The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

..........take their Drifter out of the hangar, wash it with a mixture of 100:1 Water and Morning Fresh, leave it out to dry for an hour and then put it back.

 

Of course non-believers were not so lucky ............................................

[Captain]

16 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..........take their Drifter out of the hangar, wash it with a mixture of 100:1 Water and Morning Fresh, leave it out to dry for an hour and then put it back.

 

Of course non-believers were not so lucky .....

.... and were automatically enrolled as members of Turbine Masonic Lodge No 69, from whence they were sent to the Holy Land to .....

Edited December 28, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....recover Solomon's Temple from the locals.

On one such trip King Arthur (TML No 69 Member 00023) ................

[Captain]

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....recover Solomon's Temple from the locals.

On one such trip King Arthur (TML No 69 Member 00023) ................

.... who's real name was Arthur Schwarz, and had a poodle named Excalibur, made the locals laugh when he ......

[onetrack]

....told them he was on a Crusade to fight back against the warmongering advance of a truly evil group known as CASA - and he told the awe-struck locals, that CASA had made inroads into every area of aviators lives, and turned their existence into misery, with stifling petty regulations and rule, bombastic field officers, snail-like communication when aviators sought assistance and clarity over what they could and couldn't do, and where they could go - and CASA had also instigated cruel and unusual punishment, in the form of..........

[turboplanner]

......thumb twisters, nut crackers, leg pullers and Sonex seats.

 

For Example The Drifter captain shall wear Ye chain mail spite (sic), Ye tin helmet where thereupon facing outwards shall be a band of studs, and buttes made of ox Le there. 
 

Drifter captains complained about the weight because you couldn’t even get it off the ground ( which was precisely what CASA intended , but the big problem was finding the studs what with inbreeding and drinking mead all day so ........

[Captain]

.... they imported a box of studs from the "New Jabiru" and the Ottomans shifted into .....

[turboplanner]

.....where the studs had been living but not paying rent and the Ottomans invented the wheel and running water, and soon the whole place was buzzing with the Latte set after the Knights Templar had one of their ships bring a load back from Brazil.

 

The coffee was .........

[Captain]

..... iced long black, so therefore accused of being racist and Islamophobic.

 

"Islamophobic?" questioned the head sherang of the Knights Templar, "Now don't you  worry about that  as we pride ourselves on also being .....

Edited December 29, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......capable of accommodating any threat to the Holy Land.

The Islamophics brought in bullock teams and ploughed in Solomons Temple (which had been made out of mud).

Then, against all Holy Scriptures they built a Musquee with a Golden Dome on top of the Temple Site.

 

And so began the Holy Wars which have continued to the present day, each side saying they were there first; but the hard evidence of who came second has been glinting gold in the morning sun for thousands of years.

 

Mustapha Crappe woke up this particular morning and noticed the traffic noise was different....................

[Captain]

.... as the number of Teslas on the streets of Jerusalem was growing exponentially.

 

The need for fast chargers had created an opportunity for the Islamophics to ....

.

Edited December 29, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......convert them into very effective bombs. 
All they had to do was wind the speedos forward and fires started breaking out all over Jerusalem.

 

There was one non conformist though who insisted on riding a donkey everywhere. He rode it to Ben and Jerry’s to get a caramel nutty stick, he rode it to the 7/11 to get some flat bread, he rode it to......

[onetrack]

....the Jerusalem Airport, where he sighted a TurboArabDrifter, got extremely excited about it, and after some haggling and bargaining, swapped the donkey plus 6 bags of the finest Wadi dates, 600 Egyptian Pounds, and a genuine original copy of the Dead Sea Scrolls, for the TurboArabDrifter.

 

Greatly pleased with his hard-won deal, Ahmed climbed astride the TurboArabDrifter (which catered for Middle Eastern tastes and preferences, by having a donkey saddle instead of a regular seat, and a lightly-perfumed cabin which smelt of 18-day-old camel and donkey dung, which was a great hit with the locals), found the pegs to place his feet and started whipping the cowling, all the while yelling.........

[turboplanner]

.......Perambulate Ahab, Perambulate and Hooska! HOOOSKAAAA! but the Drifter didn't move.

A little boy came over and said "Can I help you mate?" (He'd been playing Fortnite with some Aussie kids, and had leaned the language (FMe, LMAO and so on) and knew exactly which switch to flick.

The TurboArabDrifter leapt into the air leving Ahmed riding sidesaddle on squashed jewels; a very painful situation. He didn't know what to do next so he ......................

 

[Captain]

..... reflexorially reached down to see if the jewels would re-inflate without the need to .....

