The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

......bang?"

"It's always like that" said Jill quietly. "One day .................................

.... my brother bull, who is a bit of a deviant (just ask the hospital coffee lady ...... who is still having counselling [and surgery]), don't ya know, suggested that I be the.big .....

Edited December 5, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......hostie" [avref].

"I'm only 105 kg but bull still identifies me as his little sister.  The fact that I'm a Filipino doesn't seem to register. Anyway I'm sick of the old men telling me they've dropped their phone, and one day an old guy was just a bit too late  turning his head away so I .........................

 

[Captain]

.... got them out, as Tazzy chicks do, and .....

[turboplanner]

..he fainted. Right in the middle of his evening meal too, so we had to get .......................

[Captain]

.... his sister to give him mouth to mouth, as nobody else was willing to.

 

As Cappy, who is a Professor of Medicine offered bull's mouth to all those in attendance there was an abundance of "Erky Perky" and some even threw up.

 

The only problem, yet some found it rather erotic, was that she still had them out and Cappy had to warn her that tongue was unacceptable, even in Bowen & Deloraine, so this meant that .....

[turboplanner]

....the hospital quickly returned to the normal Tassie evening menu of pea soup, devil delight and stewed apples with, since the crash a glass of Yarra Valley red (with the usual layer of Yarra mud on top).

 

With Jill now working for Elon, bull was left on the beach at Bone alone and lonely for his new home in New Victoria.

 

His mind went back to the time he was building ultralights when the Council relentlessly picked on him for littering his property and the street with half-finished Jackas, so he walked back up from the beach to see if there were any left. He was in luck. There were still four half finished Jackas and a couple of 503s on the nature strip of his old home.

 

In no time he'd borrowed a trailer, hitched up the Land Cruiser and planted an Aboriginal flat in the new Eco-Park where the shrubs were watered  by pumps with their own Ergon sub station which powered a pump which pumped water 50 metres high to generate force to drive a turbine pump to bring water from Sunset Billabong 30 miles to the west. The Bone councillors had made headlines with their wonderful preservation action using their Zero Emission Process (ZEP)

 

Soon Bone Eco - Park echoed to the sound of bull's angle grinder creating a new jacka from the skeleton of the old but it wasn't long before ........................

 

 

Edited December 6, 2023 by turboplanner

[Captain]

..... bull, ever the commercial animal, had registered the park as the Central Jackoff Aircraft Production Facility (CJAPF) with commensurate kickbacks to councilors and  .....

[turboplanner]

.......within days had hired a dozer to come in and wipe out a grove of historic Bunna Pines for which the Council had paid $150,000.00 each.

 

The Council had retired the old pom who had bought them after they found out they were not native to Bone and would die soon anyway, so they issued a press conference expressing outrage at bull's action in trashing their greening of what had been a park bare of trees, and the heat sink capacity which had lowered Bones average temperatures by 5%, lamented the loss of these rare and unique trees which were almost extinct in the wild. (in fact Turbo had 250,000 growing at Turbine Tree Planting Inc. for sale at "$150,000.00 each as found by our explorer known as CT who only comes in with a few during the year").

 

The Council issue a "Move-on" notice to bull for this outrage.

 

So a win, win, win for the Bone Council.

 

Now as anyone knows bull, although of rugged appearance and slightly overweight, is no pushover.

 

Eight years ago before he had left Bone, bull had bought a Bird House from Bunnings and all this time had paid a small amount for a nearby old lady to put out some homey for the rainbow lorikeets every afternoon.  People had commented on how kind the old lady was and the Bone Times had run a story on "Bird Lady"

 

bull had kept the receipt and despite being shipwrecked, left starving out in Sturts Stoney Desert, and falling into the pool at the Crown Casino he still had it and applied for adverse possession of the park.

In is sworn statement he said "I have owned a house there for 8 years, exceeding the legal 7 year term, and at no time has the Council told me to demolise it or move it or claim the property was theirs."

 

And so bull became the owner of the park and continued building his aircraft.

