The Never Ending Story

[bull]

55 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... , which was a very tacky thing to do, and bull .....

.had a secret weapon that he now used ,,no flat tyres, modern tech on an old bentley had saved the day as Bull..................

[Captain]

34 minutes ago, bull said:

.had a secret weapon that he now used ,,no flat tyres, modern tech on an old bentley had saved the day as Bull..................

..... was inspired by the glorious Winged B ornament on his hood, and he took the momentus step of adopting a capital B in his most recent NES (nes) post.

 

This threw Turdy into a spin, which he was also famous for during his Speedway days, and the Vette ....

 

WHO WOULDN'T GET A LUMP IN THEIR SUMP LOOKING AT THIS EVERY DAY

Edited June 28, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....seemed to sense that the old flick past was needed because as bull made a passing move, the Corvettes right rear flicked the nose of the Bentley into the trees. Of course the Corbett’s rear had flicked back in 2/100 second and the Stewards didn’t see the incident. The Bentley was trees and........

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Bentley was trees and......

..... trees away from the ......

 

PS .. Turdboy had been taunted by several young Tasmanian Bodgies who said cruel things like "Hey Turdy, somebody put your rear suspension in 90 degrees out of phase." and "I remember seeing you driving Speedway and you were a star .... so what happened?" "Bentleys kick arse" and other even more cruel taunts. Turdy thinks that these were written by bull in order to psych him out.

Edited June 29, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

He thought about it a bit more, casually finished his coffee, took a walk down the little jetty in the town, talked to the fishermen about how you could never catch the big ones any more, and then saw the Bentley finally coming into town. He walked back, checked the oil and was on his way, with a "Hasta La Vista!!!!

 

bull had no time for coffee, no time for toilet  breaks, no time for ........................

[Captain]

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

bull had no time for coffee, no time for toilet  breaks, no time for ..........

..... anything "physical" ..... and that was a problem for bull, because even at his advanced age (and even during his recent time in Intensive Care, while plugged in to 34 monitors) bull has been used to a "physical" session .... which is the reason for that glint in the coffee lady's eye.

 

So with Turbs on the way out of town, bull took it in hand and ......

Edited June 29, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....being "on the Targa took on a whole new dimension. The calf skin rear seat, after being half-eaten by the extinct devils was rougher than ................

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....being "on the Targa took on a whole new dimension. The calf skin rear seat, after being half-eaten by the extinct devils was rougher than ................

.... the driver himself, because after his last Op, bull did look a bit like a torn pocket, with a .....

[turboplanner]

........zipper or two missing, but ...............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........zipper or two missing, but ...............

.... bull was old-school and was a buttons guy, being staunchly anti zipper since that time as a little kiddie when he zipped up aggressively out of sequence with tucking it away, and the zipper did massive damage to his .....

 

Edited June 30, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......skateboard; but time was moving on and bull realised that if he was going to beat Turbo, an angle was required. Remote Tasmania, as bull had already found out when flying without a means of navigating was no guarantee there wouldn't be a CASA FoI hanging from a tree somewhere, but, he thought, Targa Tasmania wouldn't be smart enough to have stewards on the whole course. He poured a dozen cans of RB into the fuel tank, and the Bentley pushed him in the back when it charged into the next section.

Around the first corner he saw a Targa sigh FUEL TEST REQUIRED and a tall person with a beard, dressed in fluoro and waving him .....................

[Captain]

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Around the first corner he saw a Targa sigh FUEL TEST REQUIRED and a tall person with a beard, dressed in fluoro and waving him ........

.... down.

 

In the true spirit of Aussie motorsports (and aviation [avref]) bull said 'f@$& me, what are these &$%@s doing way out here? This really gives me the $%^&# and this @!#$%^&* can go and get *@&%$# using a $@!!&*$%#@ up ......

[turboplanner]

......."   The Targa Steward with a neutral expression said "First chargel; using profane language in a public place." 

"f@$& me!" replied bull. "Are you a CASA FoI or something?" 

"That's my day job" said the Targa Steward whose name was Stuart, "Licence please"

bull, like all of us was a normal person and hadn't yet cancelled his Queensland licence and applied for a Tasmanian Learner's Permit. He was also smart and knew what a CASA FoI could do when no one was watching, so he tried a new tack.

"In his best Oxford English, he said "Do you know who I am?"

Stuart looked at the gleaming Bentley with the "f@$& you" sticker on the back then gasped as he saw the last word on the sticker "Turbo"

He made a phone call..............................

 

 

[bull]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......."   The Targa Steward with a neutral expression said "First chargel; using profane language in a public place." 

"f@$& me!" replied bull. "Are you a CASA FoI or something?" 

"That's my day job" said the Targa Steward whose name was Stuart, "Licence please"

bull, like all of us was a normal person and hadn't yet cancelled his Queensland licence and applied for a Tasmanian Learner's Permit. He was also smart and knew what a CASA FoI could do when no one was watching, so he tried a new tack.

"In his best Oxford English, he said "Do you know who I am?"

Stuart looked at the gleaming Bentley with the "f@$& you" sticker on the back then gasped as he saw the last word on the sticker "Turbo"

He made a phone call..............................

 

 

.......and after a short time he came back out ,,,,,Please  proceed sir and on behalf of the TSA [Targa steward union] we would like to extend our greatest hopes for a victory in your race ! Now proceed with your..............

