The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

"Can you make it go?" ..........

..... as I thought it was a Cessna".

 

"You have been indoctrinated by the media" responded Beau "Because those buggers never gave Dr Ifter enough credit, as the good doctor cleverly took the best things about Cessnas, chucked away all the bad bits and named the aircraft (avref) after himself. Then the MK IV, a considerable improvement in speed, breathtaking power & load carrying capacity, was named after his son Mark and his daughter Ivy."

 

"Wow" responded Ahmed "I just love the minutia of these types of details about Skippy aviation (avref) history. Next, you'll tell me that that CT of a bloke is named after his .......

 

 

Edited December 31, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........Great Grandfather Sir Charles Thorpdale, who invented the potato. Old "CT" as they reverently used to call him ran an Overnight Stop and would supply feed for the bullocks, milk them if necessary and grilled the best steaks south of the Snowy on a roaring open fire. Guests camped around the fire. It was pretty much the same service you get these days in Motels. "CT" was proud of his steaks, but always a person who wanted to do better, he hunted around for years trying to find something to complement the steaks. One night well known female bullocky Agnes Buntine rolled into camp. She'd picked up four tonnes of sugar from a ship which had brought it from Hawaii. A Hawaiian native on board sold her some pink roots and she gave "CT" a root and asked him to cook it. It was a good root, but "CT" felt it was a little tasteless with a bitter after taste. He bought eight bags of sugar and she gave him half a dozen roots.

 

"CT" was very inventive, he had been knighted for inventing the Corkscrew which made it so easy for so many people, and he drilled several holes through the roots, packed sugar into them and planted them.

 

Soon two rows of green, heathly leaves attracted the attention of visitors who asked him what they were. He didn't want to tell them they were Hawaian roots, so on the spot he said "Potatoes" (we told you he was inventive). As each week went by they flourised, being next to Sh!tters ditch and the nightly boozy bedtime spray from the bullockies.

 

The rest is history, he dug up some roots each night for the camping bullockies, slicing them into small pieces and cooking them in Wallaby fat and the rest is history.

 

A town called Thorpdale was built on the old "CT" stop and "Thorpdale" potatos are sought after all over Australia by the finest restaurants and shipped out in B Doubles.

 

The bullockies aren't around to irrigate them any more, but "CT"'s son, known as Little CT started a series of piggeries with irrigation channels running through the Thorpdale hills. It didn't smell too good in Thorpdale, but these days all the growers own at least two B Doubles to distribute the potatoes.

 

Little C went to Gallipoli and was one of those who fought courageously from the beach up to Lone Pine. What's not generally known is that the Gallipoli site at the time was overrun with a rabbit plague.

 

The British Generals who as we know were running the battle from the smoking rooms of their ships, hadn't thought the battle would be so fierce and long and  the donkeys were needed to bring wounded troops down to the ten hospital ships which had been anchored directly off Anzac Cove when the battle started (don't believe a word of the story that the Australians and New Zealanders drifted accidentally into the wrong cove), so there was no way to get food up to the men. Until now, referring to Turbine family archives, while people knew there was an armistice one Sunday, they dodn't know how it started and they didn't know they continued on every Sunday. It was started by Australian General Birdwood who, frustrated with the British habit of fobbing off any problems, dressed himself as a Turk so his bright red ribbons and gold braid wouldn't attach immediate target practice, and went up into the hills to find his men desperate for food.

 

"Birdy" as the troops reverently called him in contrast to "Sh!t for brains" to the British Generals, most with undercut jaws or sleft lips or a lisp showing their breeding was "very close" ran don the hills in a fury, rowed himself out to the ship and gave the other Generals a right Royal spray, but the resonse was to be ignored and hear "Have another gin Roger? and "You are so kind Rodney"

 

Birdy turned around and rowed back again, forgot the Turkish dress and bounded up the Hills in his full general's uniform red sashes and all. This didn't go unnoticed by the Turks, in particular Mustafa Kemal (Atatürk) who was the commander of the Ottoman 19th Division.

 

Mustafa knew Birdy of course, Birdy had grown up in the Malle as a wool and wheat producer and Mustapha owned several bullock wagons and carted his wool to market.

