The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.... flew a tight Carrier Circuit and greased the Corsair onto the huge runway. It has to be said that in normal Chinese style the runway had been built by Chinese and the rippling nearly knocked his teeth out but soon he was surrounded by a sea of Chinese pilots clapping in applause.

 

The keenest of them was a short guy with crew cut and acne who put a garland of tropical flowers around his neck so Turbo said "Take her up" The litte Chinese jumped up onto the wing, settled himself, the Corsair coughed into life and he was gone; straight down the runway and over the horizon in the direction of Beijing.

 

Turbo realised he might not have made the smartest decision, but 15 minutes later there was the Corsair doing a slow roll at ground zero, followed by the neatest landing.

 

The little Chinese pilot whose name was Gunga Din was beaming from ear to ear, and cautioning him that he was about to see China's newest stealth figher so he couldn't tell any secrets, like the-ver-the horizon "Invisable Shield (IVIZ) or on-board coffee-maker, he said to Turbo "Take her up!"

 

Turbo smoothly lifted the aircraft off, pointed the nose straight up. At 10,000 feet he could see that Cappy hadn't fixed the fence at the Compound, at 100,000 feet he could see Canada and at 200,000 feet he decided that was far enough.

 

Not sure of where he was, Turbo ..................

 

 

Edited December 10, 2023 by turboplanner

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

flew a tight Carrier Circuit and greased the Corsair onto the huge runway. It has to be said that in normal Chinese style the runway had been built by Chinese and the rippling nearly knocked his teeth out but soon he was surrounded by a sea of Chinese pilots clapping in applause.

"That has to be the shortest runway I have ever seen, but I got her down with my usual skill & aplomb, so no wuckers, eh?"

 

"That was best sideways cross lunway randing ever" said the Chinese commanding officer.

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Not sure of where he was, Turbo .......

.... closed his eyes and summoned his best Zen .....

[turboplanner]

.............and there, down below, crystal clear in his conscience was the runway.

"Maybe I better land longwise this time" he thought, but was interrupted by a puff of smoke as a missile was taken out by the on-board loyal wingman. As he got closer he saw below him the Australian ship HMAS Toowoomba, throwing every thing it had, which wasn't much, at him.

 

He was in Chinese waters, the shoot was illegal and it was Australians shooting Australians or at least one Australian. He knocked out both anchor winches and the rudder; there never had been any love lost between the RAAF and the RAN anyway. He flew around at sea level for a while to confuse everyone then quietly landed back on the Chinese field.

 

Ginga Din greeted him with .......................

[onetrack]

....."You likeee lice? We got big lice banquet set up to honour outstanding pilots and we are offalling you plime seat at table, in honour of your flying skills!"

 

Turbo thought for a moment - and the memories came flooding back of the time he had that huge Chinese banquet in HK and how it contained many mysterious ingredients deep-fried in batter, or hidden in dumplings - and how his stomach had suffered for days afterwards, as he...........

[Captain]

15 hours ago, onetrack said:

Turbo thought for a moment - and the memories came flooding back of the time he had that huge Chinese banquet in HK and how it contained many mysterious ingredients deep-fried in batter, or hidden in dumplings - and how his stomach had suffered for days afterwards, as he...........

..... recovered from what we in the sophisticated west know as Wanking Ding, which is much more severe than Delhi Belly, and which needed to be pointed at the AC unit all night after the feast.

 

Meanwhile the cockpit of the Corsair had been cleaned by 2 lovely Chinese ladies ...... who then had to cut their hands off afterwards in order to get rid of the .....

Edited December 11, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

As an aside, Cappy has been looking for an aviation (avref) project for some time and is pleased to advise his NES friends & lurkers that he has purchased an amphibious ultralight (AU) in The Bahamas.

 

The retired CASA executive who undertook the Survey for Cappy said that the few scrape marks on the empennage will buff out easily, so Cappy should be back in the air quick stix and will visit that CT and be able to land on one of the sacred rivers. 

 

[turboplanner]

A well-known Australian truckie went for a holiday to Macao and sneaked in to a strip show since, he thought no one would know him. The stripper picked him out from the crowd and got him up on the stage.

From the audience, an Australian voice rang out "GO KNIGHTY!"

 

This photo has triggered a similar story quite different to the one Cappy told. Sad Hunk, a well known Bahamas musician who plays the 44 gallon drum, is a good friend of Turbo's and for weeks had been sending newspaper reports to Turbo of the erratic journey of Cappy in his new multi-million dollar yacht sailing through the Bahamas (or more correctly bumping through). What occurred here was a sleek, Amphibious Ultralight was docked in Sunset Bay Marina and Cappy came charging in, tried a U turn, missed and took out the amphib.

 

 

[turboplanner]

........bacteria from the secret Chinese recipe.

Turbo wasn't told this and after reading about it in Cappy's post gave them jobs for life as Cat Herders on the Farm. That's what he's like.

Meanwhile, the Chinese Navy, impressed with Turbo's handling of their latest, secret (so we couldn' tell you about it) weapon, asked him if he could think of any improvements. Irritated at losing the last Lockheed Martin contract, Turbine (China) Aerospace was set up in the Spratleys and affectionately called the Skink Works by the Chinese who couldn't wait to leak the details to the US.

 

Uncle Joe messaged Little Albo: You little XXXX, HOW did you let this happen?

The Australian PM responded, "It's not my job to know everything that's going on; why don't you phone Turbo?"

 

From the Pentagon the US Defence Chief messaged Turbo.

 

International dimplomacy really is just like a game of pool.

 

Within three minutes in a handshake deal, Turbo sold the Skink works to the US Defence Department for $730 billion. The concrete foundations hadn't even been laid.

