The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

Dear Rat,

 

I'm sure you make a lovely receptionist "It's only $323.00 per night, plus breakfast and charges" gleam from gold tooth....

 

Fixing RipOffLocks is easy, just close the front gate and he'll sit there for hours.

 

One outboard is singing like a bee, but the wakeboard season is over, the other one is presenting a problem getting the head to depart the block.

 

Having paid a guy over $6000 to fox the 140 hp, I asked his advice for the 75 hp head removal. "You'll have to use the oxy" he said.

 

Doesn't it give you a warm feeling.

 

Yours ever in flying

 

Hatrack

 

 

[Captain]

Dear Rat,

One outboard is singing like a bee, but the wakeboard season is over, the other one is presenting a problem getting the head to depart the block.

 

Having paid a guy over $6000 to fox the 140 hp, I asked his advice for the 75 hp head removal. "You'll have to use the oxy" he said.

He must be a LAME too ...... as well as an outboard technician?

 

 

[turboplanner]

Opinions on this site are not necessarily those of Turbo, since he knows that the LAME who reads these stories is always close at hand to give Turbo's aircraft that little tweak here and that litte touch there, and the Jabiru presents enough challenges without having to contend withj contra trim or the never ending throttle cable.

 

 

[Captain]

Opinions on this site are not necessarily those of Turbo, since he knows that the LAME who reads these stories is always close at hand to give Turbo's aircraft that little tweak here and that litte touch there, and the Jabiru presents enough challenges without having to contend withj contra trim or the never ending throttle cable.

I agree Tubb. They are a fine group of men and women who do us all proud ..... and the comments in post # 1853 are totally unwarranted, to the point where that bloke deserves the boot.

 

However everyone knows of my medical achievements and that LAME is medically acronyminous for "Laminectomy", in which I specialised during the 3rd year of my medical degree. (As opposed to a Laminotomy, which is the more simple form, being the removal of a mid-portion of one lamina, which may be done either with a conventional open technique, or in a minimal fashion with the use of tubular retractors and endoscopes).

 

 

[Tomo]

the other one is presenting a problem getting the head to depart the block.

Have you pulled "all" the head bolts out............?..........;)

 

 

[Tomo]

..fan so to speak....

...Well I'll be blowed!!.... the old...eerrr....um... young... Dotdash in the R22 trick...

 

Never mind in getting the wrong acft, these are easy to fly! just rev up the engine, yank up the bi..? cy..? cyclic! lever and a bit of right rudder to stop the hanger going around and around. Not to much cyclic'! keep the rev's in the green, push the stick forward a bit and away we goooooooooooooooooooooo................

 

 

[turboplanner]

Have you pulled "all" the head bolts out............?..........;)

 

Yes Tomo, in fact sheared half of them, which gets the heads out of the way, and battered the gap with a cold chisel for two hours so it now has a nice bevel all round. Sea water adds a new dimension to a laminectomy. Despite all that a marine mechanic inspected the outside, while he had a glass of reisling in his hand and said the engine is in well above average condition - now if only I could get to the broken piston.....

 

....dotDash had been dreaming again and had obviously never been told how helicopters were intrinsically unstable.

 

He'd pulled to much throttle and the R22 was rising fast, nose down, port side up towards a radio mast.

 

He jabbed right pedal, and the horizon moved. Now he was ass up and moving forward faster than he'd ever done before.

 

There was no problem with the mast now, it was the mayor's shiny new Calais which was front and centre.

 

dotDash hit the left pedal and the horizon spun again and now he was nose up and backing towards a wheat silo.

 

He cut the throttle..................................poor dotDash - he was about to become R2D2............

 

 

[ahlocks]

"Oh drat and botheration! Why did I change it from 'easy' mode. " Dotdash grumbled as he wildly fumbled through the options menu. "It's supposed to be as real as it gets, but all the silly thing wants to do is roll over and beat itself to death"

 

In other news; :ah_oh:

 

Police have discovered skeletal remains within the roof space of a local High school. While police have yet to formally identify the remains, they did confirm that it was possibly the winner of the 1956 Coolamon Hide and Seek championships.

