BigPete Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 "Nah" said BigPete - "I'm used to flying low with a lot of drag :confused: - my J160 was one of the first off the production line. It has more imperfections than the face of a 14 year old boy who lives on chocolate and french fries and thinks clearasil is for girls." :big_grin: regrets:sad:
Admin Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 - this has gone to a new limit - absolutely hilarious Planedriver/BigPete
planedriver Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Meanwhile the boys at the the clubhouse were wooeing the Riverland girl and listening intently to her tale of the events that had occured. One of them kindly offered ;) to show her what goes on inside the hangars. Some while later they re-emerged with big smiles on their faces:big_grin::big_grin: and she was saying something about "she thought that sort of thing only occured on Qantas flights". It had been her intention to apply for a job with Virgin, but felt that she would now no longer qualify:sorry:.
BigPete Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Well - it doesn't matter who our lovely riverland girl goes to work for - with Avtur going thru the roof everyone's screwed. Unfortunately the current government has seen fit to pass a new tax on rubber, aimed directly at the RA-AUS flyer enjoying their newfound freedom in their windup wonders. :ah_oh: This had the unseen benefit of a hugh increase in the birth rate (condom prices (rubber tax) had been set at $79.95 and most people just couldn't aford it). :yuk: (Lets see - dinner for two ($12.95 maccas), two movies ($4.95 blockbuster video) half slab of beer ($17.95 safeway liquor), a box of cadbury favorites ($6.98 Coles) and the look on her face when you tell her you ran out of money and didn't use protection - PRICELESS. :big_grin::big_grin::big_grin: regards
planedriver Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 The poor girl now had long-term worries, and suggested that it may have been better to have bought sausages instead, so they could save the skins. Whilst not feeling 100% confident about there reliability, they may be better than a weary dunlop,but $79.95 a go was out of the question . If only I had saved that knicker elastic that was probably still attached to Bigpete's fishing lure, we may have been able to have it recycled at Dick Johnsons Rubberworks down the road, into a product may have saved me from the prickydickament I now find myself in. She discovered the father was a pilot who flew the bank runs, and was a fly-by-night. Being already married he was was obviousy a bit of a Cheetah, and it concerned her that as she'd had far too much to drink, she might just wind up with a Tipsy Nipperthumb_downthumb_downthumb_downthumb_down.
Admin Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 Guys, we are pushing the boundaries of being crude - let's get back to "funny" rather then "crudity" :big_grin:
planedriver Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Windup wonders do not sound too good to planedriver, He has bad memories as a lad of spending many nights building flimsy balsawood and tissue models powered that way.As an over enthusiastic youngster overwinding the thing so it would fly higher and faster the airframe sometimes collapsed into something which resembled a face tissuue filled with matchsticks. Putting his past experiences to good use Planedriver is now working on a water-powered ultralight which could be very beneficial when flown in pastoral areas. Simply push the aircraft to the end of the runway. The field launch-assistant connects the water hose to the bung thats been pushed hard into the fuel bottle and turns the tap on. Once the tank is half full and pressure builds up the bung blows out and "WHOOOSHKA" you are rocketed to 1500ft to then hunt for a few thermals to continue the days flying. This could have great potential in not only watering the surrounding countryside on take-off, but also giving a much needed shower to the "hippies" camped in the adjoining paddock. No oil to change every 25hrs, plugs to foul-up, when it needs a service you simply see a plumber. sound's good eh????????????:thumb_up:
Captain Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Crudity Guys, we are pushing the boundaries of being crude - let's get back to "funny" rather then "crudity" :big_grin: ...... in response to Ian's request/demand for no Crew-Ditty, Skipper ignored our fearless leader and related the one about the singular riverland girl who flew as copilot with Pete. (And why shouldn't the crew get a mention anyway, as they may still be voters, Ian, and may make the difference). "Ian said that we have to get back to funny", so "Gee you have a fun-knee" said Pete. "Don't even think about it" she replied. "All this water sloshing around in Planedriver Inc's new product is making my bladder do conniptions, so "it" is out of the question, particularly up here at 5,280 ft (AGL). So while the Planedriver Inc's new model, the "Clarktank 2000" was a technical success and flew very well, these aircraft never went very far due to slosh-based bladder induced landings, particularly for the older pilots of which there are a few. You'd be much better designing ....................
planedriver Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 a gyroscopic motor ideal on downhill runways. If the field has a suitable slope, the gyro spins the fan fast enough to do one circuit and land at the top of the hill and it's ready to go again. Pat. Applied for tonight. Flying training for 5 bucks an hour. Pretty Cool Eh!!:thumb_up:
Captain Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 a gyroscopic motor ideal on downhill runways. "We'll make a fortune in New Guinea (or however it is spelt these days) except for the down-hill runways that run up-hill" thought planedriver. "And what if I apply that engine to a gyrocopter?" "I'll call it a gyroscopter or a scoptorcopter or a gyro gyro (which could be built in Wagga Wagga by worker workers and inspected by lame LAMES). Now I've forgotten where I was going going (gone). Any way, I think the story is cleansed to Ian's satisfaction, except for planedrivers suggestive mention of $5 per hour (which is more than I have ever had to pay) and which brings us back to ................
