The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

8 hours ago, Captain said:

as the original goals were shown using smoke signals).

.... hence the current scoring system styled after the original 6 puffs for a goal and 1 puff for a behind

[turboplanner]

which meant there were plenty of puffs in the average game and the goalies often ran out of puff. This was solved by using clapsticks.

Even today, clapsticks  from those early football games are used in the Ernie Dingo invented  welcome to country. The Aborigines had been shown how to make clapsticks by the First Explorers, the Spanish who own Australia.

When the first Aborigines landed in their canoes from India they noticed the Spaniards stamping and clicking their fingers, as they thought. When Morton askedd "What you doin there mate? a Spaniard said "trying to get rid of these XXXXXXX flies! and showed him the small set of clapsticks in his hand. "When we see ze fly we reach up, stun him with the clapsticks, then stamp on the XXXX" said Alfredo. This habit continued down the ages until the Aborigines were able to buy fly spray from the local supermarket, and continues today as a nice touch to the typical $750 Welcome to Country ceremony now used by a lot of Councils to save the overworked Mayors saying "Good afternoon Constituents" or ..................

[turboplanner]

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spanish woman removing flies from the entrance to a supermarket in Spain. Note the assistant blowing the dead ones away so customers don't bring squashed flies into the floor on their shoes.   Not also thet The Aborigines copied the stamping, but never realised what it was for because they didn't have supermarkets.

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

This habit continued down the ages until the Aborigines were able to buy fly spray from the local supermarket, and continues today as a nice touch to the typical $750 Welcome to Country ceremony now used by a lot of Councils to save the overworked Mayors saying "Good afternoon Constituents" and ............

...... this historic association between the Spanish & our aboriginal brothers led to the establishment of the chain of very popular Bush Tucka Tappas Bars (BTTBs) across Australia, where their ...... 

[turboplanner]

......lizard chucked on a fire diet had changed to Paellas and Tortillas and where Spanish words like "brother" and "deadly" were heard frequently. Dress code was......................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

......lizard chucked on a fire diet had changed to Paellas and Tortillas and where Spanish words like "brother" and "deadly" were heard frequently. Dress code was......................

..... high heeled boots and a bullfighter's outfit, with a few of those Shish Kabab things that they stick into the bull's neck to make them cranky.

 

On the other hand, the men often wore .......

[turboplanner]

......gun holsters; never guns. It implied they might be gunfighters who'd had their pieces confiscated at the door, and their Tortillas came twice as fast with all the hot sauces, and ..................

[Captain]

42 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......gun holsters; never guns. It implied they might be gunfighters who'd had their pieces confiscated at the door, and their Tortillas came twice as fast with all the hot sauces, and ..................

.... this led to the massive popularity of the WE WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER OFF IF WE HAD BEEN CONQUERED BY THE SPANISH movement, as everyone knows that Tappas is so much better for indigenous populations than is Steak & Kidney Pudding.

 

"If the Spaniards had ruled the roost here, we would have built huge temples in the Nullarbor jungle, just like the Mayans did" said Lydia "And that infers that .....

 

 

Edited February 20, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

On 20/02/2023 at 2:39 PM, Captain said:

.... this led to the massive popularity of the WE WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER OFF IF WE HAD BEEN CONQUERED BY THE SPANISH movement, as everyone knows that Tappas is so much better for indigenous populations than is Steak & Kidney Pudding.

 

"If the Spaniards had ruled the roost here, we would have built huge temples in the Nullarbor jungle, just like the Mayans did" said Lydia "And that infers that .....

 

 

(a) we would have got out of bed in the morning.

(b) we would have worked.

(c) our engineers would have been up to the task of designing Pyramids that didn't fall down

(d) we had invented the step in our 120,000 year history.

(e) we would have eaten Spanish roast instead of English style.

(f) The offering on the plate at the top of the pyramid every Sunday would have been a Cortez.

 

Lydia's audience which included Albo, who was after every vote, and four people from Yackandanda...........................

