The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

"Cmon CopperChopper, what are your intentions?"

Now, everyone knows, from their Nav Training (rare AUF experience), that when ATC asks your intentions they are worried about you, so the best answer is "Honorable", but the Vicpol Sergeant on board had had enough and said "We're about to knock out a drug trafficker good buddy". 

 

Big mistake, it was the shelf packers from the local Griffith IGA that handled all the logistics and picked all the routes each night for the deliveries, so Bushy ATC responded "Don't tell anyone but he's going through Cookardinia, Holbrook, Woomargana and Albury, then Benalla, Lake Eildon and into Melbourne that way."

 

Meanwhile the Marina took the Walbundrie road and disappeared into the countryside.

 

Four hours later a weary Sergeant called up Bushy ATC with "He's disappeared" (an aeronautical term often used), and Bushy responded symathetically "He usually does"  and they wished each outer good luck, but an hour later .....................

[CT9000]

.......all went quiet on the rotary wing police enforcement device as the pilot realized that after four hours airborne with an endurance of 238 mins. this was maybe a bit predictable........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, CT9000 said:

.......all went quiet on the rotary wing police enforcement device as the pilot realized that after four hours airborne with an endurance of 238 mins. this was maybe a bit predictable........

..... so he landed at the Oaklands Liberty servo and asked the bored Indian till-jockey "Do you have any avgas, Gunga? (He was a typical insensitive copper from the good old days).

"Crikey no sir" was the response.

"OK, then fill it with 95 and add a litre of ......

[turboplanner]

......Fuel Conditioner.

“Goodness gracious me” said Sonny “ you are getting lot of fuel”

The LC wasn’t one for small talk and said “Seen a Marina?”

I typical subcontinent fashion Sonny didn’t hesitate to please for a dollar and said “
 

 

[Captain]

.... "Oh yes sir, I have seen one, as my family has a very good one on the Murray from where we hire out our 60 houseboats, and my brother Sanjay would be pleased to offer you a very special deal, plus some special donuts and .....

[turboplanner]

......"a genuine Commodore hub cap for just sixty dollars or ......................"

[CT9000]

.......may I suggest that we could buy back all that 95 petrol for half price because it may not be very pleasing to your turbine engine. We could also do you a special deal on some very rare kerosine that we just happen to have for only fifteen dollars a litre. We keep that here for special visitors...... 

[turboplanner]

......but the LC fired up the helicopter and departed with a traile of backfires and black smoke in disgust.

He was headed for ........................

[Captain]

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......but the LC fired up the helicopter and departed with a traile of backfires and black smoke in disgust.

He was headed for ........................

.... the farm down the road which was rumoured to still be using "Fireside" heaters in every room, supplied from a 20,000 litre outside Kero tank, and the Sgt intended to ......

 

The cocky had 30 of these little oxygen burning carbon monoxide emitting buggers and half a ton of wicks in his shed. 

 

Edited January 12 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..............seize the kero on the grounds of "fire risk to general public in area".

What he didn't realise was that he was now in one of the NSW Country areas that used to be known as "The Place Time forgot" A Nazi flag with Swastika flew from every house, and as they landed a 50 cal opened up from the neighbouring farm half a kilometre down the road and went straight through the window of what had been a Helicopter Gunship in Afghanistan. Vicpol had bought it for $750.00 complete with all armaments from Footscray Army Surplus.

 

The crew went into action, disengaging and redeploying to the neighbouring property where the let go with a burst of incendiary rockets which quickly had the old wooden homestead on fire.

 

That prompted withering counterfire from a cottage up the hill where..........................

 

 

 

[CT9000]

....they were firing frozen oranges from their cannons, one hit from these could cause some harm to the heli. Not to mention the vibration from the blades because Sanjay and Ranju Singh had drilled a hole in one blade tip to chain the machine up till the bill was paid back at the servo......

[Captain]

10 hours ago, CT9000 said:

....they were firing frozen oranges from their cannons, one hit from these could cause some harm to the heli. Not to mention the vibration from the blades because Sanjay and Ranju Singh had drilled a hole in one blade tip to chain the machine up till the bill was paid back at the servo......

.... Bill Singh was their other brother who refused to wear a .....

 

Cappy notes CTs lack of a capital letter when introducing bill into the nes and assumes that he has done this in sympathy or camaraderie with bull. Such support of bull's practices is nice to see. 

