The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

..........mind, such was his quiet charm. His pickup line "How are you off for capitals?" tripped them up every time and ..........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

..........mind, such was his quiet charm. His pickup line "How are you off for capitals?" tripped them up every time and ..........

..... they would look at bull, some with disdain but every now and then one looked with passion.

 

if you don't ask you dont know said bull

 

"I like his understated manner and lack of capitals, plus his lack of punctilliation is a real turn-on" commented the Elle McPherson lookalike "It makes me go all gooy and I just want to "take" bull, in the nicest possible way, and .......

[turboplanner]

.....and she proceeded to take off bull, when he was the Comedian at the Bowen RSL and had everyone rolling about on the floor with the segment on how he lost his capitals at a Two Up game, and they were wetting themselves when she imitated him flying his Tyro, but when she .................

[Captain]

48 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....and she proceeded to take off bull, when he was the Comedian at the Bowen RSL and had everyone rolling about on the floor with the segment on how he lost his capitals at a Two Up game, and they were wetting themselves when she imitated him flying his Tyro, but when she .................

..... added an adlib into the routine that she entered the circuit crosswind at 350 ft (how was she to know that this was "the AUF rebels way of sticking it up the establishment"), the off-duty CASA dude in the audience jumped up and yelled ......

Edited April 3, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........."Gotcha!" but she went off with bull and his bulging arm muscles ......................

[bull]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........."Gotcha!" but she went off with bull and his bulging arm muscles ......................

..........and his other very well known and very large body part ! And what part would that be exclaimed Mable [who was sitting down the back and suddenly stood up] i,ve known Bull for over 40 years and he definitely does not have a...........

[onetrack]

......big bum, because I've seen him bare-arsed and totally drunk at the Denny B&S ball, where bull made everyone laugh themselves hysterical when he tried to copy Cappys walk and talk, and he simply looked like a.........

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, onetrack said:

......big bum, because I've seen him bare-arsed and totally drunk at the Denny B&S ball, where bull made everyone laugh themselves hysterical when he tried to copy Cappys walk and talk, and he simply looked like a.........

..... a poor decrepit version of the diety around Denni that is your beloved Cappy.

 

The previous marketing slogan for that area was 'Do It In Deni" and while Cappy is normally a modest type, he can confirm that he has, indeed, done it there.

 

As for big bums, well, that is another story which involved numerous sheep, a fox, 3 Angus steers and a ...............

[bull]

11 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... a poor decrepit version of the diety around Denni that is your beloved Cappy.

 

The previous marketing slogan for that area was 'Do It In Deni" and while Cappy is normally a modest type, he can confirm that he has, indeed, done it there.

 

As for big bums, well, that is another story which involved numerous sheep, a fox, 3 Angus steers and a ...............

.very confused kangaroo,,,story go,s that Cappy had .................

[onetrack]

.....never done it with a Kangaroo, even though he had done it 3 times in Denni. "Do you have to jump in tandem with the Kangaroo?", inquired Mavis, who was completely mystified why Cappy would want to do it with a Kangaroo. "No, you don't need to jump along with the Kangaroo", said Cappy, "But it does help if you wear your.........

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.....never done it with a Kangaroo, even though he had done it 3 times in Denni. "Do you have to jump in tandem with the Kangaroo?", inquired Mavis, who was completely mystified why Cappy would want to do it with a Kangaroo. "No, you don't need to jump along with the Kangaroo", said Cappy, "But it does help if you wear your.........

... Oscar Pistorius springy legs, as that confuses the Kangaroo after you take it to dinner and .......

 

 

CAPPY, BEFORE HE GOT HIMSELF REALLY FIT, DOING HIS OSCAR MOVES WHILE TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM THE ROO, AFTER SHE HAD PAID FOR DINNER AND THE PLONK

Edited April 4, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....so the Captain in his own nefarious way had managed to disclose publicly the new Turbine Aircraft Safe Undercarriage (TASU).

Designed specifically for the recretional market which, as we know, can't make forced landings to save themselves this undercarriage [avref]  will save you if your engine cuts out and you decide to glide to the only tree in the paddock; just slap it down hard and it will bounce over the tree. Fences aren't a problem, just slap it down hard and you're over the fence. Rough landings aren't a problem, it just bounces off again, and there are four legs eliminating the tiresome old farts that still long for the days when they could weathercock off the runway and into a ditch. Pilots who had been telling everyone how smooth and precise they were for years were placing advance orders in the hundreds, but .....................

