The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

19 minutes ago, onetrack said:

However, when Cappy started receiving all these strange medical bills addressed to him, he called his old mate Turbo and started yelling, "You mongrel, I thought you......

........ were my best mate and you promised that the Turdbine Industrial Compex's Professional Indemnity Insurance would cover all of these costs". (Cappy should have known better, as he has just joined the long list of gullible ladies who believed Turbo's hollow promises ......... although Cappy hastens to add that he did not perform the same despicable acts that some of the ladies did [Late breaking news .... Cappy is sad to advise that it now appears that Turdo might have similar proclivities to those of his other best mate, Barack Obama]).

 

"Yes" replied Turdy "But we have had the hairballs analyzed and the result is that there are also traces of ....... 

[turboplanner]

"........had PRINCIPLES!!!!!!!"

"I do" said Turbo; "I've rounded it out to the last cent you stitched me up on the yacht you sold me."

Cappy laughed and they went off ......................

[Captain]

Don't worry NESers, it just looks like my great & loyal friend, Turbo, has jumped a post or 2, just like he jumps the shark so many times each day in his business dealings.

Edited September 3, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

" ..............asbestos in them, so we had to dispose of the asbestos responsibly."

Cappy was inclined to be forgiving, but a sixth sense made him ask "How did you get rid of it?" and Turbo, not thinking said "We threw it in the creek."

Since Cappy's Mar-a-Lagoon was downstream and he liked fishing out of his kitchen window .................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Since Cappy's Mar-a-Lagoon was downstream and he liked fishing out of his kitchen window .......

....., he said "I've always thought that the whole asbestos hype was way overblown, and it's just a way to get some cash out of Jimmy Hardy. After all, it's a natural material and it's really just like a dose of the flu, but with ......

Edited September 3, 2023 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....the additional necessary lung transplants. Of course, I got that info off the JH site, where they also state all the side-benefits of asbestos ingestion."

 

Cappy only found out about the asbestos in his lagoon, after he had the fish from it tested for mercury. Not only were the mercury levels off the scale, the chemists also found high levels of arsenic, cadmium, and various other toxic compounds including PCB.

 

When questioned over the results, Cappy replied, "Well, I did give approval to the local 'Ndrangheta bosses to dump some surplus fill on the edge of the lagoon. How was I to know it was untreatable toxic waste, that was supposed to be.........?

[turboplanner]

........treated."

They said, you'll have to do something about it, so Cappy phoned Great Happiness-Turbine Toxic Waste Processors Ltd from Bejing.  "We fry out, fix for 2 mil US mate good day" came the message, and sure enough, in two days a squadron of six Chinese answer to the C130 dropped down and various machinery was set up, and four days later the lagoon was clean.

"You swim now" suggested the Team Leader to Cappy, but Cappy .......

[onetrack]

......was a bit smarter than that, and wasn't going to be the swim test dummy for any fly-in-by-night Chinese operation.

 

"I tell you what", said Cappy thoughtfully. "You go in for swim first, and when you come back with.......

[Captain]

57 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"I tell you what", said Cappy thoughtfully. "You go in for swim first, and when you come back with.....

..... all your teeth, no 3rd eye and if your testicles are still ......

[turboplanner]

........bulging when you cough, you come back to me and we'll talk turkey.

"You have turkey?" asked the Team Leader, " How much you charge for Peking Turkey?"

Cappy went quiet and a fear gripped his heart. He realised he'd made a tactical error.

When the Rodds Bay cat farm had started up, Cappy had placed orders for the cat's meat left over after feeding the rats. Turbo had given him a rock bottom price of only $12/kg. Cappy had gone to China and made a great thing about flying fresh Turkey meat up to Beijing where Chinese chefs started offering Peking Turkey in their restaurants. If this team asked to see the turkey farm, he could be in trouble, so he ..........

[Captain]

..... enlisted the help of the rats.

 

"If you guys want to continue this cushy existance, tax free, at the CatFarm, you will go and scrounge up some feathers and stick them on you, then get ready to gobble ....... but for goodness sake forget about the grey and pink feathers, as even these Chinese blokes know about .....

Edited September 4, 2023 by Captain

[bull]

4 hours ago, Captain said:

..... enlisted the help of the rats.

 

"If you guys want to continue this cushy existance, tax free, at the CatFarm, you will go and scrounge up some feathers and stick them on you, then get ready to gobble ....... but for goodness sake forget about the grey and pink feathers, as even these Chinese blokes know about .....

.....the gender dysphoria that's going around like the cv virus,and did not want to take home any..................

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, bull said:

.....the gender dysphoria that's going around like the cv virus,and did not want to take home any..................

.... slow moving turkey with a long tail, so it is likely to be .....

Edited September 4, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

"...............necessary to cut the tails off the rats before we export them."

There were no complaints from then on. One Chinese entrepreneur even opened a chain of Goondiwindi Fried Turkey with a photo of himself standing outside the Ringers' Bar at the Gundi.

