The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.....plume which reached ...............

[Captain]

.... cruising level (avref) .....

[turboplanner]

...and right on the Melbourne-Sydney route. Passengers on every flight that morning reported feeling dizzy and light-headed. Many said the little Irishman should resign for not cleaning out the aircraft between flights. Others pointed to climate change and said this justified all the warnings from the UN, and this is what we could expect from interstate flights from now on. Some even went as far as pointing out that Australia would now HAVE to build High Speed Solar Powered Rail to take over from aircraft which were dynosaurs from the past. Some even .................

[Captain]

.... endorsed the "Drifters For The Common Man" movement, which is the closest they would come to the always foreshadowed Flying Cars that were promised by ....

[turboplanner]

.......Popular Mechanics in 1959, where they featured a Lincoln with 4 ducted fans which would have been a hoot to get off the ground, but somewhat problematic staying there without .............

[Captain]

16 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......Popular Mechanics in 1959, where they featured a Lincoln with 4 ducted fans which would have been a hoot to get off the ground, but somewhat problematic staying there without .............

....... Turbo's legendary sense of balance and coordination.

 

The Turbine Personal Transport Company (TPTC P/L) had, however, come up with a massive improvement after buying 200,000 unsold GM Volt EV's, pulled all the batteries out for W & B purposes (& dumped them in an illegal land fill near Southern Cross ..... soon to be covered forever like Lassater's Reef by the ever present shifting sand hills [Ohhh the Sand, the Sand]).

 

The Volts, were renamed as Cars Now Under Trial (CNUT) and fitted with the latest drone type electric motors.

 

All went well until Turbo realised that DJI and Xi had "done" him again and, while cheap, had sold him their leftover stock of shop soiled 2019 drone engines, so he needed 300 just to get the chassis off the ground, then 200 more by the time Test Pilot Turbo (avref) {TPT) wriggled his lean & trim, yet lanky frame into the CNUT of an aircraft.

 

"Oh FMD" said Turbo to his design team. We foprgot something. Go and dig up those batteries again and order 200% more engines, because we'll ...... 

Edited November 19, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....have problems without batteries and we'll have problems with motors that don't work after the first ten hours. (The success of Turbine Industries was Turbo's incitefull thought process; the EV industry had also picked up the traits of Chinese motors, selling the willing retirees on EV by promoting them as maintenance free, and they were; the minute those Golden River motors stopped, you had to chuck them in the river because there was no way they could be revived by any spanner on earth).

"We'll give the customer a free replacement battery as long as he brings the old one in in working order" said Turbo to his marketing staff. "That should ..........................."

 

 

 

[Captain]

.... solve the entire EV problem worldwide"

 

And it did, because Turbo also bought the rights to that little jigger that Peter Brock used to sell to stick on your fuel line & double fuel mileage, and Turdo just stuck one on each EV battery so that he could guarantee them for 15 years or your money back (for the 25 cent jigger).

 

Sales were brisk and Turdo was ....

[turboplanner]

......safe because the small print required to jigger to be posted back intact. Since there was a tab which had to be broken off to fit it, all returns could be disqualified, but the postage from the NEWPMG instead of being a penny, was $15.95, so that achieved the same result.

 

However it was when Turbine Cherry Blossom Green Renewable Charging Stations inc. were caught out in a Current Affair where the cameras showed site after site powered by diesel generators and video of Turbo jumping fences to get away from the female reporter, that the venture collapsed.

 

A rueful Turbo admitted in a Today innterview that Cat Farms were safer.

 

That started a massive avalanched of compliants from the hundreds of thousands of Cat Protection Society members around Australia, and then .................

Edited November 20, 2023 by turboplanner

[Captain]

..... it really hit the fan (almost an avref) when Turbine Recycling & Adult Entertainment Shops (TRaAES) were found to have knocked off all the copper wire from the charging stations, and to have ....

Edited November 20, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......removed the tops from 24,350 Coke bottles at the Taos, New Mexico Coca Cola Depot. Detectives traced them to ........

[Captain]

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......removed the tops from 24,350 Coke bottles at the Taos, New Mexico Coca Cola Depot. Detectives traced them to ........

..... see what the resultant drawing looked like (it was a slow day at the Precinct).

 

"It's like a circle that has been circumcised, so a bit frilly around the outside" said Detective Jose bull, of the Mexican branch of the Spanish bull clan.

 

The Spanish bulls were landed gentry who had the contract to provide stroppy animals to the Stroppy Animal Fights (the SAFs).

