The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.....be the new Jabba the Hutt, dispensing..........

[Captain]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....be the new Jabba the Hutt, dispensing..........

..... advice on long distance Drifter flying techniques, the wording of the new Welcome to Moorabbin pot smoking ceremony, and ......

[Captain]

17 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....... our new CEO, Alan Joyce, .......

OFFICIAL WRECK FLYING SPECIAL NOTE - All readers of, and contributors to, the NES would like to congratulate Turbine Industries (People Smuggling) Pty Ltd for being such a magnanimous equal opportunity employer (NTTIAWWT). Well done Turbo, from MODERATOR 14 and the rest of the Moderation Team.

Edited September 7, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........who quickly went to work ordering stretch versions of the Drifters to carry more people, changed the layout to four deck, thus allowing four times the stretch capacity, put small openings in the side so they could breathe and the BO would be washed away by the slipstream. 

This of course was a trick that Cattle carriers used, but you didn't get the Mack fumes.

 

Refugees by the thousand started wandering the streets of places like Kapooka and Geraldton, and quickly cleared away the booze bottles under the bridges and in the dry river beds, using the cash from their responsible disposals to but mobile phones and Nike runners, but ..................

 

[Captain]

..... there were clouds on the horizon for TIPSPL in the form of the FAA, who while supportive of wide bodied long haul Drifters (designated as TBI design # 380), as proposed & documented very professionally by Turdbus Industries, the issue as with most Govt departments was that Turdbus had paid off the wrong people and the quantum of cash was ......

Edited September 7, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......being wasted on makeup, botox injections, gym mmberships and clothing.

This led to.......

[Captain]

53 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......being wasted on makeup, botox injections, gym mmberships and clothing.

This led to.......

..... TBI, in their usual highly efficient way, combining these items into a cheaper & more attractive, yet fully quality controlled, bribery package (bp) and thereby cut out the middleman or middlechick, so that .....

Edited September 7, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

Given the lack of posts by Turbo recently, Cappy is worried that he also may actually have been Gavin Preston and was lunching in Keilor today. From what I know of my best mate Turbo, he is certainly "Capable".

 

And bull's silence may mean that he is on the run after plugging Gavin/Turbo, as bull has often seemed like a contract killer in some of his posts.

Edited September 10, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........the package became small enough to warrant a rejection by anyone who could count to ten.

This left a big enough sector of the community open, and they were likely to be a lot less picky, so .......

 

[Turbo has been in hiding from Capabull who took offence at a slight disagreement 17 posts ago. He found a dead horse in his driveway with a note attached saying "you don't know who this is but i'm coming for you"

 

To be honest he didn't know whether this was from bull or the gf, but he decided to lay low.

Looks as if Capable was hit by mistake by the gf.]

 

 

[Captain]

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....... with a note attached saying "you don't know who this is but i'm coming for you"

Use care Turdo, old friend, as that can't be from bull, because it includes quotation marks ......, and if he was indeed a contract killer after you, they would be skid marks.

Edited September 10, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

NESMAILMESSAGE: TURBO IS 1200 KM NORTH OF TOWNSVILLE AS WE SPEAK.

[Captain]

56 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

NESMAILMESSAGE: TURBO IS 1200 KM NORTH OF TOWNSVILLE AS WE SPEAK.

Good place to be when bull the CC (he uses cc) is after you. Stay well dear friend.

 

[onetrack]

OT believes the note cannot possibly be from bull, as it contains quotation marks. It is obviously a fake message, as bulls computer keyboard has no punctuation keys and no Shift key.

 

Meantimes, while Turbo is desperately seeking to avoid assassination from an unknown but obviously frightening source, Turbine Industry designers have been working on a new aircraft design, which is going to bring "stealth" aircraft to a whole new level.

 

TI designers realised the market for this type of aircraft is going to explode (no pun intended) after a certain warlord was assassinated in a dreadful manner whilst flying in an aircraft.

 

Turbo and his team of designers realised if no-one could see an aircraft, warlords, nasty dictators, and other nefarious types, would be rushing to order this type of aircraft, as it would enable them to travel by air without feeling exceptionally nervous about assassination - Turbo included.

 

To that end, the designers on the payroll of TI Aircraft Design Division sought out the highest technical levels of research on materials invisibility. They discovered an unnamed scientist who had devised a material that unfortunately disappeared as soon as it was made.

This material was ideal, the only problem being of course, that no-one could find the material after it was produced, so they could built an airframe from it. 

Turbo (using a Zoom conference from a remote and unknown location, naturally) offered a solution. "Why don't we .........

[Captain]

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

Turbo (using a Zoom conference from a remote and unknown location, naturally) offered a solution. "Why don't we .........

..... just use the fur from cats that have proven themselves good at hiding in cardboard boxes, and then .....

Edited September 10, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........clone the DNA to the rats which will ................

[onetrack]

......make the rats even better at hiding, than they already are - thus leading to invisible Turbine Inc., Rat Farms. The problem then developed into one of trying to find the rats, when they were ready for slaughter. This led to even more exotic developments at Turbine Industries, when Turbo requested that rat sniffers be developed, to find rats in hiding. The rats countered with...........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

 This led to even more exotic developments at Turbine Industries, when Turbo requested that rat sniffers be developed, to find rats in hiding. The rats countered with...........

