The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......fell asleep, and he would wake up to find fries all over him, patties down his shirt, and a pickle ..................

[Captain]

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......fell asleep, and he would wake up to find fries all over him, patties down his shirt, and a pickle ..................

.... in both nostrils. 

 

"Apologies Tubb" said Sir Baanard "But with my failing eyesight, on 1st reading, I thought your post said 'panties down his shirt', which is infinitely more preferable to what ....

[turboplanner]

....you described as Patties."

Sir Baanard's failing eyesight also missed the message from one of Cappy's cousins "Ratty" McRat, who'd announced he was flying in on his electric Drifter.

 

The McRat family were the Scottish branch of the Captain Cook lineage.

 

The McRats had fought the Cooks at the Battle of Culloden, and all had returned allive, thanks to the family trait of poor eyesight. No one scored a hit.

Old Captain James Cook McRat had said to them "Ye'll go blaind if you keep doing thart", but they didn't listen to him.

 

"Ratty" called on the radio that he'd run out of range in the Drifter 17 miles out to sea, so................

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

"Ratty" called on the radio that he'd run out of range in the Drifter 17 miles out to sea, so.......

....... he immediately did what all of the McRatts have done for centuries, which started with TutankhMcRatt who built the great 1000 m high sand pyramid of middle Egypt, however that was a failure but not a total loss, as the remnants can still be seen today in what has become known as the "Sahara" (which is Egyptian for "left over pyramid bits"), with a fair bit of it also blown into WA (ohhh the sand, the sand) on the jet (avref) stream.

 

The lectric Drifter & its Chinese batteries spluttered (they don't actually do that anymore ......  as the revs just die aaaaawwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaay) and as a result Ratty did what all good AUF members would do. He looked down at the water, said "Well xxxx me" then bent over (which is not easy in the Drifter full of batteries) to kiss his .......

Edited April 11, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....extremity, and fell out onto the deck of a 50 ft yacht being sailed by Chuck McRatt Cook from Boston. Who would have believed it. 

We've all heard how General Custer was butchered by the Sioux led by Sitting Bull at Little Big Horn.

CMK's great grandfather was Chuck McRatt II and not many people know that he defeated the Sioux, at the full size Big Horn, because although the Sioux outnumbered his troops, they were flogged out by the time they had climbed the 8 miles to the peak of Bog Horn.

The Chuck sailing the yacht had never done a day's work in his life and he realised Ratty McRatt was a relative, quickly gave him sailing duties such as ...............

[bull]

On 09/04/2023 at 10:53 PM, Captain said:

G'day bull and glad to see that you can still walk. Is that the same coffee shop where all the sick people struggle down to get to, so that they can have a durry outside in the cold? (And perhaps even try to crack onto the sick lady also having a smoke?)

yep.

[Captain]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Chuck sailing the yacht had never done a day's work in his life and he realised Ratty McRatt was a relative, quickly gave him sailing duties such as ...............

..... taking care of the considerable needs of the ladies who were on board.

 

Ratty ate a hearty breakfast in preparation for the daunting task that was ahead of him, oiled himself up, then poured a dozen double Pims and walked out to ......

[onetrack]

....the pool deck - where he immediately went sprawling, as a result of excessive amounts of oil. "Well, I'll be xxxxxx!" he cried as he picked himself up off the deck, to the raucous cheers and hoots of.........

[Captain]

5 minutes ago, onetrack said:

....the pool deck - where he immediately went sprawling, as a result of excessive amounts of oil. "Well, I'll be xxxxxx!" he cried as he picked himself up off the deck, to the raucous cheers and hoots of.........

....... a dozen "ladies" of varying ages, size, and experience.

 

5 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"Well, I'll be xxxxxx!" he cried

....... "And that's exactly what we have in mind" they chorused, as they ......

 

Edited April 11, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......waited expectantly, but Cappy had slippped a disc and it was a case once again of so close, yet so far away. To make matters worse, Ratty McRat came out on deck in his kilt and the attention turned from Cappy to ..................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......waited expectantly, but Cappy had slippped a disc and it was a case once again of so close, yet so far away. To make matters worse, Ratty McRat came out on deck in his kilt and the attention turned from Cappy to ..................

...... a ratty looking scots person with legs akimbo ...... but not much to show for it, even in his mini-kilt.

 

"No" said the ladies "If Crappy can't perform (airshowref) we want bull Tyroref), as we reckon that just 2 of us could send him to god, and from what we have heard of his performances in and around Bone, he deserves to go out with his .....

Edited April 11, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....compass swinging to the north.

Cappy ............

[Captain]

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....compass swinging to the north.

Cappy ............

....... supported the girl's suggestion, as he would do anything for his mate bull (Cappy has even tried to buy bull a year's supply of punctuation marks & capital letters ....... plus a nurse to rub his scar).

 

"Go for it ladies, with my blessing, he's at the ground floor coffee shop" he said "And I have arranged for there to be a ....... 

Edited April 11, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........bull session every hour with different speakers explaining the history and custom of the peoples, their ancestry and the movements and speech of the .................

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........bull session every hour with different speakers explaining the history and custom of the peoples, their ancestry and the movements and speech of the .................

.... aviation (avref) community.

