The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, Captain said:

free dacha in the Russian conclave in Moorabbin

The Dacha is on Dorky Park in Moorabbin Heights.

[onetrack]

However, the General was suspicious of this "Dorky Park" - until he found out it was a German dance group! "Never mind the Nazis!" he cried, "Just give me the pretty girls! I always desired to be a dancer, but my father would not let me!" - and at that, the General did an amazing pirouette, and......

 

https://www.dorkypark.org/  (the general can be seen in his new role, once you enter the site, and see the photos of the dance productions ... he's the one in the pyjamas ...)

 

Edited November 4, 2022 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.....ski. Not many people know that Moorabbin these days is populated mainly by Ukrainian refugees forced to  save themselves from the wildly inaccurate Russian artillery that seemed to accidentally hit hospitals, homes and latte shops rather than military targets, so when Turbo innocently announced that a Russian General was coming to stay, they said they’d roll out the welcome m.......

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo innocently announced that a Russian General was coming to stay, they said they’d roll out the welcome m.......

atinee of Michael Flatley's Lord of the Dance at the Moorabbin Odeon, where both Tubb and the General were invited on stage to perform their version of a ...........

 

TURBO USED TO THINK THAT THIS ALL LOOKS A BIT ON THE GAY SIDE, DESPITE THE CHICKS, BUT TUBB STILL HAD A FEW BLUE SINGLETS FROM HIS TRUCKING DAYS, SO HE GAVE IT A GO.

 

 

Edited November 4, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

......Russian dance commonly known as the Barynya ("landlady" in Russian), which is a Russian folk dance that combines chastushka (a traditional folk poem that is often in the form of satire) with spirited dancing. The dancing usually has no set choreography and consists mostly of fancy stomping and squatting.

 

Tubbs and the General were known to be experts at fancy dancing - Tubbs to avoid intense scrutiny from both CASA and ASIC - and in the Generals case, to avoid Ukrainian incoming, and to avoid getting too close to open Russian windows.

 

The audience went wild at the combined stomping and squatting antics of Tubbs and the General, as they both tried to outdo each other. However, when Tubbs pants split at the seams, with a particularly extreme squat manoeuvre, he knew it was time to.......

 

Edited November 4, 2022 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

......visit his seamstress who flew a Yak 9  with real machine guns [avref]. Cappy gradually coaxed the Russian General towards the open window. a Ukrainian hit squad stood silently below. Just as they were about to fire .............

 

 

 

Cappy and Young Turbo here showing te standard they achieved which could have led to a successful dancing career.

 

[Captain]

39 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....visit his seamstress who flew a Yak 9  with real machine guns [avref]. Cappy gradually coaxed the Russian General towards the open window. a Ukrainian hit squad stood silently below. Just as they were about to fire ...........

...... when Tubb was overtaken by the need to perform a rather extreme squat, and that combined with last night's Kazakhstani vindaloo meant that Turbo was incapacitated (in his lower regions) and the ASIO crack riot squad moved in and arrested them both.

 

"G'day mates and beauty bottler" said the General "My name is Bruce and the Bruce Highway is named after me. You couldn't possibly get a more skippy Aussie than me-ski and I feel compelled to dob in my mate here, who is a Russian General and who is wanted by NATO."

 

in the meantime, Turdboy had lived up to his name (erky perky) and was arrested by ASIO while being kept at arm's and pong's length.

 

And that Dear Readers is the background to Turdy being so named and to his being held on war-crimes charged in the Hague after they washed him down with a fire hose.

 

The charges were ..........

 

THIS IS TURDY WHEN FORCED TO WEAR A GENERAL'S UNIFORM

IN THE LEADUP TO HIS TRIAL.

THE UNIFORM IS USUALLY LESS BROWN, BUT IN THIS CASE THERE

WAS A NEED TO DISGUISE THE STAIN.

 

 

IN THE MEANTIME, THE REAL GENERAL HAD DISGUISED HIMSELF

AS A NATIVE STOCKMAN & RMWILLIAMS POSTER BOY, SEE HIS PHOTO BELOW,

AND WAS ROUNDING UP CATTLE FOR GINA.

Edited November 4, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

................interfering with a fire hose.

The real general was typical of the growing trend to make money merely by identifying as a Native Stockman.

