The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

........fell for the bait offering each one a job as manager of one of the restaurants in his new Phat Kat Chicks retaurants. The main product of course was the well known fried feline from the Condobolin Farm, but the name could have meant anything and the product came in purple and yellow wrappers.

 

The Sarge come up with the idea of sewing 7000 Triple A batteries into the fabric of the Drifter, giving the wings additional stiffness for more carrying capacity and Trans Ocean range. It was a brilliant concept and the batteries would be made in Pakistan. Their cricketers are great, so there were no concerns about quality.

 

He then turned his attention to .......

Edited November 16, 2022 by turboplanner

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He then turned his attention to .......

....... the (assassination) attempt on his life when he went up to finalize the battery impregnated fabric contract.

 

Subsequent investigation has proven that Turbo was mistaken for Imran Khan (they are the spit of each other and could be twins) and poor Tubb copped a bullet for his troubles.

 

However, the battery/fabric contract was too important, so the Pakistani government apologized, gave Tink a free lunch and he forgave them.

 

The bullet wound was nothing, as it was offset by the fact that Imran's missus even mistook Turbo for her little Snooky Khan and lay down with Turbo for a few of nights (it had to be more than one, as she just assumed that after the shooting, he was tired and didn't have enough blood to do the job on nights 1 & 2).

 

However, on his return to OZ, Turbo scratched the rash and gave a Press Conference to address his thousands of followers (but who did they REALLY think he is?) and he commenced his address by saying "............

 

 

IS THIS IMRAN OR IS THIS TURBO? NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE AS THEY LOOK IDENTICAL.

(TURBS LOOKED EVEN HOTTER WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER)

(Those eyes (and his money) are the reason why Cappy agreed to be Turbo's closest friend).

Edited November 16, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

and then realised his mistake and pretended to cough and cough and cough, but ...........................

[Captain]

3 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

and then realised his mistake and pretended to cough and cough and cough, but ...........................

..... the questions kept coming.

 

"Will you play in the Big Bash this year and ........

[turboplanner]

....."what's it like to play cricket with two bullets through your leg?" and "Does it hurt", Imram answered them all with a smile and then asked Cappy how much an electric Drifter with a 20 mm cannon would cost. Cappy, being an experienced International businessman, trained in Guinea-Bissau and currently acting as adviser to the King of Liechtenstein, already had a quotation prepared, which Imram signed on the spot, and appearing happy, asked absentmindedly "Have you seen my wife anywhere?" Sometimes  one could wish Cappy had a little better understanding of diplomacy because he dobbed Turbo right in the camel dung, and ............

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"Have you seen my wife anywhere?" Sometimes  one could wish Cappy had a little better understanding of diplomacy because he dobbed Turbo right in the camel dung, and ............

..... replied "Not only has your doppelganger been sampling the goodies at home, but he is running for PM of Pakistan again while you are down here to play cricket ..... but with a bit of luck, you might sample the local delights that Tink has left behind in Moorabbin, I am sure."

 

"But isn't Moorabbin a bit of a s**thole that is even worse than Karachi?" questioned Imran "And aren't the CWA ladies down there a bit used in the ........

Edited November 17, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...fetlocks. What Cappy didn't know was that Mavis had been recording him on her phone.

At the next CWA committee meeting she presented ................

[Captain]

1 minute ago, turboplanner said:

...fetlocks. What Cappy didn't know was that Mavis had been recording him on her phone.

At the next CWA committee meeting she presented ................

.... a motion to make Cappy a life member for all of the girls to "use" as they see fit.

 

Barb seconded Mavis's motion and became a bit excited.

 

Gwen just wanted Cappy to keep the urn topped up, so she voted in the positive, while Clarise was intent on .......

[turboplanner]

.......finding out what Cappy had recorded. When fleeting shots which Cappy had accidentally caught showed him in a compromising position in Pakistan, somewhere near the President's Palace, she spat the dummy in the dirt, and Cappy ran for the Drifter, but he was a second too late, and she managed to grab his orchestra ..........

[onetrack]

....horn and try to rip it from his pants. Cappy screamed at the........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

Cappy screamed at the.......

..... lady whose grip was lustful yet extreme and as a result "it" stretched to over a foot, which meant that .......

Edited November 17, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

14 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... lady whose grip was lustful yet extreme and as a result "it" stretched to over a foot, which meant that .......

he had to limp along dragging his foot.

When he jumped into the Drifter and took off, the ball was off centre because f his foot.

This was a minor problem because he hadn't kept his eyes outside, abd the first he knew something was wrong was the smack of the banana tree in the face. He ...........

[Captain]

..... pushed the throttle even further forward, the electric motor wailed like an electric banshee and then sounded like a Detroit Diesel 2-stroke on heat.

 

The Drifter leapt off the banana tree and flung itself into the air but then gave a slight ster-ster-ster-stutter (the little bloke in the Kumushkan village in Uzbekistan who had been in charge of installing the windings had slipped up when he went outside for his arvo smoko during a critical stage of the manufacture) and as a result Cappy was hanging by his short and ........

 

THE WINDING SPECIALIST FROM KUMUSHKAN - ACCREDITED TO AS 9056

Edited November 17, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

 ...................and coppers.

 

The windings were well and truly tangled and the Drifter was in danger of crashing to the ground, so he did the only thing possible, hit put the motors in reverse  and unwound the windings helically until the last one whipped off then he put the motors into forward again. (You can do much the same in the electric cars which are spreading all over the world; jack a wheel up, drop it in a bucket of cream and you'll have a bucket of whipped cream in no time). As he flew the windings strung out behind him (ICE car drivers wouldn't know this, but you do this with an EV after it gets bogged and a xxxxxxx log rips the windings out of the motors. In this way they pick up Tesla Y Rays which charge the batteries, sometimes giving them a range of 37 km). The Tesla Y Rays came flooding in but the battery make had built his batteries with revers polarity to save money and the Drifter started to become groggy (this in no way relates to Cappy). After a while it started to lurch all over ......................

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

After a while it started to lurch all over .........

..... the joint (not that Cappy was smoking anything hallucinogenic) and the phenomenon reported above by Turdy about trailing winding wires picking up Tesla Y rays is exactly true as reported by bull.

 

"down here is tazzy nobody pays for power in their electric vehicles, as all we do is trail 30 ft of 20 amp fuse wire and we run on power sucked in from the aurora australis" said bull (except he didn't use the inverted commas & other punctuation that I have included here), then he added "it's beaut, because my crook neck, as recently cured by cappy waving his hands in a biblical fashion, when added to the green power of the ab (as we locals call it) is a sure fire ..........

 

TASMANIANS FAVOUR JUST USING THE GREEN LIGHTS &

TURBINE INDUSTRIES HAVE A NEW POWER CELL THAT

SEPARATES AND CHUCKS OUT ALL OF THE OTHER COLOURS,

WHICH ARE SOLD CHEAP TO NON-BRANDNAME CAR

RECHARGING COMPANIES.

 

 

NOT MUCH TO HARVEST IN THIS ONE

 

 

BUT THIS ONE IS A RIPPER AND CHRIS BOWEN HAS ANNOUNCED

THAT HE WILL TAX ALL GREEN LIGHT THAT IS SUCKED UP USING

NON-BOWEN INDUSTRIES SUCKER UPPERS.

TURBINE INDUSTRIES ARE APPEALING THIS MOVE.

Edited November 17, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......cure for the boredom of the long Tasmanian nights! Our TV reception here is a bit dodgy, and watching the AA is far better than watching a myriad of TV ads!"

 

"However", he added, "there's been some problems with the trailing wire setup, as we found out the wires also acted like a huge antenna, and we were picking up 'Voice of America' broadcasts on our AM car radios (because no-one in Tasmania has FM yet). But then it got worse, when........

[turboplanner]

the government announced it was banning trailing windings wire from 2030 because the mining of them produced 2 atoms of CO2. 

It was Turbine Industries that made the breakthrough with a combination of cat gut antennae which captured the kW and Aurora Australis batteries which were capacle of storing 3000 kW. Turbo called them AA batteries, and ......

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo called them AA batteries, and ......

 

Edited November 17, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......Cappy did a Forest Gump repeat, and Turbo said "And that's all I'm going to say about that." but a woman sitting on the bench with them quietly said "He was one of the original investors in Apple too, and Cappy looked at Turbo in awe.

" Did you get to meet...................."

[bull]

On 17/11/2022 at 10:47 PM, Captain said:

TASMANIANS FAVOUR JUST USING THE GREEN LIGHTS &

TURBINE INDUSTRIES

 

21 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......Cappy did a Forest Gump repeat, and Turbo said "And that's all I'm going to say about that." but a woman sitting on the bench with them quietly said "He was one of the original investors in Apple too, and Cappy looked at Turbo in awe.

" Did you get to meet....................any good stunners? asked OT ,as the talent round here has really fallen off and......................

 

[Captain]

On 18/11/2022 at 8:18 AM, Captain said:

 

Cappy apologises to our thousands of NES lurkers, and to Planey, as he had composed a witty yet pithy contribution yesterday that might have won Cappy a Pullitself prize for journalism, and for some reason the expansive post just buggered-off (journalismref), which is just plain (avref) cruel for those waiting with baited breath for Cappy's words of wisdom.

[Captain]

13 minutes ago, bull said:

" Did you get to meet....................any good stunners? asked OT ,as the talent round here has really fallen off and..........

...... that's just the blokes (not that anyone should assume the sexual orientation or the/them/they/thou etc of Turbs, that CT from DG, 1Root, bull, or Planey for that matter.

 

"I agree" interjected Planey "AS it would be nice to have a few chicky babes on the NES who flaunt it a little ........ and include a bit of aviation (avref) chit-char into this tome.

 

bull took offence at being assumed to be a bloke and .........

[turboplanner]

59 minutes ago, Captain said:

Cappy apologises to our thousands of NES lurkers, and to Planey, as he had composed a witty yet pithy contribution yesterday that might have won Cappy a Pullitself prize for journalism, and for some reason the expansive post just buggered-off (journalismref), which is just plain (avref) cruel for those waiting with baited breath for Cappy's words of wisdom.

Turbine Medical is producing a pill for that now Cappy. 

[turboplanner]

55 minutes ago, Captain said:

...... that's just the blokes (not that anyone should assume the sexual orientation or the/them/they/thou etc of Turbs, that CT from DG, 1Root, bull, or Planey for that matter.

 

"I agree" interjected Planey "AS it would be nice to have a few chicky babes on the NES who flaunt it a little ........ and include a bit of aviation (avref) chit-char into this tome.

 

bull took offence at being assumed to be a bloke and .........

.....quickly posted photos of his coming out outfit, high heels and "Sensitive" perfume bottle.

He was immediately attacked by a butch who had a 48" bust 60" waist and the short back and side of a wharfie.

He/she was the subject of complaint to the WF Standards Manager, about bullying, even though no one kenw whi Tinkerbell was, and the whole forum was floored and shocked when OneTrack ............................

[onetrack]

....started asking for any forms requiring personal details, to have a substantial range of gender choices added to them - not just the regular LGBTIQA, but CDEFHIJKMNOPRSTUVWXY and Z.

"But that still doesn't cover anyone who chooses to have no gender!", cried bull, who had aimed at becoming genderless, to remove any chance of becoming alienated.

 

"This will require larger forms!", exclaimed Cappy, who had always harboured a desire to..........