The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........buy chip gun?"

He'd bought the weapons just at the time that our Prime Minister was flexing his muscles and walking the world stage mixing it with warriors like Joey Biden and Volodomir the Defiant, Albo aka Wakka Wakka, a "Noongar Man" decided that to bring in more votes he needed to find and enemy and if he did that the enemy might get him forst in a shootout. He saw CT's weapons ad on Tinder and made the call. "CT" he said "...........

..... I note that you describe them as "chip guns". They aren't spud guns are they, as I used to have one of those when I grew up in poverty (we couldn't afford the spuds to use with it) in the foul and dirty streets of Balmain (the NSW equivalent of Moorabbin, except in Balmain they collect the garbage).

 

CT was ready for the question and stated, with considerable confidence, that .......

[turboplanner]

...."chip mean low price...you easily afford....like buying Macca's!!!!!!"

Albo wasn't quite sure what a Macca was so he said "OK, I'll take the weapons and a dozen Macca's. You realise we need to try these Macca's first."

 

CT looked at him as if he was an i.................................

[CT9000]

.....idiot because Maccas is not chip and if you try it you probably won't want it.....

[turboplanner]

.......but Albo was smart. “I’ve always liked chips” he said.

So CT dropped $500,000 off the .....

[CT9000]

...special government price for the chips....

[onetrack]

....and Albo said, "Deal Done!! The Government will pay for it anyway, when I include it under 'necessary items' in the Defence Budget".

 

"Whoa!", cried Peter Dutton, are these 'necessary items' going to our friends in the Ukraine, or for some other necessary purpose?"

 

"I can't tell you that", said Albo, "That's classed as confidential Defence secrets, and if I give out the information publically, I'll be..........

 

Edited May 24, 2023 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

...thrown out of office for using Defence weapons to win an election.

CT delivered 50 tonnes of Macca's fries to Canberra and Albo's approval rating dropped 90%.

"Thank goodness he didn promise New Clear Power!" said .................

[bull]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

...thrown out of office for using Defence weapons to win an election.

CT delivered 50 tonnes of Macca's fries to Canberra and Albo's approval rating dropped 90%.

"Thank goodness he didn't promise New Clear Power!" said .................

...Mrs Harris ,of the fries to Ukraine ladies association  ,,Yes we could have had a...............

[Captain]

4 hours ago, bull said:

...Mrs Harris ,of the fries to Ukraine ladies association  ,,Yes we could have had ...............

..... our fries cooked over chip power and that would mean that the ladies (sic) of the FFULA could then spend more time on their .......

[turboplanner]

............meadows looking after the ships, because that way there was a whole lot more to eat.

Albo overheard this and asked CT the price of a ship.

"Our ships are fifty dollar itch" replied CT.

And Albo ordered a hundred, winked at his Cabinet and said "......................

[Captain]

36 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

And Albo ordered a hundred, winked at his Cabinet and said "..............

..... This CT from DG chap, with the Vicmanistan fake arabic accent, thinks I said give me the ships. He didn't hear what I really said which is "You give me the shi.........

[turboplanner]

........and as he said it the Cabinet gasped and there were some Ooooohs from Penny Wong, Tanya Plibesek and the girls, who weren't quite sure whether they could accept this word as men, or whether they should use it to oust Albo and make one of their own Prime Minister, Such is life in Canberra where .............

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Such is life in Canberra where ........

.... ships are trumps and .....

[onetrack]

.......DG has assumed a whole new level of Public Service and Govt Dept interest, thanks to its........

[bull]

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

.......DG has assumed a whole new level of Public Service and Govt Dept interest, thanks to its........

.nefarious FFULA members who seemed really well trained in the art of fel................

[onetrack]

..... lowship, and the making of new friends - apart from Russians, who were all marked as needing ........

[Captain]

5 hours ago, onetrack said:

..... lowship, and the making of new friends - apart from Russians, who were all marked as needing ........

