The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

..........gaps in business, for example noticing that whenever you went into a fish and chip shop you always got fish and chips, and whenever you went into a  hardware shop they could never find the bolt you wanted or althought they had the bolt they were out of nuts. "You wouldn't be eating chips if  bulls were out of nuts" exploded Turbo one day to the smug dude in the white apron. So Joshua Turbine built Colonel Hexagon Nut and Hardware Emporiums throughout the United State, and sold the Australian franchise to a WA Chinese who'd landed in Robe with all the other Chinese and had no sense of direction, so he walked west instead of east to the Ballarat and Bendigo Goldfields and made a fortune selling dim sims to the people of Perth. His name was Bun Ning .................................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

So Joshua Turbine built Colonel Hexagon Nut and Hardware Emporiums throughout the United State, and sold the Australian franchise to a WA Chinese who'd landed in Robe with all the other Chinese and had no sense of direction, so he walked west instead of east to the Ballarat and Bendigo Goldfields and made a fortune selling dim sims to the people of Perth. His name was Bun Ning ..........

....... who cooperated closely with a Farmer named Wes, and together they .........

[onetrack]

......decided that the hardware business needed to be enlarged to cover aviators needs. Accordingly, they decided to stock glues, wheels, hoses, tapes, nut and bolts, plus about 20 other "generally useful" items that could be used interchangeably with either home and garden use, automotive use, or aviation use.

 

As soon as Alan Joyce came to the rapid realisation there were more massive potential cost savings to be made in commercial aviation by going to Bun Nings for aircraft components and supplies (besides having the pax stand up), he was soon sending Qantas LAME's and other staff down to Bun Nings, to source the necessary supplies to keep the ancient tired fleet of Qantas B737's going.

 

But it was only when a CASA operative - who was doing a rare ramp check on one of the Q B737's (mostly because he'd booked a seat to Longreach and was spending his waiting time examining the "nuts and bolts" of the B737) - found a washer marked with a Bun Nings price tag, that he was alerted to the.................

 

Edited April 7, 2023 by onetrack

[bull]

23 hours ago, Captain said:

.... Turbini you will always been a slippery customer.

 

"I also learnt from bull, because a faked being crook and got heaps of sympathy and free fresh fruit" added Harry, or Hazza to his close mates.

 

Harry, like his nephew Turdboy, also had an eye for the .......

disclaimer"i never got any fruit!

 

[Captain]

51 minutes ago, bull said:

disclaimer"i never got any fruit!

 

Disclaimer Explainer...... You have been conned mate. You are always given fruit when you are crook, and your family always scoff it down when you are asleep or unconscious. Family cannot be trusted on this issue. 

[turboplanner]

.... possible non-compliance of the aircraft.

He pulled out his pen, but before he could write anything he noticed the faces and hands of 15 people in the windows poking their tongues out, and giving him signs the way Soccer fans do when the game's not going his way. He notoced another 10 with heads down clearly using their electronic devices illegally and was about to put that first when the phone rang. It was the Minister "What are you DOING!" he blustered in half-Aboriginal. "We've gone to No 1 on Facebook as enemies of all Pilots, Aircraft Companies and nwo passengers who are now calling you a XXXX and me worse!". The CASA FOI held up his sheet and face-timed it to the Minister. "I've got nothing on the sheet!" The Minister Called a Press Conference supporting all FOI's and won substantial support from the public, who joined in and ......................

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Minister Called a Press Conference supporting all FOI's and won substantial support from the public, who joined in and .............

..... all said, in unison, "We love the Govt being involved in our lives, We stand with Dan/Albo/Vladimir/Xi/Edi/Adolph/Kim/Jacinda/Joe/Kamala/Penny/Chris/MarkyMark/The DweebWhoRunsTheGreens (Cross out those that do not apply) and give us free money)".

 

When CASA saw this reaction, they decided that it was time to make their move to take over the supervision of Motor Vehicles generally nationwide and restructured their most obnoxious staff to be part of CASA MkII, as the acronym stands for Cars Attract Special Attention and ramp checks were implemented at every Servo, Home & stoplight ................. with imported red go-fast American sports cars receiving special vitriol.