 

============

 

Inspiration eludes McLoch in the garden today... i_dunno:crying:

 

 

[turboplanner]

Don't laugh, I had kids that did that.....and milked it for all it was worth.

 

 

[Tomo]

Don't laugh, I had kids that did that.....

That must have been a sad day Tubzzz! You "had" Kids! do you mean to say that they were victims of the hide an seek game and died an unfound death!!

 

Gees!! any one would think I'm an English teacher!

 

 

[turboplanner]

No they survived and grew up to become experts in extracting the last dollar out of their father.......

 

 

[Tomo]

Oh I see! But ain't that what Fathers are for?

 

That engine of yours seems to have its head screwed...stuck... on anyway, never seen one like that before, but I guess thats what happens if you run salt water through em'!

 

I pulled a piston out yesterday on a hilux ute 'cause it made a big bang and the owner stopped it then and there, which saved the day...! what it ended up being is the big end bolts that go through the con-rod, the top had sheered off, allowing for the piston to hit the head ever so slightly because it was now loose on the crank! good he stopped it when he did anyway.............!

 

===========

 

All's Dotdash could think about was getting this stabilized out and get some hight...(height rather!) so he doesn't hit nothing...eerr...anything! and that way he can fiddle around and get the gist of what it's like...... It's very similar to flying the thing on the sim, except my heart beat is probably I little higher!! remembering the human factors stuff, keep calm, other wise the memory goes out the window........ the attitude is looking a bit better, but the horizon is still spinning around........................

 

 

[turboplanner]

All's Dotdash could think about was getting this stabilized out and get some hight...(height rather!) so he doesn't hit nothing...eerr...anything! and that way he can fiddle around and get the gist of what it's like...... It's very similar to flying the thing on the sim, except my heart beat is probably I little higher!! remembering the human factors stuff, keep calm, other wise the memory goes out the window........ the attitude is looking a bit better, but the horizon is still spinning around........................

...it was at that moment that he forgot all about Flightsim, and applied just a touch of right pedal, the emus stopped runnning round and round Dalby, the ground came so sharply into focus that dotDash, who all in all would have preferred to be in his drifting, coul see the sheep droppings, and his heartbeat droped down from 253 to normal.

 

He looked around for his enemies, but heard rather than saw, the shrill whistling of a slovakian horror story, the inside of its canopy covered in spit, an exterior which would do justice to an outback dunny, oil globules handing down like dags on a sheep, and flying one wing low.

 

It did a chantelle and came straight for ditDot.....

 

 

[ahlocks]

...Chantelle was a lovely girl,:heart: and the rumours of her being 'did' was causing her reputation to be unjustly tarnished. :ah_oh: "Those recreational pilot types are rotters!" she exclaimed. "They fancy themselves as fighter aces, but couldn't make a tight 180 degree climbing turn, ending just above stall speed if they tried." :yin_yan:

 

"Dacron dart twelve o'clock!" called LovaK in his best pommy fighter ace voice.

 

"Spittle gun armed, Tally ho!"......

 

 

[Tomo]

....poor ditdot in his rushed preflight and accidental R22 flight, he forgot his spud gun:crying: which was still sitting next to his Drifting............:confused:

 

So he had to pull out his book of "what to do when a recycled beer can is spitting at you" information guide.... Ahhh great! just the thing, and I even have one with me........ quickly taking a sip before disposal of the water bottle, that's gonna be a water bomb in the minute.......

 

He's lines up on the same altitude as Mr Mclocks, (having mastered the old R22 pretty good by this time) and with a big grin:big_grin: (whilist dodging bits of moisture coming from beneath the tin can's canopy), open the window and throw the water bottle up into the rotors of the faithful R22.......... thwack! go's the rotor blade against the bottle, which in turn catapults it straight toward the slovakian piece of tin...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

He's lines up on the same altitude as Mr Mclocks, (having mastered the old R22 pretty good by this time) and with a big grin:big_grin: (whilist dodging bits of moisture coming from beneath the tin can's canopy) I carefully line up, open the window and throw the water bottle up into the rotors of the faithful R22.......... thwack! go's the rotor blade against the bottle, which in turn catapults it straight toward the slovakian piece of tin...............