[Captain]

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Fences aren't a problem, just slap it down hard and you're over the fence. Rough landings aren't a problem, it just bounces off again, and there are four legs eliminating the tiresome old farts that still long for the days when they could weathercock off the runway and into a ditch. Pilots who had been telling everyone how smooth and precise they were for years were placing advance orders in the hundreds, but ...........

........... the crusty old AUF types took a step back when Cirrus decided to flick their parachute system for a TASU under each new aircraft (avref).

 

They had tested a TASU WITH the chute, but the S22 boinged up again into the chute, so efficiently thst it wrapped itself up like the metallic wrapper on a Wagga kabab, so the test pilot took a week to cut himself out.

 

"We definitely prefer the TASU to the Chute as a solution" said the bloke from Cirrus, plus Elon Musk bought 2500 TASUs for use on the moon when he .......

[turboplanner]

....was sceduled to land there, but as usual Elon had got it backwards, and during the first trip (Elon does secret trials for everything now)  one of the Elonaughts [newAVREF] boinged up to Jupiter; Elong should have supplied them with suction cups or..................

[Captain]

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....was sceduled to land there, but as usual Elon had got it backwards, and during the first trip (Elon does secret trials for everything now)  one of the Elonaughts [newAVREF] boinged up to Jupiter; Elong should have supplied them with suction cups or..................

....... a weight belt made from Tesla batteries.

 

Then Elong, who was usually a bit slow and unable to develop new concepts, thought of a great business opportunity "I shall invite Turbine Fun Parks (Turbo is one of the few people whose intellect can keep up with mine) to install a new whiz-bang Park on the moon, specializing in Boinging and we will use the lack of gravity (avref) to make cash (necessaryforanavref) .... or as I so often put it scientifically "<G = $" and people will pay us a motza to boing from the Moon to Jupiter and then I'll charge them an exorbitant fee to bring them back in my new ........

Edited April 5, 2023 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....Boing interstellar spacecraft. "But if it's a Boing, is it 100% reliable?", asked the ditzy blonde at the front of the assembled crowd. "After all, we wouldn't want to be travelling in a Boing that crashed, because the pilots couldn't understand what it was doing!"

 

"Never fear", said Elon as he eyeballed the curvy blonde and made a note to get her phone number (Elon's not slow on the pickups). "This Boing has no relationship to the Boings that went Boing back on Earth! This one was designed almost solely by me, so it flies and keeps flying, even when the pilots don't know what it's doing!"

 

"Ooohh!", said the blonde breathlessly, "I had no idea you were so smart you could design an interstellar space vehicle, all by yourself!?" "Lady", said Elon with his trademark silly grin, "You could say that......

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

"Ooohh!", said the blonde breathlessly, "I had no idea you were so smart you could design an interstellar space vehicle, all by yourself!?" "Lady", said Elon with his trademark silly grin, "You could say that......

...... that I am the designer of the ISV, and you would be right, but do you also know that I invented and designed the IUD, and I am just the one to provide a personal fitting if you have the ........

[turboplanner]

.....GOC to BVA.

This was getting out of the blonde's comfort zone; a bit like the average Tesla driver on Autopilot when she realised the car has been driving up the nature strip for the last 30 km and has driven through 27 red lights.

Elon turned his attention to the rapidly expanding Turbine TASUMANIA LTD. "I can build you a Big Battery to power all your production" he said.

"You mean like the BIG battery that powers South Australia for 40 minutes" replied Turbo.

"Yes" said Elon nervously wondering if Turbo had found out about him buying 6,000 AA batteries from Coles North Adelaide, then just connecting them in series.

"I know about the Coles deal" said Turbo ......................

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

"I know about the Coles deal" said Turbo ...........

