The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

Now it was Doubtfires turn, and she sat in her trapped car and laughed and laughed and laughed - but then came the questions amongst the assembled coppers. Who could drive a Finemores Kenworth and move it? They all looked at each other, and one young copper piped up, "I know.......

 

..... from my father, who had a fleet of heavy trucks that used to move "produce" for the Griffith "guys", and my dad spoke to me in hushed tones about somebody who was a legend of the heavy haulage caper. My dad said that this guy was a guru but always hid his light under a bushel yet knew it all. I'm sure if I ring dad, he could arrange for this mystical person to come down here. But I'll also ask dad about this derolict old scrubber who is up in the cab now & reaks of Tia Maria, Maria and rotting teeth. What name did he give you?"

 

"His name is Mr. A. Turbine Plonker, but that makes him sound much better than he is, so it is probably a fake ID" replied the other copper.

 

The 1st walloper fell to his knees and did a spoonfull. "That's the guy" he stammered breathlessly & fell again prostate to kiss Turbo's feet (erky perky) like Mother Teresa and the Pope.

 

"Don't kiss my ring" said Turbo and the copper replied "Don't worry about that Sir Turbo, because as legendary as you are, there is no way that I am ever going anywhere near that, and he was then violently ......

Edited November 21, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......someone who can, and rushed into town to get Sheldon.

The gangling young man got out of the still smoking cop car, climbed up on the fuel tank, slipped and barked his shin, and grabbed at the hand rail launching himself out into space, but luckily swinging aroud the half circle where one of his runners squeezed into a tiny foot hole.

 

Such was Sheldon's first experience of Kenworth ergonomics. 

 

He turned the key; the big Cummings engine growled into life. Not worrying about a logbook, like all good truckies  he headed down the highway, leaving a trail of cowsh!t that saw a Mustang gyrate three times behind him, and a guy on a Harley completely disappear.

 

Constable Cheryl followed behind ..............................

 

[Captain]

So Tinky Wank has gazzumped Cappy again due to being oblivious of page chages. Will he ever learn?

Edited November 21, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......someone who can, and rushed into town to get Sheldon.

The gangling young man got out of the still smoking cop car, climbed up on the fuel tank, slipped and barked his shin, and grabbed at the hand rail launching himself out into space, but luckily swinging aroud the half circle where one of his runners squeezed into a tiny foot hole.

 

Such was Sheldon's first experience of Kenworth ergonomics. 

 

He turned the key; the big Cummings engine growled into life. Not worrying about a logbook, like all good truckies  he headed down the highway, leaving a trail of cowsh!t that saw a Mustang gyrate three times behind him, and a guy on a Harley completely disappear.

 

"Constable Cheryl had married my father, who had a fleet of heavy trucks that used to move "produce" for the Griffith "guys", and my dad spoke to me in hushed tones about somebody who was a legend of the heavy haulage caper. My dad said that this guy was a guru but always hid his light under a bushel yet knew it all. I'm sure if I ring dad, he could arrange for this mystical person to come down here. But I'll also ask dad about this derolict old scrubber who is up in the cab now & reaks of Tia Maria, Maria and rotting teeth. What name did he give you?"

 

"His name is Mr. A. Turbine Plonker, but that makes him sound much better than he is, so it is probably a fake ID" replied the other copper.

 

The 1st walloper fell to his knees and did a spoonfull. "That's the guy" he stammered breathlessly & fell again prostate to kiss Turbo's feet (erky perky) like Mother Teresa and the Pope.

 

"Don't kiss my ring" said Turbo and the copper replied "Don't worry about that Sir Turbo, because as legendary as you are, there is no way that I am ever going anywhere near that, and he was then violently pushed aside while Turbo quickly filled in his log book, expertly notating that he left Henty at 2:15 and it was now 2:47, so he had been travelling at 99.9 km/hr, and wasn't yet due for a rest break. Not many people know how thoughtful owners and drivers in the truckie business are, and that stock trucks are fitted with a "slops" tray, so that when they come to a stop at the traffic in a town, the driver pulls a little lever and thye drain tap closes, so little old ladies don't finish up with speckled dresses. The two cops had pulled up within 50 mm of the trailer as they do, and when he pulled out into the traffic they stayed there, as they do, and it was then that he pulled the lever..........................

 

 

[Captain]

19 hours ago, turboplanner said:

 

........... 

[Captain]

34 minutes ago, Captain said:

........... 

