The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.....anyone dressed high heels and jeans would ............

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....anyone dressed in high heels, chaps and arseless jeans would ............

.... be invited to dinner & dancing at the BOB, or any other venue of their choosing (the Tasmanian School of Arts is a hotbed of such behavior), where it is expected that .....

Edited December 16, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

.... (the Tasmanian School of Arts is a hotbed of such behavior) .....

Below is a recent production by the Tazzy School O'Pharts ..... subsequently licensed to Jill Biden and falsely claimed to be in the White House.

bull is dressed as the soldier with the white dacks.

 

 

Edited December 16, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........he/she would take part in the speech session.  (We thank Cappy for this video from his extensive library)

 

Normally the females would give a talk on "How to change a truck tyre" or "My time in the SAS" and the males would talk about "How embarrassing it was last Saturday night at the BoB", or "How to get a grease stain out of the carpet" (referring to the dog's last three pointer), and who could forget bull's "Making Scones when there's no water". The only jarring note in recent years was CT's "Popping Bunnies" which caused shrieks of outrage from the men.

 

This particular night at the Tasmanian School of Arts was going normally when OT arrived in a limousine dressed as Marilyn Monroe. He spent half an hour darting around the foyer looking for a puff of wind to blow his dress up, and then started a slow, suggestive walk (some said it was more sexy than Marilyn used to do) through the school, past the Life students, entwining himself around the model which on that night was a 40 year-Wharfie from Newcastle, while singing "Diamonds are a girl's best friend."

 

Social media went off the clock as the wharfies hoed into the LGBTAMS at their friend being demeaned by such a trashy performance, The Academy for the Arts sided with the LGs and added their own shrill voices, forty five people advised the readers this was due to global warming, and sixty two branded OT as unsustainable, but OT bravely continued his progress through the School singing which, although off-key and out of time was appreciated by many from the Art world.

 

Eventually, when looking back, he accidentally bumped into ........................

 

 

 

[bull]

21 hours ago, Captain said:

..... in his typical smug and caustic tone, that .....

.....don't forget to bring your tight leather suit tomorrow at the "forty eighth" gathering of the NES founders at the "BoB cause it always gets a .................{oh shit seems i have spoken out of turn "again" will endeavor to try harder to keep up ,,,Bull...

Edited December 16, 2023 by bull

[turboplanner]

........who pushed back shoving OT into ............................

[Captain]

The NES appears to have divided itself almost into obscurity now that bull has posted "Ex Turn" (that is Latin .... in order to bring some class back to the NES), so Cappy is below, trying to resurrect the story, if possible,

 

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Social media went off the clock as the wharfies hoed into the LGBTAMS

..... and in some form of weird, unionized sugar compensation, the wharfies also hoed into the TIM TAMS.

 

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Eventually, when looking back, he accidentally bumped into ........

...... Alan Bond, who is still dodging giving evidence and as part of his obfuscation, had played the Death Card .......... perhaps a little too diligently, so he looked a bit crook, and quite a bit thinner.

 

Alan recognized OT because of OT's eminence in the ...........

 

This is the actual card that Alan had played, and is in

the Supreme Court files in Perth.

We believe that the yellow figure in the miter is meant to represent OT,

offering his usual redemption, as he so often does in the NES.

 

OT's actual Mitre

Edited December 17, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

WA biscuit business. Cappy has mistaken a Mitre for a WA Biscuit tin. You don't see too many around today but in the 1890s when WA was mostly sparse, except for mice, solid silver biscuit tins were crafted inj Nottingham and shipped to Melbourne. The silver lids were too heavy for a mouse or rat tor 2 yo child to lift and kept the biscuits dry. WA had no equivalent of R.M. Willians in those days  so men wore the biscuit tins upside down to protect themselves from the sun, and hold biscuits while riding on a horse. particularly the travelling priests, and some people called them "mitres", but they were just ......biscuit tins.

 

 

While not wishing to be critical of our beloved Cappy, the Death Card above shows a medieval helmet and not the biscuit tin common in WA.

