The Never Ending Story

[ahlocks]

Surfers Paradise...expensive...don't leave home without one.

 

P.S. Still trying to cook something up to get out of the 'tartic mess...

 

 

[Tomo]

Surfers Paradise...expensive...don't leave home without one.

P.S. Still trying to cook something up to get out of the 'tartic mess...

Ahhhh:idea: the light suddenly switched itself on...:thumb_up: I don't have a visa card, so it didn't even dawn on me.... But I agree with you, expensive, I've only ever been there about once I thunk. I stay out in the bush, where every thing's dirt cheap, well suppose to be anyway....:confused:

 

I'll drop on by in the Radical 22, and give you a tow out.... how's that sound?

 

But first, I'll ....are... put a bit of lead in the seals first....! (happened to have the shot gun with!) just don't tell the conservationests (or whatever they call 'em selves) 'cause I could end up in HOT water....! which is not ideal in the tartic...

 

 

[turboplanner]

No it ain't... 'cause a head wind blue:confused: him backwards into the tartic where he has quite a significant problem on his hands....

 

 

 

 

I've lost the plot here.......... I did come up with "Very In Significant Aussie" Surfers.....:ah_oh:

 

Turbo sighed "had a lot of tarctics in my day, so I know all about them, but you just have to get on to the next one and hope your luck will change"

 

........and just for dotDash's comfort "Doesn't everyone pay the $50.00 per hour to use the surf with VISA?"

 

Meanwhile the Queenslander was still waiting for a northerly to green him back to the cattle tick state.......

 

 

[ahlocks]

The Czsportser touched down gently on the ice shelf, where an elephant seal immediately decided to mate with it........

Ah! silly me! I thought It'd run out of fuel... ....But it looks like it just blew a seal....

 

 

[turboplanner]

The competition's getting too hard!

 

 

[ahlocks]

It's taken most of the day to come up with something.....:nerd:i_dunno But alas, still stuck down there for the moment... Talk about being painted into a corner! :ah_oh:

 

 

[hihosland]

..blew a seal

 

there's nothing sporting nor starish in seal blowing.

 

With a theme like that it's off to the admin office for

 

you where a biggish Pete will administer a severe

 

reprimand for the crimes of perverting wildlife

 

and disruption of flow,

 

its back to edge of the floe

 

for you

 

from whence you can only depart

 

after rendering down sufficient blubber of the unfortunate seal to refuel the thirsty rotaxe

 

 

[turboplanner]

So in the tradition of Amundsen, Mawson and Scott, and following Mrs Beaton's advice to first catch your elephant seal, Skavol gingerly set out on the ice with only his prominent teeth as a weapon.

 

Since the blubber on the 2 tonne seal was 50 mm think and Skavol's teeth were only 10 mm long, causing the seal to expire it was going to be a tough ask.

 

It didn't last very long; when the seal roared, showing its 200 mm teeth Skavol knew he was outgunned and scurried for the safety of the cockpit.

 

However, as we know, he is cunning.... and he unbolted the prop, and using it as a kind of star wheel, flung it in the dorection of the mob stunning one of the old bulls.

 

Quickly he ran up and snapped it's neck. Now all he had to do was render the blubber.....

 

 

[Tomo]

Now all he had to do was render the blubber.....

..... and fix the rudder...........!

 

Just then Mclocks heard a noise, and looking around he spotted good o'l ditdot coming straight for him... so he quickly runs and hides behind whats left of the recycled beer can, thinking that I was gonna eat him for dinner! but just when ahlocks heart rate had exceeded it's Vne, dotdash puts the R22 carefully down at its feet.............

 

 

[Captain]

"All the seals look the same to me" said Ahlow "How do I know which one it was?"

 

"I have a lot of experience down here" said Mawson "It'll be the one with the smile on it's face, propped up on one elbow, & having a cigarette."

 

"I hope this doesn't become a habit" responded the Ahlow "As I need to fly the Arazs from the Tarctic to Stray-ya, and that won't be possible with a love-sick laes giving my empennage another workout. That would be worse than ..................

 

 

[ahlocks]

That would be worse than ..................

....being the demonstration model at a proctologists' trade show.:raise_eyebrow::confused:

 

Try as he might, KavoL was stumped :question:i_dunno for an idea of how to get back to 'stralya.

 

But ditDah, being the bright young bugga he is :star:, came up with a plan.