...... a little love & understanding, which the hotty members of the Fries To Ukraine Ladies Association (the FTULA are a more warlike version of the CWA) were willing to provide (to some of the better-looking Russians anyway).

 

Russians therefore started surrendering in even higher numbers, and the FTULA were kept busy supplying the ..........

[turboplanner]

.......fries which made the Russian Army fatter and fatter, slower and slower, and less and less interested in fighting. It wasn't too long before they started defecting and the Ukraine Government were quick to set up The University of Ukraine Building and Good Manners which taught skills in mixing in society without booting women in the face and also how to build modern multi-story building on bomb sites. It included courses in landscaping and filling in missile craters, and an engineering course on redesigning tanks without turrets for agriculture. The new graduates, faced with the choice of a return to Russia and being dragged back into the army, and being apart of an exciting rebuild of Ukraine where they were paid for building beautiful new towns under the very capable FTULA quickly slimmed down with all the different exercises, and were soon building schools to cater for the offspring. When interviewed by western journalists they said "Who's Putin?  And most of them owned their own Faetas [avref] which they used to ..............

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

And most of them owned their own Faetas [avref] which they used to ..............

.... obtain collateral & to subdivide into lifestyle blocks, after they had used small pieces to rebrand as Feta, which caused consternation in the cheese making capital of .....

[turboplanner]

...............Kapooka, and the Kapooks were not happy.

"We make high quality Feta", said a spokesperson with facial hair that looked very familiar.

"We make it to fine tolerances with just the right size and number of holes, so they can't line up, and then some idiot comes along, lines the holes up and............"

[onetrack]

.......BANG! - there goes all your good work involved in making the cheese!! "There needs to be a major investigation into how all this came about", said OT, who had now got a job with the ATSB, and was relishing the public service working conditions and pay - especially the morning and afternoon teas.

 

"For a start, we need to investigate who installed the holes in the cheese and how it was carried out, and how many inspectors checked the holes, and whether they were fully qualified to check holes!", said OT.

 

"I was one of the inspectors!" piped up Cappy. "I've been fully qualified in checking out holes, ever since I moved to.........

 

Edited May 26, 2023 by onetrack

[Captain]

44 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"I was one of the inspectors!" piped up Cappy. "I've been fully qualified in checking out holes, ever since I moved to.........

...... form a Committee to examine wither a Committee is needed to ......

[turboplanner]

....be formed called the Cheese Hole Committee.

The Cheese Hole Committee would report back to the  Hon. Cappy Committee on ways to save the Kapooks from lining up the holes in the Feta. The group obtained Grants from the Commonwealth Government, NSW State Government and Wagga Wagga City Council, none of the tiers of Government checking on the other. 

In a Master Stroke, Cappy opted to name the Cheese Feta Feta, formed the indigenous Feta Feta Wagga Wagga Pintjindollar Aboriginal Corporation and claimed Native Title to Kapooka which they then licensed back to the Defence Department.

In response to a hostile Question in the House by the Leader of the Opposition, Horace Fitzwilliam from the Defence Department advised the Prime Minister that he had obtained a 99 year lease on the Kapooka Base for just $7 million per year.

Cappy and the other 6 members were gloating, when .....................

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy and the other 6 members were gloating, when .........

...... they were all offered positions as Brigadier Generals (with appropriate pensions for 40 years of active service), were able to participate in the most lucrative lurk of all, by all forming, running & administering the Kapooka Base Land Council (the KBLC) ..... and they could hunt turtles, dugongs, crocodiles and pythons at any time of the year, just by ......... 

Edited May 26, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....waking up and wanting a feed of croc, so Cappy decided to try their new powers out, walked down to the Wagga Wagga Beach on the Murrumbidgee River.

A Drifter flew over.  [avref]

He threw in a rack of mutton on a croc hook, but after two hours there hadn't been a bite.

"Can't be interested in mutton this morning" he thought and decided to go home and grill some chops.

Halfway back he realised he'd thrown the chops in the river................