The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......ate it by mistake.

Cappy gave bull a dirty look that was nearly as bad as the one he gave Turbo when, on that fateful day on the Kyneton Pass he asked Turbo if he’d remembered to bring the spare cans of ammunition as they ran out, and Turbo had to knife sixteen of the enemy before Cappy relented.

Now they were stuck........

 

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......ate it by mistake.

Cappy gave bull a dirty look that was nearly as bad as the one he gave Turbo when, on that fateful day on the Kyneton Pass he asked Turbo if he’d remembered to bring the spare cans of ammunition as they ran out, and Turbo had to knife sixteen of the enemy before Cappy relented.

Now they were stuck........

 

..... having to wait 24 - 48 hours down near bull's south end, waiting for the file & hacksaw to reappear out of his .....

 

(Cappy had been out of ammo while bravely defending the Empire at the Kyber Pass .......... while Turbo had been on the turps with that CT up near the Kyneton Pass, in the company of a few of the DG ladies of the night [What a pair of CTs])

Edited July 16, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......locker.

Finally after soaking them in Phenyl Cappy was able to cut the bars away. He handed the on to a miserable little TexMex called Oneeye Gonzales, bought some clothes from a street stall for Mex$2 and danced out of town as Los Tres Amigos, eventually......

Edited July 16, 2023 by turboplanner

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......locker.

Finally after soaking them in Phenyl Cappy was able to cut the bars away. He handed the on to a miserable little TexMex called Oneeye Gonzales, bought some clothes from a street stall for Mex$2 and danced out of town as Los Tres Amigos, eventually......

..... to play the loveable & heroic (Cappyref) part of Puss in all but the 1st of the Shrek movies, then adopted the name of Antonio Banderas to .....

[turboplanner]

....press the Mexicans, but misjudged them entirely. "Eh, Gringo, they disparagingly jeered, how come you got Bandaid on ass?  You in Gonfight?",  and all burst into hysterical laughter.

Cappy realised he was going to hev to get them under control fast, so he used a sentence which would put fear into the heart of anyone on the Subcontinent: "I fought at the Khyber Pass!" he said in an accent dripping from Upper Class (UC).

 

Unfortunately this wasn't the Subcontinent and the Mexicans roared with laughter.

"Bandyass from Khyber Pass!"  yelled one and they all took up the chant. Several slid their 38s out just to make a point.

 

Turbo, who was making millions from his Turbine Tunnels Inc business knew Cappy was in mortal danger, but he didn't want to slow his business down.

 

In a quiet voice he said "Mes Amigos, you know that this hombre, this Gringo is Chupacubra's half-son?

 

The Mexicans all turned white instantly, crossed themselves and bowed towards Cappy who ...........

 

 

 

 

[bull]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Mexicans all turned white instantly, crossed themselves and bowed towards Cappy who ...........

....turned towards Turdo and caught his wink  so played the part and...................

Edited July 16, 2023 by bull

[turboplanner]

..........smiled at the nearest Mexican who promptly made Speedy Gonzales look like he dragged his feet.

 

He leered at the second Mexican and three of them ran for the hills, one of them accidentally becoming impaled on a particularly big Cactus spike.  Turbo yelled "Chupacubra coming!!!!" and the Mex tore half his leg off clearing the cactus.

 

It had been a close shave and bull was still shaking, so they headed for the border.

"How are we going to get across the border" wailed Cappy who was always a worrier. "Don't you worry about that", said Turbo "I have to give someone US$2,000 for each of you, and you'll go straight through."

 

Without any hesitation, they handed over the cash and headed for a small hill covered in Cacti, bull .........

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Without any hesitation, they handed over the cash and headed for a small hill covered in Cacti, bull .........

..... however, expressed cynical doubts.

 

"We both know what a CT Turbo is, eh mate?" said bull, using punctualtion for a while "So what do you reckon he will really pay to get us across? $20, you think, then pocket the rest?"

