The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

After this great acceptance of Cappy, Turbo realised Cappy might be the best person to do the selling so he ..........

..... appointed him as a Sales Person (Turbo is following the Alan Joyce school of management, hence that the position is not gender specific ..... [Cappy actually identifies as a Hitite Warrior from 1200 BC, and looks to be about the right age too]) and poor Crappy then has to try to sell the fact that Turbo's nuts had been very poorly dehusked, and while it was not noticeable at the time, between his nuts was what appeared to be a damaged & partly blackened banana. 

 

Once the photos came out, they made .....

Edited September 11, 2023 by Captain

[onetrack]

......the headlines in the Gumly Herald, Chronicle & Advocate Times. The Ladies of the Gumly CWA were horrified that such deviant photos would be splashed across the pages of their little town newspaper - which had always been known as a pillar of conservative values and opinions - unlike some of the lower-class, attention-seeking newspapers of the suburbs of Melbourne.

 

The Ladies hurriedly put together a Letter to the Editor of the GHC&AT, protesting about the slipping morality of the Newspaper, and demanding that the owner of the photos be identified - and punished - and that the Editor offer up a formal apology for offending the more sensitive readers - especially the Ladies of the region.

 

The Editor received the Letter and pored over its contents with increasing concern. There were major issues to be dealt with now, and he had to move fast. He called up.........

[Captain]

..... Ahlox, who had been photographed last year with a bigger & healthier looking banana than Turbo's sad specimen, and Ahlo promised to .....

[Captain]

14 hours ago, onetrack said:

but when he mentions he loves dreadful French cars, and dreadful French aircraft, that's it! - he's no better than.......

As an Aside .... our thousands of French NES readers please look away now (nos milliers de lectrices françaises de NES s’il vous plaît détourner le regard maintenant), Cappy recently bought a Citroen and a Peugeot convertible for his girlfriends, but both rejected them and one wanted a Nissan GTR and the other wanted a Shelby Mustang, so Cappy took both convertibles back to the dealer and was offered 5% of what he paid for them. So Cappy completely understands Onesie's distain in his earlier post.

Edited September 11, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....write a Letter to the Editor, saying that the photos had been photoshopped and Turbo wasn't even in the Country and didn't eat bananas or coconuts.

The GHC&AT was a Murdoch publication, which had sacked 80% of staff in fovour of the new financial partnership with Google which allowed Murdoch's AI software to research Google's vast knowledge.

The Editor printed the AI result which said Turbo (short for Turbocharger which is sometimes found on Cessnas) had travelled a lot, but didn't eat bananas, (a source of Platinum) or play coconuts from which is extracted Copra. A photo of a Cessna was added and .................

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The Editor printed the AI result which said Turbo (short for Turbocharger which is sometimes found on Cessnas) had travelled a lot, but didn't eat bananas, (a source of Platinum) or play coconuts from which is extracted Copra. A photo of a Cessna was added and .................

...... while the pic was a little grainy, everyone was happy, even though some thought that the tail looks a bit more like a Jabiru (and as per Turbo's previous post where he mentioned Jabba the Hut, it is understood that the new owners are actually located within a building, so Turbo's insight and intuition has successfully predicted the future, yet again).

 

However, the controversy had not gone away as a blow-up of the photo shows that Turbo's left nut was tattooed with the words "Property of Turbine Industries" and his right one had a tatt that read "Madge was Here" in a Japanese font (マッジはここにいた).

 

The Banana on the other hand didn't look entirely natural, and it was clear that it had been circum.........

Edited September 11, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

vented from being seen by means of a screening process called HiDe.

This caused a social media avalanche of bile against Big Photography with one person pointing out that more people now used HiDe than all the other photo improvement products combined.

The criminal elements were particularly fond of it. When the Police found a CCTV photo of a criminal driving away from the scene of the crime, his lawyer was able to produce the same photo showing a fish. It then fall down into a his word against his situation or ..................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

 It then fall down into a his word against his situation or ..................

..... as Lawyers do, and Cappy should know, they wasted 2 days of the Court's time arguing over whether the fish was a Carp or a Cobia  and it wasn't resolved until a HiDe expert was retained at great expense and the Judge asked him "Now Mr bull, as the world's leading HiDe proponent & user, and as a contract killer of note, please tell the Court ......

[turboplanner]

........your qualifications? Mr bull replied, I am a Photo Scientist and have a certificate of Looking at Photos from the University of Gumly.

 

That seemed to satisfy the Judge who dived straight in and asked "Is it possible for the HiDe process to turn a car into a fish."

 

As a Scientist, Mr bull conidered his future Grants first, and knew what to say: "No, your Honour, is is not" he replied.

 

The defence lawyer Mr CT Win, slowly, stood up, looked around the Court and asked "Mr bull; You are saying that HiDE can't change a real car into are real fish?"

"No" replied Mr bull adding "It's not possible".

 

"What about if I log into the the HiDe program and  chenge a photo of a car into a photo of a fish? asked Mr Win.

 

"Well you could renumber the pixels which would give you an Isometric progression of the D pixels producing a Pythagorian sequence which changes...................................

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

....... the angle of the dangle, and that, Your Honour, mate, is another issue with regard to Turbo's so-called banana, because .....

 

 

A SELF PORTRAIT FILE PHOTO, TAKEN BY TURBO, BUT OBVIOUSLY WHEN HE WAS MUCH YOUNGER. 

