The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......certain members of his family as A's and once when Turbo asked what the acronym meant OT gave him a strange look and said "Aviators" in such a way that Turbo didn't know whether he meant it or not, but OT still refers to the QTPALQRSTU, and plenty of peope nod in recognition.

 

Turbo hit the phone to research the matter, and found the amazing truth, that would rock the WA establishment when.......................

 

Edited March 21, 2023 by turboplanner

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo hit the phone to research the matter, and found the amazing truth, that would rock the WA establishment when.............

...... he identified that there actually IS a WA Aviation Establishment (WAAE), which just added exponentially to the Amazing Truth that Turbo discovered, which was that .......

[turboplanner]

...., and this would turn the Aviation world on it's head. 

Western Australia was founded on the first day of June 1829, and Seamus O'Reilly Track was Citzen No 23, arriving on horseback from Sydney.

Seamus was a lateral thinker, and one of the first places he visited was the Noongar community where he went through the dump collecting various pieces of scrap; an earlier form of things the great Bunnings sells today. By June 27 he had built an aircraft,  and flew it north, discovering Geraldton, which had no fuel until it became a town in 1850. So he had to walk home, leaving the evidence behind, thus being beaten to the record of first flight by the Wright Bros in the US. However, what most people don't know is that the Geraldton locals towed it round and round the Community trying to make it fly, but of course without the prop turning, it couldn't reach flying speed, so they left it at the dump with all the other junk.

Of course the Track family knew that old Seamus was the first person not only to fly, but to make Geraldton from Perth without a GPS or compass. It wasn't until Jack Track, in 1948, on a Mining trip through Geraldton came across the old dump and...........................

[Captain]

17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Of course the Track family knew that old Seamus was the first person not only to fly, but to make Geraldton from Perth without a GPS or compass. It wasn't until Jack Track, in 1948, on a Mining trip through Geraldton came across the old dump and............

...... where our own beloved OneTrack had been dumped, Moses-like in the bullrushes ...... except in WA there is bugger all papyrus, so they use Caltrop (which is why OT is sometimes called "CatHead" by Turbo, Crappy, bull and his other close mates) and is still extracting the prongs from his flip-flops all these years later.

 

Given the above, NESers can readily understand why the Geraldton dump has been deified and highlighted by the WA Tourism Department as a "must visit", prior to seeing .......

Edited March 21, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

............The Lang Hancock Exhibition, which has no souvenir shop and takes six months in a caravan to see, or ................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

............The Lang Hancock Exhibition, which has no souvenir shop and takes six months in a caravan to see, or ................

...... the beach at Monkey Mia, where OT entertained the crowd by performing his fabled Pilchard and Sourdough Feeding-of-the-Multitude stunt in 2 shows per day + a Matinee on Saturday and then a fair dinkum miracle on Sundays after he strolled across the surface to feed the dol..........

[bull]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

...... the beach at Monkey Mia, where OT entertained the crowd by performing his fabled Pilchard and Sourdough Feeding-of-the-Multitude stunt in 2 shows per day + a Matinee on Saturday and then a fair dinkum miracle on Sundays after he strolled across the surface to feed the dol..........

.........dolled up trannies as they all gathered for the unveiling of the first aircraft to fly,,, the "SOT"     [Seamus O'Reilly Track] special,having been retrieved by Turdo, from the before mentioned dump.  The commotion caused all the ................

Edited March 22, 2023 by bull

[turboplanner]

.........dolphins to go into a frenzy, biting every leg they could find, with the Mayor of Monkey Mia calling to them, saying "NICE Dolphins, nice dolphins...OWWW you XXXX!"

 

Everyone ran out of the water bleeding, and Turbo and Cappy had to quickly perform the First Aid they learned on the Khyber Pass to stop the bleeding.

 

Eventually everyone settled down.

 

Cappy, who was renowned in his industry for his upbeat (some would say stretched) approach to new ventures announced that when they had soaked all the parts in molasses for three weeks until all the rust dissolved, they found they had an aircraft which weighed two tonnes. Cappy had applied to RAA for a weight extension, and RAA had confirmed the CASA was considering it. Happy murmuiring broke out among the crowd with one of them suggesting they may be able to carry passengers for reward too.

 

Eventually the speeches were over and it was time to start the engine and fly. After some coughs and belches of smoke the engine settled down into a rumble, and Turbo announced Cappy would be the pilot, since One Track had been overcome with emotion (he had found the original test notes leading up to the first flight).

 

Cappy's hair was sitting flat like a dog about to be forced into the bath, belying the tight smile on his face, but he couldn't get out of it.

 

He pushed the polished Mulga throttle handle...................................

 

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He pushed the polished Mulga throttle handle...........

..... to the .....

[CT9000]

.....stop and the 14 litre Cummins engine roared into life......

[Captain]

5 hours ago, CT9000 said:

.....stop and the 14 litre Cummins engine roared into life......

...... and said in his usually understated manner "There is a chance that this flight might make AUF history, so does somebody have a video camera and a rabbit's foot?"

 

"I sell rabbit's feet (although some are still a little blood-stained" volunteered CT, who was always out to make a quid and capitalize on ............

[turboplanner]

...........his windfall.

Cappy thought for a while, realised he could make money on them and bought three.

He then determinedly pushed the mulga ("Pushing the Mulga" was to become an aviation standard for years to come) stick to WOT, and the aircraft lurched into the air.

Astute readers will note that the aircraft has no name. Seamus Track, Like Michael O'Reilly had that inbred fault of incompletion. O'Reilly of course invented the telephone years before Alexander Graham Bell. His mistake was that he only made one, and he rang and rang all day and never got an answer.

