The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..... the Turbine stock price which has almost passed ........

..... out, coma-like, based on the Turbine Industries CEO having made a shock announcement which .....

[turboplanner]

.......was shortly followed by Turbine News Release that he was retiring to spend more time with his family.

The Turbine AGM was brought forward and held at the Sheraton Mirage on the Gold Coast with all you can eat prawns, coral trout and Queensland's version of steak which most people avoided. There was a floor show every night and all you could drink champagne. The Share price pulled ahead of Berkshire Hathaway, making the last night of the conference one great party, and all Turbine employees received a $100,000 bonus, with the cat gutters also getting a free trip to Fiji.

 

Turbo was tempted to start a 760 Kg Recriatonal Aircraft production line similar to Henry Ford with floor boards made from the crate the parts were delivered in, and free drip mounts, oxy bottle clamps and robotic nappy changers for the pilots, and ...................

[Captain]

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

and all Turbine employees received a $100,000 bonus

Given that nobody knows Turbo's real identity, based on this hint could he perhaps be Clive?

 

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The Share price pulled ahead of Berkshire Hathaway,

This heralded a swathe of Turbo TV interviews and all of the world media then gave Warren B the flick. Even George Soros was on the outer in preference to receiving pearls of wisdom from Turbo. Tubb even has his own YouTube channel after he purchased what he renamed as Turbine Google.

 

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo was tempted to start a 760 Kg Recriatonal Aircraft production line similar to Henry Ford with floor boards made from the crate the parts were delivered in, and free drip mounts, oxy bottle clamps and robotic nappy changers for the pilots, and ........

... this, dear friends, was where reporter's eyes started to glaze over, even those employed by Turbine ABC and Turbine Channel 9 News found it hard to ..........

Edited January 8, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......believe that after decades of abuse from Recreational Flyers over their use if the generic "Cessna" term, perfectly understood by the public at large, but bringing thoudands of complaints if the crashed unidentifieable Rydnorjski Mark 17 was not immediately identified from the pieces which were all the size of confetti, or their grammar or even spelling, one of them could spell "Recreational" incorrectly, and live TV covered the event for days with crosses to Oxford University, and a Press Petition to Albo asking for extra spelling tests in Primary schools and ........

[Captain]

...... a demand to identify, once and for all, who was responsible for putting the "Cess" into Cessna, or the .....

[turboplanner]

P.I. into Piper which was designed by Egyptian Persha Ibada Per, a gifted WW2 aircraft designed. Not many people know he was the designer of the Spitfire. Hitler had sent a Hit Squad, the first time thename Hit Sqad had been used, to shoot the designer so the Brits created an elaborate ruse that the Spitfire had been designed by a Percival Grimes and the hit squad rubbed Grimes out, so they had to ..................

[Captain]

35 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Hitler had sent a Hit Squad

Now THAT is funny.

 

And sounds so much better than Goebals sending a Balls Squad.

[turboplanner]

When Jodl sent for you, you knew you were going to be tortured.

 

[Captain]

50 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Brits created an elaborate ruse that the Spitfire had been designed by a Percival Grimes and the hit squad rubbed Grimes out, so they had to .......

..... find somebody else to ascribe (a fancy word meaning to "dob in") as the designer of the Spitfire.

 

At that time, Turbo's Scottish 7th cousin Zachary Turdbine (note the original authentic Scots spelling), was a dunny cleaner at the Ministry of Defense in Whitehall and he got wind (dunnyref) of this opportunity through his illicit liaison with the Minister's secretary whose name was Terry.

 

Zac applied and got the gig, so while he was dodging more Hit Squads (& a Musso Squad from Italy ... not to mention a Stall (avref) Squad from Russia), he was also paid a royalty for every Spitfire ever made (and gave long lectures on several world speaking tours on how he came up with the shape of the wings), including a healthy royalty on all of the subsequent Airfix kits, which made the UK Turdbine family very ......   

Edited January 8, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........rich.

Zac of course was the person who had put the Cess into Cessna. He'd approached Arthur Schutt offering the licence for Cess, with a brown logo. Arthur had said "That sounds good, is that a banana?" Zac explained it was part of his name and Schutt, whic should have known better, said "Na". So they compromised and the logo was taken out and sold off to the Chinese, who .....

[Captain]

...... used it as the personal seal of each dictator leader of the CPP, as for the Chinese people that represented ......

[turboplanner]

...battered pork sausage.

Chairman XI also used it on his stationery, and was mortified when he found out what it represented.

Zac got to hear of this, and, realising he was in trouble, change his name by deed poll to "Turnbull", breathing a sign of relief but it wasn't long before someone pointed out that meant the same thing or worse so Zac changed the name again. to ........................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Zac got to hear of this, and, realising he was in trouble, change his name by deed poll to "Turnbull",

When they heard this, Zac's mates replied in a broad Billy Connelly type accent "What sort of a wankish name is Turnbull Turdbine? He should have kept it as Zachary.