 

Edited September 12, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......but the Judge interrupted him with "PUT THAT AWAY!" Mr Win.  "Who was the person who handed it to you; I may hold him in contempt!"

"He's my Evidence Boy" repied Mr Win and in an effort to save himself, said "He's a descendent from Captain James Cook Your Honour."

"Yes, well we all know what Jim Cook was doing when he was speared in the Sandwich Islands and it wasn't eating sandwiches! Go away you dirtly little man."

Suddenly Mr Win had a brainwave ..................................

 

 

 

[Captain]

16 hours ago, Captain said:

(and as per Turbo's previous post where he mentioned Jabba the Hutt,

ANOTHER ASIDE - It appears that Turbine Industries are consumed by Jabba the Hutt issues, as Turbine Catering are featuring the below dish in their thousands of restaurants, for the months of September & October. 

 

Edited September 12, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Suddenly Mr Win had a brainwave .............

...... which he thought would provide a win, win, Win, and he ......

Edited September 12, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

decided to feature it on Turbine Airlines Sup Drifter flights comlete with the face of Cappy as shown above, howeever with several hundred passengers all fighting to hold on against the slipstream, the last thing on their minds were Lattes or smashed avocado. They just wanted ...........................

[Captain]

..... Joycey to come down from his ivory tower and lead them in song, before he ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....took up his next post generating even bigger profits for an even bigger BHP.

Alan's heart wasn't in the Drifter schem though because he, even being Oiriesh  Eirch Iris, was not in favour of open passenger compartments or for that matter open cockpits, even with the proposed "Nostalgia seats, so he gave Turbo the flick and focused on the Big Australian where the parties were "ad idem" and mining ..............

Edited September 12, 2023 by turboplanner

[bull]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....took up his next post generating even bigger profits for an even bigger BHP.

Alan's heart wasn't in the Drifter schem though because he, even being Oiriesh  Eirch Iris, was not in favour of open passenger compartments or for that matter open cockpits, even with the proposed "Nostalgia seats, so he gave Turbo the flick and focused on the Big Australian where the parties were "ad idem" and mining ..............

..had started to encroach upon the Blue Oyster Bar [BoB] and the foundations had started to...........

[turboplanner]

.......cave in. Subsequent rains were exposing all sorts of exotic liquor bottles including hundreds of Bombay Gin bottles indicating Cappy ....................

[onetrack]

.....had had a hand in the start of construction of the BoB. However, typically, Cappy was nowhere to be seen, when the next stage of construction was ready to be commenced, because Cappy had found out that there was work........

[Captain]

21 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.....had had a hand in the start of construction of the BoB. However, typically, Cappy was nowhere to be seen, when the next stage of construction was ready to be commenced, because Cappy had found out that there was work........

..... needed of either a physical or cerebral nature, plus he knew of what & who had been incorporated into the original foundations.

 

So he f.......

 

 

PS - Welcome back bull. Have you executed any lucrative contracts, or crims, lately?

Edited September 13, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......ought his way through the complicated Constitution of the BoB Entertainment Corporation which was much like the AUF today spelling out who would work and who didn't have to.

He'd learnt how to give orders when he was in charge of the Railways in Bombay (and look how that turned out). The foundations were very quickly sealed up, effectively leaving the disappearance of Cecil "Darky" Cook, a hero of the Kokoda Trail and personal friend of the Commander, General Douglas MacArthur. Not many people know that when the Australian troops were being pushed backwards down to Port Moresby by the Japanese.

Douglas MacArthur was famous for two things: 1. He ordered Australian General Blamey to tell the Australian troops all they were good for was running like rabbits. Old CT Senior was a member of the 39th Battalion sent in at odds of 105 to 2000, and he knew what a rabbit was. For years it was whispered that he was the one that "Got Darky Cook" at the BOB.

2. Kokoda Doug said that since Australians couldn't fight, he would bring in American troops, and he did. They were going well initially on the way up the track from Port Moresby, but got lost further up and were never seen again.

 

It was sad that Darky  "got them" single-handed wearing a Japanese uniform, round glasses and a small moustache.

 

At the BoB every year ...............

Edited September 13, 2023 by turboplanner

[Captain]

.... this was celebrated via the GDC freelance dance competition, which reflected the .....

[onetrack]

....movement styles of the cargo cult known as John Frum. As everyone with even a small smattering of WW2 history knows, John Frum originated from the cargo planes (avref) that regularly brought massive amounts of troop support supplies to the Islands of our North.

 

Of course, the cargo cults were operated by the "big men" of the tribes, and Cecil was one of the few who had been declared one of the tribes "big men" - and the "big men were afforded adulation, and followed with amazing loyalty - provided the "cargoes" arrived on time, of course. 

 

It was only after one long night of worship and entreaties to John Frum, led by Cecil, that he devised the dance known as the "cargo dance". This dance was based on  what the natives saw happen as cargoes fell from the sky - the white foreign soldiers dancing with joy, as they gathered around the precious cargo. Cecil knew that if he initiated this dance, the natives would..........

 

Edited September 13, 2023 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.......get cargo after cargo again until they were Fatfella....and.

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......get cargo after cargo again until they were Fatfella....and.

..... rich, ........ because in an ultimate irony, they flogged off their excess cargo to western buyers on Ebay, where .....