The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.....dollar short of the runway, and ............

[Captain]

4 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....dollar short of the runway, and ............

.... a sandwich short of a picnic, because ....

[turboplanner]

....the glass panel is telling you it's half empty and needs power to show you any instruments.

 

[For the information of NES readers the teenage nerds known to us in Silicon Valley as TNs write the code that draws the instruments into gauges only ever code for a half full battery. When it gets to half empty they use that half for Roblox and other high consumption games. Of course their management is never told of this and is in the group that believes you can fly to London on a battery.]

 

As the glass snapped to black, Loxy admired it for a while, thinking it was giving him a choice of colour schemes, so he type BLUE. the glass.........

[onetrack]

....stayed black, and Loxies brow furrowed as he typed "Red", Blue", "Green", "White", in increasing desperation. Meantimes, the ground was getting closer and closer and...........

[turboplanner]

.........Loxie had made the mistake of obessing on the one instrument, which as we know, unlike proper aircraft instruments, gives and takes the lot in one hit, and that hit was looking close. 

The King had been schooled in Australia and knew exactly what to do.

"Give the controls to me" he ordered Royally, you XXXXXXX XXXXX, and proceeded to land by crown almost perfectly on the runway.

Loxie had a photo taken and mounted on a gold frame, in the photo he is shown wearing epaulettes and the engraving reads, rather casually, "Flying the King."

The king however didn't forget..........................................................

[onetrack]

.... to tell Loxie, that he once flew BAe-146's, and he outranked Loxie on every level. "But I know you nearly wrecked the Queens one, with a runway overrun!", cried Loxie.

 

"Ssshhhh!", said Charles. "You're not supposed to know about that - and making a big noise about it, could see you possibly lose your head!"

 

"I've never lost my head yet!", said Loxie, "and I've been in some horrifying flying situations, including running out of battery reserve in an electric Drifter, and having to ...........

[turboplanner]

.....power it with my phone.” Such is the electrical knowledge by the general Public, and....

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....power it with my phone.” Such is the electrical knowledge by the general Public, and....

..... awarded him the title of "Robber of Loxley".

 

It was supposed to be "Robin of Loxley" but some of the palace wags though it wise to start Chuck's reign with a bit of a giggle, thought that was way funnier, and thought it suited Lox because without his make-up he looks a bit like Dick Turpin on Speed, .... and also because .....

Edited May 6, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....it might prompt him to remove the Captain's suspension from the BoB before he is Knighted next month.  Like Trump, Caffy had bluffed his way through the secret Senate Hearings to the point where he was smelling like a rose and his detractors were smelling like .................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....it might prompt him to remove the Captain's suspension from the BoB before he is Knighted next month.  Like Trump, Caffy had bluffed his way through the secret Senate Hearings to the point where he was smelling like a rose and his detractors were smelling like .................

......Ahlo's depiction of old Bob's hair dressing, which was from a prime Angus steer on heat, so ...........

 

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

..... remove the Captain's suspension .....

(CORRECTION - The management of Wreck Flying are well aware that this should have read "the Captain's suspenders". [NTTIAWWT} MODERATOR 16).

 

EXPLANATION : Meanwhile Ahlox was onto a run of performances that were diened to be so good that it will outlast JC Superstar on Broadway (3,700 days) as Loxie had set up a one-man show playing "Bob at the BOB", 7 nights a week + 5 matinees/week just for pensioners or older (he just takes their uncashed cheques). AUF members are admitted free if they agree to leave their walking frames in the foyer. So as to not run out of material Loxie plays Bob Marley for the 1st 2 hours then Bob Dillon (in sh*tty dreadlocks) for the 2nd half of the show.

Edited May 6, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........Turbo had to explain that steers didn't go on heat, and that in fact steers didn't do much of anything, and the odour was almost certainly Bob's after aftershave which he bought at the local Sunday market. The stall holder bought it from Kabul, which 

[Captain]

On 06/05/2023 at 9:03 PM, turboplanner said:

....Turbo had to explain that steers didn't go on heat,

Well, Turbo's steers must be different to Cappy's steers, because mine jump each other regularly and because Cappy is a quite attractive man, they sometimes even eye him off. Sometimes down in the paddock it is worse than being at the BOB on grab-a-grandpa night.