 

"Your street directory is out of date" was their favourite and attracted a $25 fine because it applied to 95% of the vehicles checked, and the public was so meek, particularly in Mextoria, that the CASA (MkII) people (sic) could be even more obnoxiousable, before ........

Edited April 7, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....throwing the Street Directory at you.

Next they started carrying six guns on their hips and wearing fluoro jodhpurs.

Then came the "aviator' sunglasses.

All of this made them a bit obvious when they walked into the truckstops for free coffee.

Now we know that a truck stop restaurant can be a dangerous place to stand up and say "Truckies are GAY [ORIGINAL WORD STRUCK OUT - MOD BULL)

The CASA IIs had been renamed Cockatoos in Goondiwindi within 45 minutes of the first crew entering the first roadhouse out of Mebourne, such is the power of the CB., and they were waiting for them at the BP Goondiwindi with a Prickly Pear Welcome. It .............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Next they started carrying six guns on their hips

SIDE COMMENT - Which is a lot of guns for a short-arsed, overweight, obnoxious and opinionated CASA FOI (these are just the sort of people who would knock off grapes while alongside someone's deathbed .... or even when you have an ingrowing toenail), but it did boost their already inflated egos.

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

The CASA IIs had been renamed Cockatoos in Goondiwindi within 45 minutes of the first crew entering the first roadhouse out of Mebourne, such is the power of the CB., and they were waiting for them at the BP Goondiwindi with a Prickly Pear Welcome. It .........

... wasn't pretty, but a fair crowd turned up to ......

[turboplanner]

......taunt the "Fluoro Fairies" as they called them, and it wasn't long before the ex CASA people, used to intimidating the more effeminate flyers.....................................

[Captain]

54 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......taunt the "Fluoro Fairies" as they called them, and it wasn't long before the ex CASA people, used to intimidating the more effeminate flyers.....................................

....... , dragged themselves up to their full height and yelled with a lithp "We are highly offended by what is being done with those Cacti and .......

Edited April 7, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......those nasty non-inclusive, bullying words"

The Stock Transport Association members unleashed their cattle dogs on the Fluoro C.A.S.A FOIs, and these were the meanest mongrels on earth with teeth the size of steak knives and claws that could just about disembowel an unsuspecting jackaroo. The Fluoros ran for Moree, not realising how far it was ...........

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......those nasty non-inclusive, bullying words"

The Stock Transport Association members unleashed their cattle dogs on the Fluoro C.A.S.A FOIs, and these were the meanest mongrels on earth with teeth the size of steak knives and claws that could just about disembowel an unsuspecting jackaroo. The Fluoros ran for Moree, not realising how far it was ...........

...., so they pulled up outside the Tait Toyota dealership to have a typical CASA meeting.

 

"Does anyone have any paper cuts or other personal safety concerns or examples of where you have been offended, that they wish to report?" asked the guy who had the seniority.

 

Four hours later he moved on to agenda item 2.

 

"Who wants to bend over first to have the PP spines pulled out of their clacker, but more importantly, surely there is somebody else that we can blame for this and who can we persecute to make us all feel better?"

 

That is when the car washing bloke from Taits leant over the fence and said "...............

[onetrack]

.....if you want assistance in getting those nasty PP spines out, I've got a good pair of genuine Toyota pliers from 1964 here. They're sort of like a family heirloom, so if you borrow them, make sure you look after them, and give them back to me, in an undamaged condition".

 

The CASA FOI's decided they had to have another meeting to decide on this offer, and one of the FOI's immediately suggested there could be safety issues involved in using uncertified pliers, particularly as there was obviously no log book with them - and anyone could have used them for any illegal purpose (including repairing fences - God Forbid), prior to the CASA FOI's receiving them.

 

As a result, after further considerable discussion, and with regard to the legal and safety issues raised, it was decided that the offer must be refused - as who knows where the use of foreign pliers of unknown quality and history, would lead to?