With the cat's being bred and fed on rats and the excess rats feeding the Chinese brats, Drifters were being skinned with skins skinned from cats, and handled like a dream; so much so that Cappy went to sleep when he was up flying and .......................

[onetrack]

.....dreamt that he was lying on a Bengal Tiger skin rug that he'd collected as a trophy during his military career time in Northern India, keeping the Hindus and Punjabi's apart.

However, his dreaming came to an abrupt end, as the engine seemed to choke up. It almost sounded like it was ingesting Cat fur.

 

As Cappy raised himself from his dreaming, he was horrified to see large areas of Cat fur missing from the wings. What was worse, the engine was now.........

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

With the cat's being bred and fed on rats and the excess rats feeding the Chinese brats, Drifters were being skinned with skins skinned from cats, and handled like a dream; so much so that Cappy went to sleep when he was up flying and .......................

..... almost "did a Payne Stewart", as he departed YKKA heading 60 kms west to attend a B&S Ball in Collungully, but didn't wake up until overhead Alice Springs.

 

But all was OK, as he apologised to Alice Springs ATC and chucked a Uy, then made it back before all the girls were in the back of the utes.

 

This is the danger of new technology, dear NESers, as the more efficient wing with the new skin material and the super efficient Turbine developed propulsion system makes Drifters suitable for transcontinental migration, and that .....

Edited September 5, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

IT APPEARS THAT RATTY & ONESIE HAVE POSTED IN PARALLEL, LIKE THEY ARE COMPETING FOR TURBO'S OR bull's ATTENTION. 

 

WHICH STORYLINE WILL TURBO OR bull CHOOSE TO RESPOND TO?

 

STUFF UKRAINE, THIS IS THE BIG QUESTION OF OUR AGE.

Edited September 5, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

17 minutes ago, Captain said:

This is the danger of new technology, dear NESers, as the more efficient wing with the new skin material and the super efficient Turbine developed propulsion system makes Drifters suitable for transcontinental migration, and that .....

..... meant that new orders for Drifters flooded in from people smugglers all over the world, and that had ramifications for Turbine Industries' own PS operations, so .....

[turboplanner]

Turbine Industries employed advance teams to go into northern hemisphere countries offering packages to sell pople on the idea of being refugees. The package included a $1,000 ticket on a Turbine Dream Drifter (even though none had been made and CASA said they would never register them), entry to Australia on an Australian Passport with evidence of having worked there for ten years, and a job for life with the opportunitt to earn up to $5 million a year with severence package of $20 million.

 

The Turbine salespeople were trained to get the fee first, then answer the difficult question of how the refugee could get an Australian passport before they went to Australia, and before they told the refugee the flights had been cancelled due to non arrival of the aircraft from Myanmar etc (they were allowed to say any airport)

 

When they added the "Bomb-chuckers welcome" tag, a new wave of refugees applied.

 

It didn't take the refugees long to realise they were paying $1000 for a no-passport entry in a non-existent aircraft, but when they realised how easy it was to get to Australia, they started ordering catskins and going down to Bunnings to buy .....................

 

[Captain]

45 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

It didn't take the refugees long to realise they were paying $1000 for a no-passport entry in a non-existent aircraft, but when they realised how easy it was to get to Australia, they started ordering catskins and going down to Bunnings to buy .....................

 

...... a spoke shave and a box of assorted dots, so that they could make & decorate their own boomerang. 

 

This was the result of Turbine Marketing's cleverest initiative, where all were issued a certificate that they were 20% Aboriginal, a badge signifying that they qualified for a ridgi didge work avoidance scheme, a copy of Johnnie's Voice CD and a .......

[turboplanner]

.........free pass to Albo's Summer Corroboree where you don't get to find out where it's being held until after it's over, and ........................

[bull]

30 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........free pass to Albo's Summer Corroboree where you don't get to find out where it's being held until after it's over, and ........................

........then the real bullshit starts! Cat amongst the Pidgeon's sort of shit!!!!!,,,Now the average Aussie bloke and his family is just working his arse off and providing for the family who might have property is in big shit ,,,,,so yeah air your "voice" shouted bull, get up and....................

[Captain]

42 minutes ago, bull said:

........then the real bullshit starts! Cat amongst the Pidgeon's sort of shit!!!!!,,,Now the average Aussie bloke and his family is just working his arse off and providing for the family who might have property is in big shit ,,,,,so yeah air your "voice" shouted bull, get up and....................

...... but Turbo intervened by explaining to the next group of smugglees that the above sentiments belong to just 2 or 3 right wing (avref) extremists and that the other 27 million Skippies (less those that Dan wiped out during covid) are mostly worse.

 

"But don't worry" he added "As you Afghaboriginals will be welcomed with open arms and we'll have you all elected to Parliament in no time, at $300,000 a year, so .....

[turboplanner]

....come over here and I'll introduce you to our new CEO, Alan Joyce, who will be looking after you when you arrive at .............

[Captain]

47 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....come over here and I'll introduce you to our new CEO, Alan Joyce, who will be looking after you when you arrive at .............

.... the Leprechaun Village in the enchanted forest, where Alan will ...