 

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

but it wasn't long before someone pointed out that meant the same thing or worse so Zac changed the name again. to .......

..... Allan Turdbine, but the name Allan also had brought with it terrible connotations about ......

[onetrack]

......being a member of the Schitt family - so he changed it again, to Allan Sewagebine, which he made sure everyone knew, was pronounced, "Soo-Wag-A-Bine".

 

However, having to correct every new person he came across, who mispronounced his name - calling him "Alain", because they thought he had French ancestry - meant that he was forced to change his name again, to ensure there could be no awkward mispronunciations.

 

Accordingly, he went through the Chinese phone book and picked out "Fuk Yu" as a suitable change from Allan, and this then meant, that every time someone called out.....

[Captain]

9 hours ago, onetrack said:

..... and this then meant, that every time someone called out .....

...... "Hey, you", he would call back in a broad Scottish accent "No that my seester, she live in Glasgow, you want massage?".

 

Soon .....

 

This message sponsored by Turdbine Massage and Chyropracty PLC, (incorporated in Belize).

Edited January 8, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......he had changed his name again, following a succession of incidents where  Restaurant staff asked him what name his booking was in, so he changed the surname again to the English Featherstonehough, which as NES readers are aware is pronounced "Fanshaw". Unfortunately, as it is in WF, the general public was not as worldly as NES readers and .........................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

the general public was not as worldly as NES readers and .........

..... didn't get the Turgid Plonker's sense of humour either, but then ......

[turboplanner]

.........over time, and by suscribing to the Farmers Almanac, ............

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........over time, and by subscribing to the Farmer's Almanac, ............

.... the Elders Weather Prediction Service and by having a squiz at the 1Root's flasher's anorak, progress was able to be made to ....

Edited January 9, 2023 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....further develop the Fanshaw-Turbine JV into a high quality weather forecasting service, of outstanding accuracy. This was a service greatly appreciated by aviators (long overdue avref), and it soon became a common term amongst the aviation fraternity, to "hit the Fan" when looking for meteorological forecasts.

 

Naturally, the JV name was chosen because of the great Fricative Alliteration when "Fan" was conjoined with "Turbine". However, very soon, this great term, "hit the Fan", rapidly became misunderstood, thanks to its more common useage of referring to manure, and to things going rapidly wrong.

 

As a result, the Fanshaw-Turbine Forecasting JV rapidly gained a negative perception, as regards its weather conditions forecasts, where the forecasts were..........

 

Edited January 9, 2023 by onetrack

[Captain]

4 minutes ago, onetrack said:

As a result, the Fanshaw-Turbine Forecasting JV rapidly gained a negative perception, as regards its weather conditions forecasts, where the forecasts were......

..... always standing with one arm out of the window, and often also stuck their ......

[turboplanner]

......pantographs where they shouldn’t, causing skips leading to modelled results which.........

 

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......pantographs where they shouldn’t, causing skips leading to modelled results which.....

..... made Global Warming look like a dead set cert.

 

"They have been fudging the figures ever since I was in short pantographs" said Turbo "And there is a quid in this Global Warming caper, just ask Big Al Gore, so that is why I have bought them and renamed them Turbine BOM Inc."

 

This caused a bit of a stir as the credibility of the BOM has, for years, been the same as the ABC and that meant that BOM emplyees came out in ......

Edited January 10, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......short pantographs to do TV Weather forecasts. These were now much more friendly to Industry which under the Turbine BOM regime could pay a $10,000 fee to attend a Pre-News briefing by the T-BOM News Presenter. At the end of the T-BOM briefing the Presenter always asked, what would you like, so Horse Racing members would ask for heavy weather, the Wheat Grower Suppliers Association for a big shower of rain.

Over the next week or so there would be a News story about the canny group of punters who made a fortune putting bets on horses that did well on fine days, The Wheat Grower Suppliers had a record year selling wheat seed, but the farmers were still breathing dust, and this was one of the most profitable of the Turbine Divisions, until ..................

[Captain]

.... profits surged even further after Turbine BOM found out how to deliver appropriate weather to whoever wanted it and this led to the phenomenon known as the 'Turbine Effect" where one cocky wanted rain and it p*ssed down as a result, while his mate was having a "stalk rust" problem (the fungus on the wheat stalk, not the cocky's lack of use) so T-BOM delivered low humidity mild days right across the fence.

 

The money flowed and after a new algorithm was designed (by the great Turbo himself), weather was eventually arranged & could be ordered on a hectare by hectare basis all across the country .... then the real big news was released and the holy of holys was also possible when any AUF pilot could pay a (substantial) fee to arrange tail winds for the entire flight, except when on final.

 

The people were ....... 

Edited January 10, 2023 by Captain