The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

At the end of it they hadn't reached an agreement but realised they would cop it if they went back to work without a story, so they all agreed on the line that we couldn't have members of Isis and Hamas running around with guns so oth that basis the press, quoting police sources who couldn't be named, tipped a bucket on CT which left him with no option but to ............

[Captain]

..... retire to the ISIS caves up behind Mansfield, known locally as Tora Boring, where Aslimy Bedlinnen and CT were the best of ......

[turboplanner]

.....the bunch at roasting wombat steaks, and target shooting, which could be ..............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....the bunch at roasting wombat steaks, and target shooting, which could be ..............

.... great fun when using an RPG on an .....

[turboplanner]

...........Echidna. They found that they could shoot an average of 35 bunnies with the quills from every shot.

On one recent occasion there was a scream from the Acacia grove and on inspection they found a bedraggled forlorn figure crawling along with a quill stuck into he rear, obviously in pain, his glasses sliding down his nose and crying "Water.......Water" It was ex Chairman Dan.

 

He told the story of how some rich businessmen (we can't tell you who they are because they are members of the NES) had promised him a US$50 million salary a year and a Penthouse in New York, 

how he signed a contract then resigned as the most revered and loved Premier of Victoria in history, flew to New York in the last clothes that weren't worn out, and found an empty office with a Sheriff's Seizure Notice on the door and a sighn saying Gotcha!, how He worked as a Santa in Wal Mart until he had enough to pay the fare home to Darraweit Guim International and how he'd been eating witchetty grubs and yams for the last four weeks and after a feed of Wombat steak, joined the rebel group as a front-line RPG holder. Of course these were the first foot soliders to be shot; usually by a Tank, or ..........

[Captain]

..... an A10 Thunderbolt II Warthog (eventual avref), where the Gatling Gun blows the sh......

 

 

Edited January 26 by Captain

[turboplanner]

sheep across the paddocks as they say in the USAF.

OneTrack Defence Inc. had bought 10 of these with the idea of renting them out; a sort of Budget Car Rental on the battlefield. Of course they could up the insurance to cover the aircraft for $3 million per day, so hiring one was a good deal. Many NSW Cotton Farmers now cultivated the paddocks with the Gatling Guns of A 10s. It was 10 times faster that=n Case Steigers on GPS, and you could .................

[Captain]

 

sheep across the paddocks as they say in the USAF.

OneTrack Defence Inc. had bought 10 of these with the idea of renting them out; a sort of Budget Car Rental on the battlefield. Of course they could up the insurance to cover the aircraft for $3 million per day, so hiring one was a good deal. Many NSW Cotton Farmers now cultivated the paddocks with the Gatling Guns of A 10s. It was 10 times faster that=n Case Steigers on GPS, and you could .................

..... have a heap of fun buzzing (avref) your neighbour's joint and putting his chooks off laying for 6 months, not to mention what .....

[turboplanner]

.....the associated fertilization does for the pastures.

It wasn't long before the Pasture Improvement Officers from the Department of Agriculture got to hear about it, and after being given a few free rides in the A10, strongly recommended buzzing on every property.

Not many people know that in 2012, to save money the DOA and DCA decided to share training costs, so the PIOs were sent on training camps with the FIOs, and quickly picked up the Stasi habits of the FIOs.

Pretty soon farmers on the way into town for Friday shopping found themselves pulled over by Land Cruisers painted in Camo with flashing Green Lights (representing Pasture), and checked to see whether they had a Fertilisation Ticket, or Rygrass Eradification Ticket, and there were Education Nights where the PIOs said outrageous tings and got away with it, and Ramp Checks where PIOs checked Utes for Prickly Pear seeds in Queensland, and beer stubbys in South Australia.

It had gathered so much pace that ............................

[CT9000]

.....a new organization was formed called Community Attack Security Authority to police all these people innocently going about their business.....  

[Captain]

37 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

.....a new organization was formed called Community Attack Security Authority to police all these people innocently going about their business.....  

.... and particularly anybody with the slightest hint of a smile on their face would be sanctioned in the strongest possible VicPol terms, which meant that little old ladies sitting in parks minding their own business, and A10 pilots spraying 50 cal armour piercing around the countryside, would be treated equally and .....

