The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

......could be used as a hang glider, and.....

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......could be used as a hang glider, and.....

.... bull could then run his Bentley in the Liquimoly 12 Hour, with Turbo, Crappy and Onesie as his codrivers, (with sponsorship from Turbine Media, Turbine Petroleum and from Turbinia herself, personally) 

 

However an issue arose when it was found that as soon as he put his helmet on, Turbs could only turn left and insisted on kicking the Bentley's arse out about 4 ft while planting his foot to produce a gracious power slide, that has always been known in top class Speedway circles (speedwayref & avref) as the "Turbo Shuffle" (even Al Unser & AJ Foyt called it that), so bull put his foot down (racingref) and relegated Turbo to be the team's .......

Edited June 26, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...orange boy. This caused ..................

[Captain]

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...orange boy. This caused ..................

..... a fair bit of public comment because Turbo uses the same tanning lotion and sunbed as Donald Trump and Tubb's Moorabbin mansion is named Mar el Even Larger Largo, but bull stood firm and declined all attempts ......

[turboplanner]

..... to allow Turbo to drive, and to the shock of everyone present, bull declared he was going to drive the full route. Now, we're not referring to any Queenslanders here but as anyone who's ever seen a Queenslander drive knows, 40 km/hr is plenty for them, and since bull has been based in Tasmania it's amazing how many farms on the Midland Highway have put up signs saying "BEWARE BULL!!!!" 

However he lowered himself into the Bentley and .....................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

However he lowered himself into the Bentley and ..........

..... laid rubber, all the way up to 41, when the overspeed warning kicked in and ......

[bull]

53 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... laid rubber, all the way up to 41, when the overspeed warning kicked in and ......

.and Bull turned off the safety control and remembered that Tassie is well known for the time he and OT won the Tassie Targa in a 1972 ford escort coupe. So soon the Bentley was..................                                        [Bull,s bentley before the race stickers]

Edited June 26, 2023 by bull

[onetrack]

.....lowered, fitted with proper race rubber, re-powered with a 6.7L Hemi Chrysler, had a roll cage fitted, the plush interior was stripped - and Turbo's eyes nearly fell out of his head when this Bentley then pulled up alongside his 'Vette, and bull yelled out, "Hey, did you............

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....lowered, fitted with proper race rubber, re-powered with a 6.7L Hemi Chrysler, had a roll cage fitted, the plush interior was stripped - and Turbo's eyes nearly fell out of his head when this Bentley then pulled up alongside his 'Vette, and bull yelled out, "Hey, did you............

.....r Vette get you more tail than my Bentley got me last night. If it did, you must be exhausted today, because I .....

[turboplanner]

'm so tired I can't even see..............but there bas nothing but dust from bulls black beast.

They came round a corner and there in the middle of the road was..................................

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

'm so tired I can't even see..............but there bas nothing but dust from bulls black beast.

They came round a corner and there in the middle of the road was..................................

.... an effigy of Turbo in cut out corflute with a hand drawn face, with a sign beside it that said very cruel and disturbing things about Speedway.

 

Then he also noticed that whoever had made it had added a very flattering drawn C&Bs down south, but had then set fire to them using a ......

[turboplanner]

......Rooboost Jump Starter 2000A, based on an observation of the massive spark burn array on the cardboard. He knew bull was sledging him so he quietly waited behind bull for a few kilometres, knowing the Bentley, with a boot load of stubbies weighed 2750 kg and his Corvette only 1683 kg and they both had the same size tyre footprint and brakes. A few minute later they were on a downhill straight with a sharp curve at the bottom. Towards the end Turbo charged up beside bull, bull saw him and opened the Bentley throttle until there was nothing on the speedo but the maker's name. Turbo immediately braked and the overweight Bentley went straight off the curve. As Turbo sauntered off he saw bull 25 feet up a Tasmanian Blue Gum looking down at the bent Bentley (which is how they got their name). Around the next corner ...................

[Captain]

21 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Around the next corner .......

..... was a right hander.

 

"What is this right handed corner that I see ahead?" Turdy asked himself. "I have my wider & differently cut outside tyres on the wrong side of the Vette for such a corner, so I will need to swap them over each time I come to one."

 

So, and not for the first time, Turbo got the jack ......

Edited June 27, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........out swapped the tyres and was round the corner just as the big B of bull's Bentley showed its nose.

A couple  of minutes later he was safely out of site of the pommy car when ............

[Captain]

41 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........out swapped the tyres and was round the corner just as the big B of bull's Bentley showed its nose.

A couple  of minutes later he was safely out of site of the pommy car when ............

..... bull realised that he was still in 1st gear with the traction control limiting the throttle opening.

 

bull eased the Bentley into the D setting on the gear thingy, cinched down his 5 point harness, pulled down the straps on his HANS device and watched as the Bentley (which bull calls a bentley) came into its element and .....