 

Seeing Birdy racing up the hills in full uniform and realising Birdy was blazing mad as he sometimes was when the sheep wouldn't go in the yards at shearing time, Mustapha ordered his troops to cease firing.

 

Birdy ran straight through the front line, over the Turkish trenches and up to Mustapha who was directing the battle on a horse able to ride back and forth on the smooth plateau adjusting his troops to where they were needed most. 

 

"Mustapha, those XXXXXXX XXXX, the poms are sitting out there on a ship drinking gin and won't feed my men!"

 

Mustapha had no time for the poms who used to yell out "Boy, get me a beer"! in Mario's Palace Hotel in Broken Hill www.thepalacehotelbrokenhill.com.au even though Mustapha owned 15 bullock teams.

 

Birdy had grown up in the Mallee and Mustapha had carted from Port Melbourne to Birdsville and both had seen a rabbit or two so they picked their 50 best sharp shooters, 25 from each side and tossed a coin for the shooting party leader and Corporal Little C won; a ceasfire was declared and Little C led the combined shooting party out and by the end of the day both sides had their freezers full. 

 

Meanwhile, Birdy and Mustapha had decided to use the time to bury the dead, and again at particularly bad spots the Australians and New Zealanders and Turks combined to get the very sad job done.

 

The next day it was back to business and Birdy, dressed as a Turk walked back down the hills. He was shot at by three Australians and two New Zealanders but they all missed and he made it back to the ship.He told the Generals nothing, but on the way he had told Kerry Packer's father about the Generals and asked him to tell Lord Kitchener who was a mate of Birdy's.

 

Kitchener rang Birdy and told him to get the Australians and New Zealanders out of there, and he did, all except one ..........

 

[For those who would like to know the real story behind Gallipoli, buy the book by Les Carlyon]

 

Mustapha went into history as Attaturk, first President of Turkiye and this statement lives on at the Ari Burnu Memorial in Gallipoli tday:

 

 

 

 

Edited December 31, 2023 by turboplanner

[Captain]

The Turgid Plonker has created a record breaking post of 21 paragraphs ..... FFS.

 

Cappy is fatigued as a result, and will try to reply once recovered. 

 

Best wishes for 2024 to our many thousands of NESers.

[CT9000]

Turbs you may have taken the " Never ending storey " just a tad too literally.

[turboplanner]

......o.........

[onetrack]

....f the Diggers who had secreted himself in an abandoned, empty Furphy water tank, with the intention of.......

 

(As an aside, OT compliments Turboplanner on his stunning achievement, in condensing C.E.W. Beans, "The Official history of Australia in the War of 1914-1918", from 12 huge volumes, into the one - albeit lengthy - post in the NES. It is obvious that Turboplanner has done this in order to receive a gong in the New Years Honours List, and very shortly I will be calling the GG to highly recommend Turbo for an AO.....)

[turboplanner]

.......plugging just one more Turk and almost succeeded when the Turk yelled out "Johnny! come into town, we're all going to get pi.............................................."

 

(Turbo thanks OT for his insight. He had indeed started to paraphrase the whole of the C.E.W. Bean book-set in order to make an important point, but he knew instinctively that it would be too much for Cappy sitting in his cramped quarters and relying on a wavering signal, so he had cut it short, and been punished for it.)

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......plugging just one more Turk and almost succeeded when the Turk yelled out "Johnny! come into town, we're all going to get pi......

 

..... nk tutus to wear under our kaftans, ...... and a couple for the goats too, for when we go to the B&G Ball, where ......

 

Cappy apologizes for bringing the NES down again from TP's literary height to the most basic of instincts, however he thought that our country & OS readers might enjoy & identify with that.

Edited January 1 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........working circles in the Utes has been replaced by goat cart races and a cart ornamentation, and Mohair jumper competition to replace the rather unseemly wet T Shirt competition pioneered in the seedy area of Kapooka.

 

It was going well until ............................

[Captain]

58 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..........working circles in the Utes has been replaced by goat cart races and a cart ornamentation, and Mohair jumper competition to replace the rather unseemly wet T Shirt competition pioneered in the seedy area of Kapooka.

 

It was going well until ............................

..... Turbo offered to take his wet T-shirt off, but the crowd yelled "Put it back on as several of them dry-reached and .....

[turboplanner]

.......then reached for their beers.

Then the crowd discovered ..............

