The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

..... data, just to give them a basis for complaint.

 

"I'm totally sick of pilots being described as complaining as that is not right and should be stopped, now we'll be delayed to an unreasonable extent while some dill inefficiently gets these broken windows out of the way (which had poor quality glass in them BTW), the coffee is cold in this lounge, the $100 hamburgers here cost $200 and don't even have beetroot, and ........

Edited August 7, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........the heating is worse than my Tiger Moth.

"Are they Cessnas too?"  asked one of the newer members, and the looks around the room turned the paint yellow,

"if it hasn't got a radial it's not an airplane" said .........................

[Captain]

..... a crusty & smelly old bloke with a Grey (and yellow) handlebar mustache, who insisted on being called "Major", even though he had been a cook at the Moorabbin Rissole during g WW2, and he .....

[turboplanner]

.....penned a Motion to ban Cerssnas from the field, sending a copy as a Letter to The Editor of the local newspaper. The Editor had received many letters from the Major ranging from how birds should be shot on sight with in 5 miles of the Airdrome (The Major had been very impressed by the speech of the Americans during WW2.) to how cars should be banned and everyone should travel by plane.

 

"Cecil, can you write up something for this old wanker?" asked The Editor, and Cecil, stung by the car criticism (He Was a member of the Royal Auto Club of Toorak) and suggested to the Major that he would like to come over for an interview. The Major fell for it and invited him to luncheon in the dining room. "Great" he thought I've got him for free booz and a meal!"  The prepare for the Cessna story he fished out a photo of his Airborne XT (for non NES members this is a Microlite, often called a "trike") This would be his "Cessna" and by then needed to leave for the interview where the Major ...................................

[Captain]

..... made a bit of a dick of himself by referring in detail to the Cessna 176, and he then spoke for 50 minutes about how all gum trees should be banned, nation wide, because they indiscriminately drop limbs, they house goannas, they are a bother to low flying 176s, and they ......

Edited August 8, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....have accounted for 172 aircraft crashes since 1927.

"If it wasn't for the gum trees, all those safe pilots could have gone on to complete their flights" he said with that authority that Presidents impart.

"Why only yesterday at ......................"

[Captain]

.... at DG International, a branch fell off a eucalypt near the runup area (why that CT would plant gums around there remains a mystery), frightened the crap out of an innocent 176 pilot in the middle of a mag check, and he then took off downwind when a 380 was on final, so almost a disaster just because a .....

Edited August 8, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....shedding had been allowed, so a motion was passed banning shedding at DG and the President wrote a letter to the paper demanding that shedding be banned all over Australia. This produced a furious response from the Australian Graziers Association where the President said "We've been shedding sheep for years and not one sheep has ever been harmed!" Because this was about the airport the newspaper helpfully posted a stock photo of an aircraft, which just happened to be a Cessna and of course not the A380 - 89542AX with the stretch fueselage, heavy duty landing gear and reduced travel elecators, and all hell broke out in the ................................

[Captain]

.... 380 maintenance workshop where it was discovered that the elecators were ineffective due to the amount of hair that was shed by female passengers, when they went into the .....

[turboplanner]

......cator part which was onlt designed for hot air.

This posed a problem and who should be on the scene visiting but that little .........................

[Captain]

..... twerp from .....

[turboplanner]

....the west, Onewheel who ................................................................

[Captain]

30 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....the west, Onewheel who ................................................................

..... appears, at least at 1st glance & 1400th post, to be a nice bloke (NTTIAWWT), except that .....

[turboplanner]

.......he is an undercover FoI. As we know the ones in the East are easily spotted because they always stay at Travelodges, eat at Kentucky Fried, wear old bomber jackets with "Ace" or if they are younger "Top Gun" on the back, pick their noses and carry a clipboared.

 

Onewheel was dressed in a white boiler suit and wired and as he approached the aircraft.................

[Captain]

52 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Onewheel was dressed in a white boiler suit and wired and as he approached the aircraft.................

...... he was heard to say "FMD, does this thing really fly (avref). I thought that everything was of a much higher standard over here in the east, where the bright stars shine (even over the manger [coverhisarsereligiousref]), so I need to write you a ticket for being so slack (AUFmemberref)".

 

"The Wheel", as he is known back home in sand-land, pulled out his new fangled charge device, which was the latest fancy high flying (anotheravref) technology from WA, and as he put the 5 pieces of carbon paper into their proper location in order to make the prescribed number of copies, he looked ever so please with himself and asked ".....

Edited August 8, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........."Do you have the requisite number of fire extinguishers on this A380 - 89542AX ?" [- helpful note: That's the difference between a CASA FoI and the local journalist, who according to 28 hardline AUF members would have called it a Cessna].

Before the pilot could answer he was hit by a shedding gum branch and knocked unconscious. "The Wheel" wrote him up for failing to answer a reasonable question; he was regarded as one of the best CASA had.

Addressing the unconscious pilot "The Wheel" asked ".................................

 

[Captain]

.... Are you OK? get up you woos or I will book you for insubordination & being excessively horizontal, under Section 12, subsection B, Clause 6, which says that .....

[turboplanner]

......a Pilot (see Definition, MOS25 Ver 13, 14.6.3.2.1.0) MUST be verticalt at all times.

The Pilot..............

[Captain]

..... flew (uknow) into a .....

[turboplanner]

.........rage, grabbed the FoI by the throat and squeezed it until "The Wheel" promised to leave him alone.

Taxying A380 - 89542AX, Serial No: S487594302A [Turbo is definitely not a Journo] to the threshold, the Pilot pushed the levers through the gate and was free in Vijayawada International Airport.

The local India Civil Aviation Friends and Bros FoI greeted him with "Good Morning Great Captain, what can we do for you today?"

The Pilot replied " ....................

 

 

 

[onetrack]

......Toto, I've a feeling this isn't Kansas any more?" But as the Capt turned to speak to him, Toto was nowhere to be seen. Toto had already been seized and was heading for an Indian street hawkers market, where the Curry of the Day was often........

 

Edited August 9, 2023 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.....yellow and so were the drains in the afternoon.

[Turbo admits to being a little unsure who Toto is]

Toto had reached the Indian street hawkers market and ordered the curry of the day, hoping to be unseized.  He was served by Ben, who said "Goodness Gracious me, if it isn't Sir Toto!"

Toto gave an expansive smile which was to be his last for some days, and hopped into the yellow curry..............

[Captain]

.... "Oh" Toto said "That curry has an astringency that is having an adverse effect on my freckle".

 

The Indian cook looked at Toto and .....

[onetrack]

.....said, "My jolly goodness! A talking dog! And one that can speak Hindu as well! This dog is extra-special! - he must have been trained by the great............

[Captain]

28 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.....said, "My jolly goodness! A talking dog! And one that can speak Hindu as well! This dog is extra-special! - he must have been trained by the great............

..... Turbine Canine Training Organization, by crikey, (the world renowned TCTO) where .....

Edited August 9, 2023 by Captain