[turboplanner]

.... was soon nudging the back of the Corvette (a circuit racing thing pinched from NASCAR). The next turn on this mountain road was a left hairpin. The Corvette came out of it on full throttle, all the drive going through that big right rear with the other three wheels just touching enough to give the precise control Turbo was known for. The journalist standing on the hill all wrote that the car went through the hairpin fast and 783 fans immediately slammed the journalists as not fit to write a children's novel and that eveyone knew Turbo went through the hairpin "hooked up". 

bull's bentley with its pommy suspension, skinny tyres and the weight of a garbage compactor slid straight off the curve and headed for the sea.bull head heard that Red Bull gives you wings. Red was a cousin of bull's and the slogan has stuck in his mind, so grabbing his RB he did a Rufus Youngblood crawl back over the seats and poured the contents into the Bentley's huge fuel tank.

There was a pop and a huge wing had extended above the Bentley which gently glided down, to a lower section of the road, undeniably still looking like a kerosene tin with the corners rounded, but now right on the tail of Turbo again...........................

[bull]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.... was soon nudging the back of the Corvette (a circuit racing thing pinched from NASCAR). The next turn on this mountain road was a left hairpin. The Corvette came out of it on full throttle, all the drive going through that big right rear with the other three wheels just touching enough to give the precise control Turbo was known for. The journalist standing on the hill all wrote that the car went through the hairpin fast and 783 fans immediately slammed the journalists as not fit to write a children's novel and that eveyone knew Turbo went through the hairpin "hooked up". 

bull's bentley with its pommy suspension, skinny tyres and the weight of a garbage compactor slid straight off the curve and headed for the sea.bull head heard that Red Bull gives you wings. Red was a cousin of bull's and the slogan has stuck in his mind, so grabbing his RB he did a Rufus Youngblood crawl back over the seats and poured the contents into the Bentley's huge fuel tank.

There was a pop and a huge wing had extended above the Bentley which gently glided down, to a lower section of the road, undeniably still looking like a kerosene tin with the corners rounded, but now right on the tail of Turbo again...........................

.although keeping a wider line this time as the 30 ft wingspan was a bit of a problem with..............

[turboplanner]

....the 300 foot Tas Blue Gums which could give you a nasty graze on the elbow when knocked down.

As they came around the corner they were confronted by ....................

 

[onetrack]

....a pack of angry Tasmanian Devils, who had all decided to block the course, because the racing noises were upsetting them, and making their favourite tasty food retreat to areas which made it harder for the Devils to catch and eat them.

 

However, as soon as Turbo and bull stopped, the hungry Devils decided this pair would make suitable prey - whereupon several snarling Devils started to attack through the window of the Bentley, before bull could even get it up (the window, that is).

 

Bull started screaming for help, and this promptly led to a................

 

(and below is the terrifying sight that bull encountered.....)

 

Edited June 28, 2023 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.........call by Turbo to offials that there was a contestant in trouble at Big Pee Corner, and then he took off again squashing three of the joeys.

After a few minutes bull, by now used to the fatalistic Tasmanians realised no one was coming for him, so bleeding from several parts, he got back into the Bentley and took off again. Realising from the growling coming from the back seat that there were two joeys eating the calf hide, he quickly strangled them and continued on to .............................

 

 [the drawing above is an amazing likeness to Cappy on a Friday night in the Wagga Wagga Returned Services Dining Room when his meal is late].

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Realising from the growling coming from the back seat that there were two joeys eating the calf hide, he quickly strangled them and continued on to ...........

...... give them some of their own back. So he spun around in circles, put his teeth in and made those Tazzy Devil noises so excellently copied by Mel Blanc.

 

He was intending to chew through them like a Stihl chainsaw on heat, however high centrigal force (avref) and false teeth do not mix too well, particularly next to a bent bentley on a challenging regular section of the Targa, with Turdboy nowhere to be seen, in the Tasmanian wilds, the result being that ......

Edited June 28, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

The teeth finished up in Bass Strait and bull had to make a superhuman effort to catch the Corvette which he did on a long downgrade where the weight of the Bentley was an advantage. Unfortunately he overshot the corned at the end of the downgrade and ploughed into a local chookhouse..............

 

[Captain]

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The teeth finished up in Bass Strait and bull had to make a superhuman effort to catch the Corvette which he did on a long downgrade where the weight of the Bentley was an advantage. Unfortunately he overshot the corned at the end of the downgrade and ploughed into a local chookhouse..............

 

. ..... well i never said bull, and he hadnt.

 

ive been in lots of cat houses in my time bull added but this is the first time in a chook house. i may as well take advantage of the opportoonity (loonytoonref), so he perfected his foghorn leghorn strut and sideled up to a particularly comely young chicken "Ah say, gal, whats about you and me bash the dawg, then we can ......

 

bULL, ALL READY FOR A PIECE OF CHOOK

As you can see, his sizeable package has been photoshopped out.

Edited June 28, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........and bull whispered in her ear.

With a huge accepting smile she said "Are you really Lightning McQueen?"

bull gave her a sour look for he knew that the Lightning McQueen character, watched by all 4 year olds about the time they started coding, was based on Turbo and his Corvette.

"Pity" he thought "it would have only taken about three seconds, and he jumped back into the Bentley and took advantage of the many downhill grades until he had caught up with the red Corvett again.

Turbo flicked the PA (Police Assistance) button and 10,000 tacks dropped onto the road behind him ...........

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo flicked the PA (Police Assistance) button and 10,000 tacks dropped onto the road behind him ........

..... , which was a very tacky thing to do, and bull .....