The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

CT, who had been sitting unnoticed in the Library researching "Rabbits of FNQ" hear the comment and rushed to warn Cappy, who .....

...... had faced & survived these types of threats previously, and on numerous occasions. 

 

One particularly vicious one was up the Khyber, and several others involved various other orifices. 

 

"You sort of get used to it" Cappy said to CT, who Cappy knew would probably be desert, given that he has been a bit feral lately and his flesh would taste like the bullshit on a fine bottle of plonk, with a hint of JetA1, a soupson of Mafia drug money, the waft of bunny (non Myxo), a mixture of the sacred waters, the rich aroma of lush pasture, and with a good portion of smugness which is a hallmark of Rotax 4 strokers & the European wonders of Flight Design.

 

CT was a little .....

Edited August 16, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......miffed at this rather precise analysis of his life, and so he decided to side with the local boys, unaware that this would confirm his position as desert.

There were only two types of people in FFNQ, the quick and the eaten, so .......................

[Captain]

37 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......miffed at this rather precise analysis of his life, and so he decided to side with the local boys, unaware that this would confirm his position as desert.

There were only two types of people in FFNQ, the quick and the eaten, so .......................

.... CT almost became suspicious when one of the Tribe licked his chops and held out a whipped cream dispenser, then said "With that psoriasis he will have the texture of apple crumble (Erky Perky eh?) and that will mean that he will also brown up nicely, so that we can ....

Edited August 16, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....fight over the crackling.

CT turned white at the realisation, and fingered the ever-present Sako Vixen; they weren't ging to get his crackling without a fight.

Cappy was remembering his ancestor, having his last one before going home when he suddenly became the plum duff.  He .......................

 

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....fight over the crackling.

CT turned white at the realisation, and fingered the ever-present Sako Vixen; they weren't ging to get his crackling without a fight.

Cappy was remembering his ancestor, having his last one before going home when he suddenly became the plum duff.  He .......................

 

..... also remembered what was the other use for wipped cream from a dispenser, and since Cappy had been away from home on the Endeavor for 2 years, he was ready to play, but Banksy stepped in and.....

[turboplanner]

.........made him go up into the hinterland and come back with at least 40 species of plants, and the skins of 10 animals and birds.

The first bird he saw was a Cassowary. "Pretty Bird" he called, picked up a stick and headed towards it.

"This will be easy" he thought. The bird saw him coming and ran at him. Cappy hit it on the neck with the stick, but it kicked him in the nuts. With tears in his eyes, Cappy fell to the ground and it hit him in the back of the head with its horn. (In the 20th century there was a song about the Cassowary called the Purple People Eater). Cappy grabbed it by the throat but it twisted around and hooked a claw behind his ear, peeling back half his scalp. When Cappy finally limped back into camp with a bag full of grass and the Cassowary skin, it took the ship's sailmaker four hours to stitch him up.

Cappy went over to Banksy and ..................

 

[Footnote: Banksy was not a nice person. He ripped off one of Turbo's ancestors, Thomas Mudge, to win the 10,000 guinea prize from the Board of Longitude for the first person to design a chronometer smaller than a room and accurate enough to measure longitude. Banksy's made got the prize but the King stepped in and although Thomas didn't get all the prize, he got enough to design the escapement mechanism that allowed watches to be built, and didn't have to work again.]

 

 

[Captain]

50 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy went over to Banksy and ..................

 

.... showed him his scars.

 

"Geez Skipper you look like 16 wheat bags that have been sewn up by Anthony A's one armed aunt who is well known for her excesses".

 

Cappy responded with his usual aplomb "Let me tell you how to describe a Cassawarry in your report, Joey. They are c@$^& of birds and should have a hot poker shoved up each of their a$$@&. They fight like c@%&* and taste like s^'$%."

 

Just then a 6 year old son of Anthony A overheard the conversation and said "I see you had a run in with one of our rainbow cassawaries, eh? Them c@%^& of birds".

 

Banksy was deep in thought and said "What do you know about some bloke named Mudge? I've heard that...... 

Edited August 16, 2023 by Captain

[CT9000]

......he owns a place in NSW called Mudgee with his own airstrip on in called YMDG.... 

[onetrack]

.....and the rabbits there, are in unbelievable numbers, and it's a mecca for aerial bunny-poppers like CT! I want to do a wall mural about these bunny-popping aerial artists, 'cos I believe us artists need to stick together and support each other (and that includes the BS-artists like Cappy), so as a result, I need to find........