They were doing it all over Australia, including plenty of females and the other alphabets.

They all said they'd been taught to ride a horse  by the great Far Lap who was know to be an expert in cattle wrangling.

As soon as they were given a job for life on the Station they immediately banned the handling of cattle, and flying the Station Cessna, which .......................

[Captain]

..... all led to the Russian General (the real one, not the Turdboy imitation) being made the leader of the Yes argument for The Voice.

 

"I sink ze Voice iss essentialski for my 1st nations peoples-ski" he said "As it hass been a very wery popular TV Show-ski, and I have-ski prepared a spectacular act with Vlad, Turbo-ski and me doing Cossack squats and with the highlight finale being Turbs doing a repeat-ski of his infamous yet messy .........

Edited November 4, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.............Squatters Tuckerbag Rag,

The audience seemed a bit confused, as if they'd paid their money to see the ballet "Snow White"  and were being treated to a punk rock performance, so Tubro quickly hacked some leaves from the CWA floral arrangements, raced out and syphoned a litre of fuel from the nearest car, threw a match and they had a Welcome to Country, Smoking Ceremony and hole in the hall floor all in one.

The General ...........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

The General ........

..... whipped out his clap sticks (no, not that clap), spread his legs, completed a one-man Russian corroboree and then contemplated circumcising himself with an oyster shell.

 

The crowd loved it and in that tried-and-true Aussie joke way of appreciating a good show, yelled "Cut it off".

 

Meanwhile Turbo was in the wings (avref) about to undertake his solo (avref) section of the show, where just like Jessie James, Chopper Reid and Wild Bill Hickock, Turdy (due to his period of incarceration in the Hague ........and his similar looks + murderous nature), had been billed as the Slobodan Milosevich of the 21st century, so he ........

 

A DEFIANT TURBO DURING HIS INITIAL TRIAL

Edited November 5, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

".......Iam innocentski",  "I had poor upbringing, had to eat stray cats", "I lived next top a drug addict" - the usual things that got around convictions, but the winning phrase was "I fly DIFTER" The supporting judges broke into smiles but it wasn't all over, the Chief Judge said "Prove it" and a Drifter was wheeled out. Turbo, dressed in his tight suit, old boy's tie minus the white hanky appeared to reluctantly climb in missing his footing three times, puting his harness on crossed, saying loudly "How do you start these things", and it had to be started for him. The Chief judge started to gloat but without paying attention to a leakdown test Turbo jammed the throttle wide open made a shot takeoff run and headed for ..............................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

The Chief judge started to gloat but without paying attention to a leakdown test Turbo jammed the throttle wide open made a shot takeoff run and headed for .................

.... a world of pain, because he had neglected to ..........

[turboplanner]

.......do the leakdown test on all the cylinders and a piston had leaked out of one if the exhaust stubs.

But, he soldiered on, threw over his man bag, pens, cigars, RMW boots, clothes, but not his sunglasses; he'd die for his WWII in the Pacific sunglasses. He even leaned down, holding the harness and undid the nuts holding the wheels on, then threw the seats overboard until the Drifter reached an equlibrium and charged on. He dropped down under the trees out of the radar, and eventually dropped it for a three point landing, one of the points being his nose, in ..............

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......do the leakdown test on all the cylinders and a piston had leaked out of one if the exhaust stubs.

But, he soldiered on, threw over his man bag, pens, cigars, RMW boots, clothes, but not his sunglasses; he'd die for his WWII in the Pacific sunglasses. He even leaned down, holding the harness and undid the nuts holding the wheels on, then threw the seats overboard until the Drifter reached an equlibrium and charged on. He dropped down under the trees out of the radar, and eventually dropped it for a three point landing, one of the points being his nose, in ..............

.. credibly which had the shape and consistency of a WW2 glider tail skid (and not a new glider either).

 

His "WWII in the Pacific Sunglasses" made him look taller and like Joe Biden on a good day & in favorable lighting.

 

Some thought that he looked more like Kamala Harris, but that is another story if you have never seen Turdy in the shower, ...... like what bull & I have ....... yet Kamala has ...............

 

 

TURBS IN HIS SUNNIES AT THE LAST MOORABBIN FLY-IN

(HE FALLS UP AIRCRAFT STEPS TOO ......

