The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

On 22/10/2022 at 6:38 AM, turboplanner said:

.....won the lottery. And he had in a way because the TCF was an institution in many countries around the world, with the quaint TCF buildings designed by Turbine Architecture and Concreting Co (TACC) and the figure of Turbo clad only in a golden robe, and the money was rolling in, but the Arabs were a little more inqisitive and found out ...........

....... that Tubb had received an offer from Vlad to purchase all of the Drifters and convert them into suicide drones, using the expertise of Turbine War-Machine & Kill-em-All Inc. (TWM&KeAI).

 

"Ziss good deal-ski" said Vlad "As Turbo understands about being a dick-------tator and I can-ski cut out the towelheads in Iran who have the drone-ski contract at the moment-ski."

 

Vlad also loved Turdo's publicity photos of him riding shirtless on horseback and him killing a bear with his bare hands (even if it was only a Koala).

 

Turbo loved the thought of explosives laden Drifters diving like Stukas at Vne + 170 knots, so he .........

Edited October 24, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...started a production line and called them Surveillance Timed Uninhabited Kaffir Aircaft [avref]. The factory was in a secret location to protect the secret equipment by ensuring the Secret Service would not be able to expose its secrets.

 

There were a few problems with the engines like values burning and flywheels falling off but everyone has a few of those.

 

In a 170 knot dive it could scream in Russian what sounded like "wait, wait, wait" to stop the Russians from running away, making it a lot more effective than ...............................

 

 

[Captain]

17 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...... like values burning ......

As Cappy once included in a speech, he drafted for Winston C (and for which he has been quoted ever since) "The 1st casualty of war is truth".

 

The above quote by Turdboy, which is aimed at the Tax Office for his '22 - '23 Return, is plainly incorrect as the value of the Drifters has increased 30 fold, because they are now certified for military use which makes them much more desirable for the civilians too.

 

This popularity however resulted in the Drifters being cloned by the Chinese, of which Turbo is a part (not part of the factory in China ........ Tubb is part Chinese after one of his great great grand Nannas fancied a Chinese bloke for a few minutes in the diggings at Ballarat (but that is another story where his kinship to AhLox is evident [that Chinese bloke really got around]).

Edited October 24, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

17 hours ago, turboplanner said:

In a 170 knot dive it could scream in Russian what sounded like "wait, wait, wait" to stop the Russians from running away, making it a lot more effective than ........

..... using them to attack the Ukrainians.

 

Russian drones attacking Russian troops while they wait at the mobile Vodka truck was something that made the ABC report that ......

[turboplanner]

.....won them, a Walkley Award. Although it was filmed in a Kings Cross toilet, it had realism, strength and pathos, and the quality of truth we've come to expect from the ABC made it a winner by comparison with the other entries.

 

General Vladamir Kruschev, a Russian-Chinese and in fact a younger brother of Ahlox, was standing on one leg at the Vodka truck. He had to; the Ukrainians had shot the other one off and President Putin had told him there was no withdrawing just for a flesh wound. Who should slide up but Dimitri Wunski, who had been busy re-tracking tanks so they could be used as mobile trenches after the turrets had been blown off by the Ukrainians.  Wuntrak was half Chinese and an older brother of Ahlox. In civilian life he had grown up as a firebug, and his younger brother who adored him, but knew what the Bronx Police were like followed him around putting out the fires. At one stage they were referred to as.......................

 

[Captain]

....... future presidential material.

 

But Dimitri had finally gone into a witness protection program in WA, where he changed his name and became 100% Aussie and used to call our "G'day mate-skis" and "Cooee bottler-ski".

 

It was, however, through this wonderful Wreck Flying Forum that Dimitri was able to make contact with his 1/4 brothers Turdy and Loxie and they met up at their other 1/4 brother's pangolin restaurant in Frankston.

 

"First let me say-ski, that Wreck Frying is better than Ancestry.com in finding the fruit of uncle Wan's loins, and I think-ski that my brothers are now-ski ..........