[turboplanner]

.......quest for Victory. 
By this time CaT, OneWheel, a host of others followed by Loxie with his siren going and everyone ignoring it as usual, then what looked like P.....no it couldn’t be, dressed in tweeds and driving a Morris Minor. These used to be known as Churchill’s Revenge and could go as fast forwards as they did backwards. At any function in the the country the females would congregate at one end of the hall and the males at the other talking about their latest ring and bearing work on their Morris Minor. The record holder was the Fonz-like Planey who had re-ringed his 13 times in 12 months. The trouble was Cheryl Johnson had got under her MM and beaten the record with rings and bearings and a start in 2 hours 3 minutes. “Why not, she’s been under everythink else” said one of the oat farmers.
bull hit the gas and the Bentley surged forward quickly coming up on the Morris Minor. The driver stuck a wheel out .......

 

 

Edited July 1, 2023 by turboplanner

[Captain]

... there, and .....

[turboplanner]

......baulked the heavy Bentley. As bull swung the steering wheel to miss the Morris Minor he saw the smirking face of Plain Drivel, and......

Edited July 1, 2023 by turboplanner

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......baulked the heavy Bentley. As bull swung the steering wheel to miss the Morris Minor he saw the smirking face of Plain Drivel, and......

..... this immediately caused bull to decide to obey all the rules and to "fly right" (avref and goody2shoesref).

 

I don't need to cheat and take short cuts to beat Turdy said bull, so he reread his rule book (he even looked at a map) and prepared the Bentley for departure to chase down the Vette.

 

Bull looked around and yelled "Clear Electronic Cooling Fans" then he .......

[turboplanner]

.........gave the Betley it's head and by a miracle caught and passed Turbo with only 20 km of winding alpine road to go.

Now in the lead, bull ......................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........gave the Betley it's head and by a miracle caught and passed Turbo with only 20 km of winding alpine road to go.

Now in the lead, bull ......................

..... started to think about all of the tail he would get after winning another Targa, although with the finish this year being in Lower Snug the choices would be small, so he worked up his victory speech + rehearsed his best chat up lines, as he took corner after corner with the grace and precision that befits his Bentley,, and .......

Edited July 1, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........just missed one of the rare Tasmanian Tigers crossing the road with its litter of pups [Turbo attended a conference in Hobart once and the room was dressed with Yakkas, Grass trees, leaves from the near extinct Tasmanian Flowering Gum, bark on the floor, a stuffed Tasmanian Tiger (male) with a litter of stuffed pups feeding, an assortment of stuffed devils, stuffed Wallabies, stuffed penguins and stuffed Mutton Birds with appropriate green lighting throughout the tables of ten, dinner consusting of various extinct species and an assortment of live frogs replacing background music. Unfortunately the Agenda was stuffed at Minute 015.]

bull consulted his map which showed he would be going through Barretta, where a Tasmanian Premier had been shot in an illegal card game, Electrona, renamed when the Electric Light camed through in 1998, Snug, a resonable-sized town with plenty of recreational venues, but banned as the Targa finish by its anti-hoon laws and Constable Cholmondeley (pronounced Chumly), When the Big C as he was known around Snug pulled you over, it was usually curtains, even for Morris Minor drivers.

The Targs map showed that the last section of the rally followed the Snug Falls Track then headed down to Oyster Bay before the finish at Lower Snug. He would stop at Oyster Bay, thought bull, it would only take a few seconds, and that's when he was blinded by the 6 Corvette lights...........................

 

[onetrack]

.....in his rear view mirror. Turbo had taken the opportunity of using a little-known shortcut (and of course, a shortcut totally unknown to Targa officials) - and now Turbo was on track to beat bull in his beat-up, breathless, bentley.

But bull knew all the tricks in the rally book - he simply twisted the rear view mirror away from direct vision with his eyes, and pulled the hidden "James Bond" lever under the dash that the Targa officials had missed during the scrutineering. This lever opened a can of .......................

[turboplanner]

.......worms, the name drag racers used for notoriously unstable (but has never blown up a machine in any class including Kiddies' Open where cars are limited to 200 mph) Nitromethane.

The Bentley flew through the back tracks where the locals, who knew some competitors who used this shortcut, were still setting up their BBQs and stack of Boags, throwing the empty cans at competitors.

As he swerved back onto the road he nearyly hit Turbo who was trying to find a radio station that didn't play Hee Haw. Turbo responded and the both raced side by side to the Finish Line in Lower Snug.

As they entered the town, with the Finish only a hundred metres away, bull in the lead, the Bentley's big engine lunched itself with the sound of ten sticks of gelignite, but just then............................ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[bull]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......worms, the name drag racers used for notoriously unstable (but has never blown up a machine in any class including Kiddies' Open where cars are limited to 200 mph) Nitromethane.

The Bentley flew through the back tracks where the locals, who knew some competitors who used this shortcut, were still setting up their BBQs and stack of Boags, throwing the empty cans at competitors.

As he swerved back onto the road he nearyly hit Turbo who was trying to find a radio station that didn't play Hee Haw. Turbo responded and the both raced side by side to the Finish Line in Lower Snug.

As they entered the town, with the Finish only a hundred metres away, bull in the lead, the Bentley's big engine lunched itself with the sound of ten sticks of gelignite, but just then............................ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...a load roaring could be heard as a..................

[Captain]

6 hours ago, bull said:

...a load roaring could be heard as a..................

..... young female .....