[turboplanner]

...a flattened rabbit to trace.

CT looked at OT for a moment then noticed the black beret and said “.....

[onetrack]

.....you know a thing or two about popping stuff off, don't you? OT replied, "Mate, I didn't get this beret in an op shop, I earned it by popping off more rabbits than you've ever seen in your life!

Here in the West, we've got Eastern States rabbits that mutated into fast breeding, hardy rabbits, that built bunkers and command posts and strongpoints, and started to shoot back!

So we started courses in how to stalk and ambush these rabbits, and as a result, I proved my worth in rabbit kills, and was invited to join this crack team of Black Beret Rabbit Extermination Commando's, who meet regularly to........

[turboplanner]

talk about their exploits and argue about who was the best shot.

This reminded Turbo of his great great grandfather James Turbine, and excellent swordsman which was a Knight Commander in the Royal Order of the Green Beret Rabbit Extermination Commandos, who also used to meet and the discusion heated up one day when a Knave called No Tracks suggested Knight Commander James couldn't use a sword to save himself. No Tracks suggested he could hit a fly with his sword, reached out his sword and Thewpht! a fly fell to the ground. James stepped up and Thewph! and the fly flew away.

"That's settled then!" shouted No Tracks, "You Missed, I killed my fly, I am the best swordsman in England!

"Well No" said James "My fly did fly off to live another day, but he'll never be a father!"

This day, centuries later OT's constant boasting about killing monster rabbits and the WA rabbit proof Fence being rabbit proof as if their rabbits were purer than ours had got up CT's nose and ...................

[Captain]

.... interfered with his normal intake of the white powder (which is the product that underpins the prosperity generated by the DG Progress Association), however CT's dedication to his breeding of pure bloodline, myxo immune "DG Rabbits" (a registered proprietary name) as feedstock to the hunting sports caused some issues with the .....

Edited August 17, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....fortunes of Chairman Dan, whose closest followers had been very jittery of late and prone to bursts of temper, unaccountable mistakes, loss of memory and inability to recollect anything from the past.

CD turned his attention, which usually meant spite, to CT and ..................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

....fortunes of Chairman Dan, whose closest followers had been very jittery of late and prone to bursts of temper, unaccountable mistakes, loss of memory and inability to recollect anything from the past.

CD turned his attention, which usually meant spite, to CT and ..................

.... it was ON for young (1track&bullref) & old (Turbo&Cappyref),because that CT really is one, and is a real fighter too, having survived 2 coups within the DGPA where branch stacking has become an artform (even though there is only one),so taking on Dictatator Dan will be a piece of.....

[turboplanner]

..........pizza (all were regulars to Carlton, often seeing gangsters shot before they even got to the main course.

It has to be said that in any combat, bull was the potential VC winner jumping in regardless of bullets, shells or tank tracks. 

 

Chairman Dan had always been one of the latter, but he'd done it to a few too many of his Ministers, and the Press always greeted him with "watch the stairs Dan", so he was very touchy these days.

 

The DG group and the Magnificent Four decided to drive their tractors to Parliament House to make a point. Perhaps, as they realised later, they should have had a meeting first to decide what that should be.

 

Chairman Dan always had his morning press conference in the gardens near the side entrance, so he could whip back into Parliamentary priviledge if the questions got too hard, and this morning wasn't any different, with Chairman Dan smirking at the press hacks when the sound of 4WD tractors coming across the manicured lawns and knocking down priceless petunias and other native plants. OT's tractor was a D7 and it was wiping out the palm trees planted by Queen Victoria, but dozing a handy path to the press conference.

 

Chairman Dan looked over his shoulder and twisted his mouth into that famous Dame Edna pout.

 

bull was into it with a megablast of wrongs he'd been subjected to (mostly by Anne Bligh), and finishing up with a slur to Dand's parentage.

 

Dan, as usual when he couldn't answer the question burst into "Ah well, I'm not going to stand here and debate whether I have parents or not, We're about building the Rail Loop and rolled on, but he hadn't counted on bull who lowered his hay prong and Chairman Dan was slowly squeezed into the petunias and ....................

 

[Captain]

..... Petunia wasn't happy, I can tell you.

 

"I don't want that supercilous poonce getting squeezed into anything that is mine." she said.

 

At that very moment, Lindsay Wolf drove one of his trucks around the corner, Dick Dan grabbed his back and said "F........