Edited October 24, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

58 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....won them, a Walkley Award. Although it was filmed in a Kings Cross toilet, it had realism, strength and pathos, and the quality of truth we've come to expect from the ABC made it a winner by comparison with the other entries.

 

General Vladamir Kruschev, a Russian-Chinese and in fact a younger brother of Ahlox, was standing on one leg at the Vodka truck. He had to; the Ukrainians had shot the other one off and President Putin had told him there was no withdrawing just for a flesh wound. Who should slide up but Dimitri Wunski, who had been busy re-tracking tanks so they could be used as mobile trenches after the turrets had been blown off by the Ukrainians.  Wuntrak was half Chinese and an older brother of Ahlox. In civilian life he had grown up as a firebug, and his younger brother who adored him, but knew what the Bronx Police were like followed him around putting out the fires. At one stage they were referred to as.......................

 

diamonds in the rough until THAT  player who has not yet played caused the death of another great Australian sport.  Now as such the usual commentators are running like cockroaches after the light is turned on them !!,,Hmmm said Ahlox I dont want to be associated with that!, and pow! the Wackley award was withdrawn and they...............{woops cappy has beaten me to the punch again ,i,m getting old .lol]   

Edited October 24, 2022 by bull

[turboplanner]

...........all 2wentski down to the pubski for a whisky, then .............

 

[onetrack]

......a major discussion commenced, centred around the Wackley Award, which was originally initiated by the Ukrainians, and which Award referred to the number of Russians whacked.

The highest-scoring Russian-whacker amongst the Ukrainians got the Wackley Award.

 

Unbeknowns to all the NES readers and participants, Dimitri Wunski had more Ukrainian ancestry than any other NES participant, and also unbeknowns to those NES participants - Dimitri, as an already highly-respected and heavily decorated War veteran - had been called on by President Zelinskyy to go back to his ancestral lands, and assist with repelling the Russian caveman hordes.

 

To this end, not only was Dimitri engaged in training up more Ukrainians as Commanddos (Ukrainian spelling) - in his spare time, he engaged in close combat with the Russians in the trenches, and as a result, won the Wackley Award twice in consecutive months (the Wackley Award was handed out monthly, such was the speed of the Ukrainian War) - and Dimitri incurred some jealousy amongst other, lesser beings, who thought he shouldn't have been given the Wackley Award twice in a row.

 

This jealousy was something that Dimitri endured regularly, but he brushed it off. The others were also jealous of his speed in re-tracking blown-up Russian tanks - which, if they'd been completely gutted, he utilised as false Ukrainian tanks, to further demoralise the Russians, as they thought the Ukrainians had now accessed a hidden armada of T-54's.

Then again, the Russians considered it was possible someone in their ranks had sold off most of their T-54's that were in storage, to the Ukrainians - in exchange for a whole shipload of Vodka. Stranger things had happened.

 

Once Dimitri saw how useful Vodka could be as a War weapon, he decided he would build a Vodka Distillery in the Ukraine. To this end, he sought out.........

 

 

[turboplanner]

........Turbo and a deal was done with the Kimberley Kat Mine for supply of 100 tonnes of Vodka Base per month to be flown in at Turbo's risk. For those who have only joined the NES recently, and those slow on the uptake, The Kimberley Kat Mine is a franchised Cat Farm based on the original Rodds Bay model and is part-owned by Gina. They had to go that far away from civilisation to stop getting complaints about the smell, however the Vodka base is de-odorized with vanilla, and the Russians don't stay in the same place long enough to notice the difference. 

Transport, a risky business with Iran's drones all over the sky was a unique process, starting .................

[bull]

On 25/10/2022 at 11:44 AM, turboplanner said:

........Turbo and a deal was done with the Kimberley Kat Mine for supply of 100 tonnes of Vodka Base per month to be flown in at Turbo's risk. For those who have only joined the NES recently, and those slow on the uptake, The Kimberley Kat Mine is a franchised Cat Farm based on the original Rodds Bay model and is part-owned by Gina. They had to go that far away from civilisation to stop getting complaints about the smell, however the Vodka base is de-odorized with vanilla, and the Russians don't stay in the same place long enough to notice the difference. 

Transport, a risky business with Iran's drones all over the sky was a unique process, starting .................

.by employing old AUF pilots and early drifters fitted with a 50 cal gun to attack the slower flying iranian drones .  This strategy started to pay off until.................

[turboplanner]

.....someone did a W&B and realised he couldn’t carry an IPhone without getting out of balance, but it was OK because the Queenslanders opted to go without ammunition and the others shared the paper savings. It all went well until......

[onetrack]

.....someone in CASA found out about a highly illegal fleet of Drifters, fully armed, running way over factory authorised MTOW, and operating in the Ukraine, using Australian registrations. 

The managers in CASA were apoplectic. Not only was this a major infringement of nearly every regulation they'd drawn up over more than 20 years, it was reflecting badly on CASA, that these operators could thumb their nose at CASA regulations, thinking they were outside any reach of CASA. However, the pilots of these Drifters were soon to find out just long the reach of the CASA operatives really was, when Cappy and bull landed, and faced a furious.........

[turboplanner]

3 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.....someone in CASA found out about a highly illegal fleet of Drifters, fully armed, running way over factory authorised MTOW, and operating in the Ukraine, using Australian registrations. 

The managers in CASA were apoplectic. Not only was this a major infringement of nearly every regulation they'd drawn up over more than 20 years, it was reflecting badly on CASA, that these operators could thumb their nose at CASA regulations, thinking they were outside any reach of CASA. However, the pilots of these Drifters were soon to find out just long the reach of the CASA operatives really was, when Cappy and bull landed, and faced a furious.........

Vlodomyr Zelenski who said “CASA has gone to Albo and Albo is taking the Bushmasters off me and we’re next to the Crimea. I’d hate to have to say “for the want of a Bushmaster a town was lost. For the want of a town a province was lost and for the loss of a province the whole XXXXXXX country was lost sky!

The guys took off with only one cartridge in each Drifter.

”Make every shot count!” Said Wuhan Ah-looks. “We...........”

 

[bull]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Vlodomyr Zelenski who said “CASA has gone to Albo and Albo is taking the Bushmasters off me and we’re next to the Crimea. I’d hate to have to say “for the want of a Bushmaster a town was lost. For the want of a town a province was lost and for the loss of a province the whole XXXXXXX country was lost sky!

The guys took off with only one cartridge in each Drifter.

”Make every shot count!” Said Wuhan Ah-looks. “We...........”

 

.....are the last hope for.............

[turboplanner]

".......the fatherland."

"Or in your case fatherlands"  said Vlodomir who, although a comedian, was a very strict Orthodox Unkranian Moderate and didn't approve of the way AHlox had been moving around.

"What's up Bro, you're looking deadly"  said AHNgingeri who was a Bushmaster Electronic Systems Engineer and a Gulgugary man with a Wagga Wagga father who was pert of the BoB clan.

Vlodomir looked up and burst ......................

[onetrack]

....out laughing. "You proud Gulgugary Men are always bragging about your legendary capabilities, but how is a Gulgugary Man going to cope when the missiles start dropping around your ears?"

 

"No wucken' furries, Bro!", said AHNgingeri. "We been used to hurling big spears at each other, and dodgin' 'em, for forty tousand years! Not much difference between dem and a few hundred dodgy Russian missiles dat don't go off half da time, eh? Bring 'em on, Bro!"

 

At this, Vlodomir stopped laughing. These Australians, and particularly the ones from around Wagga with the mostly indigenous ancestry, seemed to be made of the right stuff, and perhaps they could show the Ukrainians.......

 

Edited October 27, 2022 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

..........a thing or two and a training deal was done to train soldiers at Kapooka under ex Captain (Cappy) Cook.

Not many people know that Kapooka is an old 1900s sewerage plant. They say if you can survive crawling through the doo at Kapooka you’ll make a real soldier. canopy’s assistant was Sergeant Madge Ah Weekly.......

[Captain]

On 27/10/2022 at 4:41 PM, turboplanner said:

canopy’s assistant was Sergeant Madge Ah Weekly.......

And there you have it Dear Readers.