 

One day .....................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

.... bull also discovered that even though he was from Bone (bull pronounces it as "bone") he is related to Truganinni and is the fruit of her relationship(s) with sealers and whalers on the coast of Tasmania, and based on that claim, bull received the park as a gift from Penny & Albo, $500,000 per year conditional on a smoking ceremony being held daily, and provided that he endorse the ratbag's claim made this week, that sexual abuse in Aboriginal communities is as a result of whitey colonisation.

 

bull, being the .....

[turboplanner]

....gentleman that he is, even though he doesn't have a single count of Aboriginal DNA in him, agreed to this request.  (Truganinni was a Romanian woman, who travelled the Showground circuit in Tasmania as an exotic dancer, snake lady, Lady Sinbad the wife of a sailor, lion tamer, of fighter in Brophy's tent, depending on who was down with the flu.)

 

(bull's mitochondrial results show that he is related to his mother, and has the higher numbers which indicate extraversion (as against perversion in Cappy's), openness, agreeableness, and conscientiousness.)

 

There was nothing for it, bull flew across to Perth to interview the two artists who had invented the Smoking Ceremony. (In real life in the 1800s if you wandered into the next tribe's territory you got a spear in the guts, so we should be conducting spearing ceremonies).

 

bull had a small sqare graded and concreted, bought some scaffolding and put seats on it (as Queenslanders do), learnt to play the didgeridoo (or learnt to hold it - the sound came from a tape recorder) stripped bone of all its tree leaves, and charged a $12:50 entry fee.

 

He got the jackoff flying and started charging $50.00 for joyflights, but one day...............

 

 

[Captain]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

bull had a small square graded and concreted, bought some scaffolding and put seats on it (as Queenslanders do), learnt to play the didgeridoo (or learnt to hold it - the sound came from a tape recorder) stripped bone of all its tree leaves, and charged a $12:50 entry fee.

 

He got the jackoff flying and started charging $50.00 for joyflights, but one day.........

..... Aniseed Palacechook gave bull a call, as she wanted to use his seats and concrete pad for one of the venues for the Brizzy Olympics. "We'll pay you a motza in whatever cash you want, we'll feature you on the didge in the opening ceremony, and we will also give you a gold medal in any sport you choose, except for Pocket Billiards as that has been given to Turbo because he does it a lot and for him granting us the use of Turbine Corporation's .......

Edited December 8, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........Wellcamp Olympic Stadium which boasts many athletics tracks suitable for 5000 and 10000 metre events and marathons, with a huge undercover camping area.

 

With the stage out of action, bull coined the idea of Jackoff Skydiving with four people lying on the wings.

Of course the Jackoff would be over MTOW, but hey that sh!t was always way too conservative and besides, he thought, "I can get the SDs to run the first hundred metres to give the Jackoff a chance of getting off and it would add to the Olympic spirit.

 

The advertising theme was "Jackoff today" and so many customers rolled up that he had to dash across the the airfield and pick up three more wrecked Jackoffs.

 

All was going well until the CASA FiO rode into town on his black Harley, and patched with "CASA Angles".

Mavis was the first to give the warning (FiOs always go the the RSL first). She'd tried to distract him with her charms but they had withered since the old days, and he'd fired up the Harley and was slowly turning out onto the street when a Skydiver skidded to a halt in the very piece of road the FiO needed, and .....................

 

[Captain]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The advertising theme was "Jackoff today" and so many customers rolled up

..... that you could not buy a box of tissues anywhere.

 

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

was slowly turning out onto the street when a Skydiver skidded to a halt in the very piece of road the FiO needed, and .....................

..... it suited him, as the left footpeg had vibrated loose again and that .....

[turboplanner]

5 hours ago, Captain said:

..... that you could not buy a box of tissues anywhere.

 

..... it suited him, as the left footpeg had vibrated loose again and that .....

.....allowed him to kick the Skydiver in the nuts, slap the bike down and pull out his pink charge sheet at the same time.

 

The principal charge was;

 

"Operate an aircraft in a public park:

 

(a)     without suitable clothing.

(b)     below the minimum legal altitude

(c)     within 500 metres of a chook farm

(d)     not carrying a log book

(e)     using a phone while flying

(f)      failing to wear safety gloves while flying."

