The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Lindsay rolled his eyes and said "I knew this day would come........

..... and I confess that we have not done enough to adequately maintain Turn 12 at The Island, where I am aware that Cappy almost .....

[Captain]

On 12/01/2023 at 4:22 PM, Captain said:

..... and I confess that we have not done enough to adequately maintain Turn 12 at The Island, where I am aware that Cappy almost .....

..... bought it after those other 2 blokes hit the inside wall". Then Foxy added "And just to be clear, Cappy of course didn't have the funds to "buy" Phillip Island, he just went close to ending it in a big one. But while Cappy didn't have the readies to buy, Turdboy is well known to have gone from an oil changer to a game-changer, and Turbine PI definitely has a nice ring to it, plus with his massive profile in the Speedway and world aviation scenes, I reckon he could ......."

 

Your delightful Rat has just added this in an attempt to prop start (avref) the thread again as the NES has stalled and nobody knew or cared or were interested to contribute to his near-death experience.

[turboplanner]

.......lean on Lindsay to fix Turn 12.  Lindsay had other ideas though starting with the usual “Who’s This Cappy wanker?” When Turbo explained that Cappy was very modest and was really Captain Cook IV, those beady eyes narrowed, you could see the blood going to the ears. Go every dollar Turbo thought of making Lindsay thought five. He smiled at his friend Turbo and said “What if we..........

[Captain]

21 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

He smiled at his friend Turbo and said “What if we.......

..... buy off this Cappy wanka, get the use of his name for *#%@ all, build a replica of his ship (we'll call it the Young Endeavour as nobody will have thought of that before), we'll also buy all those out-of-date dinosaur statues from Clive (who is a good mate) and we'll do thousands of Jurassic Park tours to Tasmania, which is about as Jurassic Park as you can get, then we'll get this Cappy clown to walk down my special steps at the weekender and he'll be ..... 

[turboplanner]

....as quiet as a Dan.

As NES readers know, Turbo had fought with Capatain Cook IV at the Khyber Pass when 17,000 British soldiers were wiped out by the Afghans. General Genghis Khan VII said he didn't see it as killing them; more like removing chess pieces. Turbo and Cappy were there to the end clocking the last Afghan with their boots. (Cappy had wanted to run several times, but Turbo tied him to a tree).

Now, staring into Lindsay's eyes with Lindsays finger stabbing at is chest, this was the point where most people caved in, but Turbo said ".....................

 

 

[Prince Harry has been the only Royal to call them out since].

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Now, staring into Lindsay's eyes with Lindsays finger stabbing at is chest, this was the point where most people caved in, but Turbo said ".........

... Now settle down there Foxy, as you know full well that I have the resources to well and truly ......

 

 

I note that Turbs mentions "General Genghis Khan VII" and I apologize to readers for that error, as Turbo has obviously misremembered .... because it was actually General Genghis Khan VI that took us a couple of weeks to repulse & to smack his bum.

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......sink you."

Turbo went ahead and built the Young Endeavour. Some NES readers may have been out on the $1,000 economy cruises. (Some weren't so happy to find they had to pay another $1,000 to get anything to eat but that's business.)

 

Then one day it was gone, sunk off the Heads. As it was going down, slowly, Turbo looked back at the Portsea beaches and there, standing on his sun deck was Lindsay, dressed only in a towel, raising a glass of champagne and laughing.....laughing.

 

Turbo swam to shore and let the tyres down on his truck.

 

As Turbo swam to shore, a school of sharks on his tail, he looked up and saw an E-Drifter racing for the sharks, but it wasn't making any noise, so the sharks stayed focused onTurbo's legs, and ..............

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

so the sharks stayed focused onTurbo's legs, and .........

.... one said to the other "He hasn't got as much meat on his bones as Harold had all those years ago (in shark language of course).

 

The bitterness about the Young Endeavour has lived on for decades because Turbo also made the guests (sic) pay a third $1,000 to use the exit gangway, and this led to Turbo being known as ......

[onetrack]

...."that Fxxxxx Cxxx" - but annoying nicknames simply roll off Turbo, because he's also been called "Teflon Turbo" (nothing sticks to him). However, the worst name calling was reserved for him after he charged the guests (sic) another $1000 to climb into the lifeboats after they exited the gangway.

 

"Commercial airlines (avref) have nothing on this bloke, for charging you every metre of the way!", one punter was heard to moan.