 

Just some innocent banter on the NES has exposed Cappy's 007 ASIO code name of "Canopy" and his trusty assistant Sargeant Major Ah-Weekly Phong of the anti-Junta Burmese resistance, who has now received a death sentence in-absentia.

 

So even in the light of Turdboy's loose lips (more cracked, wrinkled & floppy than just loose), Canopy and Phong, or C&P as they are known in the intelligence community and at the UN, continued on to selflessly serve the Nation and the World.

On 27/10/2022 at 4:41 PM, turboplanner said:

They say if you can survive crawling through the doo at Kapooka you’ll make a real soldier. canopy’s assistant was Sergeant Madge Ah Weekly.......

...... who had both trained in the paddy fields of Burma, Laos and Cambodia, so crawling through the remains of an Aussie dunny (even if they has been forced to undertake their duties to Stand-with-Dan in the stench and filth of Mextoria) was like smelling roses in a ..........

Edited October 29, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....premium-grade Rose nursery. However, many communication problems that originated around Canopys and Ah Weekly's regular intel reports, came about, due to the fact that many of the ASIO operators pronounced Canopys sidekicks surname wrongly.

 

So, "Ah-Weekly Phong" was regularly spoken of as "a weekly pong", which led to huge misunderstandings at headquarters, as large quantities of air-freshener were ordered by the ASIO logistics providers, and forwarded to Canopy and Ah-Weekly - when in fact, what they really needed, was........

 

Edited October 29, 2022 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.....a good spray of Phenyl once a day.

This product was one of the biggest sellers in Wagga Wagga, which no longer had a caravan park because grey nomads would arrive, struggle to het the three axle van parked, step outside, sniff the air, sniff their armpit to make sure it wasn't them, then hit the road, leaving a small tree or two uprooted in search of a less odorous village, and usually they wouldn't stop until they reached Wodonga, a pleasant town on the Murray, it's own AUF Field, great Coffe Shop and ..................

[onetrack]

.....a place where they could watch numerous Drifters crawl painfully into the sky, while they sat on their camp chairs outside their vans, and discussed things of global importance and gravity - such as whether brown bread was more nutritious than white bread.

 

During one of these long lazy Spring afternoons, while the Grey Nomads sat and sorted out the worlds pressing problems, a strange aircraft arrived at Wodonga airfield.

 

While it was Canopys regular job to ensure that no-one without proper authority got past the airfield gate (after all, security was his forte) - and that arrivals were extensively and thoroughly scrutinised upon landing - this particular afternoon, Canopy had delegated his crucial security job to a minor subordinate.

 

This was a huge mistake on Canopys part, as the junior subordinate had no security experience - and even worse, had little aviation experience. He didn't even know what an ASIC card was - let alone an ASIO card. The strange aircraft landed within a short distance, turned around and then pop-popped its way up to the terminal building. Amongst the assembled watchers, there was one interested...........

[turboplanner]

........Sherlock AHolmes. he looked as if he was disinterested, appearing to fiddle with his umbrella, but he was taking photos - digital photos, and one of them caught the face of ..................

[Captain]

On 30/10/2022 at 5:55 PM, turboplanner said:

........Sherlock AHolmes. he looked as if he was disinterested, appearing to fiddle with his umbrella, but he was taking photos - digital photos, and one of them caught the face of ..................

....... the first of the ISIS brides and their cute little nippers, 50% of whom were being "rehomed" in Wodonga and the other 50% in Moorabbin, which is very much like a Syrian refugee camp (both places have been chosen so that Albo can visit them regularly to check on their de-bomb-chucking lessons) and where they would fit in like a ...........

[turboplanner]

..........knife in the palm of a hand. 

Not surprisingly Turbo had been called in by Asio to oversee the activities.

His sheepdog training plan was rejected almost immediately by Albo who objected to successful bomb chuckers being shot to encourage failed throws which preferably blew the bom-throwers foot off. 

One Track had been called in for the Wodonga jig to train the nippers in how to unsuccessfully plant an IED. OT as we know used to be Two Tracks so it was felt he would train with some force, but, being unused to the wide men from the east, he ................................