The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

....stols or precision landings depending who you are talking to and how long they've been at the BBQ. Without mentioning any names, a certain Beercan driver was a classic at this, even though all the examples came from a fertile mind every bit as good as ......................

[Captain]

.... Mel Brookes, as evidenced by the beans scene in Blazing Saddles, where to increase the sense of urgency to make a successful career landing, Ahlow roll onto one cheek and would break wind in the beercan just 3 minutes before last light then drive her onto the YSWG strip using a 30 degree glide slope, knowing that it would only take until 1 minute past last light to succumb. 

 

This was a dangerous game, because.....

[turboplanner]

55 minutes ago, Captain said:

.... Mel Brookes, as evidenced by the beans scene in Blazing Saddles, where to increase the sense of urgency to make a successful career landing, Ahlow roll onto one cheek and would break wind in the beercan just 3 minutes before last light then drive her onto the YSWG strip using a 30 degree glide slope, knowing that it would only take until 1 minute past last light to succumb. 

 

This was a dangerous game, because.....

........he had to eat a meal of green apples before he flew; like waiting the seven hours for your Tesla to charge instead of telling stories at a party in the next town.

 

Eeven after eating the apples there was the problem of too little gas or a cockpit full of apple cores, so Ahlow tried ................

[Captain]

19 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........he had to eat a meal of green apples before he flew; like waiting the seven hours for your Tesla to charge instead of telling stories at a party in the next town.

 

Eeven after eating the apples there was the problem of too little gas or a cockpit full of apple cores, so Ahlow tried ................

.... installing a methane powered juice-maker and used the beercan's .....

Edited January 16 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......ultra-reliable Retrax engine to drive it. This was a mistake; the juicer had been made by the See Bum Grinder Co in Sechuan Province for 15 cents which provided a handsome sideline for the local market gardeners, and with various "agents", kickbacks, and fees was sold in Australia for $65.99 but of course as the market gardeners pointed out , when thousands of money-back demands and negative posts on FB came in "what do you expect for 15 cents?

 

Ahlow's juicer juiced itself at 5000 feet over the Deni Ute Muster in 2011, and .............................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Ahlow's juicer juiced itself at 5000 feet over the Deni Ute Muster in 2011, and ..................

..... he became a legend amongst the 20 - 30 years demographic circle work specialsts, with a statue erected immediately outside the Deni Town Hall, because when the juicer lunched itself, the Rotax gearbox sounded smooth-as, yet the beercan had a hole in it that looked like the after-effects of a 4ft ring pull, so that Ahlox needed to use his finest honed flying skills to circle the .....

[turboplanner]

........Muster track, presenting the good side of the Beercan (not that there ever was a really good side to that bucket of bolts)  coming down in a corkscrew of smaller and smaller circles until he landed on the dirt beating 10 times Circle Champion Jack "Ringer" McDonald in his big block 850 hp VS Commodore Ute.

 

Ahlow, realising he had just won the $50,000 prize, and always ready to work for even $2, got up on top of the canopy and made a rousing speech about how he'd always loved the Deni Muster and where were all the sheep, and with a couple of sheep jokes wherein the crowd lapsed into silence, and Ahlow realised he'd put his foot in it and ............

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

47 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Ahlow realised he'd put his foot in it and

.... that he had bare feet .... with the fresh warm dark green stuff squishing up between his toes.

 

Before Ahlow could say 'Firies have bigger hoses" the beercan had been fitted with 3 fibreglass aerials, 4 x 12' spotlights and 3 x RM Williams longhorn stickers, one of which .....

Edited January 16 by Captain

[turboplanner]

stretched from wingtip to wingtip.

Ahlow, in the middle of his victory dance slipped off......

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

stretched from wingtip to wingtip.

Ahlow, in the middle of his victory dance slipped off......

 

..... his overclothes which left his bulging .....

[onetrack]

.....biceps on view - whereupon one of the Ute Muster females, who had won first prize for staying on the mechanical bucking bull ride, until it actually burnt out and stopped, sidled up to Ahlow and said, "Oohh, you sexy thing, how would ya like to.........

[turboplanner]

......help me up on that Cessna thingy which he did immediately but he was too late to shout a warning as she ripped her top off and 2,153 Musterer’s messaged their scores to Ute HQ, but the she slipped in the green stuff and went a.........

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......help me up on that Cessna thingy which he did immediately but he was too late to shout a warning as she ripped her top off and 2,153 Musterer’s messaged their scores to Ute HQ, but the she slipped in the green stuff and went a.........

.....rse up, while clinging to Ahlow, and that made him bulge even more,

 

Their green, moist and slippery feet touched, they gazed deep into each other's eyes and Ahlow felt something that he had never felt before. 

 

It was .....

[turboplanner]

......the primeval urge of man, so he quickly reached down to his pocket to make sure his wallet was still there. Some people claimed that the wallet contained the first dollar he'd ever made and getting him to shout at the BoB required stealth and cunning.