 

"SAF is not a catchy name" said the patriach of the bull clan. "What would be a good marketing name that we can capitalise on?" he further asked.

 

"How about we call the male SAs by our family name?" suggested Juanita, who was a particulaly bloody good sort (a PBGS) "And we can then call the female stroppy anumals a name inspired by Hillary Clinton & Nancy Pelosi."

 

So it was decided, and the males were thereafter called bulls, the SAF became Bull Fights, and the females were called c........

Edited November 21, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......ows.

Nobody knows exactly why, but this was the time when Mexican women took over family control from the men.

In the bull dynasty, Guadaloupe was a particularly ferocious family patriarch, insisting on Grace being said before every meal, Cantinas being closed down and Tequila staying bottled until 9 pm.

It was Guadaloupe who invented the Cockroach dance La Cucharacha! and invented the law requiring all men to do La Cucharacha! from 9:05 pm until midnight, when even the most frisky of the men were too tired to drink or ................

[Captain]

.... stand.

 

These practices in Mexico have followed the bull family worldwide, as the family size grew, because while the blokes couldn't drink or stand any more, they sure knew how to breed.

 

To this very day, La Cucheracha reverberates around a number of otherwise peaceful valleys in Tasmania, where "our bull" is a champion at singing and dancing La Cucheracha and he can often be seen playing with his castonettes (although some do refer to what he does as "fiddling" with them).

 

The entire Tasmanian bull family often go back to Mexico and Spain to ..........

[turboplanner]

....................enjoy the nightlife because as we know, Tasmania closes at 5 pm when, at that low latitude it gets dark.

Turbo had a nasty experience some years ago, when, after getting bored with the island hopping of flying to Tas on the eastern route, he set out from Moorabbin to the Port Phillip Heads, King Island, and Wynyard Airport next to Burnie.

It wasn't his fault that someone had filled the C172 with diesel by mistake, and every drop had to be syphoned and blown out, and he had been further delayed in the "Twilight Zone", as us Bassers called it, when he was chased by lights in the twilight. They chased hime here they chased him there; at one point he thought he was upside down, but he realised the sky was supposed to be above the sea not below it and broke from their clutches, had a quick look at the Seaweed Harvest on KI, and reached the Wynyard area at two minutes to five. He made a routine inbound call and received a "We're closed" reply, so he ............

 

 

 

[Captain]

..... arranged to turn on the Aurora (Turbo can do that), so he told Wynyard to stick it and decided that he would just ghost on down south a bit further & into the strip at Queenstown where he went to the pub for a feed and to crack-on (he is almost guaranteed success down there as they don't get too many like Turbo in Q.town [or even Strahan or Zeehan] these days), however he had forgotten to turn the Aurora back off again.

 

The consequences were ........

[onetrack]

....far-reaching. The daytime Aurora added to the hot Qld sun faded the curtains in Qld, and the Tasmanians couldn't get over how much brighter daylight was in Tasmania, thanks to the extra light adding to the dull Tasmanian midday sun.

 

The social media pages filled with complaints and abuse as to who was responsible for this major cyclic stuff-up, and what needed to be done about it.

Turbo saw the increasing level of complaints and realised there was an urgent need for him to return to Tasmania to switch off the Aurora - not a trip he ever looked forward to, because flying to Tasmania was like going back 70 years in time, to the era when even Victoria was......

[turboplanner]

.......prepared to take the skirts off table legs

Even today it's not unusual t be invited the high tea in Tasmania by another Flyer, and while eating Cream Sponge Cake with a cake fork from a sponfe plate, comment on the table legs and hear you host say "Aye, she's a lovely one this one, and don't give me any trouble e'en" or .........................

[Captain]

On 21/11/2023 at 9:07 PM, turboplanner said:

I.......prepared to take the skirts off table legs

Even today it's not unusual t be invited the high tea in Tasmania by another Flyer, and while eating Cream Sponge Cake with a cake fork from a sponfe plate, comment on the table legs and hear you host say "Aye, she's a lovely one this one, and don't give me any trouble e'en" or .........................

BEFORE CONTINUING THIS RIVETTING (AVREF) NES THREAD, CAPPY ADVISES A CORRECTION FOR THE RECORD. CRAPPY HAS CONTACTED ALL WRECK FLYING MEMBERS AND AUF LICENCE HOLDERS IN TASMANIA AND ALL HAVE DENIED THAT THEY WOULD EVER INVITE TURDBOY FOR ANY TYPE OF CAKEY REPAST, OR EVEN FOR A S#%@ SANDWICH. 