 

"Yeah" piped up bull from his session of ecstasy "All people who have a heart turn should experience this, and if they survive, they are good to sign themselves out, ........... but sticking with the NES for a mo, (which is not easy), what is this lingo used in NOTAMS (avref), SITREPS (avref), METARS (avref) and all that other fair dinkum aviation (avref) stuff that I find a bit ponderous (and full of capitals), so I just listen to the weather on 7 STR Strahan radio which mostly says "Blowing like stink most of the time".

 

Then bull added "Just hang on there sweetheart and I'll show you where my scar is, so that ........

[turboplanner]

.......we can both have a new experience. Someone chimes in with “short for Tim Tams with no Tams” and the group of aviators nodded in unison. “SITREPS are what you do at the gym” said Oney, and that surprised Turbo because every time he was there OT was seated near the Lycra girls wearing an oxygen mask and covered by a blanket. Finally CT who’d had more education than the others said  METARS means the weather is so bad you’d need a tin bum to last the distance, and again they all nodded. “I think I’ll go down and buy an Epaulette” said the new pilot and they all......

[onetrack]

....agreed that bull was absolutely stumped when it came to aviation acronyms with capitals in them, because his shift key on his keyboard hadn't worked for over 20 years, and it was only thanks to a considerate examiner who let his aviation acronyms slip through the exam in lower case, that bull managed to acquire his rpc - which was written all in lower case, too, so bull could understand what he'd actually acquired. However, the day came when someone saw............

[Captain]

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Someone chimes in with “short for Tim Tams with no Tams”

Which was a significant issue for bull as he had always been one to bite the corners off his TimTams and suck (CASAref) his coffee thru the bickies.

 

9 hours ago, onetrack said:

which was written all in lower case, too, so bull could understand what he'd actually acquired. However, the day came when someone saw............

..... the opportunity to solve the problem and a wiparound-for-a-mate (a wfam) was held within the NES to purchase a new 21st century keyboard (not yet available in Tasmania) with which .......

[turboplanner]

........to separate upper case from lower case. "Where is the Hard Case"? asked OT and this sparked a 16 day 57 post debate on the best way to find it from heating the keyboard with a cigarette lighter to joining the Navy until the thread moved on to catching rabbits with ferrets.

Finally someone who'd just joined the thread pointed out the obvious "All the keys are upper case" he said and everyone had to agree except ........... 

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Finally someone who'd just joined the thread pointed out the obvious "All the keys are upper case" he said and everyone had to agree except ........

...... for bull who piped up that he has always used an Azerty keyboard that has also been programmed to type backwards in Arabic when not being used for his contributions in the NES.

 

"The Azerty layout makes my typing much quicker in the NES and I can also correspond with my Muslin aviation (avref) friends, because .......

[turboplanner]

........they fly [avref] around the desert on their horses.

"There shoould be a separate thread on horses" wrote someone.

So a new thread entitled "horses" appeared, but no one wrote anything............................................

[onetrack]

.....except that one bright new contributor asked why some aviators chose to use Muslin for aviation, instead of the regular Polyester, Polyfiber, Dacron, Ceconite, Stitz, or Superflite.

 

"It's because Muslin is so light and sheer, the Arabs picked it as an ideal covering for wings", said bull.

 

"No-one in the Western world thought to use Muslin previously, and it took Al-hammad el Tur-bin, a resourceful, dedicated and thoughtful ultralight designer from Mosul, to be the first successful user of Muslin for aircraft wing coverings. Plus, it kept the flies away from......

 

Edited April 14, 2023 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

........his lunch of cold goat, which he kept in the wing profile. Western flyers had not yet begun to use this practical aid to long flights.

He called his unique aircraft a Mosul Mack because ................

[Captain]

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

So a new thread entitled "horses" appeared, but no one wrote anything..........

..... and the originator was criticized for there being insufficient (horserefs).

 

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........his lunch of cold goat, which he kept in the wing profile. Western flyers had not yet begun to use this practical aid to long flights.

He called his unique aircraft a Mosul Mack because ................

....... he came from Mosul and he always liked the bulldog bonnet ornament.

 

Al-hammad's (known to his mates as AH [and to his critics as A-Hole]) biggest issues while flying off the hours after he finished the Mosul Mack (MM) was that the ladies of Mosul knocked off the muslin to use while belly dancing, the Bulldog was less aerodynamic than his papyrus based abacus calculations has indicated, and as he flew past Mosul Heights and over the west Mosul near the International Yacht Marina (IYM) he was targeted by a shoulder fired missile (SFM) that had been given to Ukraine by Poland, but sold on the black market as Chinese Happy Dragon Smiling Lion fireworks to some kids who had a bonfire constructed on the Mosul oval, made out of .........

Edited April 14, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

8 hours ago, Captain said:

had a bonfire constructed on the Mosul oval, made out of ......

...... the banners from each time the Mosul Redbacks play the, Erbil CrockJumpers in their footy trials to attempt to become the 20th team in the AFL and to relocate to Tasmania.

 

"Why would we possibly want to relocate to an even bigger sh*thole" said AH when Gill McLaughlan came to see them play as part of his Bomb-Chucker's Inclusivity Round (BCIR - sponsored by SemTex), where ......

Edited April 14, 2023 by Captain