 

Big Albo .......................

[Captain]

49 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Big Albo ........

..... put his hand out for what he thought would be a reasonable gratuity, yet Turbo, ever the frugal Aussie from working class roots, still has his 1st dollar (it was actually a Guinea, paid in new Victoria Regina gold half sovereigns), yet now has several billion more, turned to Albo and .....

[turboplanner]

......said "That's a very clean hand Albo; now shouldn't you be catching a plane?"

Albo had already started to run before he realised Turbo was just joking.

He turned back but Turbo had gone ..........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

catching a plane?"

Planey & Facty both thank Turbo for this excellent avref.

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

What occurred here was a sleek, Amphibious Ultralight was docked in Sunset Bay Marina and Cappy came charging in, tried a U turn, missed and took out the amphib.

Cappy is in awe of the Turbine organization's intelligence gathering abilities and techniques. But Cappy would have preferred that his great and long-term mate would have kept this small navigational error under wraps.

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He turned back but Turbo had gone ......

..... like a cross between the Scarlet Pimple and the Ninja that Nobu introduced him to in Osaka before the war, when Nobu and Turbo where .......

[turboplanner]

........they were both students at the Osaka Eco-university and Nob had tied his girlfriend’s knickers to the flagpole.

 

Nob had also.......

[Captain]

6 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Nob had also.......

..... introduced an impressionable Turbo to the delights of ......

[turboplanner]

......pinching tyres off Parked Zeros. It was something every Uni student did at Osaka.

 

One night the Navy SPS caught Nob and Turbo carrying a Zero tyre down Sukiyaki Street and brought him before the Admiral. “We need those tyres” said the Admiral, “we’re going to attack Pearl Harbour Sunday week”. It’s funny how you can find yourself looking at history and....

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

It’s funny how you can find yourself looking at history and....

..... wondering why Turbo didn't get word to the Americans.

 

"Turbo will go down in history as a dirty rotten Limey." said Harry Truman, never actually finding out that Tubb was actually a Skippy. (This speech is available at the Smithsonian if you undertake the necessary searches, and you will also find the order where Harry told McArthur "While down in the Sth Pacific, please go get that Turbo a-hole for me Dougy".)

 

However, the truth was that Turbo had been promised the Honda franchise in the South Pacific, win or no-win by the Japanese forces, and that is why ......

 

A young Turbo sealing the deal with Mr Honda in 1942.

"Who cares about a few Battleships in Hawaii" Turbo is quoted as saying, then added "Soichiro is a great mate of mine".

Edited December 12, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....he had sworn a sacred vow in Shinto never to reveal the secret, or part of it; the other part being a large and shining sword held by the Admiral.

 

When he opened his little Honda Dealership it was the Admiral himself who came out and cut the ribbon, narrowly missing Turbo (the Admiral's eyesight was fading by then). Towards the end of the dinner the old Admiral with a few Sakis on board jumped up, yelled Banzai!!! and would have taken out half a dozen people with the sword if it wasn't for the fixed operations guy who snapped the sword in half with an adjustable spanner - they knew the Japanese weakness with metals.

 

With the Admiral safely on the Qantas flight to Osaka, Mr Honda turned his attention to Formula 1, entering a Honda 600 sports car with a crew of 87; 83 of them being photographers. The 600 of course wasn't allowed to win, but by the time the weekend was over Soichiro, smart as a whip had a photo of every single component on every other car he had to beat, and went on to feature in ..................

 

[CT9000]

......a full length movie about how the Honda N360z was upgraded to the ever more potent Honda 600......

[onetrack]

......which, in an amazingly roundabout way, led to CT9000 becoming greatly interested in the movie and then realising the great value in Hondas, and then buying a well-worn Honda 600 - which, when cut down to a roofless version, provided CT9000 with the ideal bunny-popping outfit to keep the runways at DG International Airport totally free of rampaging, copulating rabbits.

Just the very sight of a copulating rabbit sent CT9000 into a rage every time, and he'd reach for his best bunny-popping artillery, which also comprised a cut-down.........

 

Edited December 12, 2023 by onetrack

[CT9000]

.....shotty and also a bolt action Reuger, resting on the co-pilots seat of the roofless Mustang.......

[Captain]

11 hours ago, CT9000 said:

.....shotty and also a bolt action Reuger, resting on the co-pilots seat of the roofless Mustang.......

..... and there, dear readers, is the debauchery of modern Aussie cuntry life.

 

That CT of a bloke has done so well from DG International and the Mafia Body Hiding Burial Corporation (the MBHBC ...... The "Mafia" name is copywrite protected but is used legally by CT under a Sicilian license #567) money that he has bought a P51 (and not some V8 or Subaru powered replica either), chucked the canopy away down by the sacred rivers, and he taxies around his paddocks popping bunnies.

 

This enraged the P51 Preservation Society who were running out of genuine airframes and Merlin bits, so they wrote to the CT and said ".....

 

CT's P51 before he cut the canopy off.

"Anyone who does that is a dead set CT" commented Turbo.

Edited December 12, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

".............if yous don't put that canape bacon, we coming to git yer"  (they were from Qld).

CT looked down Calabria Avenue where the trees were lush and green all year round, and thought "I'll invite them all to a Ute Muster, then strafe the lot".

VicPol got to hear about this and the Superintendent said "We've turned a blind eye to the constant gunshots from The Guim,  but he outguns even our SWAT helicopter with its military grey paint job.

"Leave it to me" said Inspector Debbie Doubtfire, "I ............"

 

[Captain]

..... have had a promotion, a change of State and a hardening of attitude after we rubber bulleted those little old ladies (LOLs) during covid, so me and Dan used to be copacetic and as a result I ....