The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

1 hour ago, CT9000 said:

Special note to the broad thinking NES readers, the "T" is not for trans.

As was said in the Life of Brian ........ only a true Trans would deny his own Trans-ness (NTTIAWWT).

[turboplanner]

....then on the way to the city he realised Cappy had just tried to wedge him then blurt about it on the NES so he could say OLED wouldn't start an old maid thinking, and of course he would be right.

Not many people know the history of plasma. Quasi-neutral plasma was discovered by the ancient people of Atlantis who had to continually defend themselves from the ancient people of India, where Mahatma Wright had built a flying machine. Problem was it had to be thrown off a mountain to fly. A brilliant scientist in Atlanda Sijii  Lliamonnz, who used QNPlasma to power aircraft went to Atlanta Turbine Defence to see if they would fit weapons to it, and before long they ruled the world including Egypt where a young Ramses Turbine was studying with the Priests (Engineers) at Thebes. He invented the Capacitor, and his gave a massive kick. His student was Moses and one day the prick left Egypt with the capacitor. Ramses had always told Moses to wear a leather suit if he wanted to use it to knock down walls and stuff, but Moses didn't listen and it burnt off half his face. Ramese built another capacitor and Moses finished up on top of a mountain with half his face and had lost the first one and his boss sacked him.

Ramses combined the Quasi-neutral machine with a  C-Ray magnifier useing two D type plasma tubes and produced a rocket that could fly around the moon. 

By pure accident when the TV set was invented, the designer used a C type plasma tube, but under certain circumstances it became unstable. This came to a head when an old Grandma in Tennessee was watching Beverley Hillbillies, there was a power surge and the TV setcame at her and carried her clear across to Plains Iowa, so the design was quickly changed to OLED, which was her surname.

Quasi-neutral plasma has been used in the past 30 years to power trains and aircraft, but there's no way of decelerating them so the results haven't been publishe , however, for Drifters you could ........
 

 

[Captain]

..... mount the OLEDpropulsar on a vertical spindle and then use a big stick to turn it around to accelerate or decelerate as required. ,(Why this hadn't been thought of by some engineering type CT for application in the trains is still a mystery).

 

The sales of Drifters took off again for about the 5th time, after Turbine promotions came up with the marketing phrase "Olay for OLED", which went down in advertising history as equivalent to "Drink Coca-Cola" and ......

Edited September 1, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

".......the chicks will come running."

This didn't ................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

".......the chicks will come running."

This didn't ................

..... transpose to Drifters so well, but when the words "and the old blokes will come hobbling" were added, the Drifter sales received another big boost, the price of aluminium tube tripled, and the sources of rag .....

 

 

Even bull stopped jacking-off and sold it to buy one of the new OLEDrifters (note the clever registered name to ramp up even more sales, again successfully developed by Turbine Marketing)

Edited September 1, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

5 hours ago, Captain said:

As was said in the Life of Brian ........ only a true Trans would deny his own Trans-ness (NTTIAWWT).

Exclusive NES News- It has recently come to light that, contrary to earlier assertions in his/her post, CT is being projected in the Victorian school system as an example of successful gender fluidity. This is not yet widely known. (Photos from a DG change room are expected to surface some time next week).

Edited September 1, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

............were exhausted. Turbine Fabrics came to the rescue with a hardy  material which did the job better. CatsFur had been talked about in the lunchroom over the years, but ............

[Captain]

33 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

............were exhausted. Turbine Fabrics came to the rescue with a hardy  material which did the job better. CatsFur had been talked about in the lunchroom over the years, but ............

..... the real breakthru came when the great man himself (the Elon Musk of the modern cat industry) developed a way to weave cat fur (which is not easy given that an ally moggy's fur is less than 12 mm long) into a waterproof fabric with enhanced properties to Goretex (as developed.by Turdy's mate, Mike Gore from scratch on the beach at Hamilton Island while texting his bookie).

 

The 1st CatFur (R) fabrics were applied to a complete range of kilts, and that resulted in hundreds of Scotmen .....