 

Editor's Note: Tomo lines up for the Retort Hall of Fame, however a bit of advice - don't ever call him Mr, or he'll never get his canopy closed and he'll make our lives a misery.

 

 

[ahlocks]

"Hah! Missed 'er! " scoffed McLovaK ... :raise_eyebrow:

 

 

[turboplanner]

....dotDash had been too late taking the good advice given to him, and a fantastic opportunity went to waste - a bit like the Bay of Pigs invasion dreamt up by President Eisenhower.

 

Now he was in real trouble because the R22 began to oscillate......

 

[surely we have an R22 pilot on this site - look at all the people who contribute to stories about aerobatics; although they may get those skills on FS where everyone's a winner]

 

 

[Tomo]

Missed 'er?? sounds good, but if you were a side slicker from some public street.... you'd sound a bit Sheila'ish don't you thunk................

 

seeing that ditdot missed the Mclovackians beer can that's recycled... he had run out of fancy ideas to get this thing down.....!!

 

So using the 2-way radio, he called up his 'ol mate tubz to see if he could come up with some brain whacking breath takin away fandangled idea......?

 

Dotdash to Tubblett are you on channel Tubz?

 

 

[ahlocks]

Now he was in real trouble because the R22 began to oscillate......

Poor Thompson's vision was a blur once more!

 

For the water bottle carried just enough mass to slow his rotor and sent the lightweight 'flopter spinning around like a Dalby teenager's head at an airshow.

 

DashDot was getting a lesson in Newtons laws...

 

============

 

Side slicker? :confused:...must be a northern thing. :raise_eyebrow:

 

 

[turboplanner]

DashDot was getting a lesson in Newtons laws...

So using the 2-way radio, he called up his 'ol mate tubz to see if he could come up with some brain whacking breath takin away fandangled idea......?

 

Dotdash to Tubblett are you on channel Tubz?

 

said dotDash, using the hopeless vernacular common to Drifting Pilots.

 

On this occasion he was mistaken for a Client by the local knock shop which rented tubs by the hour.

 

Turbo immediately realised the problem and the terrible experience dotDash would suffer if that conversation got going and said (in formal radio suntax)

 

"Get over to Wagga Wagga, lure him in then pretend to be a series of RPT's inbound, he'll fly around for hours and then run out of fuel. When that happens, quickly pull a gate across the end of the runway and he'll come down short into the abattoirs holding yards"

 

Turbo gave the mixture control an ever so slight twitch, and sat back to watch. He had wing tanks.......

 

 

[Tomo]

Hang on a sec...! I'm not a normal R22 pilot, but something in me says I won't have enough go go juice to get to wagga wagga..! but never the mind, I'll lean it out, and try not to melt down half way......... so throttle to flat out, stick forward, and away we go on the race to wagga x2.........

 

Wagga Wagga Traffic

 

Helicopter Hotel Hotel Hotel

 

200 miles north (or there about's!!)

 

at 8,500 feet (better fuel economy you see)

 

Inbound for a straight in approach

 

ETA, 17:20

 

Wagga Wagga

 

 

[ahlocks]

Better revise that ETA dotDash. There's a howling northerly blowing down here..

 

 

[Tomo]

What!! how does that work? Northerly blowing down there... when up here there's a southerly?! And of the same velocity as well....

 

 

[Captain]

..... then came the reply.

 

All traffic in the Wagga CTAF.

 

This is a Dashy, established on a 300 mile downwind final, estimating into the circuit area (but we certainly aren't gunna fly one) at 17.19 ........ so fly pidgeon, fly andf set yourself free ........ and please stay north of the river until we stock up on pax's and head out again.

 

Then Ahlow chipped in ..............