[turboplanner]

....singlet and so was exposed to some of the stray oranges (The Orange guns had been built to Indian tolerances). 

Bill Singh had come out from the subcontinent as a temp Visa truck driver and now ran the Ampol Roadhouse 50 km south of Oaklands where his son Hamadryad Singh tinkered with old cannnons from the US Civil war. He was clever, and found a way to bale dry cowdung and  punch it into cannon fodder with a six inch round punch attached to an old gold crusher. 

This impressive weapon had now joined in the local fight against the SWAY helicopter, which was getting hard to see as it was effectively camouflaged by the cow dung, but ..............

[Captain]

..... the hole In the end of the rotor blade whistled like ....

[turboplanner]

....a Stuka, putting fear into the local community who complained to their Member of Parliament who  asked the Minister of Police the following day "What was ...............

[Captain]

55 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....a Stuka, putting fear into the local community who complained to their Member of Parliament who  asked the Minister of Police the following day "What was ...............

..... a VicPol camo chopper doing up over NSW, when the filthy Traps had no rights north of the Rio-Murray.

 

The Mextorian Police Minister replied that "This operation against the Griffith mob is similar to our earlier operations against Ned Kelly at Jerildery, plus add to that our actions at the Eureka Stockade".

 

Once the Singhs heard this they realised that death & destruction was likely, hence that this offered commercial opportunities and they swung into action.

 

bill was given the job of having T-Shirts printed saying "Up Yours Coppers" and "Remember Bakery Hill - I survived the Oaklands Massacre" on the obverse (even though Oaklands doesn't have a bakery & is as flat as a pancake), plus their sister Pambla bought land on which their Re-creation Theme Park would be built using similar techniques to the Ballarat Pioneer Village, except that Oaklands lacks gold but has plenty of sub-bituminous coal.

 

The Singh family named the Theme Park ........

Edited January 13 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........New Delhi after a similar Theme park in Nebraska, USA.

They were hoping to become famous for their Chapatis and Green Tea, but ..............

[Captain]

44 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........New Delhi after a similar Theme park in Nebraska, USA.

They were hoping to become famous for their Chapatis and Green Tea, but ..............

..... instead became known for their green teeth, their chafing (down there) and their ......

 

Despite his bad breath, bill was proud of his green teeth, but could not understand why he did not automatically get chicks at the Oaklands B&S Ball.

 

A diagram of Pambla's chafing, because the real thing is so terrible, and the lightning too hard to photograph effectively.

 

Edited January 13 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..............unintelligble language.

The theme park had a 5 loop roller coaster, the biggest outside Bendigo's "Gold Mine in the Sky".

The safety message before the start was supposed to read "Safety Message", no, I only made that up; it was supposed to say "This ride is dangerous! buckle up your seat belts before we start; leave children and babies in the locker next to the ticket box, take your teeth out!" but the ride operator was Mahatma Kaur and what came over the seaker was "Spltsksolenicowidapemextklata" a phrase very similar to one used on Turbo at the local servo this morning when he tried to pay. She was a Kaur too and ...........

[Captain]

..... om hearing this, it made Turbo cower too, before he decided to be brave, stand up to the Kaur curse, and .....

Edited January 14 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....ask her to repeat it in English. Not many people know that in the 1920s before people realised the "British Empire" was a hoax, a young Mahatma Ghandi, who was a promising young cancer specialist before cancer had been invented, decided the bext way to beat the British Raj was to speak English better and faster than the English so the Indians could get head of them and beat them at their own game, and Indlish was born. When the Kaurs, Ghandis, and Nehru clans speak, even today English speaking people get left ehind and ..................

[Captain]

.... say 6 words in just 6 letters ..... FMD, WTA (what's that about?), and that .....

Edited January 14 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...very common one LMEO or ........

 

[bull]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...very common one LMEO or ........

 

.YMC ASW ........was and can be taken for many combinations of thought "but the words where usually used on final after being cut off by a straight in lander and the anger used.........

 

[Captain]

4 hours ago, bull said:

.YMC ASW ........was and can be taken for many combinations of thought "but the words where usually used on final after being cut off by a straight in lander and the anger used.........

 

..... to drop in for a carrier style, drive-it-on, landing on the 4th wire.

 

In the AUF, such landings are known as flukes or .....