 

However, before Cappy could answer, expressing similar doubts about Turbo's ethics, both Cappy and bull realised that they had given Turbo too much credit/benefit of the doubt, because out of the mulga stepped El Chappo who had visions, & had done a deal with Turbo, for on-selling bull and Cappy as high-priced sex slaves ............. well, that was until he actually saw them anyway.

 

El Chappo spoke "Sacre Bleu mon compadres, I don't theeeeenk that will work, that CT Turbo has ripped me off again, so we weeeeeell just use these two to .............

Edited July 16, 2023 by Captain

[onetrack]

....provide zee labour for deegging new tunnels unda zat da***ed 'Merrican wall! Zat way, they will be more use to us than any form of slave!

 

So bull and Cappy were given shovels and told to deeg ... and deeg .. and deeeg .... until they were told to stop. Meantimes, El Chapo and Turbo had been in a huddle. They had received news from the border, and it wasn't good. In fact, the news was all bad.

 

The last tunnel had only just been feenished ... sorry, finished ... when the U.S. Border Patrol guards had rolled up in force, and the new tunnel was promptly dynamited, and this had led to a ........

[turboplanner]

.........discussion about who was the rat.

Those who watched the movie know that Turbo should have been found the next morning lying on his back in the desert, his entrails hanging out, which was El Chapo's signature, but Turbo wa in the Cantina having a coffe and El Chapo was in US custody again.

Tubo gave bull and Cappy another couple of hours in custody, then ambled down to Border Force who all wore 357 Magnums on both hips and white pin striping on their dar blue outfits, and was immediately invited in to the Officer's Lounge where he told them a couple of his tourist friends had been enslaved by EC and he was here to pick them up. The Sergeant ordered them brought in to the lounge and apologised for the bruises all over bull and the lipstick on Cappy. Both were blubbering softly and were overjoyed to see Turbo. They would have paid tens of thousands to get into the US, so put away their nasty thoughts about him. The three walked out the door and into the San Ysidro Wendy's where ..................................

[Captain]

..... the colloquial term "Being in Wendys" meant that Wendy was .....

[onetrack]

..... again lending her clothes to the cross-dressers such as bull and Cappy, who had to get into some womans outfits to lower their stress levels after their tension-filled Mexican and Border Patrol escapades.

Cappy selected one of Wendys snug-fitting black skirts, and said to bull, "Does my bum look big in this?", and bull replied.......

[turboplanner]

....as only bull does; "seen one, seen 'em all" andCappy gave him an embarrassed smile.

Could there have been a promise there? We'll never know because an enormous spat erupted. It started with .........

[Captain]

..... BULL MISTAKENLY TYPING AN NES POST ALL IN CAPS.

 

"Are you yelling at me" responded Onesie, who has a notoriously short fuse (and temper).

 

And then it was on for young and old, well old anyway, and bull .....

[bull]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

..... BULL MISTAKENLY TYPING AN NES POST ALL IN CAPS.

 

"Are you yelling at me" responded Onesie, who has a notoriously short fuse (and temper).

 

And then it was on for young and old, well old anyway, and bull .....

.for once just edged to the side and watched the show,,,as the ...............

[Captain]

24 minutes ago, bull said:

.for once just edged to the side and watched the show,,,as the ...............

.... Coffee Lady was standing there beside him urging restraint. (This was the 1st time she had ever done that, as now that bull and the CL are an "Item" she usually urges bull to rise to the occasion and to use whatever is the opposite of "restraint", [except for during their rope-play, of course], but on this occasion she could see the .....

[turboplanner]

......sense in saving bull for another day.

Gonzales was throwing full bottles of Tequila, worm and all at Alejandro Hernandz, Pancho Sanchez was at the throat of Jorje Martinez and Maria Lopez had brought out a huge knife from nowhere (well it was somewhere but no one had seen it) and was carving up  Pedro Rodriguez.

 

It was like the BoB at 2 am, and soon the Federales arrive led by Sergeant Guadaloup Doubtfire who ................

[Captain]

45 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......sense in saving bull for another day.