AND WHAT DOES EEEEN HAVE TO DO WITH IT ANYWAY?

 

....... your Tazzy visting privilages will be ......

On 21/11/2023 at 8:22 PM, onetrack said:

...... major cyclic stuff-up, ......

(Avref)

Crappy, as a leading member of the Undercover Aviation Regulator's Association (the UARA [which some wags use to call out to Cappy "U R an a.h&%$] was dismayed to hear from OneTrack, an equally respected WA a.h&%$, that there is an issue in some chopper or other, and Crappy needs more details of year and type before he can issue another grounding.

Edited November 23, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....curtained immediately. (Turbo is continuing the "free spelling spirit and invention of new words convention (fssinwc)).

In any case Turbo's priviledges had not been changed by his Tasmanian brothers (and sometimes fathers).

As the Challenger zipped across Bass Strait as if it was a puddle, he should do a full switch of the Aurora, which would take Tasmania back to the Ice Age and allow Queenslanders to wear shorts, or put it into flash mode which would give both States some variety and confuse the global warmists who were starting to go cold as they realised they might be about to pay for the things they forecast without doing their research. Greta has had plastic surgery and is unrecognisable as a transgender cage fighter, and Albert Gore as he likes to be called now is telling the world he has a switch he can flip to fix things.

Turbo reached out #1 to Albert to see if he could hire the switch, or ...........................

 

 

#1

For the benefit of Generation X people, reach out doesn't mean reach out any more; it's a new substitute for spoke, wrote, emailed, phoned, messaged, X'd, posted, and saves time working out what you actually did which would then lead to your boss asking for a copy, or a Court asking for the evidence.

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

For the benefit of Generation X people, reach out doesn't mean reach out any more; it's a new substitute for spoke, wrote, emailed, phoned, messaged, X'd, posted, and saves time working out what you actually did which would then lead to your boss asking for a copy, or a Court asking for the evidence.

Following receipt of Turbo's above note, Generation X will now "circle back" (avref & yuppyref) to consider the detail further.

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

 and Albert Gore as he likes to be called now is telling the world he has a switch he can flip to fix things.

Turbo reached out #1 to Albert to see if he could hire the switch, or ...........................

...... dinarily Albert would have reached back to Turbo pretty quickly, however he was down in dressing room 3, identifying himself as a petite lady and getting ready, in full tranny gear, to punch the living daylights out of Greta because she had taken much of the spotlight off Albert, and had taken over his dire predictions gig by also saying that everything would end in 13 years.

 

Albert even put a block of ice in his gloves to thump Greta, as he knows that there will be no more ice in any icetrays by 2036, and .......

[turboplanner]

.......too many ash trays when everyone had given up smoking.

”Everyone wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die” said Cappy reaching out to OneTrack whose bulldozer business had been claimed by the kanji kaja tribe. OT hade reached out to his lawyer who reached out to the Judge who gave the tribe OT’s stock of Golden Fleece motor oil as well. OT reached out for the Judge’s  throat but CT had reached out for bull’s..........

[onetrack]

......famous piloting jacket (which you must have one of in Tasmania, or you'll freeze into an iceblock in the cabin at anything over 250 feet), but bull had kicked up such a commotion at someone trying to filch his famous jacket, that the cops arrived in force, and the melee subsided, as several well-known members of the NES were arrested for affray. 

 

However, no-one had yet noticed that OT was throttling the judge at this point. OT was very possessive of his bulldozer business, and nothing made him angrier than seeing it all handed over to useless Indigenes, who OT knew full well, would simply wreck his Cats and then abandon them.

 

Meantimes, as OT vented his fury about his Cats being simply used and abandoned, a member of the public asked a question loudly, "What about Turbos used and abandoned cats? He's abandoned more cats than any Indigenous tribe would in a 100 years!"

 

The room turned silent and OT stopped throttling the judge, who beat a hasty retreat to his chambers and who locked his doors.

The silence was deafening as all eyes fell on Turbo, who was starting to turn the colour the judge was turning, after 2 minutes of OT's grip on his throat.

Turbo cleared his throat and started to speak, "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, lend me your ears! - and here's a bag to put them in. I know you all feel aggrieved, angry, affronted, annoyed, anxious, acrimonious and alienated, but let me tell you......

[turboplanner]

....that every one of my cats is perfectly comfortable tonight. I read stories from the Bible to them, and show cat cage fights on video and put a teaspoon of sugar in their milk before they go to bed."

 

He didn't have to say any more; Tasmanians have a memory that rewinds every 20 seconds and their thoughts had now turned to ..................