The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Turbine Medical is producing a pill for that now Cappy. 

As an Ideas-Man (Planeyref), may I suggest that TM also add the ingredients from those blue (or is it now green) pills so that it will make the recipient ready for anything?

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"But that still doesn't cover anyone who chooses to have no gender!", cried bull, who had aimed at becoming genderless, to remove any chance of becoming alienated.

 

"This will require larger forms!", exclaimed Cappy, who had always harboured a desire to......

..... live beside the harbor and .....

Edited November 19, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

40 minutes ago, onetrack said:

....started asking for any forms requiring personal details, to have a substantial range of gender choices added to them - not just the regular LGBTIQA, but CDEFHIJKMNOPRSTUVWXY and Z.

"But that still doesn't cover anyone who chooses to have no gender!", cried bull, who had aimed at becoming genderless, to remove any chance of becoming alienated.

 

"This will require larger forms!", exclaimed Cappy, who had always harboured a desire to..........

be a ship's Recording Officer because when Cappy's ancestor was speared at a Luau in Hawaii the recording officer wose name was Sparrow, had it changed by deed poll to Cooke.  Captain Cook died intestate as we all know (They were still there but shrivelled).Since Cooke with an E was more correct language in those days and the RO swore an oath that as the son of the Captain he was the next of kin, and the whole of England knew his tastes, Cook was awarded the millions of pounds that the good Captain should have received which would have allowed him to buy a Chrysler 300 with black windows. This led to the notorious ...................................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

This led to the notorious ...........

....... position of a multi-millionaire pilot, raconteur & NES contributor, driving for Uber (a subsidiary of Turbine Transport and Food supply).

 

While this was a quandary, Turbo was able to clarify & reconcile the position while ......

 

 

THE UBER RIDES TAKE LESS TIME THAN IN THE USUAL YARIS

 

 

WITH THAT TYPE OF MONEY & BEING A DEDICATED AVIATION SLUT, CAPPY ALSO BOUGHT A NEW L-39 SO THAT HE COULD FLICK OVER FOR A COFFEE WITH 1ROOT AND GET HOME IN TIME FOR DINNER. (THAT IS TURDY IN THE BACK SEAT CRITIQUING CAPPY'S COORDINATED TURN)

Edited November 19, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........being held on remand for the equally Notorious Uber Gang Kidnaps, where Cappy and Turbo flew in from the Spratly's where Cappy and Turbo were alleged to have flown in from the Spratleys on a Friday night, run Uber deliveries, picking a couple of Scrubbers out of the best ones that answered the doors and nicked off back to the Spratleys for a quiet weekend looking down the barrels of the Chinese guns.

 

It has all started one boring Friday .............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

 

It has all started one boring Friday ........

..... when Turbo was sitting in his palatial office atop Turbine Tower, and he rang his closest and best mate to say "G'day Cappy. I'm bored".

 

"Only boring people get bored" replied Cappy with a reprise of the saying that gave his kids the irits every time they mentioned being bored.

 

"How about we go over and see 1Root and see if we can help him get a 2nd?, then we'll come back via Tazzy to see bull & give his neck a tweak, and then flick up to DG International to see if that CT will give us an audience?" was Cappy's ever enthusiastic response.

 

Turdboy was unimpressed and still bored, until Cappy added "I'll pay for the fuel" after which Turds stood to attention and ........

Edited November 19, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...saluted, because Cappy weas notorious for not paying and would go to extremes from a coughing fit to hiding in the toilets. 

 

It was when Cappy turned on the fuel that .................................

[Captain]

52 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...saluted, because Cappy weas notorious for not paying and would go to extremes from a coughing fit to hiding in the toilets. 

 

It was when Cappy turned on the fuel that .................................

..... Turbo knew that Cappy could be trusted.

 

But at the same time he noticed that the Skipper was using a pink & very affeminite, fairy dust covered credit card.

 

"Hang on" he said "That Victoria's Secret and Honey Burdette credit card looks like mine".

 

Cappy smiled and took a selfie to send to Onesie and bull, after which they all .......

 

 

TURBO'S CREDIT CARD WAS A LITTLE LIKE THIS ONE

BUT WAS WAY MORE PONCIER & LMBTQXYZ'er.

Edited November 19, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....... fell about laughing.

Turbo had taken the bait. Cappy reluctantly handed the card to Turbo and they all went off to lunch at the Flower Drum Restuarant, Melbourne's most expensive. Turbo can vouch for that because the bill is never less than three figures and he has spent many a night washing the dishes there.

Turbo noticed the laughter was a lot more pronounced on this night, and secret glances were being flicked from person to person, so pleading too much water with the meal he made for the rest rooms, past them through the dishes area (as we know Turbo was familiar with the layout, under the sacepan rack abd wok stack, out the back door into the lane down Little Bourke St and grabbed a tram for Coburg.

Fifteen minutes later .............

[onetrack]

.....a call came through on his mobile. It was Cappy. "You XXXXXXX XXXX!!!" he screamed. "You XXXXXX off and left me holding the bill for that 5 course meal, dessert and 3 bottles of wine!! But I didn't have the readies, and I had to do a runner! Now they'll be looking for me all over town!! I'm going to blow this joint, and I'm heading out to the airport to crank up the Drifter and head West, where OT will treat me like the gentleman I am!"

 

Turbo laughed ... and laughed ... and laughed. "Why didn't you just do the dishes, like I regularly did?", he said. Cappy replied, "You know my delicate little pinkies can't tolerate dishwater! - and besides, someone might get..........

[turboplanner]

"........to see me and post a photo, and the scum at the Club would be sure to share it."

Turbo realised at once what Cappy was saying. The Delhi Tiger Hunter's Club used to be the most exclusive in the British Empire, and was still only frequented by Mharajas and businessmen like Turbo. Cappy had been allowed in by his "Services to India" and "Nehru Medal" for his bravery at the Khyber Pass, so he was on a very thin string, and a photo of him washing dishes in a Mikado joint would ..............

[Captain]

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

"........to see me and post a photo, and the scum at the Club would be sure to share it."

Turbo realised at once what Cappy was saying. The Delhi Tiger Hunter's Club used to be the most exclusive in the British Empire, and was still only frequented by Mharajas and businessmen like Turbo. Cappy had been allowed in by his "Services to India" and "Nehru Medal" for his bravery at the Khyber Pass, so he was on a very thin string, and a photo of him washing dishes in a Mikado joint would ..............

.... dent his heretofore immaculate image.

 

What, with his exploits at the Kyber Pass followed by his invaluable input at the defense at the Kyneton Pass (much more savage than at the Kyber), not to mention what he did at the Kilmore Gap when he covered himself in glory by skimming through just above the sheep and well below all previous minimums (he had get-home-itis after being on the turps in the back rooms with various Generals and Admirals for 5 days at Avalon), so Cappy is running out of room on his broad chest to hold the medals and other awards that have flooded in from various pox-ridden countries trying to benefit from Cappy's aura.

 

Hence why so many begged him to come back into the NES and onto Flying for Old Wrecks so the result was a rise in sponsorship for the site and a waste of ...........

Edited November 19, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......time for those Dad’s Army dudes who only lied Enid Blighting stories. As Enid said to Turbo once “Pink gets swamped by exciting young fans, and all I get are those xxxxxxx xxxxx half of them with no hair and the other half with no teeth. I.....

[Captain]

36 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......time for those Dad’s Army dudes who only lied Enid Blighting stories. As Enid said to Turbo once “Pink gets swamped by exciting young fans, and all I get are those xxxxxxx xxxxx half of them with no hair and the other half with no teeth. I.....

..... don't want them any more Turbo, but I do want you".

 

She didn't have to ask twice as Turbs was never oversupplied with lady friends, although he did do OK, so they say.

 

So this was the start of Enid and Tubby being an item, and hence the reason that "The Book of Brownnoses" was written.

 

In addition, the "Famous Five" was styled after Turdy, 1Root, bull, Planey & Cappy when they were younger ... and then when they were all older, she added that CT from DG and issued a new series of books called the "The Crotchety & Mediocre Six".

 

The relationship between Enid and Turbo was passionate yet turbulent (avref), so that it became strained when .....

 

 

TURBO'S FAVOURITE PHOTO OF ENID (WITH HIM STANDING NAKED BEHIND HER DURING TUBB'S PODGY PERIOD).

HE KEEPS THIS PIC IN A LOCKET BY HIS SO-CALLED HEART.

Edited November 20, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....Enid started writing stories about flying with no visible form of power plant, and it got worse when she wrote about flying with a goat. Turbo took umbrage at this, and decided Enid was insidiously referring to him, as a "silly old goat" - which Cappy had regularly used as a term towards Turbo in a rather affectionate way, when they were just a little younger, and both still had some hair left.