Gonzales was throwing full bottles of Tequila, worm and all at Alejandro Hernandz, Pancho Sanchez was at the throat of Jorje Martinez and Maria Lopez had brought out a huge knife from nowhere (well it was somewhere but no one had seen it) and was carving up  Pedro Rodriguez.

 

It was like the BoB at 2 am, and soon the Federales arrive led by Sergeant Guadaloup Doubtfire who ................

..... considered all of the names mentioned by Turbo and declared that she was looking for the well known outlaw Pez Dispenzez and at the same time, she declared Open Season on Turbo Plannerio ....... which meant that Turbo was basically, totally .......

[turboplanner]

.....finalizado.

And that would have been the case except that Turbo knew her Australian cousins well.

 

Here's a young Turbo dealing with the overzealous Doubtfires hiding in Bayliss St, Wagga Wagga, and interrupting the Bayliss St Saturday night Drag Racing where Turbo .....................

 

 

 

[Captain]

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....finalizado.

And that would have been the case except that Turbo knew her Australian cousins well.

 

Here's a young Turbo dealing with the overzealous Doubtfires hiding in Bayliss St, Wagga Wagga, and interrupting the Bayliss St Saturday night Drag Racing where Turbo .....................

 

..... had won a few races wearing his gold lame sequined outfit and his purple wig, but then he unfortunately broke a heal, and Ahlox started to dominate the racing using his stage name of .....

[onetrack]

......"Loxy the Foxy", 'cos he was known for being as sharp as a fox when it came to outsmarting the Wagga coppers - who were always known for being a bit slow on the uptake, anyway.

 

Then came the night when Turbo had tuned the 'Vette to a hair-raising 400HP at the back wheels, and Loxy didn't know what had hit him. The blast as the 'Vette flew past his purple 350 Monaro actually blew his wig off, which made Loxy stop to pick it up. No sooner had he stopped, than........

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, onetrack said:

No sooner had he stopped, than........

..... his cute but very hairy Foxy Tail (Ahlox's stage, BOB and Kings X trademark) lifted up to, rather shockingly, reveal his ......

[turboplanner]

......Poodle-like acoutrements.

Turbo often wondered why Loxie didn't contribute to the NES any more, at first putting it down to drugs affecting his cognisance, then concluding that since he'd been made a Captain, his old friends were beneath him, but one night, having dinner at the Big Dog Roadhouse, getting the latest gossip from the truckies, he heard about Dark EMG. Turbo was sworn to secrecy because these people left the truckies along on the road and they all gave each other the triple tickle headlight signal no matter where they were. These people had their own competitions and around the back of The Rock [AVREF NAV] where very late on a Saturday night after the cops had belted their last under-age driver, the fairies furries had put out their last fire, and the SES had made their last coffee and crumpet they gathered for the competition. Someone would flick a siren switcth quickly "BLIP"........., someone else "WHOOP WHOOP" and before you knew it everyone had their own trick sequences going ten to the dozen. Then the parking competition started to see who could park most of their vehicle on the road. A side road was now used for this after after a Police Kia Highway Patrol car was flattened by a Double Road Train disguised as an "A Double" making its way to Sydney with the neddle out in the black African American area. Then the drag racing would start and here Loxie would come into his own, nudging the others off the rather narrow Olympic Highway, and Fire HQ in Sydney could never understand why Wagga Wagga would need such powerful engines in their new Fire Trucks, or so many replacement tyres. Like any Command System they only ever received information on a need to know basis. Against this background, Loxie...................................

[CT9000]

......fired up the.Morry minor with the freshly installed 14L turbo Cummins engine......

[Captain]

2 hours ago, CT9000 said:

......fired up the.Morry minor with the freshly installed 14L turbo Cummins engine......

..... that he had knocked off from one of the latest Dennis units that had been supplied to the WWFB.

 

The Morry stood on her back wheels (Turbospeedwayexpertiseref), snorted (bulldrugdependencyref) and sprayed sand (whatisinonesie'sjockstrapref {oh the sand, the sand]) and ...........

 

THE DENNIS AFTER LOXIE GOT THE CUMMINS OUT, THE EASY WAY.

 

Edited July 19, 2023 by Captain