[turboplanner]

....our tonne's the limit on this road! you singlet-wearing pie-eating mocassin wearing CB star!"

"How's yer back?" inquired Lindsay with mock concern all over his face, and then they were gone in the night, just two pieces of the jigsaw that is the Sporting State.

However, watching from the shadows was ...................................

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....our tonne's the limit on this road! you singlet-wearing pie-eating mocassin wearing CB star!"

"How's yer back?" inquired Lindsay with mock concern all over his face, and then they were gone in the night, just two pieces of the jigsaw that is the Sporting State.

However, watching from the shadows was ...................................

...... a group of ex-Ministers from Dickhead Dan's past cabinets, each clutching a long-handled dagger and drawing lots to see who would go first.

 

Meanwhile Dan cancelled another couple of contracts, each with $ billion cancellation clauses, one of which was a Promotions, Road Building, Truck Supply and Outer Suburb Dunny Collecting Contract (the infamous PRBTS&OSDCC) held by Turbine Enterprises. ("No wuckers" Turbo confided to Crappy "As like all the others that this clown has cancelled, we'll make more out of the cancellation penalty than we would have supplying the goods and emptying the pans in the outer suburbs (besides, blokes & blokettes would only ever empty the dunnies once up around DG, and then they would all quit. There must be something really crook up in those 5 sacred streams)."

 

The Ministers then all called Wolfy up on the CB and said "Great job on the stairs, good buddy. Can we get some of what you put on them?"

 

Wolfy was uncharacteristically quiet, and then he replied ".......

 

 

IT IS A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT THAT TURDY IS ALSO REALING FROM THE FACT THAT HIS TURBINE COMMONWEALTH GAMES LTD COMPANY HAD BEEN CANNED AFTER IT HAD WON THE CONTRACT TO RUN THE VICTORIAN GAMES AND HAD ALREADY STAFFED UP TO AROUND 5000 + BUILT 3 STADIA OUT IN THE STICKS, WHEN DAN PULLED THE PIN. TURBO ONLY MADE A $ BILLION OR SO OUT OF THAT CANCELLATION ............ BUT AS HE SO OFTEN SAYS TO CAPPY, "THAT TYPE OF PIN MONEY AT LEAST KEEPS THE LIGHTS ON IN MY TOURAK MANSION ................................. OR AT LEAST UNTIL THESE DILLS ALSO FORCE THE TURBINE YALLOURN COAL AND POWER CORPORATION TO ALSO SHUT DOWN."

Edited August 18, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

".............Just a minute, I'm trying (grunt) to change gear (grind)" then "Ah that's better!" He is an enigma that one. "Now where was I?" he asked and all the ex Ministers swamped the CB, rather like the pilots at Manangatang when the're all trying to be first.

The women had the foulest mouths and spoke with the most venom, but "The Wolf" which was his CB good buddy handle just listened; he was already working on Dan's replacements; no point listening to these has beens.

One of these replacements was a young man who'd transferred from Western Australia under the NDIS scheme for free, spent $34 million on a byelection and was now the Member for a safe Labor seat north west of Melbourne, where they used to eat their young, and now support the far left, so they don't have to work. His name was LittleTrack Pong but he promoted himself as LT. A WA shearer had got him down in a bar fight  and shore half his hair off, but this was most photogenic in Victoria and he sailed into the Parliament. He was in a meeting with Dan where The Wolf called. Dan pointed at his back as LT picked up the phone, and afterwards said "It was just a casual invitation to the Beach Shack. Dan groaned and said Young man, I ....................................

Edited August 18, 2023 by turboplanner

[Captain]

..... have just sacked you from the Ministery, and that is a demonstration of my power, as you aren't one, but you are .....

[turboplanner]

"......a Pong and that can only spell trouble. We know what you Chinese ...................

[Captain]

50 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"......a Pong and that can only spell trouble. We know what you Chinese ...................

..... can cook (cappyref) and as the .....

[turboplanner]

"Pong, Kong, Cheung, Dung, Choo, Soo, and Foo families now run Victoria, so I'm asking you to step up for the $380 million we gave to to Commonwealth Games people who wanted limos for every athlete to travel all around Victoria and Wagga."

 

LT blinked; he knew when he was caught, and ...............

 

[Captain]

.... he replied "Velly solly me no spikii engrish, but my seester will ......

Edited August 18, 2023 by Captain