[Captain]

..... Turdy's depth of aviation knowledge, and .....

[turboplanner]

.....threw in their own knowledge of the coefficients of surpersonic turn performance, and how you could fix a Ratack by hitting it with hammer Part No 3 from Mitre 10, and then the fighting started over the quality of hammers and how you would wreck the engine if you did that but a sharp belt with the back of an axe would get it into alignment every time. Two or three hours into this heated discussion on Ratack someone yelled out "15!" and everyone paused trying to work out how the hammer numbrs got that high, but after considerable discussion it was found that it related to the eearlier discussion on coefficients, but that a Piper Cub probably wouldn't go supersonic.

 

The fire had just been stoked up by a tractor dragging a tree over it' such was the technology of the people on the land, and the goats started nervously looking around, and realised they were the main course for the night.

 

One ............................

[Captain]

..... who really was the Greatest Of All Time, a title normally reserved for WA, OT & Dr Forrest, claimed that .....

[turboplanner]

.....he pointed out that he, of course was exempt from being BBQ'd but no one would listen, and what was worse ...............

[Captain]

19 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....he pointed out that he, of course was exempt from being BBQ'd but no one would listen, and what was worse ...............

.... they turned him around to face away from them, lifted his tail and .......

[turboplanner]

........hurled a cupfull of petrol.

That was the last anyone saw of that goat which came out of the blocks like a Top Eliminator disappeared over the horizon, but rumours ............

 

 

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........hurled a cupfull of petrol.

That was the last anyone saw of that goat which came out of the blocks like a Top Eliminator disappeared over the horizon, but rumours ............

 

 

 

..... were that his speed had been overstated and was more like a funny car on 7 cylinders.

 

This exaggeration is becoming endemic in some NES posts, just like when .....

[turboplanner]

.....Bookmark said he had broken the sound barrier in his Sonex and where could he get an ejector seat in good condition. There were 78 comments from farious chook farmers and rattle snake trainers advising where to buy one from "The Ayer Forse"  and how to fit one, with one comment after a few days saying rocking chairs weren't made the way they used to be. One person put it very well when he said "when you activate the ejection seat you're really trying to blow the Sonex away from your chair, and his post got the most likes, although...........................................................

 

[In the early days of drag racing one of the funny cars had lunched [drag racing ref] its gearbox, and Turbo helped the driver rebuild it so he could drive back to Sydney. As a reward the driver took Turbo as a a front centre seat passenger out to test it on the main street of the genteel East Bentleigh. The driver slammed his foot down, the three of us squashed the seat squab to 3 mm and, and we were in the next suburb in 7.3 seconds.]

 

 

 

[Captain]

On 03/01/2024 at 4:51 PM, turboplanner said:

One person put it very well when he said "when you activate the ejection seat you're really trying to blow the Sonex away from your chair, and his post got the most likes, although........

...... there were some complaints from some of the crusty old Wreck Flying dudes that thought ......

[turboplanner]

......ejector seats should be free on all  Didn’t happenplanes and how his father used to have one in Afghanistan. Another 30 posted about how there was no real opposition and George Bush paid Walt Disney to make videos showing US successes that didn’t ............💀💀

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......ejector seats should be free on all  Didn’t happenplanes and how his father used to have one in Afghanistan. Another 30 posted about how there was no real opposition and George Bush paid Walt Disney to make videos showing US successes that didn’t ............💀💀

.... reflect the true spirit in "Steamboat Willy", hence why it has been moved into the public domain after Turbine Industries made their takeover offer for Disney, which resulted in ......... 

[turboplanner]

.... a Turbine Netstream of the horror movies Walt made towards the end of his life, where aging actresses who had played bright young children in his early films were paid just $8.00 per movie to ....................

[Captain]

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.... a Turbine Netstream of the horror movies Walt made towards the end of his life, where aging actresses who had played bright young children in his early films were paid just $8.00 per movie to ....................

..... relive the past, similar in manner and payment to the way that NES contributors sometimes do ........... except for the CT, who is young and spritely.

 

With the NES being taken over by the younger generation, Onesie and bull decided that ......

[turboplanner]

....there should be a new Rule; If you want to post, you have to put your hand up and be approved by the Monitor (a new position on WF, complementing the 48 Admins).

 

This didn't go well with .........................