..... and Elon relaxed because he thought that Turbo was referring to the old saying "You've been taking Coles to Newcastle", so he assumed that the normally blank look on Turbo's face was his usually unsuspicious, laid-back, Aussie attitude, but Elon had misjudged Turdboy (you don't get a Corvette and a bevy of aircraft by being a dill) who is actually as smart as a whip(pet) and intellectually well ahead of the game (Turdy had actually designed self-landing (avref) 1st stage boosters (sortofavref) and a Falcon 9 rocket back in 1974 but when he took the designs over the Florida (after 4 days living the high life at Disneyland [Turbo always fancied Mickey's chick, Minni and was out to "get" her ..... only to be disappointed when he went the grope and there was a 60 year old Mexican bloke inside the costume]), NASA looked at all of the designs and told Turdy to bite his .......

Edited April 5, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

bum. That was in the day when they were sending people into space and people took notice of them, and Turbine then focused on selling space technology to rich people, and today there is a Turbine takeoff somewhere around the world every 47 minutes. Many of them just drop back to earth, but hey, it's a numbers game and .................

[Captain]

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

bum. That was in the day when they were sending people into space and people took notice of them, and Turbine then focused on selling space technology to rich people, and today there is a Turbine takeoff somewhere around the world every 47 minutes. Many of them just drop back to earth, but hey, it's a numbers game and .................

...... as long as they crash (avref) very hard (groundref), the money is in the bank and the company is registered in the name of a bean-counter called Luigi Turbini on a small atoll in the south pacific (Turbo had been hoping that Global Warming would submerge the accountant's office ..... and the accountant) and has been doing his best, via burnouts in his Vette in Lygon St, to make it happen, however ......

Edited April 5, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......Turbini Island, refused to be swamped by the IPCC Ocean level dictated by the United Nations which wouldn't be quite so united if they knew what was going on.

For an IPCC licence fee Turbini Island was included in the World Ocean Recording System Tippingpoint. (WORST).

In 2005 the IPCC had installed Measuring Poles around the coast to a height where the ocean would cover them in 2019, but ................

[Captain]

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......Turbini Island, refused to be swamped by the IPCC Ocean level dictated by the United Nations which wouldn't be quite so united if they knew what was going on.

For an IPCC licence fee Turbini Island was included in the World Ocean Recording System Tippingpoint. (WORST).

In 2005 the IPCC had installed Measuring Poles around the coast to a height where the ocean would cover them in 2019, but ................

...... as always, there was a 13 year window until the sky would fall in ..... or in this case the Island would flood.

 

"Flood schmud" said Luigi "After all, watta ya gunna doo" so he used the poles to practice his footy with an intent to join the Freo Dockers or whatever rainbow serpent name they were using at the time ............ and if Freo itself wasn't inundated by rising sea levels.

 

It is little known that the Turbini name is the Pacific Island is equivalent of the Rioli clan, with many generations of great football heritage. Tony Turbini had played with Hawthorn, Turbo Turbini hadn't made the team but still plays with himself, and Harry Turbini specialised in ............

Edited April 5, 2023 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....extracting himself from the crumpled cabins of Turbine e-Drifters (avref), after the extension cord pulled out of the 3-pin wall socket, and the e-Drifter ran out of power and crashed.

 

Harry Turbini became world-renowned for these kind of exploits, but his greatest escape exploit was after he was found guilty of defrauding shareholders in the Turbini Inc corporation, and sent to Risdon Prison, Harry managed to squeeze out of a 75mm window gap, faster than you could say "Turbo ripoff", and when he was asked how he achieved this amazing feat, he replied, "It's easy, once you've been a .........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

.....extracting himself from the crumpled cabins of Turbine e-Drifters (avref), after the extension cord pulled out of the 3-pin wall socket, and the e-Drifter ran out of power and crashed.

 

Harry Turbini became world-renowned for these kind of exploits, but his greatest escape exploit was after he was found guilty of defrauding shareholders in the Turbini Inc corporation, and sent to Risdon Prison, Harry managed to squeeze out of a 75mm window gap, faster than you could say "Turbo ripoff", and when he was asked how he achieved this amazing feat, he replied, "It's easy, once you've been a .........

.... Turbini you will always been a slippery customer.

 

"I also learnt from bull, because a faked being crook and got heaps of sympathy and free fresh fruit" added Harry, or Hazza to his close mates.

 

Harry, like his nephew Turdboy, also had an eye for the .......