The Never Ending Story

[bull]

On 05/06/2023 at 10:50 AM, turboplanner said:

......nosedive as the Blue Head seized and.......

 

[NES NEWS! President Biden has just messaged bull with a wings emoji, congratulating him for the landing and inviting him to the White House to be awarded the Jimmy Doolittle Medal. The President said “Jimmy sends his regards!”

Not many people know that Jimmy got his name from doing very little in the war until Ike Eisenhower and he were in the Mess late one night and Ike said “bet you couldn’t fly a B25B off a carrier, bomb the crap out of Tokyo, and bail out over China.” And he did.]

>and Bull,s team messaged old biden back with a simple ,,No thanks ,i voted Trump!.

 

[bull]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......sequences. Bull gave Cappy a look .......

...............and proceeded to........

[turboplanner]

.......air write "Con" which Cappy caught on to (he is quite clever at air writing, seances, and all the other weirdo stuff) but assumed bull meant he was a Con Artist and flew [avref] into a rage. He'd been about to point out that the small island ahead, which bull had chosen for the forced landing was in Chinese hands and was being used to train the Chinese SAS, but instead gave bull a gentle wave goodbye.

 

bull made a professional and uneventual landing, and noticed a lot of bushes growing on the strip.

 

Unfortunately for bull these buses started firing bullpup assault rifles. (these were standard issues for the People's troops and no relation to bull) who got under the drifter and that was no mean feat with its 75 mm ground clearance; War will do that to you.

 

He reached up for his flare gun, aimed at the nearest bush and ssssssssstttttttt there wa a reasonable fire going in a few minutes. One down.   He ..............................

 

[onetrack]

......rapidly assessed how many more flares he'd need and how many bushes had to be hit. The numbers didn't calculate - so he did the only thing he could do. He punched a hole in the Drifters fuel tank and ignited it with his ciggy lighter. The Drifter went WHOOOOOFFFFFF!!! in a massive sheet of flames, which flames enabled bull to run down a drain doubled up, then down a creek line, until he........

[turboplanner]

.............reached an abandoned mine. Only five bushes had managed to follow him down and he heard one of them talking in Mandarin on a radio. He noticed that there was a loaded ore bucket still hanging from the old line, raced to a pylon, climbed up [avref] swung hand over hand long the line and jumped onto the top of the clam shell bucket.

He attracted the bushes to him by insulting Chairman XI and soon there was withering gunfire aimed at the bucket. bull knew he was quite safe above the 30 mm thick steel of the bucket, and he took the time to  lure them in closer by singing lurid words to the Chinese National Anthem and dangling one of his sleeves through one of the gaps in the bucket's jaws. Just as the bushes all gathered together under the sleeve, bull pulled the release rope and 30 tonnes of stinking ore fell on top of the Chinese soldiers, leaving bull sitting on top of the heap. From that moment the Chinese dubbed him Sitting Bull.

From the east came the "chu chu chu" of Chinese helicopters...........................................................

[Captain]

On 06/06/2023 at 4:30 PM, turboplanner said:

From the east came the "chu chu chu" of Chinese helicopters..............

....... but bull soon realized that it was actually the Choo Choo from Strahan to Queenstown.

 

"But why would the Chinese attack Tasmania first?" asked Albo at the next meeting of his Security Cabinet, held 3 months after The Voice Referendum, as that is more important.

 

Chris Bowen, who is a Security Expert, as well as everything else, put it all into context when he ........

Edited June 12, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....flatulated.

And so, as President Bush once said bull prevailed and the Chinese force, suffering from radios that stopped working and wouldn't start again, guns that jammed because the ammo was the wrong size, tank tracks that wore off, drink bottles that cracked, helmets two sizes too big, stood on the beach waiting for their pickup ship which was drifting in Bass Strait with a blown engine and no food from the galley because the gas fittings had cracked. CT had enjoyed being a soldier; he had bigger targets for a start and...........

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....flatulated.

And so, as President Bush once said bull prevailed and the Chinese force, suffering from radios that stopped working and wouldn't start again, guns that jammed because the ammo was the wrong size, tank tracks that wore off, drink bottles that cracked, helmets two sizes too big, stood on the beach waiting for their pickup ship which was drifting in Bass Strait with a blown engine and no food from the galley because the gas fittings had cracked. CT had enjoyed being a soldier; he had bigger targets for a start and...........

...... he had been able to capture the Frigate known as 睡虎金龙#2 (Sleeping Tiger Golden Dragon # 2 ....... or shuì hǔ jīnlóng #2 as bull says it) because #1 had developed a crack down the middle when it went over a wave, due to the use of recycled steel from the ..........

[turboplanner]

crushed Trabats shipped in from Russia.

It was now wallowing off the coast of Badu Island unable to make more than one knot.

The Torres Strait Islanders, who refused to fly the flag showing the back end of a bull (NTTIAWWT)

because they were Baduans and not the effeminate Torres Strait Islanders you find in Fitzroy or Redfern or all over Adelaide.

These people had always been feared for their fierce disposition and practice of castrating trespassers.

Even the great Captain Cook was very wary when he threaded his way through those islamds.

Six Baduan War Canoes, each fitted out with a Bambino espresso bar were now making 4 knots as the warriors dug deep with the paddles. They outnumbered the Chinese crew of what Cappy said. They were armed with AK47s and they soon arrived at the side of the ship where.................

[Captain]

27 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

They outnumbered the Chinese crew of what Cappy said. They were armed with AK47s and they soon arrived at the side of the ship where..............

.... they explained that those are not AK47s, these are AcaDacas, "So Hells Bells mate, we Shoot to Thrill and we are Thunderstruck that you would describe us TSI'ers as Back in Black (NTTIAWWT) when we have always been .........

