The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

".......all our touring aircraft. You just can't beat their reliability, always reaching TBO+50% without laying a spanner on them."

"In fact, NASA almost used them for the Moon shots, but they just needed a it more speed."

Everyone nodded, and agreed if you wanted to go flying without surprises, Continental was the way to .................

[Captain]

..... travel, and their logos are much cooler than Lycoming so I am going to get one as a tat above each nipple.

 

too late mate said bull as i already have a sleeve (right arm, as that is the one i use most when making love) comprising all of the below continental logos, although the dickhead tattooist down here misspelled contamental in half of them, and no caps as he copied what i wrote, so ........

 

 

Edited December 23, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

"........I wear a long sleeve firesuit with redbull on it and the Tasmanians swoon when i get in the Jacka and give the throttle a few bursts, follwed by a short take off and a bit of wingover."

They all through back to those long lost days in the Valley where they flew the wy they wanted, and ..................

[turboplanner]

[Turbo's tatt also didn't turn out as well as Cappy's pictures]

[onetrack]

......"ending up in the soup" was a common occurrence on these flying trips - and thus the dreadful error by the tattooist, when he inked Turbo's chest, when he became confused with the tattoo instructions, because he heard the intrepid aviators discussing "soupy" flying conditions making them airsick - and thus inked in "Continental Chicken Soup - because it's what you need, when you're sick".

 

Turbo was horrified when he saw what had transpired, but decided to cover up the parts from "Chicken" onwards, in case some other aviator accused him of being a big Chicken, and that would......

[Captain]

..... not be correct, would it Tink?

 

The other issue was with the "chest", because as the tattooist worked on spelling out CONTINENTAL across Tubb's "chest" in 1 inch high letters, he ran out of "chest" after he got to the 2nd N, so finished off with "ENTAL" going down near his .....

Edited December 23, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........Kidneys. It was sometime later when they all descended on Cappy’s teacher ready to string him up.

Brutus wimped it and blurted out “Cappy’s illegitimate!”  This was the edge try all needed and they listened intently as the teacher got himself off the hook. Next day, just as Cappy.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 23, 2022 by turboplanner

[Captain]

23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........Kidneys. It was sometime later when they all descended on Cappy’s teacher ready to string him up.

Brutus wimped it and blurted out “Cappy’s illegitimate!”  This was the edge try all needed and they listened intently as the teacher got himself off the hook. Next day, just as Cappy..... 

...... said "Don't listen to them bull, my punctuationally challenged friend, as I have been called a bustard by better people than Mr Brutus, so I .......

[turboplanner]

".....will just ignore them."

bull thought Cappy was very brave toughing it out, bu couldn't help himself, and said "But isn't it true that when Captain Cook had sailed from England, Abraham Lincoln who was over there on a State Visit .........................

[Captain]

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

".....will just ignore them."

bull thought Cappy was very brave toughing it out, bu couldn't help himself, and said "But isn't it true that when Captain Cook had sailed from England, Abraham Lincoln who was over there on a State Visit .........................

...... came down to see him off, so Abe & Jimmy tied one on at the local pub, and made a real mess of themselves. 

 

"I can see great things about your Cook clan, but I think that there is bugger all down in the southern ocean" said Abe.

 

"You too might do well mate, however it will be a nice little cruise for me and the boys" said Jim "But keep plenty of panadol with you as I sense a headache somewhere in your future, plus you look a bit like Bob Carr which is a bummer as he is a bit of a dill, but .......

 

 

 

Edited December 23, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

32 minutes ago, Captain said:

...... came down to see him off, so Abe & Jimmy tied one on at the local pub, and made a real mess of themselves. 

 

"I can see great things about your Cook clan, but I think that there is bugger all down in the southern ocean" said Abe.

 

"You too might do well mate, however it will be a nice little cruise for me and the boys" said Jim "But keep plenty of panadol with you as I sense a headache somewhere in your future, plus you look a bit like Bob Carr which is a bummer as he is a bit of a dill, but .......

 

 

 

....be careful of that MiniKev flooging his T Shirts with "I Fly a Drifter" on the back

[onetrack]

..........because MiniKev has been known to savagely abuse anyone who gets in his way when he's airborne. Kev regularly comes on the airwaves with non-standard phraseology, such as "fair suck of the sav, mate, I've got right of way here, because I'm a former PM, and no-one is going to get in front of me, when it come to landing priority!"

 

MiniKevs flying style and general rudeness on the air - even relapsing to swearing at other fliers in Mandarin, when he got really frustrated, and had to join the circuit behind others, soon led to Bob Carr advising him, "Mate, you're going to have to..........

[Captain]

..... get Therese to do your dirty work, as we all know that she wears the pants and will be the real US Ambasadortrix.

 

Kevin, who liked to be known as Kevin 24/7 because of his work ethic, was upset at this comment and went to see Therese to have her make the naughty man stop the criticism, but she .......

 

TURBO ALWAYS ADMIRED THE "KEVIN 24/7" MONICKER AND THOUGHT HE WOULD USE IT AS PART OF THE TURBINE INDUSTRIES PROMOTIONS, HOWEVER BECAUSE THEY NEEDED TO BE TRUTHFUL, TURDY WAS UPSET WHEN HE REALISED THAT HE WAS LABELLED "TURBO 2/1".

 

Edited December 24, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......said " Bob Carr is a member of the far centre faction, and we need him to get those centre morons to vote for more Grants for you to do research on the origins of Mandarin, because you sure aren't selling too many T Shirts at the Lincoln Memorial."

 

Kevin pouted at this, knowing that virtually no one was stopping to get his expert opinion on nearly everything, and some people were actually commenting out loud "They should move the tramps and panhandlers away from here; y'all know it's bad enough that Abe's statue's here!"