 

It was then decided that a reply to the offer had to be in writing, with copies to all personnel who could have even been remotely considering using a pair of unregistered and uncertified pliers - and a warning would be attached to the reply, stating that under Act, covered by Section 113A, (b), and paragraph 4, it would be a contravention of.........

[turboplanner]

......the standard letter writing protocol which dictated that ...............

[Captain]

56 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......the standard letter writing protocol which dictated that ...............

..... letters should only be written once a letter of approval was obtained from Canberra.

 

Further, it was an edict that no letter should be written, considered or drafted without the full Paper Cut Safety Protocol (the PCSP) being put in place, as defined in the major OH&S Document, which nobody had actually seen in hard copy because of the paper cut danger (PCD) and even digital copies had a warning attached for Keyboard Fingertip Bruising (KFBs), Tablet RSI (TRSI) and smart (or dumb) phone brain injury risks (BIRs).

 

This latter potential BIR injury has never actually been proven because the investigations (under the CASA ACT subclause 35,679.(B).56429,(d).12) of 5 subcommittees (5SCs) had stalled when trying to define a Male and Female Brain (M&FB), then to actually find an employee that was not on a sickie or stress leave, who could actually .........

Edited April 8, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....provide a brain for study. In the end they took a shortcut and used a sheep's brain, and this led to the legislation known as Section 52A, Baa Baa ...................................

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....provide a brain for study. In the end they took a shortcut and used a sheep's brain, and this led to the legislation known as Section 52A, Baa Baa ...................................

.....which caused consternation, and even worse, in the Namoi Valley town (& grass strip) of Baan Baa.

 

"CASA are taking the p*ss" said the Prez of the Baan Baa International Flying Club "As they well know that .....

Edited April 8, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....we will now be referred to as having the same brains as sheep.

"Baa haa haaa" laughed the Secretary, and received the death stare.

Baan Baa had, in fact, been named after ............

 

[bull]

On 07/04/2023 at 11:16 AM, Captain said:

Disclaimer Explainer...... You have been conned mate. You are always given fruit when you are crook, and your family always scoff it down when you are asleep or unconscious. Family cannot be trusted on this issue. 

That explains why i had to walk down 6 floors to the coffee shop to eat a dried out sausage roll!

 

[Captain]

12 hours ago, bull said:

That explains why i had to walk down 6 floors to the coffee shop to eat a dried out sausage roll!

 

G'day bull and glad to see that you can still walk. Is that the same coffee shop where all the sick people struggle down to get to, so that they can have a durry outside in the cold? (And perhaps even try to crack onto the sick lady also having a smoke?)

Edited April 9, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....we will now be referred to as having the same brains as sheep.

"Baa haa haaa" laughed the Secretary, and received the death stare.

Baan Baa had, in fact, been named after ............

 

.... Sir Baanard Turbine who was a Baarister (and Tyro owner) with chambers in Gunnedah and Boggabri (so he was in the big league), specializing in getting AUF type off charges that he considered were obviously ..........

Edited April 9, 2023 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....trumped up. However, there came the day when he was mistaken by OT for a Barista, instead of a Baarister - and he was ordered to fetch a coffee for bull, who was obviously seriously deprived of good drinks and food, as a result of his hospital stay. 

 

Sir Baanard Turbine decided he'd go along with the obvious joke, and got up to try and operate the La Marzocco coffee machine. But he was dazzled by all the levers and chrome and buttons, and soon realised he was out of his depth, and all his legal training was useless as a substitute for proper and thorough Barista training.

 

Accordingly, he sat down again, without getting the coffee. By this stage, both OT and bull were becoming irate, as it appeared to them, this Barista was nothing but a..........

 

Edited April 9, 2023 by onetrack

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

Accordingly, he sat down again, without getting the coffee. By this stage, both OT and bull were becoming irate, as it appeared to them, this Barista was nothing but a........

..... low paid, low quality. low rent trainee from Mackas.

 

"Please wait in the drive thru bays and I'll get the order to you asap" said Sir Baanard (who knew all the lingo from the Boggabri Mackas when he would work late to save the license of an AUF member, and the Golden Arches crew would still be unable to get his order to him before he ......

Edited April 9, 2023 by Captain