[bull]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

..... the real breakthru came when the great man himself (the Elon Musk of the modern cat industry) developed a way to weave cat fur (which is not easy given that an ally moggy's fur is less than 12 mm long) into a waterproof fabric with enhanced properties to Goretex (as developed.by Turdy's mate, Mike Gore from scratch on the beach at Hamilton Island while texting his bookie).

 

The 1st CatFur (R) fabrics were applied to a complete range of kilts, and that resulted in hundreds of Scotmen .....

......rubbing up against peoples legs! now this caused...........

[onetrack]

.....great amusement amongst people watching the kilt-wearing Scotsmen doing this - but the hilarious part came when the Scotsmen were observed to lie down and roll on their backs, rolling from side to side, and waving their legs in the air, and making strange purring noises.

 

However, the real concern came when the CatFur (R) covered Drifters started to roll on their backs, in alarming numbers, as well. This led to a multitude of CFI's instructing trainee pilots, "whatever you do, don't stroke the........

[CT9000]

.....two.....

[Captain]

..... round.....

[turboplanner]

........buttons labelled LRoll or RRoll, they have plasma rockets in the wing tips to help you beat every Pitts Special but .......................

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........buttons labelled LRoll or RRoll, they have plasma rockets in the wing tips to help you beat every Pitts Special but .......................

..... these buttons gave the opportunity for the real wags in the AUF, who were passengers in a multi-seat OLEDrifter, to wake the pilot up by pushing one of those buttons while on final.

 

Oh, how we all laughed.

 

Soon this became part of every BFR, where instead of saying "engine failure" to give the pilot a seizure, the reviewer/CFI would push a button or 2 then have a giggle .......... if the pilot actually recovered from the roll(s).

 

Knowing this, OLEDrifter pilots always flew base and final at over 110 knots in order to preserve maneuvering speed and to allow them to gain height if needed, and as this technique became more known, popular and adopted as standard practice, speeds increased even further ("Speed is your Friend" and a bunch of large red ticks for every roll survived on final below 500 ft, were soon seen written on all OLEDrifters as badges of honour, like kill stickers on Spitfires), and OLEDrifters were often seen overtaking REX's Saabs in the pattern at Narranderah and Griffith.

 

It was all great fun, and a wonderful era of the AUF, until ........

Edited September 2, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

flew base and final at over 110 knots in order to preserve maneuvering speed and to allow them to gain height if needed,

 

1 hour ago, Captain said:

speeds increased even further

AS A TECHNICAL NOTE - The new CatFur (R) fabrics used to skin the OLEDrifters handled this easily and as well as being better than Goretex it was soon known as better than Kevlar and adopted for the future production of bullet proof vests (or BPVs as Turbo & I know them as part of our senior roles in the Law Enforcement, ASIO and National Security capers [the LEA&NSC]).

 

The big issue now is a severe shortage of cats to shave, & prices went through the roof, plus the moggies were not real wrapped about being shaved in the middle of a Victoristan winter.

[Captain]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

..... large red ticks .....

A typical large red tick is shown below.

Edited September 2, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

............the Rex pilots complained to CASA about being beaten to Final by those Cessna thingys.

We should explain that Rex pilots were at the cutting end of that group called Commercial pilots (or Drivers) They were subjected to stinging rebukes all day long on the radio by the experts at Qantas, near-experts at Jetstar and Flower People at Jetstar. (These people had their own forum called PPerfect.com and if any Rex pilots offered an experienced opinion there they received additional kicking.)

This is how the airline term "Kicking the Cat" (no relatioship to our cats) originated. The so-called pilot would receive a kicking from another so-called pilot, come home and kick the wife for not having dinner ready, she would kick the kid for muddying his shoes at school and when the cat brushed against his legs he would kick it down the stairs even though it had done no wrong. In airline terms, Rex pilots were the Cats.

 

The Rex Complaint as it became known was taken seriously by CASA which had been slagged at for decades by the AUF people, some of who had been sent there by CASA decisions, like rams who could no longer make the 30 ewes a day quota.

 

CASA cleverly using their huge staff of 2,749 FoIs, who admittedly had to be called in from sick leave, injury leave, heights leave, study leave, child-minging leave, and maternity leave conducted an Australia-wide (284 covered New Zealand) simultaneous Ramp Check. 