Edited June 13, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......and he went on speaking for another 30 minutes.

The Captain did not expact this and seizing the moment said "Would you like some dim sims?"

The canoes were quickly tied up, the music started, and the party went on for three days, by which time the ship had reached Chinese waters.....................

 

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......and he went on speaking for another 30 minutes.

The Captain did not expact this and seizing the moment said "Would you like some dim sims?"

The canoes were quickly tied up, the music started, and the party went on for three days, by which time the ship had reached Chinese waters.....................

 

 

....... so the Islanders ordered Peking Duck, well Spratleys Duck anyway, which was actually an invalid albatross that had been hit by some steel plates that had fallen off the bridge of the Chinese battleship that had ........

[onetrack]

......been built out of Australian scrap iron, which was mostly from old Simpson washing machines, ancient farm implements, and a fair amount of rusty Lysaght corrugated galvanised iron.

 

The battleship steel imparted a particularly pungent flavour to the Duck (errr... Albatross) which promptly reminded the Islanders of Home, and a number of them became quite emotional.

 

Between tears, one Islander said, "You know, these people didn't even put on something like a "Welcome to Country" welcoming ceremony, so I don't even feel remotely welcome here, and I don't know about you blokes, but I think I'll.........

[turboplanner]

.......paddle off."

He only got to the southern point of the Bay when he was confronted by a row of PT Boats, immitation Detroit engines screaming with a few popping cylinders and through bolts, and two listing badly where the undersize hull material had given way after being hit by the force of full throttle cruising.

 

Isaac, the sole Baduan only had volcanic rocks in his canoe to defend himself with. They were very effective against the head of another Baduan, but he realised they were no match for machine guns or the armourplate of the Chinese Navy.

 

Baduans were fierce warriors though, and he threw a rock anyway. He realised it was low and it hit the hull of the second boat just above the water-line. The sub standard ribs cracked, the hull caved in and the PT Boat leaned over then sank leaving the crew floundering in the water, swimming with one hand, the other clasped to their rice tine. 

 

Isaac threw more rocks and one by one the PT Boats were sunk, the machine guns all jamming when they tried to stop him.

 

The over-confident Isaac paddled back to the ship and threw a rock at the hull; it bounced back and hit him in the mouth................................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[onetrack]

....knocking out 2 of his 6 remaining teeth - which teeth he promptly spat out, and said.......

[turboplanner]

........"You Chinese, Bro, think you inscrutable, but you scrutable,  and lobbed a volcanic rock up over the rail, knocking out one of the crew who fell............

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........"You Chinese, Bro, think you inscrutable, but you scrutable,  and lobbed a volcanic rock up over the rail, knocking out one of the crew who fell............

.... against the oven, on which was a wock full of dim Sims.

 

The crew member went instantly commercial " You want best price number 1 dim sim, 5 dollar please?"

 

And his mate said "You chuck rock, and we cook with wok, in spirit of cooperation between our two great countries".

 

Crew member #1 bounced back with "Their country not so glate, it's just a piddling little joint down in the ......

Edited June 14, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

".........tolly slate." 

And so the dangerous dialogue which eventually led to a Chinese Naval Base in the Torres Strait, 

which disrupted Australian shipping for years and polluted the shores wit seized PT Boat motors.

 

OT heard about the motors and being an expert dozer mechanic..............................

[Captain]

29 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

OT heard about the motors and being an expert dozer mechanic..............................

...... gave Torres a call.

 

Torres was a Mexican (and a real one too, not just one of Dan's Belt & Suspenders & Roads mob) who had walked across the border from PNG, yet he was no longer Strait as he had embraced the LMBGTQXYZ lifestyle (NTTIAWWT) where he (or she) was considering to .....

Edited June 14, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....marry a marryana marijuana mama from la maraca.

“Hi Big T........”

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....marry a marryana marijuana mama from la maraca.

“Hi Big T........”

....urdy, how are they hanging?" he (or she or it) said in a TI cum (NTTIAWWTE) Mexican accent. "I admire how you have also embraced the gay lifestyle, so do you like tabasco and do you want to experience a ....

Edited June 15, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

“Tamali in heat and did you really own a Ford Falcon?”......

 

[onetrack]

"Yes, I did", said Turbo - "and I'm ashamed to admit that I bought it in a moment of weakness, when my first Chevy was giving me a lot of grief. But after I'd owned the Falcon Wagon for 12 mths, I was so glad when the Chevy dealer offered me a fabulous deal to trade it on the 'Vette, and I've never looked at any Ford, ever again!

It was such a relief, getting rid of that Falcon, it was nothing but a money pit! But I've since heard that an Afghan refugee bought it, and is using it to house 13 of his relatives who can't find a cheap rental, so I guess everything has a use..........

[turboplanner]

...and Turbo sniggered as he thought about the deal where he sold the car, without, the engine at a normal single Unit price without the burden of a Stata management fee, and sold the engine to a Queenslander for his Drifter, hoping that when the buyer reached the point that the Drifter needed new skins, new frame and new undercarriage that he would leave it in the shed, so the Falcon engine's weight would never be discovered.

But the buyer sold the package sight unseen to a typical South Australian flyer who drove to Queensland and picked it up in his horse float and ....................

[bull]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...and Turbo sniggered as he thought about the deal where he sold the car, without, the engine at a normal single Unit price without the burden of a Stata management fee, and sold the engine to a Queenslander for his Drifter, hoping that when the buyer reached the point that the Drifter needed new skins, new frame and new undercarriage that he would leave it in the shed, so the Falcon engine's weight would never be discovered.

But the buyer sold the package sight unseen to a typical South Australian flyer who drove to Queensland and picked it up in his horse float and ....................

............that became OT,s first aircraft. He..........