The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

..........he Amazon jungle before it was all burned up by people wanting to stay warm.

Not many people know that Turbine World Heritage regularly flies in to the Amazon tribes to renew their subscriptions to Titter, now X, and to bring them long life food products because the monkeys and Jaguars have been eating what's left of their normal diet. Cappy and Turbo take it in turns, Turbo to apologise for any of Cappy's bad behaviour or little accidents. It was on one of these trips that one of the Natives asked "Senor, can we get any different colours than green because..........

[Captain]

..... broccoli really gives us the runs, and green just .....

Edited August 27, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

BREAKING NEWS...The Turbine Posting Conglomerate has won the race & prize for NES page 800.

[onetrack]

....doesn't appeal, as we're constantly surrounded by green jungle - and "green" is the most over-used, burnt-out, tired word in the current lexicon of colour descriptions".

"How about we produce something in pink?", said Cappy, in a hopeful and earnest manner. "After all, pink is the colour of the year, Barbie and Ken are noted in every corner of the globe now, for their widespread use of pink, and pink is best described as a colour that........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy and Turbo take it in turns, Turbo to apologise for any of Cappy's bad behaviour or little accidents

EXPLANATION - The very reason why Crappy & Turdo have been such close mates for decades. Something of which I know that Planey is very envious. 

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, onetrack said:

....doesn't appeal, as we're constantly surrounded by green jungle - and "green" is the most over-used, burnt-out, tired word in the current lexicon of colour descriptions".

"How about we produce something in pink?", said Cappy, in a hopeful and earnest manner. "After all, pink is the colour of the year, Barbie and Ken are noted in every corner of the globe now, for their widespread use of pink, and pink is best described as a colour that........

..... best describes the rebranded Amazon of the 21st century, after all .....

Edited August 27, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

51 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... best describes the rebranded Amazon of the 21st century, after all .....

..... next month is the Amazon Indian, Head Hunter, Piranha and Blow Dart Gay Pride Parade down the river (The World Famous AIHHPABDGPP ..... We won't have Dykes on Bikes this year, as they all drowned last parade, but we will have C@#%$ in Canoes) where pink will be our theme and .....

Edited August 27, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........we will be sending a delegation of 100 to Trump's next court appearance, all dressed in pink, with official AIHHPABDGPP tags and lanyards, and hired black Chevy Suburbans travelling in Close Convoy (CC).  We expect to deflect attention from Trump on Himself Chapter 428, and get our message across "SAVE US PINKS! - FORGET ABOUT THE AMAZON JUNGLE"

Big Oil will be sending along another 100 people along to say "XXXX Yeah!!!!"

What they hadn't counted on though was ........................

 

[Turbo tanks Cappy for his congratulations in turning the page TO 800. Page 799 was the longest page in pagination history and that includes the Magna Carta]

 

 

[Captain]

23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

What they hadn't counted on though was ........................

 

.... that the Brazilian government had existing contracts in place to burn another 25,000 hectares of Amazon jungle and the day designated to torch it is the same day as the AIHHPABDGPP will be held, so it ......

Edited August 27, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......would compete for newsprint and TV News space with the protest, so AIHHPABDGPP sent a team down and burnt 25,000 hectares.

Meanwhile, Turbo had been quietly checking out the members of AIHHPABDGPP.

All were pilots, all hated FAA and on social media endlessly posted that they'd be happy if only they had CASA like those Austrians down under.

None belonged to an Amazon tribe; when they answered the cleverly contrived question "Are you Indigenous?"  57 answered "only when Walmart puts prices up" or  "I am when someone takes my parking spot" etc.

On further background checking all were found to belong to the Democrats, 15 had been members of the Communist Party and 8 were wanted felons.

This hadn't attracted public attention because it was pretty much the mix of American Society today, and ...............

[Captain]

..... was an ideal group to found the Amazonian Ultralight Federation (AUF).

 

"That's all well and good" said Cappy "But I went down to the Fly In associated with last year's AIHHPABDGPP (the AIHHPABDGPPFI) and look what happened.

 

"That was a mistake & we apologised + gave you the details of our insurer" said the Chief "As we thought you were the ....

 

 

Edited August 27, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........son of drug dealer El Chapo."

"We would not shoot up you on purpose El Cappy; it was a case of mis-identification by young Xipacata who was out shooting Jaguars for food. 

 

Xipicata with young son Xcivato Cook

 

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........son of drug dealer El Chapo."

"We would not shoot up you on purpose El Cappy; it was a case of mis-identification by young Xipacata who was out shooting Jaguars for food. 

..... but had to settle for a daimler and a rather lame 3.5 rover that was .....

Edited August 27, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..............hanging around in the camp; do you have them in your Country El Cappy?'

Cappy turned bright red; he had to admit he still had one as his main form of transport and had never though of eating it, but he'd misunderstood the parallel reference that this tribe made as part of its language, and ................

 

[Captain]

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..............hanging around in the camp; do you have them in your Country El Cappy?'

Cappy turned bright red; he had to admit he still had one as his main form of transport and had never though of eating it, but he'd misunderstood the parallel reference that this tribe made as part of its language, and ................

 

..... so he sought clarification.

 

"Are you referring to the moon lander, the Mars explorer, the lawnmower, the canine, the boy scout or the British Leyland horseless carriage?" he asked.