 

"We'll smear some seal fat on the tin can's wings and when those snow chooks climb up to eat it, we'll throw some water over their feet and their feet will instantly freeze to the metal! Then we'll scare 'em with the shottie so they flap their wings and fly up with the beercan still attached!:thumb_up::star:

 

"Penguins can't fly dishDat..." corrected Mawson.i_dunno

 

"What say we put a wig and some lipstick on dotDash," suggested McLoch. "freeze his hands to the Tzar's tail and call the seal :heart:"

 

=============

 

The sonic boom was heard from the aunt's garden. :ah_oh:

 

 

[turboplanner]

The cold must have caused Skavol and HsadTod to lose their prescence of mind because they had completely overlooked the bright red R22 as a means of escape back to Straya - a bit like snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

 

In fact they hadn't even claimed Tarctic for Straya, planted a stolen bar mat and cracked a tinny.

 

As they looked around, the Tarctic features looked quite different to what explorers likle Scott had described - there were trees and reindeer with pink noses, and Skavol wondered aloud if Scott really had reached the South Pole, or whether the whole trip was written in a studio in Wooloongabba over a few cans of XXXX.

 

They began to feel hungry; so did the seals......

 

 

[Captain]

"I have it" exclaimed The McJocklocks "I will make like Shackleton, eat a few dogs, wait for the weather to break, I'll have Turbs do some tuning on my engine, and with a persistant southwester I shall fly my trusty Szara to the edge of the ice shelf (at a consumption of 4 penguins per hour), then take a short hop to NZ, where I will wait for another noreaster and fly accross the ditch."

 

"After all" he added "J230's do the crossing of the ditch all the time, so my SS with it's trusty Axe will be able to ..............

 

 

[Captain]

"Ahhhhhhhhhh, the serenity" said Ahlocks. "There are 3 things that I love about the Tarctic. There are bugger all bushfires, there are even fewer loacked gates and there is a distinct lack of Queenslanders ..... but this one seal keeps following me with a wicked look in it's eyes and a rather suggestive smile on it's face. Do you think I might be a sealophile?"

 

"No Lockie, we know that you are actually a ................

 

 

[turboplanner]

Once again the red rat had delivered two breakfasts to the one room, probably a wiggly blonde, while a starving businessman paced up and down his room reducing the life of the carpet.

 

Breakfast 1

 

Do you think I might be a sealophile?"

"No Lockie, we know that you are actually a ................

"... mud wrestler at The Lawson, so when he comes for you, you'll know what to do"

 

Breakfast 2

 

"After all" he added "J230's do the crossing of the ditch all the time, so my SS with it's trusty Axe will be able to ..............

 

Turbs headed the Haines Signature out from the Port of Tooradin, tracking 180. If he'd tracked 160 for five minutes he would have missed the sand bar, but that was in the past and the powerful two stroke motor was purring evenly for once as he rode the giant waves of Bass Strait.

 

Fortunately he managed to miss Tasmania (which isn't hard really - it's about the size of the Shire of Dalby), and was now heading into a freezing spray.

 

Helped by a very strong southerly wind, he made goo time to Herd island and was now approaching the Tarctic, marvelling at wildlife such as Czgulls, Turns, Fenguins, and Thales......

 

 

[ahlocks]

..they had completely overlooked the bright red R22 as a means of escape ......

C'mon Turbz! Get real..... The R22 is just a figment of DotDash's imagination...

 

 

[turboplanner]

Well, you're the one stuck down there in the ice........

 

 

[ahlocks]

Well, you're the one stuck down there in the ice........

....yeah,..i_dunno... but you should have seen the rooster tail he kicked up trying to get away from the seal!

 

 

[Tomo]

C'mon Turbz! Get real..... The R22 is just a figment of DotDash's imagination...

Actually I think Good O'l Tubz thought of that one.... So I was forced into it, just like you were forced into the tartic... (To Stay for the time being..!)

 

Hey Tubz, just one thing.... did you remember to put oil in the fuel before you left..??

 

 

[turboplanner]

Takes one to know one ditDot. Turbo was approaching Tarctic and the powerful engine, which had always been fed plenty of oil, it's just that if there's water in he fuel, the last droplet can block a jet and bingo and in something rivaling a ground loop, learnt from his speedway days, Turbo spun the boat at full speed and allowed the boat to slide gently backwards to the ice shelf.

 

Throwing out the grappling hook, which he had remembered to bring he quickly scaled the cliff, then realised he'd forgotten to tie up the boats and there was a bit of tugging and slipping for a while until he managed to tie the grappling hook to the fir tree.

 

His first thought had been just to take the marooned airmen off and leave the Czsporster there, however he realised Straya had an obligation not to destroy the pristine environment, so he decided to see if the engine would start, this time rotating in the correct direction for forward movement.

 

Sadly, he found the engine had frozen up, and he wondered at the sheer stupidity of getting yourself down to the Tarctic with only a two stroke to get you home.