[Captain]

On 06/05/2023 at 9:03 PM, turboplanner said:

The stall holder bought it from Kabul, which 

....... had been electronically matched to Ahlox's musk by an Afghani entrepreneur who distilled it specially from sweat derived from Taliban armpits, mixed with ....... 

Edited May 8, 2023 by Captain

[spenaroo]

 

  Deleted 

 

Edited May 8, 2023 by spenaroo
Wrong thread

[turboplanner]

....ether and castor oil, which made a powerful fuel for the Bluehead in the Truster and produced enough extra power to ..............................

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....ether and castor oil, which made a powerful fuel for the Bluehead in the Truster and produced enough extra power to ..............................

...... be provided as a UN aid package to Afghanistan, to be used as aftershave in an attempt to have Taliban guys concentrate on the ladies and not on the goats.

 

There was, however, a powerful black market for the stuff and the Taliban Boss Cocky thought that the nippers were buying it to sniff and forget their considerable woes "Who can blame them" he said "As this joint has become a real sh*thole since we took over".

 

But the children were not sniffing it, as every cloud has a silver lining (avref) and the side benefit was that there are now thousands of Afghan kids using the aftershave to fuel control-line models in the parks and bombed out recreational rubble. Most have UN issued 1.5 cc Taipan diesels, but there is always one poser who turns up with a 2.5 and wants to take everyone on with combat flying (In Kabul they use thrice-used Taliban issued dunny paper as the tail). In this case it is Accchhhmed who has the 2.5 (he is the budding Turbo of Kabul) and who ..........

 

 

ACCCCHHHHHY'S 2.5, WITH WHICH HE TERRORISES ALL THE KIDS WITH 1.5s

(And yes, dear Readers, this does reflect one of Crappy's (many) traumas when he flew control line combat in the parks around Concord).

Edited May 9, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....and so Afghanistan returned to peace with people sending their mail orders in from all parts of the country for the 1.5 cc Taipans.

This period in Afghanistan would become known as the Great Dunny Paper Shortages as thousands of Afghans built their aircraft. No one would be garrotted in over a decade because they all needed the wire for control lines.

The control itself was carved out of camel shoulder bone, and this was the longest part of construction, and resulted in camels becoming extinct in Afghanistan.

The competition was supposed to be Afghans only but OT dressed in a Thirty Second Tent wheedled he was in, and bought a Frog 1.5cc, bored out to 1.67 and using a balanced crankshaft and a fuel mix containing 42% greater Ether proportions. There was the issue that unless the motor started withing six flicks, the owner passed out, but this was offset by a power and rpm far greater than the 2.5 cc Taipan, so OT knew he was on a winner, but he didn't know that...........................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....and so Afghanistan returned to peace with people sending their mail orders in from all parts of the country for the 1.5 cc Taipans.

This period in Afghanistan would become known as the Great Dunny Paper Shortages as thousands of Afghans built their aircraft. No one would be garrotted in over a decade because they all needed the wire for control lines.

The control itself was carved out of camel shoulder bone, and this was the longest part of construction, and resulted in camels becoming extinct in Afghanistan.

The competition was supposed to be Afghans only but OT dressed in a Thirty Second Tent wheedled he was in, and bought a Frog 1.5cc, bored out to 1.67 and using a balanced crankshaft and a fuel mix containing 42% greater Ether proportions. There was the issue that unless the motor started withing six flicks, the owner passed out, but this was offset by a power and rpm far greater than the 2.5 cc Taipan, so OT knew he was on a winner, but he didn't know that...........................

.... every 3rd flick, a finger gets damaged and every 6th attempt to start, a finger is lost, particularly when using the razor-sharp titanium props off the 12,500 American drones that were left as departure gifts for the T'ban.

 

As a result, several hundred Afghan kiddies, who were using the titanium props (as supplied to the US military by Wilkinson Sword) would never again know the pleasure of picking their noses in the Afghan dust, or of picking their ........

 

 

ONE OF THE MOST DEDICATED TITANIUM PROP FLICKERS IN KABUL.