 

In fact OT became something of a Biscuit Baron always carrying a few under his hat. In pubs he would often use that gauche method of hitting his glass with a fork and when the bar had qiestened down, say: "The next round's on me", and hand out round biscuits.

 

He was one of the first to wear the silver biscuit tin upside down and gained so much fame that OT Biscuit Corp made a fortune, and he was said to be "tinny" and the saying had gone into history.

 

OT ..................

 

 

[Captain]

37 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..... WA biscuit business ....

OT had cleverly called his biscuit business "Ah-Is", because he really is.

 

39 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

OT ..........

... was invited to wear his Ah-Is bickie tin based Mitre at the Vatican, where it was a hit and where his Special Digestive wafer bikkie was adopted as the .....

[turboplanner]

........"official biscuit" around the Vatican. (The Pope was mindful of the ramifications among the Z-Gen and Seniles of using the words "body of Christ".)

 

OT seized on this, and tagged his biscuit ads with: "as used by the Vatican."

 

He was summoned by the Catholic Bishop of Perth, who said "OT, my son ................................"

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

He was summoned by the Catholic Bishop of Perth, who said "OT, my son ....... "

 

......, you are a particularly attractive and fit male specimen .....

[turboplanner]

.........OT cringed; he was a long way past 12 years of age and while he was male. he was a little short of a dollar in fitness - too many long lunches on the Esplanade.

 

OT pretended he was swatting a fly, missed and tripped in the opposite direction to the Bishop, pointed at something and quickly walked away. Who should be coming towards him but.................................

 

 

[Captain]

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

OT pretended he was swatting a fly, missed and tripped in the opposite direction to the Bishop, pointed at something and quickly walked away. Who should be coming towards him, but ................

...... then turned away immediately when he recognized OT, and knew what he had probably been up to with the ......

Edited December 18, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....Bishop, or thought he did (Cappy was prone to these fantasies; it was an affliction that had dogged him all his life). One day, as he was taking off from the Brown Bros strip with four cases of their best Red, he imagined himself back in his grandfather's day, a flying ace who could give Biggles a run for his money. Suddenly the fence was there out of nowhere with six strands of No 8 wire wrapped around the undercarriage of the J230.

On another occasion as he sailed his little dinghy out on the wild waves of the Murrumbidgee he imagined he was his great3 gandfather, and put a telescope up to his eye; half a bottle of red ran out.

His biggest mistake though was when the Governor-General came to Kapooka and .......................

 

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

His biggest mistake though was when the Governor-General came to Kapooka and ..........

..... while they were having lunch, Cappy gave the GG a gobfull for sacking Gough.

 

The GG looked at Cappy rather sadly and said "F........

[turboplanner]

....FFFFFfffffffergoodnesssake Christopher, I never knew you were a Labor person!"

Cappy wasn't, of course, just brownnosing but he said "My name's not Christopher." It is now" said the GG with a stern fatherly look and Cappy knew he'd been caught at it.

Much chastened, and with a considerably greater respect, Cappy ..........................

 

Years ago when Turbo, tired from a 4 am start in Melbourne and a day of talking to WAs making digs about wise men from the East, stepped into a lift at the Parmelia to do down for dinner. He was disconsolately looking at the floor as the lift opened on the floor below and a man walked in judging by the trousers. After a while he realised the trousers didn't stop at his waist level and as he raised his head up the trouser legs were still going until he was looking up, way above his own head height at the Great Man himself.  Turbo laughed and said he'd only been listening to Gough and Jim Killen in the Greate Flags debate a couple of nights ago. Perplexed, Gough said "But that was YEARS ago." Turbo explained that it was a tape recording, but couldn't think of one intelligent question to ask. Gough said "Did you like the bit about XXXX."

In the flag debate Gough had said that at the time he was Ambassador to Unesco in Paris, Fosters had successfully launched their beer to the French population. "They were doing well so the other member of the duopoly, Fourex themselves decided to enter the market. They didn't do so well. The problem was their advertising jingle, 'I can feel a Fourex coming on'. Fourex was the name of the most popular French condom." The lift door opened and Gough walked into the twilight.