Edited January 26 by Captain

[onetrack]

......even the rabbits and wombats weren't immune from the depredations of the CASA forces, as the forces multiplied with additional funding from the sale of rabbit and wombat furry toys and good luck tokens, at the duty free stores of DG International Airport, resulting in.....

[turboplanner]

.....Border Patrol being made aware of the foreign languages spoken by these CASA people, so they used their satellite cameras to follow every CASA PIO and when he set up for a Ramp Check, their Agent would set up set up on him with video and listening device. They soon found that ....

Edited January 27 by turboplanner

[Captain]

.... the Darrawit Guimian language has roots in Latin, Celtic, Tasmanian Aboriginal + a good lick of Russian, that caused .....

Edited January 27 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....some difficulty to the Border Force guys who all spoke Mandarin.

It was in a discussion with Richard Marles at the Geelong Yacht Club that Richard froze when Cappy and Turbo told him this story. What Nationality are they!?, he asked, alarmed. "Chinese" said Richard and turned pale. "That XXXXXXX!!!! Xi!!!!" he said, and Cappy and Turbo both offered to fly the first wing of the attack. The Challenger took them up to the Spratleys in three hours, they kicked the gooney birds and their nests out of the Cosair engine bays and they were away, talking out a complete squadron of Stealth fighters which had been sitting on the runway very quietly. They then turned their eyes to .............

[Captain]

...... what Dickie Marles had previously described as a grievous infestation of Chinese .....

[onetrack]

.......food halls that infested his local suburbs. "The stuff they dish up is terrible", he exclaimed. "Their food is toxic, and it must be regarded as an underhand method of warfare against us! Why, only last night I had a feed of Chinese Hot Pot, and next morning, I couldn't get off the.........

[turboplanner]

........phone to Ambo until it was too late. He kept asking what the noise was, but.................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........phone to Ambo until it was too late. He kept asking what the noise was, but.................

..... Albo the Ambo was off on a mouth to mouth administration course, learning how to give his blonde lady friend the best possible resuscitation experience as they fly around the world (avref) at more than a mile high.

 

"We are at 40,000 ft" she observed "So does that mean that I have to do it 7.5 times, when just one with the Ambo is more than enough. Therefore can I change my referendum selection and now vote NO to everything, including my conjugal duties, and .......

Edited January 27 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......that was just a little bit too far for the Ambo and he snapped. Not many people know that during the recent Referendum the Ambo took up the stipple "dot" painting invented by Italian Giulio Campagnola in 1570 which most of the tribespeople had taken up after they found no one could match old Albert Namatjira with a brush. He used to dab a few yellow dots on his cheeks and get to work in Airforce One (Jr).  Sometimes the bumping aircraft caused dots to become dashes and Albo quite liked the effect. Then he realised he was commercial and started selling his paintings under the name Ambo. Astute NES readers, if they look at the news stories with Albo snapping at the Press will notice that he's grown his hair long and ties it up in a bun under the Akubra and there's a bald eagle feather in the band and some spray tan. His accent has changed and ..............

[Captain]

42 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Astute NES readers, if they look at the news stories with Albo snapping at the Press will notice that he's grown his hair long and ties it up in a bun under the Akubra and there's a bald eagle feather in the band and some spray tan. His accent has changed and ..............

..... he has had his teeth whitened + some discrete hair plugs bunged in under his hat, and a non-glass jaw has been surgically added.

 

When asked a Dorothy Dixer by the ABC, the Ambo replied "I want to be the Hunter Biden of the south Pacific".

 

Within 30 minutes the spin doctors were at work trying to walk it back .... "When the Ambo refers to Hunter Biden he is not referring to the drugs or the hookers or the laptop, although the Ambo has recently misplaced his .....

Edited January 27 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........shaving gear,  and may arrive at a function looking like Hunter, or .................

[onetrack]

.........maybe even confuse Zelensky for Putin, as Joe just did. But then there was the questioning over the Ukrainian-Australian military deals, and just how much Ambo knew about the.............

[turboplanner]

........K17 issues was shown when he said “We’re about to order more training for the dogs, or the time he was given a spade to turn the first sod of a new development site.......

Edited January 28 by turboplanner

[onetrack]

........and he said, "What exactly again, are we looking for here?" The minders decided they'd better occupy the media with some distraction to take the heat off Ambo, who was still struggling with getting a grip on the spade, so one of the minders said, "Did you see where the PM has just signed off on that new................