BUT JILL WANTS TO HAVE A CRACK AT HIM ONCE JOE GOES).

 

 

TURBO HAS THE SAME LAUGH ... SOME SAY CACKLE.

AND DON'T ASK ME ABOUT THE LOOK IN THE SHOWER.

Edited November 5, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....freckles undedr that make up and clan't land a wheelless Drifter with no clothes on like Turbo can. In his arrival in Johannesburg, the Africaans version of the CASA Ramp Checker walked up  He was the size of a bull (not THE bull) with a head just as big." Muuve oaver thir aht of the texiwy" he ordered
"How can I do that without any wheels" said Turbo.

"Failure to du Tekorf Chicks, farn 1000 Rend" said the official, end yur hend brarke's orf, farn 1000 Rend."

"But that's not the hand brake" wailed Turbo who by now was getting sunburnt.

"Stend Op und walk thes wahy" said the official.

"Where ..........................................."

 

[onetrack]

.....is your manager?", said Turbo. "I demand to see someone here with more authority than you! I'm not moving until I can get my clothes supplier and barber here!". (Turbo's hair had got pretty messed up in the flight from Oz, and he wasn't one to be seen in public with messy hair. He does have an image to promote, and that image can't be tarnished by a Bad Hair day). 

 

"Whut huppund to your clothes?", demanded the Saffie inspector. "You can't lund here and git arund without clothes!"

 

"That's right!", said Turbo, trying harder to shelter under the sailcloth of the Drifters wing, to prevent the sunburn from reaching the body parts, that the sun should never see. "That's why I'm demanding that I can contact my clothes supplier, before I move from here! It was a rough trip, you have no idea, if I can't acquire some new RMW jeans, shirt and boots, I won't be standing up, and I won't be walking anywhere you want me to, until....

 

Edited November 5, 2022 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

"...I get clothes."

 

" Pluz yoursilf" said the Afrikaaner "bot it's gitting dork and you well be mos tlahkly itten baha lahn"

A cold shiver went down Cappy's spine and in that moment he realised he preferred the CASA operatives he'd cursed all his life.......which is saying something, and he knelt and ...........................

 

[Captain]

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

which is saying something, and he knelt and ........

..... gave thanks to the god of lift, the chap who invented the propellor and the fellow who invented those nappies full of gell crystals that facilitate solo long-distance flight.

 

The Aaaafrikana bloke (who looks similar to the guy that shot my uncle Jack at Rorkes Drift) liked what he heard and said "Are you interrrested in having a beer down a Mangimupmupup, as we are having a brei down there tonight and we haaav a few spare chicks from the Land Vroue Vereniging (LVV) coming along."

 

It was then that Cappy realized that the landing was not in the real Saiaith Aafrikkkaa, but in the other South Africa on our western boundary where MarkyMak is the premier and where there are more Aaaafrikkana than there are left in the real joint from which they came. (It is little known that One track's real monika is Een snit and his ............

 

 

WHERE UNCLE JACK COPPED IT

Edited November 6, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......CV covers a long history of being a secret CASA operative, and who has a record of grounding multiple illegal flying machines and their cunning pilots - including Cappy's Great Uncle, who was a notorious and constantly illegal aviation experimenter, many decades ago - and who was grounded for frightening not only teams of horses, but many of the CWA ladies when they were making tea and scones).

 

Onetracks commonly-known moniker of Een Snit was merely another of his cunning aliases - and of course, anyone even remotely familiar with Afrikaans would know straight up, that the name means "cut" in Afrikaans - thus the name being a crafty, hidden reference to his CASA-given powers to cut pilots.......

[Captain]

28 minutes ago, onetrack said:

anyone even remotely familiar with Afrikaans would know straight up, that the name means "cut" in Afrikaans - thus the name being a crafty, hidden reference to his CASA-given powers to cut pilots.....

........ or is "cut" perhaps just a miss-spelling of the treasured Aussie personality descriptor, an example of which is "Onesie can be a bit of a cu.........

Edited November 6, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

ster. The word was derived from Onesie's cousin who was also an Afrikaaner; George Custer, who had long red curly hair and was a bit of a girl. As we know he was prone to calling his troops "Kaffirs" a derogatory term meaning "cats eyes" a term denoting troops which retreaded more often than they advanced. At little Big Horn, as we know, or to be correct those of us who went to school know because the AUF is an inclusive body, General Custer drew a line in the sand, opposite General Pocahontus and his troops quickly hopped over it to the Indian side, Custer was beaten and scalped, and so the term "a bit of a custer" was born.

 

And so it was applied to Ein Snit, him being family and all.

 

Ein Snit flew an unusual aircraft called a .....................................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

And so it was applied to Ein Snit, him being family and all.

 

Ein Snit flew an unusual aircraft called a .............

..... n EinS*it, because that's what it induced once you were below 1000 ft and had to make any turn. 

 

It was the EinS*it that caused the huge boost on the number of straight-in approached, with every EinSh*t pilot calling 50 mile straight-ins and not caring what REX or Quaintarse RPTs were coming into the pattern.

 

A 50 Mile Straight In Approach (AFMSIA) eventually became known as a ...........

Edited November 6, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......n "AUF Salute" and was adopted by AUF pilots all over Australia, mainly because none of them were ever taught to fly a circuit anyway, and they weren't affected by the hostile traffic from the Qantas pilots anyway because Member No 232 had researched the Regulations looking for loopholes, spending five times as long on the loopholes as he spent learning the rules, and found that it wasn't mandatory to use a transmit button. CASA had given the AUF members credit for knowing that to make a compulsory transmission you need to use the button, but they'd been outsmarted and the remembered that for 40 years extracting a terrible toll on the honest ones like OneTrack, Cappy, bull, CT and even Planey.  the 50 mile straight in came to an end one day when a trike was seen to nip in front of a Dash 8 some 51 miles out. The passengers heard the Captain say, "Folks (Qantas now uses that neutralgender term now), not many people know the Dash 8 is a fully aerobatic aircraft and today we're going to give you a ride which is better than Dreamworld's long drop, and the passengers were pushed back into their seats by the g forces of a perfectly executed barrel roll around the trike which left the Dash 8 in front and wake turbulence like a Louisiana hurricane. The Drifter sat upside down with it's legs in the air for a moment then disappeared in a bundle of rags tubes and string. The AUF Salute was never performed again, until ............

[Captain]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

when a trike was seen to nip in front of a Dash 8 some 51 miles out. The passengers heard the Captain say, "Folks (Qantas now uses that neutralgender term now), not many people know the Dash 8 is a fully aerobatic aircraft and today we're going to give you a ride which is better than Dreamworld's long drop, and the passengers were pushed back into their seats by the g forces of a perfectly executed barrel roll around the trike which left the Dash 8 in front and wake turbulence like a Louisiana hurricane. The Drifter sat upside down with it's legs in the air for a moment then disappeared in a bundle of rags tubes and string. The AUF Salute was never performed again, until .......

...... Turbo referred to a Drifter (that fine AUF stalwart) as a Trike and the hoard of Drifter driver members of the AUF spat the dummy.

 

"Anyway" said Planey "A 50 mile straight-in is essential now, as since Qantas have included the Acknowledgment of Country on every flight, the ever PC AUF require all pilots (sic) to recite it before every landing, but to show due respect and not rush it ........ which is a bit hard when turning for a short final at Avalon with an FA18 up your clacker."

 

So 50 mile straight-ins became the norm again, except for those AUF pilots with a stutter, who were per-per-per-per-per-per-permitted to make a se-se-se-seventy mile fer-fer-fer-final and all AUF members became familiar with the required wording being added to their pre-landing checklist "This is your captain speaking, so pay f'n attention to this announcement". 

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF COUNTRY

The AUF & the CWA, and all that fly under their fine banners, acknowledges Australia’s early arrivals  (including the couple of blokes that were dropped off from the Batavia ...... [who may actually be Onesie's forbears - just say'n])  – the initial Australians – as the Traditional Owners and Custodians of this land, it's grass strips and its nav beacons...... and gives respect to the old wrinklies – already dead or not quite dead – and through them to all Skippy rule benders who have an AUF license, because all the rest are wooses and are not real pilots.

 

The 50 & 75 mile finals were then ..........

Edited November 6, 2022 by Captain