 

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Lydia's audience which included Albo, who was after every vote, and four people from Yackandanda..............

..... who were still protesting about the boys riding through their quiet little village on the way to and from Phillip Island for the MotoGP and the Superbikes.

 

Then Lydia continued "And that is why I stopped dating the head sherang of the Monguls one percenters until be renamed his bikie gang the Mayans, ....... and he did, of course, because he wanted more of my sweet .............

[onetrack]

.....corn, which he will die for at any time. As anyone with even modest knowledge of First Nations history should know, we Kooris were growing corn long before the Mayans, and the fact that anthropologists can't find any corn kermels in our ancient Koori campsites, only goes to show how bad their training is, because they're not trained to look for..........

[turboplanner]

.....the fertiliser; the BS we are famous for; find the BS and you'll find corn and our corny ................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....the fertiliser; the BS we are famous for; find the BS and you'll find corn and our corny ................

....... history is reflected in the manner in which we laser leveled the Nullabor hills using the rainbow grader to produce cornfields as far as the eye could see (that is why we had to kill every last one of the Diprotodons, because the useless big lumps were eating all of our corn).

 

Corn was also the basis for our dot paintings with each dot symbolizing each grain of corn after we took it off the cob (hence the name Cobb & Co, which was the 1st Aboriginal Travel Corporation (ATC ..... a bit like Flight Centre) and their staff were called 'Cobbers", a name that you took & used without paying reparations ...... and that is another example of where you white fellas have stolen from us.

 

[The 2 b's in Cobb means lots of corn ......... just like the 2 Ls in bull])."

 

As NESers can see Lydia is not only good in the .......

 

 

THE LAST ONE OF THE CORN GOBBLERS, ABOUT TO BE EXTINGUISHED

Edited February 24, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...... use of inventive language, but is careful to cater for the rainbow people who still exist today. The only real difference between those days when they used spears to get dinner is that today they use Landcruisers, and....

[onetrack]

......KFC stores. However, Lidia wasn't fazed by the opposition to her claims, in fact she went on a roll, speaking of how Colonel Harland Sanders actually got his ideas for 11 herbs and spices for his chicken from his visit to Australia in 1917, when he was employed as a steam engine stoker and he got to see the First Nations peoples in their native living conditions and actually tried the bush tucker he was offered.

Lidia claimed that the fact that KFC today tastes almost exactly like the bush tucker Col. Sanders ate in 1917 is testament to the skills and abilities of the FN peoples, which far surpass any vaunted European or Asian cook today, such as Adam Liaw, Curtis Stone, Gordon Ramsay, etc etc, and the only reason we don't have Bush Tucker fast food shops today is because........

[Captain]

6 hours ago, onetrack said:

and the only reason we don't have Bush Tucker fast food shops today is because........

..... "it's too hard digg'n up them grubs, eh, when you already got free Landcruiser?"

 

That and the fact that the Bush Tucka Aboriginal Cooperative has been in court for the past 26 years due to management infighting and a dispute between the mobs within the BTAC about who's turn it is to be boss cocky and how they are going to .........

Edited February 25, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....take over Sydney Harbour and charge a $750 launching fee for all boats, plus the required $750 Welcome to country ceremony, even though the chief who greeted the colonists said his people didn't want a treaty and they didn't want all this new ceremony fuss. "Give me a shank of roo passed through a fire and some blackberries for dessert, and that's all I want, and I am speaking also of my tribe." Sir Joseph Banks recorded the statement in case there were any problems in the coming centuries, and .............

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Sir Joseph Banks recorded the statement in case there were any problems in the coming centuries, and .......

..... Joe also recorded it on a wax cylinder (which Jim was cranking) that has recently been rediscovered and which will form part of Turbine, Turbine & Turbine's legal challenge in the really really high High Court to overturn the Mabo decision.

 

Turbo also plans to use his elevated position (he sits on a cushion in the throne on the left) in the House of Lords to overturn the high High Court's decision is necessary, because he reckons that ........

 

 

THAT'S TURBO, ABOUT HALF WAY DOWN, SITTING ON HIS CUSHION.