 

That the issue was Rexless Flying rather than having correct fuel, navigation equipment, WB etc went straight over the heads of the CASA Planning Team. They caught 13 hapless AUF flyers, but it was reported to the Minister as being a huge success.

 

Taking pre-emptive action, Turbine Aerospace produced a module which would actival both plasma jets at once, allowing the Drifter pilot to hit what became as the Rex button, lifting the aircraft above Rex height mementarily. The AUF Pilot would call "Have a go", the Rex pilot would do a quick nose down and WOT and the Drifter would settle back after allowing the 25 seconds for wake turbulence. 

 

These two groups quickly became friends, and this ....................................

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

These two groups quickly became friends, and this ................

..... was a meeting of the oppressed. 

 

Once that was realized, both sides hit the turps and got s#$@faced together at every opportunity (but always responsibly, based on the 1 hour bottle to throttle safety rule), they would all tell Alan Joyce jokes (which is why he is leaving), always spell Quantas with a U, and praise Reg Ansett after each joke about The Leprechaun. 

 

This new bond meant that the Rex guys and guyettes were invited to fly OLEDrifters, any AUF member could take one of the REX trainers for the day from their Wagga Flight School, and the ......

Edited September 2, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........the result was like a dream version of the successful Stud Mating that thoroughbred breeders dream of.  It produced a fast point to point pilot capable of outwitting every thought on every one of the 6.7 million CASA pages, able to operate a group of hosts and hostesses like a group of modern day Charlies Angels, and returning a massive profit for Rex to the extent that Rex quickly overtook Qantas and started putting in Multiple orders for 600 passenger versions of Turbine's Drifters.

Until........ 

Edited September 2, 2023 by turboplanner

[Captain]

..... Turdbus Industries was incorporated, after which .....

[turboplanner]

........a factory was built at DG, local rabbit shooters were retrained and employed as aircraft builders, much the same process as many companies use, 40,000 robots were imported from Gwangzhou “If robots only have one eye, return to factory for pleasure able experience.”

Turbo looked no further than the WreckFlyne form for Aeronautical Engineers, and the business was underway. The CASA. .......

[onetrack]

.....people immediately became suspicious (in fact, they're eternally suspicious), as to the substitution of Rabbit fur on Turbine Drifters, instead of Cat fur, as previously specified by the manufacturer.

An investigation soon found that Rabbit fur equipped Drifters had developed a severe response to sightings of foxes, and the instant a fox was sighted from a Turbine Drifter, the TD always made a major, unexpected track diversion, without any pilot inputs.

This caused a great deal of consternation amongst the TD pilots, and even greater consternation at CASA HQ, as it was soon learned that this unexpected track diversion was occurring randomly, but on a level serious enough to warrant a major investigation.

Unbeknowns to Turbo, CT9000 had been appointed a CASA FOI in secret, so he could report back on the Rabbit fur-Fox sighting, unexpected control response of the TD's. CT's final report, was alarming to say the least. He identified no less than 32............

[turboplanner]

.........breaches in the undercarriage alone, and ....................

[Captain]

... this is when a few setbacks happened that would only make the Turbine Industries conglomerate stronger.

 

The substitution of bunnies for cats in the Catfur feedstock could have been explained as just a clerical error, but when kilt wearing Scotsmen started coughing up hairballs it became ......

Edited September 3, 2023 by Captain

[onetrack]

....time to call in Turbine Health Care Inc, who had doctors on their payroll who were specialists in hairball removal. They had all previously been vets, of course.

 

However, upon attendance by the said Docs to the Scotsmen involved, it was then found that they were refusing to pay the specified attendance fees, and they all claimed they were "skint".

 

After much haggling, they stated that a certain generous aviation benefactor by the name of Capt Ignatious Cook of Wagga would be "picking up the tab" for the docs attendance, and to send the accounts directly to him. The hairball buildups were swiftly removed, the Scotsmen were relieved (that they didn't have to pay), and the doctors left.

 

However, when Cappy started receiving all these strange medical bills addressed to him, he called his old mate Turbo and started yelling, "You mongrel, I thought you.............