The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

Tiger "set" in the middle of the road and bull had to roll to a stop. As she heard Turbo approaching at speed with the chequered flag withing his grasp now he moved up the road towards him and all he could see were teeth. With his inbuilt love of animals he could only brake to a stop.

 

Behind the tiger cunning bull gently released the Bentley's brakes and started to coast down the hill, but..............

[Captain]

.... that tiger knew a thing or two about vehicle immobilization and had stuck 15 opium poppies up bulls exhaust, so that ......

[turboplanner]

.....when Targa Officials were rushed to the scene, bull's gait immediately gave him away and first to get to him was Stuart, who we will remember had CASA blood in him.

Stuart pulled out his instrument and ....................

[Captain]

55 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....when Targa Officials were rushed to the scene, bull's gait immediately gave him away and first to get to him was Stuart, who we will remember had CASA blood in him.

Stuart pulled out his instrument and ....................

.... said "Bend over bull, as I need to check whether those opium poppies were registered with the Govt prior to insertion or whether they are black (now brown) market poppies. If kosher, they will have a 15 digit number stamped on each, which .....

Edited July 2, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....will be picked up by my certified digital scanner, which appeared to be hydraulically attached to the from of a Bobcat.

The crown of people and officials around the Bentley completely blocked the road, so Turbo couldn't finish. He only had to give the Corvette a quick squirt to get to the line but there were competitors piling up behind him. He thought about turning back going to Oyster Bay and then back into Lower Snug by the coast route and crossing the Finish Line from the opposite direction by the Tasmanian Officials were known for being even stricter than CASA so he dropped the idea. Just then a Jabiru flew past [avref].

 

The crowd thinned and Turbo dropped the clutch, but...........................

 

 

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

 

The crowd thinned and Turbo dropped the clutch, but ......

..... as is typical of GM clutch centers and Vette axles .....

Edited July 2, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...something hqad to give and the transaxle headed for a wombat burrow.

In absolute panic, Turbo thought of the Rules. These were written by the Marleybone Cricket Club and these were changed every half hour, like cricket.

He remembered reading Clause 63, (a) ii, which said the Targa Stewards that since inevitably pieces were going to be torn off every car, it wasn't necessary for the whole car to be intact.

Quickly Turbo unscrewed the gear knob and clutching his knob in his hand, ran for the Finish line just a few metres away. He could hear the people cheering, but ............................

 

 

 

[Captain]

..... then realised that he had forgotten to do up his fly (avref) when he heard the commentator say that Turbo's little bird had fallen out of its nest.

 

Turbo quickly tucked .....

[turboplanner]

......it back in, but bull had seen what he was about to do and ignoring the officials he wrenched the Bentley badge off and flung it over Turbo’s head. It fell short of the line. Turbo was now hopping on one leg, tripping over his race suit and had almost made the line when..........

 

[Captain]

..... , there, for all to see, was .....

[onetrack]

......... Mavis, fully nude, and prancing around the finish line, fully intent on a major distraction of bull's finish effort. However, Turbo (being the ladies man that he is), decided he had to cover up Mavis to protect her modesty, and accordingly, he grabbed a large shawl from the closet woman spectator, and draped it over Mavis's biggest wobbly bits and furry bits.

Bull, seizing this glorious opportunity, and being a man of sterner stuff who would never be distracted by a naked, voluptuous woman, threw himself across the line, just as Turbo turned in dismay and saw bull's coup-de-grace. Turbo howled in a terrifying mixture of anger and distress, and made.......

[Captain]

17 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Turbo turned in dismay and saw bull's coup-de-grace. Turbo howled in a terrifying mixture of anger and distress, and made.......

...... the move that all good mates would do, as he saw the need to cover up bull's coup-de-grace, which also looked like a torn pocket, so Tubb told bull to pull his strides up and threw his Vette's woolen struggle rug (erky perky) over bull and ......

Edited July 3, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....quietly submitted a protest.

He pointed out that

1.       Clause 63 (a) ii beyond question require all or some of the car to cross the finish line to qualify for a            finishing position.

2.      bull could have carried the Bentley badge across the line, but he chose to dally with a naked woman           and show his coup de grace, both of which contravened Clause 128 iv (c) which prohibited lewd                 behaviour, both deliberate and accidental.

3.      He, Turbo had crossed the line with a piece of the Corvette's left window embedded in his left         

         buttock following interference from a Morris Minor, and so met the finishing requirement.

 

Not many people know that Turbine Industries once raised money in the Lower Snug area with the intent of building a Cat Farm there, and was flooded with cash by rich apple-growers, but in those days every piece of raw material and machinery had to get to Tasmani after approval (cash donation to) the Tasmanian Coastal Shipping Union. The cash soon dried up and the Cat farm was never built.

 

bull won the Targa after the Tribunal Chair, a former apple-grower ruled that the Bentley badge, having been stolen by persons unknown, had not been measured or photographed in relation to the line and so there was reasonable doubt that it had not crossed the line, so therefore probably had, and bull's coup de grace was only a little one and no witnesses were produced to show anyone saw it, and awarded the Targa Trophy to bull.

 

It was a cold day in Lower Snug ........

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

It was a cold day in Lower Snug ........

........ when Turbo got the hrumps and protested the result to the Car Union of Northern Tasmania (Strahan), the poor sportsmanship of which was compounded by Turbo being recognised by several down and out Lower Snugians who had invested their life's savings in the Cat Farm Project that Turbine Industries had promised would bring 3000 jobs to the district.

 

"We assumed that 3000 jobs would need a s*&$load of cats, so as well as tipping in all our dough, we started collecting wild cats by the score, and when you do that you a sure to get ......