...... installing tiny little shower stalls all over the place, and an executive order that all rats must shower thrice daily, as well as after footy training.

 

Rexona also developed small teatree deodorant roll-ons made with a ball from a Bic biro.

 

These initiatives proved partially successful, but ......

 

 

THE RATS, OF COURSE, COMPLIED.

Edited September 10, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........as we saw in the lat photo, rats can't help themselves and sneaked off to breed, and soon th rats were providing enough food for the cats again, but the problem now was that the combined clean rats and smelly rats exceeded the amount of cat meat available, even though skinning a Drifter took a lot longer.

 

Turbo bought Espiritu Santo island; he signed the condition of sale, a document requiring him to build a series of $100 million Condos on the beach and they didn't notice that he'd failed to nominate a date. The government, almost wetting themselves at the thought of getting $700 to $800 million dollars worth of resorts where they got free dinner every night, which was going to be a bloody lot better than Juanita's fried bananas, had discounted the Island down to US$1.00, and failed to notice there was no completion date.

 

Safely away from the Melbourne Mafia and it's leader Don Dan who had breakfast on the footpath every morning like all the others, Turbo contracted his best friend Cappy to sail a schooner full of clean rats to the Island, releasing them one dark nights. These clean rats, when they multiplied could be taken of the Island by Cooks Tours on dark nights after being herded by Turbine Infra Red Stockyards Inc.

 

And so the cat farms went back into equilibrium where the cats ate the rats and provided the mat for the breeding rats and the skins now primarily for the Drifters. [avref]

 

But there was another problem with the Drifter Programme................[2 avrefs]

Edited September 10, 2023 by turboplanner

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

But there was another problem with the Drifter Programme................[2 avrefs]

...... and that was that the multiple step ups in Drifter performance & MTOW meant that aluminium tube was passe, and the new specs call for the use of titanamazium.

 

However Elon had bought up all the stock plus the next 5 years of production world wide, for use in his rockets (avref), even the more pointy one.

 

However, Turbo was used to such conundrums and he ....

 

 

 

 

Edited September 10, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...............held a press conference where he pointed out that titanamzium was a CO2 shedder and gave off CO2 regardless of the manufacturing process and forever; it was worse than nuclear waste.

 

He went on to say that it would increase climate change to the point that horses were likely to die in paddocks and you'd soon have to eat crow burgers as chickens died out from heat exhaustion.

 

His comments went viral with President Macron of France, shoulded Vivre Le Turbo! to an adoring audience of hundreds of thousands, and ................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

His comments went viral with President Macron of France, shoulded Vivre Le Turbo! to an adoring audience of hundreds of thousands, and ................

..... then Turbo's great mate and ever loyal friend mounted the final argument that suspended all talk of man made climate change, when Cappy said "If SeeOhh2 is so bad for mankind, how come it is still permitted to be used in soft drinks?".

 

And with that, the .....

[turboplanner]

...................crowd erupted with a noise that was heard around the world. "Mais Oui, Mais Oui" yelled the crowd and burst into the Marseillais, followed by "Interdire Coca Cola!" followed by sarcastic laughs, "Interdire PEPSI!" which got an even bigger response which made it clear that the world could be on fire and the French would not give up their natice Coca Cola and Pepsi.

Tutbo had been abour to give praise to the small part Cappy was supposed to be playing in this, so he had to adapt his speech about Cappy's part in attacking titananzium, so he added the part Cappy played in the Kyber Pass and La Revolution! (well somoeone had to take up the rear), and the crowd went wild yelling "CRAPEE!, CRAPEE!" to which Cappy ..............

[Captain]

 

 

..... gave a detailed account of his descent (avref) from Fred LA Perouse and the bloke that 1st discovered Tasmania, Charlie Dequetteville Terrace (he didn't so much "discover" it, as to "run into" it), then told them how much he likes French kissing, French correspondences, French fries, chocky coisants and French .....

Edited September 11, 2023 by Captain

[onetrack]

....cars and French aircraft (avref). However, it was the mention of his love of French cars and French aircraft that brought odium upon Cappy from the rest of the crowd that weren't French.

 

"Is this bloke for real?" cried one horrified Aussie in the crowd. "He actually LIKES and prefers French cars and French aircraft?? I mean to say, we can live with his love for French pastries and French perfumes - but when he mentions he loves dreadful French cars, and dreadful French aircraft, that's it! - he's no better than............

[turboplanner]

  a Can Can dancer!.

This reminded Turbo of a previous visit to Vanuatu. The Folies Begere girls were in town and one came up to Turbo as he was buying some water melons and said "M'seur we are one girl short for the evening show could you step in and help us. Turbo had never heard of the show, but he was an entertainer so he agreed. The problem came when he was required to wear a dress. The dress wasn't the problem; he was used to Cappy's harmless cross-dressing, it was what he had to do at the end on the show with no knickers. In a panic he rushed out into the street to a novelty shop. His French not being good, he tried to mime a pair of underpants. "Of Course! M'seur said the shop assistant, baggd something up and he rushed back for the show.

As the show came to an end and they all flung their dresses high into the air, the crowd roared with laughter and souted "ENCORE" "ENCORE". Turbo had two gigantic coconuts hanging down.

 

After this great acceptance of Cappy, Turbo realised Cappy might be the best person to do the selling so he .................