 

He went down to the boat and started the Evinrude.

 

After some searching he found enough rope and fishing line to make a long two rope, and threw it up to dotDash.

 

He remembered the days of Bill Moyes, and figured he could tow the beer can home.

 

Turbo appointed dotDash Observer, which was a requirement for kite flying, and told him to shut up and not touch anything. dotDash immediately disobeyed by putting a Dire Straits CD on and Turbo just knew it was going to be one of those trips.

 

"Raise your hand when you're ready", he yelled to Skavol who had scraped a smooth runway with his boot.

 

Skavols hand went up, and Turbo stepped on the gas.

 

"Stop, Stop, Stop!" yelled dotDash almost immediately.

 

It appeared after a lot of shouting that Slavok had picked up some fleas from his seal partner and hadn't really signalled.

 

Now things were more difficult with the Recycled Metal machine perilously balancing on the edge of the ice shelf.

 

"It'll have to be a jump start" said Turbo and gave it the gas before Skavol could scratch himself again.

 

The rope tightened, and the machine rose gracefully into the air behind the powerful boat, which was now crashing through the pack ice.

 

The landing light was flashing a morse signal. How lucky they were to have Australia's own morse expert on board.

 

...--- ---;;;..........

 

 

[Captain]

The landing light was flashing a morse signal. How lucky they were to have Australia's own morse expert on board....--- ---;;;..........

Which translated into "Turbo's idea of the perfect outboard tool kit is an assortment of cold chisels & a 2 lb sledgy" ............ and after reading his treatise on water in the fuel causing total engine collapse, it could mean "I have an assortment of pre-prepared excuses, in case this one stops too (which will make it a hat-trick).

 

So Turbs restarted the Even-ruder (just because he could) and motored for home, with McMoyes perched behind enjoying the view, holding the end of the rope and going faster than he had since he wrung it's neck going to Yarrawonga.

 

At that moment they heard a call from back on the ice. It was ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

At that moment they heard a call from back on the ice. It was .......

 

 

...Big2$ who'd just made a beach landing - or tried to, buthe'd skidded on the ice and rammed an elephant seal, and he'd been repairing it, out of the wind, using a sixteen way imitation swiss army knife he'd bought from Spoils for $2.00.

 

"I came over here looking for Caroline" he said, but she turned out to be a real tartic, and had hitched a ride to Patagonia, then I ran out of fuel.

 

"Well how was I to know Tarctic was so far away" he said .........

 

 

[Captain]

...Big2$ who'd just made a beach landing - or tried to, buthe'd skidded on the ice and rammed an elephant seal, and he'd been repairing it, out of the wind, using a sixteen way imitation swiss army knife he'd bought from Spoils for $2.00.

"I came over here looking for Caroline" he said, but she turned out to be a real tartic, and had hitched a ride to Patagonia, then I ran out of fuel.

 

"Well how was I to know Tarctic was so far away" he said .........

....... and I thought it was featureless between Tumut and The Rock" he added "This joint takes the cake ....... particularly during a snowstorm"

 

At that point, Bingles, Tubb & Ahitscoldlocks were joined by another forum member slartibuttcheeks.

 

"What are you doing down here, Ross?" asked Loxy.

 

"I live around Canberra" slarti replied "So we come down here each winter to get away from the crappy weather"

 

"And watch out for that seal over there" added Bingles.

 

"That's not a seal" answered MLA-locks "As it looks strangely familiar.

 

"It's me in a fur coat" called Nanna "I got this from a Rat with a gold tooth for providing certain favours."

 

"Don't worry about that" said Tubb "There's a SW change on the way, so get in the trusty Haines Signature and I'll tow the Czara & the Cheetah back in tandem. You take the long rope, Bingles, so you don't get lost (just follow Steve), you get down here under the dashboard, Nanna, and do your thing, and I'll .................

 

 

[turboplanner]

"Don't worry about that" said Tubb "There's a SW change on the way, so get in the trusty Haines Signature and I'll tow the Czara & the Cheetah back in tandem. You take the long rope, Bingles, so you don't get lost (just follow Steve), you get down here under the dashboard, Nanna, and do your thing, and I'll .................

 

.....make sure dotDash stays above decks because you know what the women are like around Dalby, and even Tartic Nana could tempt him.

 

The two pilots flew quite low, and as they passed one of the islands Turbo was fascinated to see 100,000 leopard seals rush towards the Cheetah, and in their excitement slid over the cliff to crash to their deaths on the rocks below.

 

It was going to be a long time before Starylarts was rid of the RSPCA Rescue team.

 

Speaking of rocks.....

 

 

[Tomo]

Speaking of rocks.....

........there hard!!........:ah_oh: