The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

..... still visits the Khyber (NTTIAWWT) ..... Pass that is, to revisit all the girls in the villages (in their prescribed and agreed order), to rescue any serviceman (Afghan, Chinese, Indian [dot, not feather], British or left over Russian) in distress (Cappy is an equal opportunity rescuer) and to pick up whatever medals or awards that are in the offing from whatever tin pot country. 

 

Such bravery & selfless community service obviously puts the lie to Onesie's above vicious post, which is one, sadly, only too typical in attitude from a sand person to a Wise-Man-from-the-East made good, so .....

Edited September 17, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......Cappy didn't make any attempt to rebut what had been said but just used a famous recent quote that OT must be either a racist or an idiot.

Western Australia had a very slow beginning, and if you were a young immigrant approaching marriageable age, you had to take was available whether ir was your cousin or not  and a lot of sand-eaters look the same and talk the same and.......................

[Captain]

34 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Western Australia had a very slow beginning, and if you were a young immigrant approaching marriageable age, you had to take was available whether ir was your cousin or not  and a lot of sand-eaters look the same and talk the same and..........

.... have the same constant affliction of sand chafing their crack ...... and ......

Edited September 17, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

HERE IS A TYPICAL WA CRACK.

WOWEE THAT MUST BE PAINFUL, AS IT WOULD HURT EVEN IF ON YOUR HEEL (Turboref).

TAKE SPECIAL NOTE OF THE SAND DOING ITS EVIL WORK.

NOT TO MENTION THAT THING WITH THE 10 OR 12 LEGS (SINCE CHECKED WITH DR GOOGLE TO BE THE COMMON WA ARSE MITE (ARSUS BITEMUILIUM AGONOSTICUS).

 

Edited September 17, 2023 by Captain

[bull]

4 hours ago, Captain said:

.... have the same constant affliction of sand chafing their crack ...... and ......

..making them wave their arms around ,causing the westernised people to call them itchy bums ,you would see them riding the horses waving their arms around because of the itch.  Now Turdo had.................

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, bull said:

..making them wave their arms around ,causing the westernised people to call them itchy bums ,you would see them riding the horses waving their arms around because of the itch.  Now Turdo had.................

.... had experienced similar symptoms from what was known at that time as "The Khyber Rash", which also had a burrowing mite that .....

Edited September 17, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......caused the same symptoms, and the sight of the early British horsemen coming up the pass waving their arms had terrified the natives so much that there was no fighting for 27 years, but when the eminent French surgeon Fleur de Lice discovered a cure for arse lice, one of the world's great problems was sold.

General Digby Cook and Colonel Sir James Turbine were slowly riding up the Khyber. The Bengalis saw they had their hands at the Riding position, and mistakenly decided this was a sign of weakness.

Corporal Pandit Delhi loosed off a round wich went straight between the two riders.

The General ordered Sergeants T and One Pass to  "clear out the beggars"  and five minutes later it was done.

Within minutes .................

[Captain]

16 hours ago, turboplanner said:

 

Corporal Pandit Delhi loosed off a round wich went straight between the two riders.

The General ordered Sergeants T and One Pass to  "clear out the beggars"  and five minutes later it was done.

Within minutes .................

..... Sgt T and Sgt O had posted several conclusive arguments on the Kyber Pass Forum which were accepted by the Bengals (except that objections were posted by bengdriver and old bengeela, who never really liked the sargents very much anyway).

 

Both Sgts received a membership upgrade as a result of their posts, the beggers buggered off, and the ......

Edited September 18, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

................Khyber settled down to a long period of peace.

In fact Cappy and Turbo considered setting up an AirB&B on the Devil's Elbow, but the Tahsilda pointed out there was a Pilgrim's Sanctuary just two miles away and that offered food, water and shelter for the price of a prayer. The sides were open so the occasional man-eating Leopard or Tiger also go free food, but they knew an Indian would rather risk his leg being torn off than to part with a rupee, so it didn't go ahead.

 

What did come to the Pass was ...............................................

 

[onetrack]

......the Taliban Anti-Flying School, whose followers were tasked with blowing up every pilot and aircraft they came across. "If Allah had authorised Man to fly, he would have given him wings!!", thundered Imam Raghedi Mujib Abdul Yusif, at Friday morning Prayers. "Pray that Allah directs you to every wayward pilot, and the aircraft of the enemies of Allah, so you can destroy them!"

 

The news of this religious directive soon reached Cappys and Turbos ears, which alarmed them somewhat, as "pilot" and "wayward" were descriptions used for them on regular occasions.

"Never fear!", stated Cappy with a great deal of bravado. "It'll take more than the one average bomb-chucker to stop us from..........

[Captain]

.... flying (avref) up into the wonderous blue and freeing ourselves from the weighty bonds of earth .....

Edited September 18, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....and taking those small steps for mankind.”

There was a sssssssSSSSSSHHHHBANG! and a giant hole appeared beside him.

Cappy was shaken and ......