[turboplanner]

.....pump them up at the local roadhouse, which could be embarrassing if a bus full of little old ladies arrived and you had your Khaftan up.

 

He looked below and saw Jerusalem sliding into the background. Since borders could be sensitive around here he yelled to the Drifter "Left, Ahab, Left!. but nothing happened.

 

He did what anyone  else would do and forgetting his promises to Allah, he yelled  'LEFT you XXXXXX XXXX!!!!!!!!  Nothing happened. He also seemed to be getting higher, so he ..............

 

 

 

[Captain]

..... stopped smoking that particular hooka and took a packet of rolly out of the pocket of his kaftan, however he .....

Edited December 30, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

INTERESTING CLIMATE CHANGE HISTORICAL DATA - During the legendary "Great Cooling" period in the Holy Land, the Knights Templar were the first to modify their battle tactics.

Edited December 30, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........was out of paper.

Reaching around he found a neatly folded piece of paper, tore a sheet off and had a relaxing smoke.

It was so good he had another one, and another  and another. Now fully relaxed, he was about to put the last piece of paper somewhere for safe keeping out of the wind when he notice writing on it. It said "MAP of ARABIA" in Arabic. Ahmed ......................

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Now fully relaxed, he was about to put the last piece of paper somewhere for safe keeping out of the wind when he notice writing on it. It said "MAP of ARABIA" in Arabic. Ahmed ......

..... initially thought that this was the legendary map that Laurence (known as Lawry or Lozza to his mates) drew on a tablecloth in Tunisia when high on manky fermented dates, alternatively for a moment he thought that it may have been his own map of Tasmania, taken as a selfie, up the kaftan at the Cairo Casbah Flying Club (the CCFC) where he had .....

Edited December 30, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....dressed himself up as a Knight Templar and cleaved the President's Golf Trophy with his sword before falling on it and hurting his foot.

Now he had no way of knowing because he had smoked all but one perleaf of the Map. Slowly it dawned on him that it might be necessary to carry a map in these flying machines because when he looked down he didn't recognise a thing. There was a dead straing river below him with hundreds of ships sailing along it but that was all. He had no idea where he was, so he paniced and ..............

[Captain]

... flew (avref) ....

[turboplanner]

....over the Suez Canal entering Egypt.

After a few hours he saw a building with two people outside. 

"Civilisation" he cried "thanks be to honourable Tsen Tse Tung (grandfather of Mao)" in arabic.

As he got closer he said "Those soldiers are BIG!" and realised he wasn't going to get a feed here, and might even be eaten...................

 

 

Photo showing the Ramses Monument where the ancient priests employed the Suggestive Perspective method of making a static figure appear to move invented by Hanna-Barbera.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[onetrack]

.....and his skull put on a post, as a warning to others. By now, Ahmed had figured out that the lever sticking out of the floor of the TurboArabDrifter was a clever magnification device.

When you pushed it forward, the soldiers got bigger - when you pulled it back, the soldiers got smaller.

As Ahmed had no desire to encounter big soldiers, and wasn't even entirely wrapped in the idea of meeting small soldiers either, he decided it was better to make things smaller as much as possible, so he pulled the lever back and looked for........

[turboplanner]

.......some Bedouin like himself.

He didn't find them but after a time a tiny fort appeared on the flat desert sands. He pushed the stick forward to magnify it, and saw what appeared to be the figures of soldiers lying, facing an invisible enemy.

He gave the stick another push and saw ghoulish buzzards roosting on the ramparts looking at the soldiers. A litte bit more stick and he saw blowflies buzzing around them and realised they were dead.

 

There was a terrible smell of flyblown soldiers and he realised he wasn't magnifying them, he was coming down towards the just as the Drifter went SPLAT! into the heaped bodies of ten more soldiers.

 

He had fallen on the desrted for Zinderneuf.

 

As he walked around the enture fort, the unseeing eyes of dead soldiers looked down at him, but finally one blinked and he rushed inside the fort and applied CPR to the soldier,  washed his face and the soldier introduced himself as Beau Geste who had joined the French Foreign Legion to kill Arabas.

 

Ahmed gently said "But Sir, I, your saviour, am an Arab. With admirable logic, Beau said; In that case I'll make an exception, but there's no food.

 

So they shot a buzzard and cooked it on the hot stones and Baeau told Ahmed the famous Blue Water diamnons had been stolen from the Geste beach shack by an Ara.....bikie and he was out here looking for it. 

 

They made a deal to split the takings and Ahmed told Beau about the wonderful magic machine which could take them, like a Magic Carpet around the world.

 

You sould like a XXXXXXX journalist said Beau, thats the MkIV B model Drifter.

 

"Can you make it go?" ...............................................