"No worries" he said "I'll just do it left-handed from here on. Plus, I'm going to join into a Class Action against Wilkinson Sword, as there is a big quid to be made.".

Edited May 9, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........aircraft up, so Turbine research stepped up and using their homespun products, quickly produced cat gut props, which still gave you a nasty smack, but left the fingers on. Of Course you were no one in the Control Line crowd without the Turbine branded catskin jacket, but it wasn't long before  the slogan "Rats give you wings!" slogan was seen on Afghan T shirts as Cappy worked his evil magic. Payment was by ........

[Captain]

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Of Course you were no one in the Control Line crowd without the Turbine branded catskin jacket, but it wasn't long before  the slogan "Rats give you wings!" slogan was seen on Afghan T shirts as Cappy worked his evil magic. Payment was by ........

..... money and Cappy designed an award-winning promotional campaign, stolen borrowed from Turbine Advertising, which showed a handsome virile young red Rat, rampant, on the label of cans of drink laced with Afghani heroin washings, and promoted on several Formula 1 cars, 6 MotoGP teams, the Red Rat Air Races and every other insanely expensive sporting event you can think of (he even took on platinum sponsorship of the Moorabbin Sewer Rats VFL Team [of which Turbo is Patron])..... but the Coup de Grace (or even the Coup de Madge [or the Coup de Coffee Lady]) was that El Ratto was also able to .........

Edited May 10, 2023 by Captain

[bull]

8 hours ago, Captain said:

..... money and Cappy designed an award-winning promotional campaign, stolen borrowed from Turbine Advertising, which showed a handsome virile young red Rat, rampant, on the label of cans of drink laced with Afghani heroin washings, and promoted on several Formula 1 cars, 6 MotoGP teams, the Red Rat Air Races and every other insanely expensive sporting event you can think of (he even took on platinum sponsorship of the Moorabbin Sewer Rats VFL Team [of which Turbo is Patron])..... but the Coup de Grace (or even the Coup de Madge [or the Coup de Coffee Lady]) was that El Ratto was also able to .........

......entice the fine ladies from the Bone Rissole to attend. Now the standard of the day had of course fallen below last years event but..........

Edited May 10, 2023 by bull

[turboplanner]

.....those Amazons of FNQ, schooled in the Queensland way, experienced at dealing with the roughest of males, and with skin like leather from the relentless FNQ sun, went through the control line heats like champions, especially in the Aerobatic section where up to five people stand in the centre walking round and round, trying to stap on the next person's toes to put them off, all the while trying to cut the tail empennage of the other planes off. The arms of most were bleeding from wire cuts, and not even Cappy's ace, where he'd hinged the rudder and hidden an RC control down his pants  so he could suddenly turn his plane in then back around to loop the wire round a leader's neck, put these RSL stawarts off. The language was terrible, and ....................

[onetrack]

.....the smell was even worse, what with the camel dung, the ether fumes, the heroin traces, the body and clothing odours - and of course, the soiled trousers smells, because no-one was prepared to step out for a toilet break, for fear of losing their......

[turboplanner]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

.....the smell was even worse, what with the camel dung, the ether fumes, the heroin traces, the body and clothing odours - and of course, the soiled trousers smells, because no-one was prepared to step out for a toilet break, for fear of losing their......

....position on the CONTROL LINE KING (CLK) ladder. The race results and aero points were kept and announced by CTA 2000, a lesser member of the CT family, who had become radicalised at the Springvale Library and  travelled to Syria to fight for ISAS, a sect in the never ending Arabic Acronyms (AA), so there was not need for an Appeals Tribunal or Judges. If you complained you saw a short flame from his AK and didn't complain any more. Of course Cappy couldn't help himself and .....................

[onetrack]

.....asked CTA 2000 if he'd nailed any rabbits lately. CTA 2000's answer was a burst from his AK-47, and Cappy saw 13 rabbits, 3 foxes, 2 cats, a mangy Afghan dog, and a weedy camel, all chuck handsprings and squirt blood out of ears, eyes, noses and various other holes in their carcasses.

 

Not only that, but 14 tyres went flat on nearby vehicles, and 133 Afghan peasants all dived for cover under anything they could find. Cappy was impressed, here was a bloke who could certainly.............