 

So the beautiful relationship between Turbo and Enid promptly ended at that point, and history shows that Enid went on to write a myriad of other books - none of which included Turbo in her stories.

 

Meantimes, Turbo had turned his attention to another voluptuous member of the Gumly CWA, who appealed to him more, because she was greatly interested in aviation heroes, and mistakenly thought Turbo was one.

This rather attractive woman was known as...........

[turboplanner]

........Billy Holliday and she had been taught to sing at the Wagga Boys Club, so finished up with quite a deep, but attractive voice, from trying to stay in key with the older boys. Unfortunately that wasn't all she syaed in key with and .....................

 

 

 

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Meantimes, Turbo had turned his attention to another voluptuous member of the Gumly CWA, who appealed to him more, because she was greatly interested in aviation heroes, and mistakenly thought Turbo was one.

This rather attractive woman was known as..........

...... a bit of a goer. (That was back in the days when you could think & say in such terms, but not now of course).

 

Now she is known as a her/she/it/mademoiselle/fraulein, but Tubb's special name for her is .......

Edited November 20, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......TwoTimer, as you can see from the double posts where Cappy was sniffing aroud right beside Turbo.

 

This couldn't last.................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

 

This couldn't last.........

..... which is exactly what she always said about Turbo, and surprisingly that was backed up by the Committee of the Moorabbin CWA who, to a lady, felt that Turbo's ability to "last" was akin to his .....

[turboplanner]

.......being put off by Cappy's BO, becaise Cappy always wanted to watch, not being able to carry out his own duties.

However, we digress.

The Electric Drifter had taken off, but no one knew who was flying it. From its erratic path ..............

[onetrack]

....it was obvious that the Drifter was heading for a forced landing. The watchers all held their collective breaths as it just cleared a row of trees, then it suddenly shot upwards in a sharp climb. 

Just as it appeared it was going to stall, the Drifter went onto its back, then dived and carried out a half-roll, only to climb again and repeat the movement in a fabulous example of a perfect Cuban-8.

 

Turbo exclaimed, "It rolled onto its back, so Cappy must be driving it!! I've seen him do that so many times, in the...........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

 

Turbo exclaimed, "It rolled onto its back, so Cappy must be driving it!! I've seen him do that so many times, in the........

..... Blue Oyster on tyranny night, when he & Loxy were known to .....

[Captain]

Bloody auto correction..... that should have read ..... tranny night ....

[turboplanner]

.....and Turbo can confirm that on tranny nights he and Loxy had to do a lot of auto correcting to some of the out of control players that frequented the BoB in those days. Constable Doubtfire was particularly difficult because she'd fix you with that deep stare which said "You pull me into line and I'll get you out on the hughway tomorrow" and she always did; you'd usually be in a hurry but the siren would go off and she'd hold you up for an hour. Her favourite place was a big spreading Jacarana tree on the Olympic Highway near Henty. She'd park the car in under the big branches and was hidden from sight both ways. One day Turbo was driving one of Finemores stock trucks down to Melbourne with a big load of heiffers on board and as he came around the corner saw a tiny glint of chome through the Jacaranda branches. He slowed down and carefully parked right up against the tree, which was quite legal, but boxed Doubtfire in. He pretended to fill out his logbook and take his rest break; he knew he had CD boxed in and she knew his rest break had to last for at least half an hour and the Heoffers couldn't hold on any longer and...............

[onetrack]

........let rip with a fluid stream of runny cattle excrement, all over the patrol car. Const Doubtfire couldn't even open the door of the patrol car, such was the level of excrement. Turbo laughed and laughed and laughed and Const Doubtfire got angrier and angrier and was yelling abuse at Turbo through the closed window - as she dared not open it for fear of being overwhelmed.

 

Then she had an idea. Backup! That was the solution. She got on the radio, and within 10 mins, there were 4 patrol cars surrounding Turbo and the truck, and within 15 seconds of the other cars arriving, Turbo had been wrestled to the ground, tasered, beaten with a baton, handcuffed and sat on by at least two burly associates of Doubtfire.

 

Now it was Doubtfires turn, and she sat in her trapped car and laughed and laughed and laughed - but then came the questions amongst the assembled coppers. Who could drive a Finemores Kenworth and move it? They all looked at each other, and one young copper piped up, "I know.......

 

Edited November 21, 2022 by onetrack