 

"Look", snapped Turbo, "You can't expect every single thing in life for free! Remember what Malcolm told us? - 'Life wasn't meant to be easy!' - well, that's the story of most peoples lives! No-one ever said you could float through life, paying nothing for anything! - apart from that Jedi Rat from Wagga, who thinks that.........

[turboplanner]

........he can do better than Turbo. Lindsay noted this with interest then bought Port Phillip Bay.

The contract included "all the marine life, little fishes, dropped watches and shipping wrecks including the "Venus" and any objects, artifacts and the like that may have been used by, carried, referred to, or constructed including any copies of..........and so a race to raise the Young Endeavour began before the contract came into effect......and first.......

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The contract included "all the marine life, little fishes, dropped watches and shipping wrecks including the "Venus" and any objects, artifacts and the like that may have been used by, carried, referred to, or constructed including any copies of..........and so a race to raise the Young Endeavour began before the contract came into effect......and first.......

.... they decided to research the Good Ship Venus and use the design of the legendary figurehead doing what the song said it did, but using Turbo's head instead.

 

AMSA were horrified when the new registration application came through and they reflected upon the way that the carved figure of Turbo was ......

[turboplanner]

9 hours ago, Captain said:

.... they decided to research the Good Ship Venus and use the design of the legendary figurehead doing what the song said it did, but using Turbo's head instead.

 

AMSA were horrified when the new registration application came through and they reflected upon the way that the carved figure of Turbo was ......

..........represented as a Cessna with a face.

 

Not many people know that the Venus was involved in the first example of the Scientists we know today. The crew were all picked because they were very good at remembering what they read, and instead of filling in the Ship's employment questionnaire, they all wrote essays which they called "papers" going into fine detail on the ship's task, which was go to Flinders Island and pick up four dozen Cape Barren Goose eggs, fresh, for Captain Cook's larder. Their papers talked about how many grains of salt there were per gill of seawater, what happens to the surface of a ships hull when it meets Bass Strait, how a sail works, the psychology of a rigger, the median (as against average) size of a goose egg and the distribution of Cape Barren geese around the world. If they ever made it to Flinders Island, we don't know, if they ever found a goose, we don't know, they came back with no eggs, just a series of quatrains. When Captain Cook exploded and threatened to drown the scoundrels they said their papers had been peer-reviewed; they'd all reviewd each other's, and all claimed to be scientists including CT the Elder whose paper consisted of thumb prints, which .............................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

When Captain Cook exploded and threatened to drown the scoundrels, they said their papers had been peer-reviewed; they'd all reviewed each other's, and all claimed to be scientists including CT the Elder whose paper consisted of thumb prints, which .........

..... proved once and for all, at a very high academic level, that if the cooking of Billy Tea over an open fire, the eating of eggs, or the importation of cattle was not banned by 1785 (12 years from what thereafter has always been known and revered as The Flinders Island Expedition of Discovery, Science Advancement, Climate Change Awareness and Ozone Layer Hole Identification [The FIEoDSACCA&OLHI for short]), human kind plus the fishes in the sea and even those cute little Quokkas in West Van Marky Mark's land will be doomed and in the colloquial language of the time, as per Mathew Flinders' diary, he said "We will all be #@$%&* mate".

 

But like Cappy, his GGG grand pappy was a visionary and was made of sterner stuff, so he .......

Edited January 14, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...so he excised Flinders Island and called the bigger bit below it  #DemonsLand rewrite the Quatrains to a baser level to appeal to politicians, and the Admiralty introduced a rule that only Lords of the Admiralty could view the unexcised map.  Cookie was a very smart man. Turbo and Cappy had both seen it after Turbo had had two "Lord of the Admiralty" certificates made up by a letters man in Little Bourke St who.........

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...so he excised Flinders Island and called the bigger bit below it  #DemonsLand rewrite the Quatrains to a baser level to appeal to politicians, and the Admiralty introduced a rule that only Lords of the Admiralty could view the unexcised map.  Cookie was a very smart man. Turbo and Cappy had both seen it after Turbo had had two "Lord of the Admiralty" certificates made up by a letters man in Little Bourke St who.........

... was quietly watching these shenanigans.

 

"Hey Cooky, my boy, why did you not call in Van Demon's Land?"

 

Cooky took the Little Bourke St letters man down to the kosher deli for bacon and eggs, where he explained that he could no longer use that name in the Southern Hemisphere as somebody had registered the name and was designing something called an RV1. "This flying caper will never take off (avrefs galore) my boy" said the LBSLM and an RV1 kit aircraft will never be approved, I'll just ..........