 

The Skydiver ...............

 

 

 

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Skydiver .........

.... thought that the FiO was a BoaC and that the AUF rules were overkill ....... so he was certainly a prospective future AUF member, and a candidate to contribute to the NES.

 

Turbine Corp also considered him for a senior management position (SMP), so they .....

[turboplanner]

.....could expand into Anti-CASA Smoke Cannisters, FiO Detectors, Ramp Evaders, XXXX CASA T shirts and stuff.

 

It was while wearing one of these just for a laugh that Turbo taxyed round a corner straight into a Ramp Check.........

 

 

[Captain]

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....could expand into Anti-CASA Smoke Cannisters, FiO Detectors, Ramp Evaders, XXXX CASA T shirts and stuff.

It was while wearing one of these just for a laugh that Turbo taxyed round a corner straight into a Ramp Check.........

..... which is generally similar in nature to the old men's dreaded "Rump Check", where the CASA guy, or guyette, pulls on a rubber glove and extends their biggest digit, ready to ......

Edited December 10, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....say "looks like we have a positive here nurse, can you check this please?"

Fingernails can hurt, and just when you start working out your Will you here, "Nah, he just eats too many pistachios."

It was after one of these episodes that Cappy decided to join a Health Farm. There were the usual tractor rides, carrot gardening and feeding the chooks as you'd expect but what intrigued him was the "Learn to fly in an ex CASA FiO Percival Proctor OME.

 

(Shown below is OME on the farm).

 

The instructor was ..............................

[Captain]

39 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The instructor was .................

..... a kindly, softly spoken, introverted, self-deprecating sort of a chap, who, like all AUF CFI's and trainee CFI's, was not up himself at all.

 

"I have no ego whatsoever and will never fit in at CASA" he added to reinforce Cappy's excellent point "And to make that point even more accurately, I am the Onesie or bull of the CFI world".

 

Turdy thought for a moment and replied "Well, that must mean that you are .....

[turboplanner]

"....skilled at the typewriter or kind to Quokkas"

The instructor preened and blushed and said "I am! would you like a lesson?"

Turbo had been told about these old clunkers, and should have said "No" but he ...............

[Captain]

..... just loves to fly (avref), hence why he makes such a major contribution to Wreck Flying, but ......

[turboplanner]

....while it is always nice to be recognised, like a Medal of Honour recipient in the Battle of the Bulge, he prefers the quiet life feeding his pet croc and the reef sharks from his surf board on White Pointer Island in the Spratleys.

 

When the reef sharks start to get vicious he just fuels up the old Corsair and bombs the crap out of them and a week later all the fish and chip shops in western Sydney are advertising Gritty Flake, so self funded flying.

 

On one mission he got a litte close to the Chinese base, and just for a laugh dropped one near the Officers Mess.

 

There was a rush of ................

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

There was a rush of .......

..... Chinese officers to watch the Corsair going out of control, because when you drop one in the enclosed Corsair cockpit, even somebody with Turbo's breath holding abilities (Mavis reckons that Turdy can breathe thru his ears .... & that is why she invites him back) is sure to black out in a manner similar to doing a 9 g turn in a sewer.

 

The Chinese officers bloke out into apprause when the Corsair lecovered from the flat spin and Turbo could be seen waving through the misted up canopy, which was the colour of ....

Edited December 10, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......bronze in the afternoon sun.

 

Turbo could see them applauding so he did a low level inverted Immelmann with a half twist (not many people even know what that is). 

"Why we fighting helos like Trubo?" asked the Commander after he had checked around for any Beijing dudes.

And they all looked around ................

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......bronze in the afternoon sun.

 

Turbo could see them applauding so he did a low level inverted Immelmann with a half twist (not many people even know what that is). 

"Why we fighting helos like Trubo?" asked the Commander after he had checked around for any Beijing dudes.

And they all looked around ................

.... before jumping onto the radio and calling Turbo on the Spratleys CTAF frequency. 

 

"Hey Tubb, you want to rand for a Number 2 banquet?"

 

"A number 2 would be good" replied Turbs, and he .....