 

She was clear in her reply, making full application of the parallel language, and said ".....

[onetrack]

.....what are ya? Some kind of nong? I was referring to that Pommy crap you still prefer to drive over good ol' Yankee iron!!"

 

Cappy was flabbergasted. He was known for his flabber, but it wasn't all that common to see him gasted. He stuttered .... "I - I - I, errr, ahhh .......

[Captain]

20 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Cappy was flabbergasted. He was known for his flabber, but it wasn't all that common to see him gasted. He stuttered .... "I - I - I, errr, ahhh .......

..... ehhhh, eeehh, ohhhh" and then he regained his usual smooth composure before getting back to basics and adding "Hey Xipicata, love your 3 chopsticks, but please just pan down in that photo and show us your .....

Edited August 28, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...............ankle bracelets."

Xipicata held a leg out and showed what appeared to be a bracelet made of human trapezoid bones. Counting the tiny trapezoid bones x 2 ankles amounted to a lot of dead, and eaten, enemy.

In the course of counting them, Cappy was overpowered by the stench of the monkey fat she rubbed in an a very effective insect repellant and remembered his reason for leaving her halfway through the last visit. OT, trailing behind Cappy, as a West Australian had no such qualms, there wasn't enough water in WA for washing or showering and many country people used bungara fat for the mosquitos, so he quietly went off into the jungle with Xipicata. An hour later he came running out of the jungle, his clothes in tatters, bleeding from wounds all over his body in the pattern of tooth marks and...............

[Captain]

..... then confided in Cappy that his last hour was one of the best he had ever .....

[turboplanner]

............experienced.

We know where Cappy's OneTrack mind was, but at that very moment he noticed burn marks on OT's shoulder. He knew that no Amazonian native could be that hot, so he asked "How did you get those burns?"

OT looked furtively around and then whispered: "Apparently at one stage Turbine Aviation wasn't doing so well financially, and Turbo went to UNESCO and gave them a plan to allow all the tribes in the Amazon Jungles to have a means of transport from every village to the towns, doctors and hospitals for just US$250 million using the latest Turbine Air Autogiros. President Trump, a friend of Turbos, then, signed off the finance. 2,000 were produced and dropped by parachute into the jungle with instructions which started with: "First cut your runway".

Most are still out there somewhere, but Xipicata, not only had cut out a strip to the prescribed length and width and surface from the instructions, but had taught herself to fly the gyrocopter. This was made possible by Turbine Small World Translations, Inc. which wrote the manuals in the Quechuan language; below is a helpfill link to Quechuan for those who've asked how to take-off, land, etc on the Wreckflyne forum. the TSWT Quechuan version give the newbie pilot EVERYTHING.

 

Xipicata was a fan of Red Bull, so was soon into aerobatics, and could have been a world champion if it wasn't for the baby she was saddled with by a certain person.

 

She had told OT she would take him to a secret place, but the last thing he expected was an airstrip and Gyrocopter. For better aerobatic performance, Xipicata had Fedexed the motor to Turbine Race Engines (USA) in Florida and it had come back with an extractor system, but not having the gyro to measure from, one pipe intruded into the rear seat area. Xipicata warned him about it but OT never gave it another thought as the Gyro gyrated and Xipicata showed him new positions Red Bull hadn't even thought of yet.

 

When it was time to go, OT didn't want to leave. NES readers know that any place would be better than WA to live, but it seemed OT had fallen for Xipicata.

 

This was not the case though, as ......................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OT and Xipicata in the Turbine turbocharged TurboAutgiro MK VIII   iStock photo

 

 

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

This was not the case though, as ........

..... she would not be true to just one white fella, as evidenced by the fact that she used OTs own phone to invite Planey down if he survived his dirty fortnight in Melbourne. 

 

While this was happening, the International Space Station took some pics that ignited world controversy when the owners of 2000 gyrocopters cleared 5000 ft strips, and another 3000 hopefuls also cleared a strip each, on spec.

 

So within a very short period, the Amazon rainforest was gone completely, all because of Turbo and him berry bad fella belong flying machine.

 

Bull chimed in with a salty .....

[turboplanner]

saying which was best not repeated. After Salty bought the mansion at Schitts Creek which finally placated the missus, he had become domesticated and these days just mowed the lawn with his John Deer Tractor and hung a big hook in the river attached to a John Deere inner tube and then to a big Red Gum and usually about once every three months he pulled in a 1 metre Murray Cod which kept him in cod steaks for a while, but in the old dats he would have .....................

[Captain]

I find it amazing that these things can fly (avref) with such a thin & spindley wing as shown in this photo. You would think that it would need to be much wider, or would need to rotate somehow. 

Edited August 29, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

saying which was best not repeated. After Salty bought the mansion at Schitts Creek which finally placated the missus, he had become domesticated and these days just mowed the lawn with his John Deer Tractor and hung a big hook in the river attached to a John Deere inner tube and then to a big Red Gum and usually about once every three months he pulled in a 1 metre Murray Cod which kept him in cod steaks for a while, but in the old dats he would have .....................

...... been selling them for cash in farmers markets up & down the river, and that would .....

[turboplanner]

Have been high risk work because they were really Carp and when.....