 

[Captain]

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Much chastened, and with a considerably greater respect, Cappy ........

.... gave the GG the middle finger and said "I never really liked you anyway."

 

This made the GG very sad.

 

"Call me Dave" he said, trying to recover the situation "And why don't you drop around to my joint for a beer or 2, as I am sure that we can patch this up, because when someone like you, dear Cappy, flicks the central digit and says .......

Edited December 18, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

"I never really liked you anyway" it reminds me of my childhood when little Cynthia Shepherd used to say that and she went on to become a hooker in the Bronx.

Cappy hesitated a moment trying to work out what Dave was actally saying, because there had been a long and knowing look associated with the words.

He decided to be rather droll and said "Any medals going at the moment Dave?"

"There is actually" said Dave "The Margaret Thatcher Medal for kindness"

Cappy hesitated realising that if he ever wore that medal he could be the subject of .......................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He decided to be rather droll and said "Any medals going at the moment Dave?"

"There is actually" said Dave "The Margaret Thatcher Medal for kindness"

Cappy hesitated realising that if he ever wore that medal he could be the subject of ..........

...... some derision and laughter, but on consideration, he had been subject to that a fair bit in the past, and he had also been called the "Iron Lady" a few times too .......... particularly when Cappy had wanted to attack the Falklands again in 2010 because of that problem that he had over there.

 

Cappy never speaks of his "Falklands Problem" and only his great and closest mate in the world, the TurgidPlonker, knows all of the details, yet Cappy is confident that Turdy would not spill the beans to the NES on this one because .......

Edited December 19, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....he has something on Turbo which is worse than the problem he created in the Falklands, just as the population had gone back to fishing and reading the Times "on Real Paper".

 

Turbo of course was innocent, just thinking of announcing that he will retire to spend more time with his family.

 

Then he remembered Cappy and the little number from Bombay who ...............

 

 

[Captain]

..... was one of the few cross dressers in the city at the time. 

"How was I to know?" has been (Turboref) Turbo's constant line of defence ever since, "And besides" he would always add "I was only 19, ...... and now the Channel 7 chopper chills my bones etc"..... on R&R from a very harrowing .....

[turboplanner]

....battle up the Khyber."

At this Cappy ....................

 

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....battle up the Khyber."

At this Cappy ....................

 

..... exceeded Sikorsky in his 1880s prediction of rotorwing (avref) aviation (avref) and the Channel 7 Chopper in particular. He was asked to give a presentation on this by the Khyber Pass Officer's Mess in 1882 and he stunned them with his  ........

[turboplanner]

.......attention to detail and presentation skills along with an astounding knowledge of the rotorwing history.

Afterwards, he asked Turbo how he thought it had gone.

"A great presentation" replied Turbo " but just a few small points "King Canute held the tide back, he didn't invent the helicopter. The blades do make a distinctive noise by they don't go XXXX...XXXX...XXXX...XXXX. Rotorcraft don't turn your ears inside out. You don't have to know how to hold your nuts and spit at the same time. Sikorsky invented the modern helicopter, not Korsky when he was sick, and the Japanese didn't habe them at Pearl Harbour."

 

Cappy thought for a moment and then said:

 

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy thought for a moment and then said:

..... "Well at least I was correct in saying that Leonardo Da Vinci was a bit of a wanka, because his designs would never work."

 

Describing Leonardo (not a greenturtleref) in that manner was not the smartest thing that the Cappy had ever done and this lead to OT and bull agreeing with Planey and Facty to sanction Cappy (again), because of .......

 

The below has been copied off Leonardo's original document which is owned and donated by Cappy to be part of the "Turbine Collection" of significant aviation publications, which is touring the world at the moment to high acclaim ..... It is a nice sketch and description, there is no doubt, however Leonardo also definitely had his hand on it at the time.

Edited December 19, 2023 by Captain