 

That led to him taking a closer look at the beercan and the big hole in the side. A five Ute contingent from Wagga Wagga offered to tow it home on a U Haul hire trailer, so Loxy carefully hosed the slime out and tied it down with straps from the local Bunnings.

 

The power of the big block 400 Ute  could outrun the 300 Highway Patrol guys who clustered around Deniliquin every year, and some locals maintained they did more damage than the Ute Muster, issuing thousands of speeding tickets to locals going in for a paper, and manning roadside booze points with such rapidity that Hillary Jone's gossip fell behind reality and they were caught like flies.

 

At 130 km/hr the Beercan started flying and pulled the rear wheels of the ute off the ground, slowing them down. When they settled there was blue tyre smoke until it was flying again. This cycle went on for half an hour; this driver wasn't the sharpest tool in the drawer, until Ahlo volunteered to fly the aircraft on the deck, and from there the trip was uneventful, except ......................

[Captain]

..... that the Ute Muster crowd went mad, as they are prone to do.

 

Because he was still tethered to the Ute, Loxie could not fly(avref) back to Denni International Air & Space Port, so he took an alternative approach and .....

[Captain]

..... that the Ute Muster crowd went mad, as they are prone to do.

 

Because he was still tethered to the Ute, Loxie could not fly(avref) back to Denni International Air & Space Port, so he took an alternative approach and .....

[Captain]

Crappy apologises for the double bugger post. Internet is very dodgy here in the Exumas.

[onetrack]

........sought out the services of the local Heavy Heli-lift crowd. "Yeah, I've got a little problem mate", said Ahlow, after his call was answered.

 

"My beercan seems to be stuck and won't fly out of where it is, and I need to get it back to DIASP pronto. Are you up to a bit of lifting? It's got some other stuff still attached to it, and I won't be able to get it unattached, until I get it out of where it is!"

 

"No wuckers, Mate!", said the voice on the other end (which sounded suspiciously like a famous NES character). "The charge is $5000 startup fee, then $3,380 per quarter hour, as indicated by the Hobbs meter! When can we start, and who's paying?

 

Ahlow thought for a few seconds, and then said, "That's great! - and the fees are fine by me! Just send the bill to............

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

Ahlow thought for a few seconds, and then said, "That's great! - and the fees are fine by me! Just send the bill to.........

.... Turbine Promotions, who promote and manage the Ute Muster, and they will look after you, as an Elvis coming in will not only solve my problem, it will put on a good show for the punters and it will clean the joint up by blowing away the rubbish, condom wrappers and the problematic .....

[turboplanner]

250,000 Beercan Hill.

The helicopter had just hooked up to the Beercan/Trailer/Ute when a lawyer from Turbine Promotions stepped out of a convoy of three black Cheby Suburbans and seized Elvis and his grubby attachments.

"Elvis has not left the building!" he said, but there was not much laughter. Instead ..............

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

"Elvis has not left the building!" he said, but there was not much laughter. Instead ..............

..... an Anne Margaret impersonator, who did look somewhat like bull, red hair and all, came (walked, not came) down the catwalk to the main stage and looked Elvis in the .....

[turboplanner]

....rotor and started to sing "The wheels on the bus go round round round" and the chorus of choreographed actors chipped in with "round round round" and the Elvis air to ground speaker, which normally swears at firebugs and tells them they'll be caught! chimed in with, the final "round, roumd round" ........................

 

[When WF becomes a boring repetition, NES is up to producing Musicals that would do justice to Rogers and Hammerstein]

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....rotor and started to sing "The wheels on the bus go round round round" and the chorus of choreographed actors chipped in with "round round round" and the Elvis air to ground speaker, which normally swears at firebugs and tells them they'll be caught! chimed in with, the final "round, roumd round" .....

.... however "round, round round" did not satisfy the Uteys that were into punk rock, or those with a hankering for Slim Dusty ..... nor the Gay Uteys Collective (the GUC) who were all Chad Morgan fans.

 

This gave the Skippy composing duo of Onesie & Turbinestein a challenge that took them 55 minutes to overcome, when they .....

[turboplanner]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

.... however "round, round round" did not satisfy the Uteys that were into punk rock, or those with a hankering for Slim Dusty ..... nor the Gay Uteys Collective (the GUC) who were all Chad Morgan fans.

 

This gave the Skippy composing duo of Onesie & Turbinestein a challenge that took them 55 minutes to overcome, when they .....

.......came up with the Ute Muster Dream Scene and got 3.8 million views of FB in the first month.

It ..................

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......came up with the Ute Muster Dream Scene and got 3.8 million views of FB in the first month.

It ..................

.... was described by Mr Turbinestein as "A triumph akin to what little Andy Lloyd Weber-BBQ achieved with his ditty about .....

Edited January 18 by Captain