The current silence within the NES (actually NS), while sure to have been welcomed by Planey, has been sponsored & brought to you by Turbine Industries together with Turdy's best and long-term mate, friend, advisor and business partner ... Cappy, and has been implemented as a tribute to electric aircraft development everywhere, and particularly to the blissful silence that all passengers will hear when holding over a weather effected runway when the hold period exceeds 34 minutes and 30 secon ......

Edited November 21, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........after you've already had to put out three fires, and jump wire the lighting circuit with a swiss army knife, as well as ................

[Captain]

1 minute ago, turboplanner said:

........after you've already had to put out three fires, and jump wire the lighting circuit with a swiss army knife, as well as ................

...... winding in the 30 metres of 20 amp fuse wire that had been deployed out of the dunny as a last-minute attempt to ......

[onetrack]

......extract additional current from the highly-charged thunderstormy air. However, the silence of pure electric flight has yet to be experienced by many millions of poor people, so Turbine Electric Inc., is now developing a pure electric flying Tuk-Tuk, complete with folding bamboo wings and bamboo propellor - which when it finally reaches certification (which is trumpeted as being as soon as early 2023), then the teeming millions of shanty-dwellers within the regions of the Equator, will be able to experience the joys of taking to the air in a flying Tuk-Tuk, for a cost which is being reported to be as low as $2000.

 

One has to understand, though, that there are "technical hurdles" yet to be overcome, but nothing has stopped the Turbine Team from bringing outstanding ideas to fruition on a regular basis (provided the investors keep pouring in the funds, of course), and smart investors will understand that an investment in Turbine Bamboo Plantations is also a very promising investment (with the accent on "promises"), and thanks to the expected demand for flying Tuk-Tuks, there will also be a huge increase in.........

 

Edited November 22, 2022 by onetrack

[Captain]

....scepticism, surprise, amazement, cynicism, interest from crypto losers and .....

[turboplanner]

.........the new Turbine Finance BitBamboo currency, said to be worth its weight in gold.

Jabiru who always keep a close watch on the NES for new technical developments, jumped at the concept of bamboo TUK TUKs and paid BtBOO 3.5 million for a licence to build them. powered by their Gen5 engine it looked like it might be a winner for OUtback Mustering, so they ................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........the new Turbine Finance BitBamboo currency, said to be worth its weight in gold.

Jabiru who always keep a close watch on the NES for new technical developments, jumped at the concept of bamboo TUK TUKs and paid BtBOO 3.5 million for a licence to build them. powered by their Gen5 engine it looked like it might be a winner for OUtback Mustering, so they ................

..... were well ahead of the game when the Crypto Crash meant that Turbine Finance's 3.5 million BtBOOs could be repaid for less than the cost of a Big Mac.

 

Jabiru, ever the generous entrepreneur, sent Turbo a double Big Mac and a legal letter discharging the loan plus 2 sets of chopsticks as an interest payment.

 

Turbs became known the skippy Blankman-Fryed and gave an interview to the ABC where he said ........ 

 

Edited November 22, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..."Greetings Comrades past present and emerging, and Ita..........",but he got no further becaise someone noticed he didn't have an LBGTQM armband on, and that ............... 

[Captain]

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..."Greetings Comrades past present and emerging, and Ita..........",but he got no further becaise someone noticed he didn't have an LBGTQM armband on, and that ............... 

..... , once criticized, forced Turbo to show just where he was wearing the "armband".

 

Turbo flexed and out flopped an LBGTQM (+ XYZ in Turbo's case) which was expanded to breaking point and was around his magnificent .......

[onetrack]

.....and barrel-shaped hairy chest. "Is that a big enough band to compensate for the lack of an armband?", he asked the questioner - who by now, seemed to have melted into the crowd.

Of course, once Turbo ripped his shirt open and displayed his magnificent chest, murmurs of appreciation ran around the room - and not all of them from the ladies.

Turbo was quite alarmed to see a couple of burly gays moving in closer to him, so he promptly slipped his shirt back on, and went on with the........

[turboplanner]

....ABC broadcast "Today I feeeela........................................................................................Victorian."

(Looking around) "Today I feeeela......................................................................................Queenslander."

(Looking around) "Today I feeeela................................................Tasmani...........no don't feel that bad."

(Looking around) "Today  feeeela................................................................

 

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....ABC broadcast "Today I feeeela........................................................................................Victorian."

(Looking around) "Today I feeeela......................................................................................Queenslander."

(Looking around) "Today I feeeela................................................Tasmani...........no don't feel that bad."

(Looking around) "Today  feeeela................................................................

 

..... little bit abstract."