[Captain]

..... just a little stirred up, but as Turbo was aware from other campaigns, that is when Crappy is at his most dangerous, as was found in his successful campaigns against the Zulus, the Boars, the Indians (dot not feather), those pesky Americans, and those ......

[bull]

6 hours ago, Captain said:

..... just a little stirred up, but as Turbo was aware from other campaigns, that is when Crappy is at his most dangerous, as was found in his successful campaigns against the Zulus, the Boars, the Indians (dot not feather), those pesky Americans, and those ......

...rather queer northern Highlands Tribe in PNG he once crossed paths with who had................

[Captain]

35 minutes ago, bull said:

...rather queer northern Highlands Tribe in PNG he once crossed paths with who had................

...... wanted to anoint him as a God (this sort of thing happens all the time), but with his usual modesty, he declined and instead nominated Onesie ....., because WA needs the prestige and is more like the highlands in its social structure. 

 

OT was willing, on the condition that .....

Edited September 19, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....he didn't have to wear possum grease. Tis was considered a bit rich by the natives given that underarm deodorant was yet to appear at WA trading posts.

 

Paleo Kaupa who spoke with a whistle was all for making OT the main course, but Bopau James in a passionate speech recommended reason; perhaps they should just bash his head in; there was no telling what a man who doesn't use possum grease would taste like and all the sand would grate on their teeth.

 

Gasowe Thomas had a better idea. "We should take him up the peak and roll him over; see how many times he bounces on the way down.

 

OT decided to have a last smoke; When he pulled the Redhead match box out the natives ....................................

 

[Captain]

..... blew .....

[bull]

27 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... blew .....

.a fit,,, and one grabbed OT and tackled him to the ground at the same time screaming ,,,,,got a smoke mate???? Now as OT stood up again and rubbed the dust off, he said: Bugger me stupid ,,this galah thinks smokes are free!!!     [Tie me Kangaroo down mate said Cappy in the background] Mate you can go and ...........

Edited September 19, 2023 by bull

[onetrack]

.......get your own tobacco from your native trees, and roll your own! These coffin sticks cost a fortune today, this isn't WW2 where a packet of fags was included in every ration pack!"

 

At that, there was a hubbub amongst the tribesmen as they debated whether to go and try and find some local tobacco leaf, kill OT right there, and take his smokes, or just pretend to be friends again so they could pinch his smokes out of his backpack when he was distracted

 

Meantimes, OT was searching for something to get one over them. A cunning plan formed in his mind. He cried out and pointed to the distant sky, "HIMFELLA BALUS BRINGIM POLIS!" (pidgin avref)

 

The natives spun around as one, gazing at the sky, most dropping their weapons in alarm. OT took the opportunity to make his escape, so he ran and zig-zagged and dropped and rolled, just like he used to do in 'Nam when the VC got a sighting on him. He stopped after about 2 kms to draw breath. There was only jungle silence, and this was.........

 

Edited September 19, 2023 by onetrack

[bull]

16 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.......get your own tobacco from your native trees, and roll your own! These coffin sticks cost a fortune today, this isn't WW2 where a packet of fags was included in every ration pack!"

 

At that, there was a hubbub amongst the tribesmen as they debated whether to go and try and find some local tobacco leaf, kill OT right there, and take his smokes, or just pretend to be friends again so they could pinch his smokes out of his backpack when he was distracted

 

Meantimes, OT was searching for something to get one over them. A cunning plan formed in his mind. He cried out and pointed to the distant sky, "HIMFELLA BALUS BRINGIM POLIS!" (pidgin avref)

 

The natives spun around as one, gazing at the sky, most dropping their weapons in alarm. OT took the opportunity to make his escape, so he ran and zig-zagged and dropped and rolled, just like he used to do in 'Nam when the VC got a sighting on him. He stopped after about 2 kms to draw breath. There was only jungle silence, and this was.........

 

..when he realised that he had dropped his..................

[Captain]

..... dacks and he wasn't wearing a gourd.

 

But then a nubile tribeslady stepped out, looked OT over and said "Gawd ..............you have a .....

Edited September 19, 2023 by Captain

[bull]

4 hours ago, Captain said:

..... dacks and he wasn't wearing a gourd.

 

But then a nubile tribeslady stepped out, looked OT over and said "Gawd ..............you have a .....

.........weird coloured.......

[onetrack]

.....tattoo on your.......

[Captain]

5 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....tattoo on your.......

..... rickety .....

[turboplanner]

........old carry bag, and she smiled and said : "I bought it when I was studying law at UTAS."

OT, being from WA had never been to Tasmania.

WA people have a chip on their shoulder about the "wise men from the East", and of course Tasmanians have a chip on their shoulder about "Mainlanders" (Turbo had once asked Bob Hawke to clean up Australia by dumping both States, but Bob had called him a bum).

 

The tribeslady said to OT "You're a mainlander are you" and OT burned wit embarrassement at being seen as inferior. 

 

OT drew himself up to his full height and replied  " ..............