put their names in a barrel and one was chosen for the bust of the century and sent to Bowen river and...........

...... experience the wonderful sights, sounds and smells of outback Queensland.

 

But however bad that was, it was still better than having to be in the casa barrel at each Friday evening drinks session, or worse still at the casa Xmas Party where whoever was rostered for "barrel duty" was ........

Edited June 17, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

rolled around in the.

 

[Captain]

3 hours ago, bull said:

..... rolled around in the .....

 

..... hay, which had been inserted (suggestivewordingref) into the bottom of the barrel to absorb the ........

Edited June 17, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

fleas, and to contain the smell ,,now..............

[Captain]

21 hours ago, bull said:

fleas, and to contain the smell ,,now..............

..... reaching epic .....

[onetrack]

.....levels as the hay aged and the fleas continued to increase in number. But the "roll in the barrel" was a long-standing Friday evening CASA event, that had reached the level of defining what.......

[bull]

Part they went to in the promotions department ,last year the new CEO had won his position by staying the longest in the barrel as the hay aged and the fleas multiplied and started to draw blood ,he still did not climb out ,even as the local cockroaches also could smell the blood and started climbing into the barrel as well ....Now this year casa,s secret implant Turdy was up for promotion to the position of...............

[turboplanner]

....Junior FoI, a position which didn't require any work, but gave the incumbent the chance to experience life as a CASA operative. First day was a visit to the Document Vault, a 50 hectare building in the hinterland of Brisbane which as we know is in the hinterlnd of Australia. He noticed this was built on the same standards as a typical Orangutan cage which allowed FoIs to move freely in search of any regulation. From there he moverd to the Camouflage Unit to be taught how to dress like a cone marker, and then on to the Snipe section. They weren't given rifles of course, just monoscopes and facial identity kits, and at the end of the week he made it to the barrel. As a reader of the NES he knew what to expect so he took with him a bottle of Farmer;s Friend Phenyl and quietly sprayed it around the barrel. Every living thing vacated the barreland soon people all over the room were scratching themselves, but Turbo quietly sat his time out, and at the end .............

[bull]

.set a new record and gained the position of CEO as the last one caught a bad case of fleas and had to retire!....Now suddenly Turdys management skills soon had the Australian aviation scene pumping with new .....................

[turboplanner]

.........rules, the most important one being "For every new rule, 5 existing rules must be extinguished made inert and invisible."   There were crowds in the street at its proclamation, and .....

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........rules, the most important one being "For every new rule, 5 existing rules must be extinguished made inert and invisible."   There were crowds in the street at its proclamation, and .....

.... there were soon lit signs at all major intersections Australia wide saying "Turdy for PM (If only he had grown up in Public Housing)".

 

However Turdy had actually grown up in dire circumstances, and it was soon disclosed  that he had .....

Edited June 19, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

......been raised in an Indigenous gunyah on the outskirts of Coonabarabran (can I actually say that word? - why hasn't that towns name been changed?), by an old toothless part-Indigenous great-grandmother, who had found Turbo wandering the streets of Coonabarabran (there's that word again!), at age 3, clad only in a ........

[Captain]

8 hours ago, onetrack said:

......been raised in an Indigenous gunyah on the outskirts of Coonabarabran (can I actually say that word? - why hasn't that towns name been changed?), by an old toothless part-Indigenous great-grandmother, who had found Turbo wandering the streets of Coonabarabran (there's that word again!), at age 3, clad only in a ........

..... used Qantas flight attendant's .......

 

(Sorry Onesie, we should have sent a despatch that the town is now called Cheersabarabran ......... although another change is possible, as bran is now being seen as offensive by the Anti Keeps-You-Regular Alliance [The AKYRA])

[turboplanner]

....knickers.

"You were a bit young weren't you?" sniggered Cappy, waving his gin around.

"I started as I meant to finish" replied Turbo tartly.

"What went wrong?" asked Cappy

And that's when ...........................

 

 

 

 

[As an interesting aside, the word gin is being expunged from the English language on the grounds that it may be offensive to the money making sector of Australia's indigenous people. The Industry has chosen the replacement name "Gummy", and will be promoting it as "Gummy Rummy", a name licensed from Turbine Cards Inc. - MOD 5]

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....knickers.

"You were a bit young weren't you?" sniggered Cappy, waving his gin around.

"I started as I meant to finish" replied Turbo tartly.

"What went wrong?" asked Cappy

And that's when ...........................

...... Turbo explained in great detail (sighs) that he is just having a temporarily break from his pursuit of knickers and he would soon be back on top of his game again (although this last 30 year lady imposed break means that Tubb still considers Cottontails to be "knickers").

 

However Cappy was supportive, as ever, of Turbo's dreams and arranged for him to meet a couple of Flight Attendants from ......

 

(Gummy Rummy might be in strife even before its launched and it can be disclose in this esteemed forum that Cappy QC has been leading negotiations on behalf of a little known company called First Nations Franchising & Ripoffs Inc, for all gin distillers worldwide to pay a $10 per bottle licencing fee, and this deal includes 1 complimentary Bardy Grub to be placed in each bottle to match the marketing by Tequila).

Edited June 20, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....Rex, NTTIAWWT, who knew how to have a good time in Cappy's opinion, but ..............

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....Rex, NTTIAWWT, who knew how to have a good time in Cappy's opinion, but ..............

..... it must be admitted that these REX girls dated from back in the original Hazelton days, so they were a little the worse for wear, although Turbo cannot, any longer, afford to be too ......

[onetrack]

......generous with his outlays (since last weeks share market rout, which has severely impacted Turbos finances), so he chose the older REX girls as the cheaper option, thus saving himself a substantial amount of money, which could now be utilised for drinks, and fine food, and a little entertainment for himself and the girls.

 

But speaking of entertainment - Turbos choice of entertainment was completely clouded by his upbringing, where he had been subject to...........

[turboplanner]

...............endless replays of Gone with the Wind and Billy the Kid.

"Tomorrow is another day, hurry up!" he said to old Vivienne "or ah'll shoot yer in tha butt!"

Not surprisingly the Rex romance didn't last ...................

[Captain]

...... long, as Turdy's impersonation of Rex (Hunt) was .....

 

(And his modifications to the Gone With The Wind script where Turds channelled Clark Gable & added a typical Moorabbin touch, where he always said "And frankly my dear, I don't give a ***k", just didn't cut it with the old Rex girls, who were even more rugged than the PAN-AM hosties of yesteryear)

Edited June 20, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

.soon had old Turdy ,screaming for mercy as they.......

[turboplanner]

.......flailed him, peeling the skin off his back. "YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG SCRIPT!" he yelled, and they all burst into tears realising their mistake.

[several hours later]

"Well, must be off, I've got the Perth direct" said Sue. "I'm for Carins non stop" said Beth and so it continued down the line. 300 passengers enjoying the legendary Rex hospitality - being advised to get in your seat and shut up - had no idea of what happened to Turbo that day and at the next morning's press conference he was taciturn ...............