 

Cappy sat back over his morning caffein, considered the TurgidPlonker's latest post and worried about his dear friend, but then decided to leave a full response to bull, Onesie or Planey who are astute and erudite, so they might be able to decipher the subliminal or other messages in what, to me, seems like a breakdown of .......

Edited November 22, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

48 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... little bit abstract."

 

Cappy sat back over his morning caffein, considered the TurgidPlonker's latest post and worried about his dear friend, but then decided to leave a full response to bull, Onesie or Planey who are astute and erudite, so they might be able to decipher the subliminal or other messages in what, to me, seems like a breakdown of .......

.of the icecream truck has really effected..................

[onetrack]

......Turbo's normally erudite utterings (apart from the regular typos, which he ignores when he gives talks). It has become obvious Turbo has deferred to the left side of his brain - also called the female side - because of his descent into exposing his feelings and emotions. Or maybe his speech papers were replaced by Madalena Moniz's wonderfully-written emotive piece, "An Alphabet of Feelings", and Turbo was undecided whether to release his emotions publically, and whether to start with A or U or S or .........

[Captain]

6 hours ago, onetrack said:

Or maybe his speech papers were replaced by Madalena Moniz's wonderfully-written emotive piece, "An Alphabet of Feelings", and Turbo was undecided whether to release his emotions publically, and whether to start with A or U or S or ......

...... as Turbo has so often said to me, Madalena M was a student and admirer of his and the book was loosely based on Tubb's plethora of feelings.

 

"What's wrong with that" replied Tubb "As I am proud of Madalena's admiration".

 

There has always been just one issue and that is that Tubb can run through his entire range of 26 emotions while just having one of his .......

 

TURBO DEMONSTRATING JUST 2 OF HIS 26 EMOTIONS

Edited November 23, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

... well known feline steaks., the felines being Indian Leopards from the province of Rudrapayag where Turbo employed Grades 2, 3, 4 and 5 making his "Turbine Swimwear" which is sold in the US for Real Americans, meaning obese blobs that no one manufactures for anywhere in the world.

He needed to buy an Airline to carry the volume, and the aircraft he used exclusively were ................

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He needed to buy an Airline to carry the volume, and the aircraft he used exclusively were .........

...... provisioned to serve the duty pilot with feline steaks (we'll use moggies and call them Indian leopards), served with spuds and broccoli that are grown at ......

Edited November 23, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....CT Farms, a producer that totally confused the other growers at the Mafia-run (NTTIAWTT) Melbourne Poduce Market, because of the specatular size of his broccoli. This had caused a scare for CT Farms when Bruno Tizzoni the head of the local Mafia, known as "Tizz" to his friends and "OneTit" to his enemies had some CT brocoli analysed and it showed lead contect, The Department of Agriculture followed through but didn't find anything and it was assumed that some lead from a packaging process contaminated that one piece of broccoli. Tizz was a bad loser and put a horse head in CT's bed. CT, known locally as "12Gauge" wasn't a wimp and retaliated with a string of four dozen rabbit heads along Tizz's front fence. One of the looked like his daughter and Tizz ....................

[Captain]

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Tizz was a bad loser and put a horse head in CT's bed. CT, known locally as "12Gauge" wasn't a wimp and retaliated with a string of four dozen rabbit heads along Tizz's front fence. One of the looked like his daughter and Tizz ........

....... and convened a council of war.

 

"Get me some info on this ct that calls himself CT and where he live-a" said Tizz.

 

"We know him from his attempt to build another Melbourne Market to flog off bunnies at Darraweit Guim" said one of Tizz's Cappos.

 

"Where the F is Darraweit Guim?" Tizz replied.

 

The Cappo thought and then said "Good question mate. It is a delightful rural location encompassing 5 rivers (although it is beyond me why anyone would want 5 of the buggers when it is raining worse than Noah experienced) and CT has a country residence there, with a 5000 m strip that would be ideal for flying in our cargoes of ...........

Edited November 23, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

......fresh green produce from the Riverina, that's in high demand from the locals for its purity, and the good feelings they get from using it".

 

"We need a little more financial investment in that airstrip, though. Get rid of the rabbit warrens, and equip the dump of a place with some "security" - you know what I mean?"

 

So, it wasn't long before CT saw several shiny black Chrysler 300's with blacked-out windows disgorging a number of heavily built men wearing sunglasses - all dressed in black. 

 

CT was quite surprised when he saw all this, and thought the DG airstrip was a funny place to hold a funeral, but before long, CT realised, it wasn't.............