Edited July 3, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........furballs, cat nests, yowling throughout the night and ....................

[Captain]

57 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........furballs, cat nests, yowling throughout the night and ....................

..... ringworms & ripped off by someone who claims to be a "man of the people" yet he has proven once again that he is really just a .....

[turboplanner]

....philanthropist, (someone who donates a million dollars to the government for the homeless in return for rezoning land where the farm value of 2 million increases to 850 million as Residential.

A small spec appeared in the sky. It looked like a Thruster but the left wing wasn’t hanging down or..........

[Captain]

22 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....philanthropist, (someone who donates a million dollars to the government for the homeless in return for rezoning land where the farm value of 2 million increases to 850 million as Residential.

A small spec appeared in the sky. It looked like a Thruster but the left wing wasn’t hanging down or..........

..... dinarily Turbo wouldn't give a rats (Cappyref) about such a thing, nor the lower classes, but in this case he was ......

[turboplanner]

intrigued by the first level flying Thruster he'd seen, and realising it was CT, wondered how he could be such a brilliant pilot, but as the Thruster got closer there sitting on the RH main was a Targa Groupie her hair flying out two metres behind her, eye makeup making her look like an owl, a guitar on her knee singing an old  Don Mclean number, "Bye Bye Amerrican Pie". There was going to be some burning bum smoke if CT tried to put it down Turbo thought. There was only one thing to do ...............

[Captain]

19 hours ago, turboplanner said:

There was only one thing to do .........

.... so Turbo asked the 2 characters that he introduced to the NES 3 posts ago, to take their car and drive below the Thruster, Evil Knievel-like, to bring it all to a happy & safe ending, so that the Targa Groupie would not be injured ..... as Turbo needs all of those that he can get.

 

So the Thropists, Phil and An, took their P76 and drove like the wind (well, at Thruster landing speed anyway) along the centerline and waited for CT to set the aircraft down softly and with his usual consummate skill.

 

One the other hand, CT saw the P76 below him and thought ..........

Edited July 5, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

.... so Turbo asked the 2 characters that he introduced to the NES 3 posts ago, to take their car and drive below the Thruster, Evil Knievel-like, to bring it all to a happy & safe ending, so that the Targa Groupie would not be injured ..... as Turbo needs all of those that he can get.

 

So the Thropists, Phil and An, took their P76 and drove like the wind (well, at Thruster landing speed anyway) along the centerline and waited for CT to set the aircraft down softly and with his usual consummate skill.

 

One the other hand, CT saw the P76 below him and thought ..........

..... why is that P76 driving in reverse in this 30 knot wind? Oh, that's right, it's because I am going backwards too as I try to do a high speed low level beat-up down the runway. Oh well, so much for high speed beat-ups and buzzing the tower. I may as well land on that massive expanse of bonnet."

 

The Groupie realised what was about to happen and wanting to protect her most valuable and used asset, in order to save it for Turbo or bull, she grabbed her .......

Edited July 5, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........golfclub. Holding on with one hand she smashed the windscreen of the P76 which was made of good old "safety glass" which instantly blinded both Phil and An.

The mystery pilot had heard the guitar playing but in this wind is sounded more like the last of his fuel gurgling down via the 18 piece line from the overhead tank, or it could have been getting air in the three way collector, or hammering in one of the three rotary filters - RA fuel systems were very complicated, mainly because RA builders didn't have to spare time to look at the successful Victa lawnmower principle. 

Blow him he suddenly notice a woman's leg and a moccasin, and he ...........................

Edited July 5, 2023 by turboplanner

[bull]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........golfclub. Holding on with one hand she smashed the windscreen of the P76 which was made of good old "safety glass" which instantly blinded both Phil and An.

The mystery pilot had heard the guitar playing but in this wind is sounded more like the last of his fuel gurgling down via the 18 piece line from the overhead tank, or it could have been getting air in the three way collector, or hammering in one of the three rotary filters - RA fuel systems were very complicated, mainly because RA builders didn't have to spare time to look at the successful Victa lawnmower principle. 

Blow him he suddenly notice a woman's leg and a moccasin, and he ...........................

.........had visions of the time he and Mabel and Cappy had........                                                                                                                                                                                                    [that blow word has unsettled poor Turbo here he is after settling down a bit.]   ]

Edited July 6, 2023 by bull

[Captain]

3 hours ago, bull said:

IS AHLOX BACK & CONTRIBUTING AGAIN?

[turboplanner]

.....shown up to the BOB in their daytime wear, moccasins.

On duty as bouncers that night were a wheat cocky, named Cyril from The Gap and a Roo Shooter from Farhunyah called Cecil.

 

Cyril and Cecil both had arms the size of Cappys thighs, and he only reched up to abouth their armpits.

 

Cyril opened up with "Mate" (every sentence starts with "Mate" in Wagga Wagga) "you can't wear that sh!t in here"

 

Cappy drew himself up to their armpits and said in his best Colonal Blimp accent "Do you know who I am!"

 

The question had been rhetorical but Cyril said "Yes, Loxie said you were nothing but a Bayliss St poser"

 

Cappy turned purple, but had to walk away and it was back to the Gumly Gumly RSL for him.

 

Finally he worked out a way to get even and emptied a bottle full of phenyl into the beercan. [Evektor Sportstar ref].

 

Ahlox has never been quite sure who did it, so NES readers who know him in another life as a community Fire hero, pleass don't get Cappy into trouble by telling him.

 

Cappy thought about the beercan and the days he and Loxie had mock Battle of Britain dogfights, twisting and turning at about 15,000 feet, both unfit and blacking out periodically and.............