 

The story stayed in the Lincon Memorial stubbornly refusing to move to aviation, but then there was a buzzing sound and a Thruster came into view and splashed down [avref] into the waterhole in front of the monument. It was ...............

[Captain]

.... Jesus (pronounced Haysoos) from RAM (Recreational Aviation Mexico [avref]) who had a messiah complex (CASAref) and played that out by removing the tramps (RAApilotref) and panhandlers (AUFpilotref) from the Lincoln Memorial, then added "But stick around if you would like a feed of sourdough buns and pillies, eh".

 

"Eeet eees somewhat seemilarr to booting the peso-lenders out off the Temple" he commented to a biblical scholar (Turbo) who had rushed over (with a pocket full of frankincence) from Moorabblahem in order to record a new "Book of Turbine" which he intended to sell as an Addendum to that well known book, known as The ......

 

PS Turbine Aromatic Resins has 20,000 acres of Boswellia trees, to Tubb has frankincence coming out of his ......

Edited December 24, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

On 23/12/2022 at 11:27 AM, onetrack said:

.....the possibility of a Continental Lounge, as Continental was a strongly preferred alternative to Lycoming in many regions, and by many owners. Mr Brutus sniffed, "Continental"? We use them for..........

airboats and we are always having.............

[Captain]

Merry Christmas to our thousands of NES readers & particularly the 3 main contributors + the 2 other occasional posters.

 

And for those heathens that didn't go to church at midnight, here it is in Latin .......

Christmas nostris mille NES legentibus & praecipue 3 principales contributores + the 2 alii occasionales posteri

[turboplanner]

.........airboat races in the Latin tradition.

Heysoos had invited his flying friends to the Turbine Compound.

As they arrived at the luxurious airfield with its concrete runways with fluoro yellow centrelines so they knew where to land, the were picked up in a Chevy Suburban flanked by two Silverados armed with 20 mm canons. On the way in, Cappy commented that the Mexican peasants were bowing to the convoy. "You would too Senor, if you got a 20 mm bust every week just to keeo you on  your feet" said an important person sitting on the front seat with big teeth. His name was ...............

[Captain]

...... "El Presidente" of Turbine Cartels, People Smuggling & Political Control Pty Ltd, but his mates (and the terrified population) call him ......

Edited December 24, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......"El Chaperone."

When they arrived they found EC busy roasting a bull on a spit.

[We hasten to reassure NES readers this was a Mexican bull not El Matadore as bull was known as in Mexico]

The visitors celebrated their survival after the long flight in electric Drifters, one-wing-low Thrusters, and a Jabiru which had come in last after its pilot got lost when the magenta line didappeared over Guatemala.  They ................

 

[Captain]

..... were pleased to be down (avref) safely but were never worried about the Jabiru, as they knew that this air cooled wonder of Australian design & manufacturing would always get through and the reliability index was way higher than those other yanky pieces of iron.

 

"Turdboy said in the NES that they are eating bull" said Mavis with a glint in her eye.

 

"Ah ... those were the days" replied Dorry "As I recall doing the same thing in the bushes at a CWA BBQ in Bone, before he buggered off to Tazzy."

 

bull blushed when this was mentioned again on this public forum, so he was keen to have the nes head back to mexico where men are men, the llamas are nervous and bull could take on the magnificent name of el torro, soon to travel back home to be the head of the Risdon Cartel, where his business plan was to smuggle people into the freedom & rapidly growing entrepreneurial  busness opportunities of Tasmania, from Mextoria, so he was keen to learn how it was done, plus he also planned to import ICE (Cappy is buggered how this would ever be successful as Tazzy is a freezing cold hole and has enough of its own ice).

 

tell me said bull to El Chapo(rone) how do you .......

Edited December 24, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...........smuggle cocaine?

The room went quiet, not because of El Chaperone, who wouldn't have known how to smuggle Mexicans if ten didn't jump into the back his pickup every time he crossed the border but because of the short man with the baseball bat who'd arrived in the Ford pickup with tyres bigger than a Cotton Tractor, painted Pearl Yellow by South Custom from Riverwood Drive Los Angeles.

The room became silent as the short man, El Chapo, looked at bull, who hadn't bothered to spray on his Mexican tan like all the others...........................

[Captain]

..... and this made El Chappo suspicious.

 

"Is youze a non-punctuatillian Mehican albino?" he asked bull.

 

no mate replied bull, whose white (it's actually that Tasmanian never-seen-the-sun blueish white like an LED torch set to "bright") skin glows in the dark (hence why he likes Rangas so much), i am just a ........

Edited December 25, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

PS ..... CAPPY IS CONVINCED THAT THERE IS NOTHING SAD, NOR A LITTLE TRAGIC, ABOUT 2 OLD PHARTS POSTING CONTRIBUTIONS ON THE NES ON CHRISTMAS DAY. BUT AS HEYSOOS SAID, SO LONG AGO, "BLESSED ARE THE POSTERS".

Edited December 25, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

[Sorry, had to take a call from Joe to reassure him and let him know he'd done well this year and to do something about his hair] Also every ******* turkey has a different cooking time these days based on it's zero emission ingredients and we picked a slow one.

...n El Toro."

What bull didn't realise was that there was only one El Toro in Mexico, and El Chaperone qietly said "Put that baseball bat down El Toro."

El Chao's hand slowly lowered in deference to El Chaperone but then El Chapo flashed out his 

chrome plated 357 magnum, but El Chaperone was too fast and pushed bull into the sewerage drain and the bullet flew harmlessly by only hitting a gardener.

bull diasppeared into the shrubbery, but .........