 

 

Edited January 15, 2023 by Captain

[onetrack]

......make sure this name is slightly different, I'll just spell it Van Diemen's Land, and that way, only the Dutch will recognise the name - and as we no longer talk to the Dutch and regard them as opposition land-grabbers, that will work out just fine!"

 

Meantimes, the figurehead carvers were having one hell of time trying to get Turbos features just right. "His nose is too big!", said the carving factory manager to the head carver. "I can always take some more wood off, I can't put it back!", grumbled the head carver.

 

"His eyes aren't quite right!", said the manager after more close examination. The head carver disagreed. "He's got those close-set eyes! That's a mark of a true convict descendant, and besides.......

[Captain]

48 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"His eyes aren't quite right!", said the manager after more close examination. The head carver disagreed. "He's got those close-set eyes! That's a mark of a true convict descendant, and besides.....

...., make those eyes more beady."

 

"And I disagree about his nose as his head behaves like a wind direction indicator with his beak as the fin, so his is ......

Edited January 15, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...............hair which, made out of No 8 galvanised fencil wire sways the ship.

They were interrupted by a healthy bellowing sound, and down the road came a Kenworth K220 pulling a low loader with the Young Endeavour on board, Turbo's nose turning from side to side and his hair picking up sparks where it touched the road. As it passed they saw a sign hasitly scrawled "I passed another Fox!" The KW was being driven by young Skip Turbine who'd hired a dredge and crane, hauled the ship off the bottom and cleared the beach three minutes before the Conctract became legal. It was .......................

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

he KW was being driven by young Skip Turbine who'd hired a dredge and crane, hauled the ship off the bottom and cleared the beach three minutes before the Contract became legal. It was .........

..... a typical Turbine family move.

 

they really are soles croaked bull to a young nubile nurse after his throat op.

 

Well, young Skip had always wanted to be just like his Uncle Turbo, so he ......

Edited January 15, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...started a company called Endeavour Ship Recovery, Inc. in Panama, and ordered 30 Kenworth 220s and steerable low loaders which used the latest AI steering technology. (NES readers may not be aware of this technology where, if the trailer cuts in too much on a corner and hits a pole, it tracks wider next time and so on). His mistake was that there was only one Young Endeavour, so he switched to recovering aircraft [avref]. Finally he got a call to say there were 350 stranded aircraft out in the desert in Airzona, sort of lie a Bermuda Triangle on land, so he shipped the trucks over and ...............................

[turboplanner]

went broke.

Not many people know that the original Endeavour was supposed to be an aircraft [avref]

Loxette Ah So, a French/Chinese used to sit on the cliffs of Dover and watch the seabirds soar and glide, and eventually he figured out Bernouli's theorem and realised there was money to be made building "craft of the air" as he used to call them.

 

He heard about Captain Cook's proposed trip to Sydney and went to him explaining how, if he build horizontal masts the ship would lift into the air and he could see a lot more on his exploration; probably as far west as Dubbo.

 

"P!ss off, said Captain Cook, "I'm busy"

 

Today old Loxette is remembered by the medical profession for his endless speeches in favour of craft of the air.

 

It was an alert barman, Alexander Turbine who heard the conversation and built the first flying ship which led to the Qantas flying boats carrying passengers from Sydney to London, with views of Dubbo and .................

 

 

[Captain]

..... Terramungamine, before .....

[turboplanner]

...serving tea and biscuits over Kickabil, then on to Bogan, where several passengers clustered around the windows pointing out where they were born. They had long hair, no teeth and had already started getting into the beer, so they were nicknamed Bogans by the passengers with breeding.

It was then a crawl to Mullengudgery; the kids who had been told they "would be in London in no time", typical of the Poms, started yelling out "are we there yet" and the saying was so popular on the flight that the parents encouraged them to teach the other kids in their schools. The Pilot came out and said they would soon be over Mumblebone Plain where the school kids always broke from their English class to come out and wave, and then they were headed for Gunderbooka, still in NSW and voted the most boring....................

 

Edited January 16, 2023 by turboplanner

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

and then they were headed for Gunderbooka, still in NSW and voted the most boring........

..... place to be in Strayya by Facty, Planey and Old K, apart of course from spending time on the NES which they classified to be even more .....

Edited January 16, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....boring, but they of course had never been given the password to the full and unedited version, where even Potus Obama had been a regular. He told some great stories and it's a pity circulation was restricted, because his language was from the Thai gutters. He certainly knew flying though and told us many stories about ..............