The thousands of AUF members present dreamed of starting airlines with this aircraft, maybe even conducting International flights to New Zealand.

Then the airctraft demonstrated one of its ...................................

[bull]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...........his windfall.

Cappy thought for a while, realised he could make money on them and bought three.

He then determinedly pushed the mulga ("Pushing the Mulga" was to become an aviation standard for years to come) stick to WOT, and the aircraft lurched into the air.

Astute readers will note that the aircraft has no name. Seamus Track, Like Michael O'Reilly had that inbred fault of incompletion. O'Reilly of course invented the telephone years before Alexander Graham Bell. His mistake was that he only made one, and he rang and rang all day and never got an answer.

The thousands of AUF members present dreamed of starting airlines with this aircraft, maybe even conducting International flights to New Zealand.

Then the aircraft demonstrated one of its ...................................

.inherent capabilities by................ 

Edited March 23, 2023 by bull

[Captain]

5 hours ago, bull said:

.inherent capabilities by................ 

..... being overweight and having no location for the charts or ERSA (and bloody hard to get W&B right with a 14 litre Cummins up front), which the Ramp Check disclosed to be ......

[turboplanner]

....."out to lunch" on a couple of cylinders, cylinders now needed because a gust of wind had flipped the aircraft upside down and it was arcing down to the ground, the corners of Cappy's moustache whipping dangerously close to his eyes. The corrugated iron fuselage was making oil can noises and.................

[Captain]

28 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....."out to lunch" on a couple of cylinders, cylinders now needed because a gust of wind had flipped the aircraft upside down and it was arcing down to the ground, the corners of Cappy's moustache whipping dangerously close to his eyes. The corrugated iron fuselage was making oil can noises and.................

...... it was at that precise time that the natural Cappy skill, supreme effort, pluck & determination kicked in as he just proceeded with his usual low pass for which he has received numerous AUF Awards on the dark web where most crusty old AUF members hang out.

 

One of Crappy's particular skills is to make his low passes underneath Earth Return Wires (ERWs) on his mate's farms, and he has been asked to teach this skill at the Cropduster's Annual Convention (the CAC), but Cappy thinks that those posers in their Turbine Air Tractors are just not ............

Edited March 24, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...cut out for this type of manouvre. Most of them have joined MOCAS, an association where people can have a moan at anyone they choose, the most popular being .............

[Captain]

On 24/03/2023 at 5:49 PM, turboplanner said:

...cut out for this type of manouvre. Most of them have joined MOCAS, an association where people can have a moan at anyone they choose, the most popular being .............

..... the lack of aviation references in the NES, the lack of accidents in the Accident & Incident section of WF, and the lack of diversity in the NES (but how can the NES be more diverse & inclusive as it makes allowance by including a Sand Monkey, a Taswegian and a couple of Mextorian Dan Lovers (MDLs).

 

The Chairmanship of MOCAS was divided equally between Kevin Rudd & Malcolm Turnbull and together they made .....

Edited March 25, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......CASA's life a misery.

Both fliers had The Right Stuff; they were expert whiners.

 

Not many people know that Turnbull & Rudd wrote a sarcastic video clip after a CASA DAME knocked Turnbull back on the grounds of colours and Rudd for his voice box. Rudd had exploded into Mandarin when asked to cough and the DAME felt that might be difficult to understand on the Radio.

 

Here's the clip in its later form where a musical was built around it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ljm9CDRAhMQ

 

They wounded CASA to the point where CASA inported ace FOI Blake from the UK. He'd had experience dealing with poms and it was felt he could round up Turnbull and Rudd, but ...........................

[Captain]

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turnbull & Rudd

It is little known that these 2 were the inspiration for Turbo selecting his TurdBro name.

[Captain]

30 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

He'd had experience dealing with poms and it was felt he could round up Turnbull and Rudd, but ..

..... Stan decided to play tricks on him, although Mavis thought Blakey was worth a bit of effort to get horizontal (avref) & would certainly be an improvement on .....

Edited March 25, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....Cappy who kept getting distracted, and Cappy realising his peril refocused and pushed the stick forward, climbing out from under the ERW and righting the aorcraft as he made altitude. He brought it down on the strip as light as a feather.

 

This aircraft was about to become the backbone of AUF. its maintenance simply to walk around the engine with an oil can when you felt like it and ..................

[onetrack]

....check the engine mounts for stress fractures, as it wasn't unknown for the Cummins to tear itself from the airframe under injudicious use of WOT. However, the important thing that was left out of the POH was the specific location required for the positioning of the lucky rabbits feet (even though it's quite ironic, that a rabbit that's lost its feet, isn't very lucky at all - and rabbits that live in the DG region and within reach of CT's armaments, are even unluckier).

The lucky rabbits feet had to be oriented in the finest Feng Shui traditions, to assist with aircraft sales to Asian clients. This procedure involved facing the.......

[Captain]

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

its maintenance simply to walk around the engine with an oil can

....... to catch the flow/flood of the drips.

 

24 minutes ago, onetrack said:

The lucky rabbits feet had to be oriented in the finest Feng Shui traditions, to assist with aircraft sales to Asian clients. This procedure involved facing the......

...... east, reciting the DG Anthem and the Progress Association Pledge, wiping the oil of your boots, and inserting the lucky rabbit's foot (the LRF) into your own ............ 

[turboplanner]

.........shoes.

Since everyone has different size shoes it produced a different result for every pilot.

For example with Turbo's shoes, the 95th percentile male shoe size, the aircraft would fly in a stable condition. With Cappy's wide but short shoes, it would fly to the right. With One Track's shoes it would fly severely left and with Planey's shoes it finished up in the pond in the pig pen where ..............