Guest palexxxx Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 "which brings us back to ................ Doh, a deer, a female deer..........(oh dear)
Captain Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Doh, a deer, a female deer..........(oh dear) Ray, the start of Ray-the-on. Me, the nicest person in the world. Far, a long long way to fly. So, ..... what? La, the way Latte drinkers hold their wrists, Tea, what you shouldn't drink just before a long flight. Do, .... it baby. Which-brings-us-back-(again)-to .............................
Guest palexxxx Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Maria and the Von Trapp children are waiting at the airport, the nazis, machine-guns at the ready are approaching, the scene is getting tense, where is our hero?..... "yodel-ay-ee-oo"........What's that I hear? "yodel-ay-ee-oo"......Can it be? "yodel-ay-ee-ooo" It is, it's our hero. Captain BigPete in his jabby-roo making a low pass over runway 36. "Hooray" yell all the Von Trapp kiddies, (for they are very grateful) "This way children" cries Maria as she shepherds her young tribe towards the terminal gate whilst deftly delivering an expert rabbit-chop to one of the Fritz's necks. Meanwhile, Captain BigPete has executed a 'half cuban eight' ending in a smooth touchdown and rollout up to the terminal gate. Maria runs towards the tarmac and gaily leaps into Captain BigPete's muscular arms as he climbs down from the cockpit. "Climb onboard everyone" Cries BigPete. "Time is of the essence.........."..........
planedriver Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 All of a sudden the well intentioned Captain BigPete realises there's a bit of a problem, the Jabby only has room for two (should have bought a J400 he thought, and turned a blind eye to the regs) He turned to Maria and said "do you have a favorite"?
Guest palexxxx Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 He turned to Maria and said "do you have a favorite"? She replied, "Yes, Seabiscuit in the fifth at Flemington............"
BigPete Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 ....but our hero (that's me :big_grin:) knew there wasn't time to place a bet (and he didn't have the heart to tell her Seabiscuit was crumbed by the Nazis for weinersnitzel). :broken_heart: He looked at the Jabiru. He looked at the von Trap kiddies. :confused: Right he said, as Captain of my ship (read Jabiru) I have the power and authority to rename the two largest of you Baggage 1 and Baggage 2. Go and sit behind the seats. :thumb_up: The next two are "No Step Left and Right" - park you bums on the shiney white seats over the main wheels. The smallest of you is now called "Dipstick" I have a special compartment with its own magnetic door up front near the fan just for you. And so our intrepid, man of the hour loaded his cargo as best he could. All was going too well however and as our hero turned to take his leave, ........... regards :big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:
Guest palexxxx Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 and as our hero turned to take his leave, ........... he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning back around Captain BigPete came face to face with his dreaded nemesis, Herr Uber Leutenant Group Kaptain Captain. "And so, ve meet again, Herr BigPete" sneered the evil Kaptain Captain. "I vould like you to show me your ASIC card. You vill do zis immediately." Captain BigPete, not having his ASIC card handy said,"..........
Admin Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 All of a sudden the well intentioned Captain BigPete realises there's a bit of a problem, the Jabby only has room for two (should have bought a J400 he thought, and turned a blind eye to the regs) He turned to Maria and said "do you have a favorite"? (Damn it, I didn't get in quick enough to say mine) ...yes she said...when the dog bites, when a bee stings and when I am feeling sad...I simply remember....
Captain Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 ...yes she said...when the dog bites, when a bee stings and when I am feeling sad...I simply remember.... (Now who's being crude, Ian? Dog bites and bees stings etc brings back some highly suggestive memories. How did you know about those, as they were supposed to have been suppressed by Court Order. Oh well back to the story.) ............. I simply remember .... and always bear in mind, the difference between eroticism and kinkiness. To tickle it with a feather is almost always erotic. However if you use the entire chook, it is often classed as kinky. At least that is what Julie told the Von Trapp kiddies just before she .............
Admin Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 ............. I simply remember .... and always bear in mind the difference between eroticism and kinkiness. To tickle it with a feather is almost always erotic. However if you use the entire chook, it is often classed as kinky. At least that is what Julie told the Von Trapp kiddies just before she ............. burst into song as Mary Poppins and not feeling so sad opened her umbrella and...
Guest palexxxx Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 and not feeling so sad opened her umbrella and... now who's being erotic and suggestive.........really
Admin Posted July 20, 2008 Author Posted July 20, 2008 Crikey, I betta butt out of this before I get myself into trouble...Mary Poppins flew in at the beginning of the movie using an umbrella :big_grin:
BigPete Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 :yuk::yuk: ...sorry viewers - technical problems beyond our control. We now return you to our normal program. :thumb_up: not having his ASIC card handy, said..... "My, my Kaptain Captain, I lost my card whilst picking up a young Riverland girl last week. Will this $100 buy me a new one? ;);) regards :big_grin::big_grin:
Captain Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 Will this $100 buy me a new one? Vot? "Ein hunnnert bucks ist yust 60Euros", you CheapskatePete. "Es vill take more zan zat for Mary to open her brella ..... or were you just really vanting a replacement ASIC?" "Do you need vun just for AcuchE or might you be flichtfahring to Vagga Vagga zwei?" How do sie expect to ................... (Und ze next Vorld Ute Day vill be in Madrid Schpain)
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