Edited February 26, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....in his own modest and thinking way, he has always managed to convince interested people that Mer is 176 km away from Australia and its airport beyond the reach of a well flown Tyro, and therefore belongs to Papua New Guinea which is closer from the days when the British sent a gunboat to stop the pointing the bone ceremonies Mer was famous for.

He cleverly convinced 56 Members of the House of Lords to fly to Mer, and chartered a Jetstar aircraft to take them there from Great Britain. The aircraft developed a technical fault, and Qantas agreed to fly in two mechanics some time in the next month, and by the time the British Prime Minister had been able to fly they all back five weeks later they were sixk of fruit bat soup, New Guinea opossum, and betel nuts, and in a single vote ...........

[Captain]

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....in his own modest and thinking way, he has always managed to convince interested people that Mer is 176 km away from Australia and its airport beyond the reach of a well flown Tyro, and therefore belongs to Papua New Guinea which is closer from the days when the British sent a gunboat to stop the pointing the bone ceremonies Mer was famous for.

He cleverly convinced 56 Members of the House of Lords to fly to Mer, and chartered a Jetstar aircraft to take them there from Great Britain. The aircraft developed a technical fault, and Qantas agreed to fly in two mechanics some time in the next month, and by the time the British Prime Minister had been able to fly they all back five weeks later they were sixk of fruit bat soup, New Guinea opossum, and betel nuts, and in a single vote ...........

..... they took the momentous decision to .....

[onetrack]

.....ensure that New Guinea opposum was placed on the Endangered and Threatened Species list, and thus would never appear on any menu in any civilised region, ever again.

 

However, this political decision meant little to the bone-pointers and legal system manipulators of Mer, and before long they were again........

[Captain]

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....ensure that New Guinea opposum was placed on the Endangered and Threatened Species list, and thus would never appear on any menu in any civilised region, ever again.

 

However, this political decision meant little to the bone-pointers and legal system manipulators of Mer, and before long they were again........

.... hitting up the Opossums (who are reasonably skint & really just happy to be alive each morning) for a back hander under the fashionable legal term of "reparations",  which, according to Turbo, means .....

Edited February 27, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......being skin in the most realistic way, but the Jetstar passengers had been there long enough to teach them to talk, and so they massed in the trees above the Mabo camp, and p!ssed all over them. As the Mavis ran in all directions the Opossums swung through the trees, and so when Turbine Opossum read out the reparation document.........

[onetrack]

.....there was no-one left within earshot to hear what he read out. Accordingly, Turbo added a substantial amount of extra information to what he read out, which wasn't in the document he was reading.

 

This additional information read out, was that Turbine Inc would be allocated the reparation funds initially, and the Mavis would then have to apply for whatever amount they sought, and state the reasons why they wanted those amounts.

 

In addition, the applications would need to be on paper documents (as computers and computer literacy had not yet reached the Mer), in quadruplicate, and signed and certified by a minimum of 4 JP's, Police Officers, or Postmasters. Turbo further explained this was all to do with ensuring minimum levels of fraud, and verifying the ID of each applicant.

 

Turbo went on - there was to be a fee of $150 included with each application for reparation monies, and this fee was to be in cash (not cowrie shells or kind), and it was also non-refundable if the application was refused. One thing Turbo did fail to mention in his reading, was that only ...........

[Captain]

6 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....there was no-one left within earshot to hear what he read out. Accordingly, Turbo added a substantial amount of extra information to what he read out, which wasn't in the document he was reading.

... just like he does in the NES.

 

6 hours ago, onetrack said:

Turbo went on - there was to be a fee of $150 included with each application for reparation monies, and this fee was to be in cash (not cowrie shells or kind), and it was also non-refundable if the application was refused. One thing Turbo did fail to mention in his reading, was that only .......

..... those with over $2 million in their self managed Super Funds might apply.

 

Turbo then went on with some interesting logic of how he was saving the Mer community from the clutches of Albo and little Jimmy C (Chalmers not Cook), and how .....