The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Despite this old Masa Wuntika stepped right on to the rattler........and he had bare feet........and the rattler was already mad. The rattler ......

....., however, had a lot of respect for the efficiency of the latest D155AX-8 WH, particularly when fitted with the latest coal blade, (Masa Wuntika was a silent partner with Shibu Takamatsu [known as "Shifty" to his mates]) so the rattler gave Masa a miss and headed for Maka Turbinesu because he had never really liked their burgers and his experience was that most members of the Turbinesu family can be dicks at times, so he ......

Edited February 4 by Captain

[bull]

3 hours ago, Captain said:

most members of the Turbinesu family can be dicks at times, so he ......

,went to the local macca,s instead and this caused................

[Captain]

30 minutes ago, bull said:

,went to the local macca,s instead and this caused................

..... consternation, and the opposite of constipation, when .....

Edited February 4 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......an exchange student from Dubbo translated the Macca's menu and found that under the label "Big Waygu" Macca San was supplying Snow Monkeys from Jigokudani.

The mokeys had been eating Tokuji Nuts from the Tokuji trees, guaranteed to move a train for anyone with a stomach problem. 

The Japanes Board of Behaviours was sent to investigate, and found labels reading "Turbinesu Wayghu; only the very best for Japan, marbling quality AAA"

When Macca's found out ...............................

 

 

 

[Captain]

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......an exchange student from Dubbo translated the Macca's menu and found that under the label "Big Waygu" Macca San was supplying Snow Monkeys from Jigokudani.

The mokeys had been eating Tokuji Nuts from the Tokuji trees, guaranteed to move a train for anyone with a stomach problem. 

The Japanes Board of Behaviours was sent to investigate, and found labels reading "Turbinesu Wayghu; only the very best for Japan, marbling quality AAA"

When Macca's found out .......

.... why 50% of their staff were off work on the injured list due to Tokuji Nuts being fired from the arses of Snow Monkeys while the Mecca's employees were attempting to ......

 

Meanwhile Bill Gates was inventing a vaccine to counter Tokuji Nut injuries, and this one is only expected to kill 3 in 50 and disable 7 in 40 who take the 1st dose & 7 boosters as part of the compulsory campaign, which Almo has endorsed. 

Edited February 4 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......copy the formula which was producing so much free advertising for Macca's (Japanese don't believe it will happen to them, which is why 1,700 a day are knocked down in the bulging streets by buses.)

and the Japan Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JJPL)  did their calculations, and using a Lightened Drifter, filled a Snow Monkey up with Tokuji nuts and strapped him in place of the Bluehead.

They were able to achieve a cruise speed of 130 kts and duration of 120 minutes before thrust degraded - three times better than the best electric aircraft, and announced to Time magazine that Snow Monkeys were the next power source for the world. Sitting in his penthouse scanning the world news, ..........

[Captain]

... the king of the Snow Monkies, who's name was .....

[turboplanner]

...........Masa Sakaguchi.

Unobtrusively he entered a Drifter for next years Reno Air Races.

Initially the Committee laughed as one, but the President quietly pointed out that costs had blown out so much that entries were down 70% on the heyday of the Races.

So they approved Masa San's Entry; big mistake, he fitted TWO snow monkeys and .............

[Captain]

.... a suitably armoured (Tokuji Nut proof), Snow Leopard to chase them, so that .....

[turboplanner]

....they stopped fighting and concentrated on getting away from the snow leopard.

To be sure this combination had limited durability but the trick was to get six good laps out of them, so Masa marked a circuit out on the floor of the Gobi desert in southern Japan, and the trials started.

At the first trial the Snow Leopard ran off after a ....................

[Captain]

23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....they stopped fighting and concentrated on getting away from the snow leopard.

To be sure this combination had limited durability but the trick was to get six good laps out of them, so Masa marked a circuit out on the floor of the Gobi desert in southern Japan, and the trials started.

At the first trial the Snow Leopard ran off after a ....................

..... particularly gorgeous geisha (as you do), while the Monkeys continued to face away & fire randomly at the crowd that had assembled to witness .....

[Captain]

4 hours ago, Captain said:

Mecca's employees

Your Crappy apologizes for the above typo and he was not attempting to introduce race or religion into the wonderful NES's reporting on world events.

 

This should have read "Macca's employees" and was not referring to those hard workers who facilitate the Hajj each year.

[turboplanner]

The unusually sensitive post from Cappy above explaining that he made a mistake comes from the early days when Cappy and Turbo, discharged from the Khyber Pass action (one honorably, one dishonorably) were out of work and decided to quote for the supply of oranges to that year's paricipants in the Hajj.

Turbo mixed up the difference between pounds and gills and they barely scrapped in after selling four million oranges. They had enough for their air fare home and a couple of weeks of counter meals at the local pub.

[turboplanner]

3 hours ago, Captain said:

..... particularly gorgeous geisha (as you do), while the Monkeys continued to face away & fire randomly at the crowd that had assembled to witness .....

...what the commentator described as a comedy act.

As race time got close Masa gave the monkeys another dish of Tokuji nuts, dragged the Snow Leopard back and "blooded" him with a bowl of monkey guts, and off they went, catching up to the Mustangs for the start. The leopard now hungry for monkey caught up with the Drifter and almost got a monkey which caused a horrific expulsion of nuts and the drifter almost jumped the start but the kindly Chief Starter, Chuck Wager allowed it. By lap two the Drifter was in the lead, having the advantage of a very tight turn (you would too if you looked over your shoulder and saw leopard teeth), and at the finish ............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

The leopard now hungry for monkey caught up with the Drifter and almost got a monkey which caused a horrific expulsion of nuts and the drifter almost jumped the start but the kindly Chief Starter, Chuck Wager allowed it. By lap two the Drifter was in the lead, having the advantage of a very tight turn (you would too if you looked over your shoulder and saw leopard teeth), and at the finish ............

..... he flew (avref) a victory lap, which is so named, as it allowed him to lap all but one of the P51s.

 

The crowd with berserk and awarded .....

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

The unusually sensitive post from Cappy above explaining that he made a mistake comes from the early days when Cappy and Turbo, discharged from the Khyber Pass action (one honorably, one dishonorably) were out of work and decided to quote for the supply of oranges to that year's paricipants in the Hajj.

Turbo mixed up the difference between pounds and gills and they barely scrapped in after selling four million oranges. They had enough for their air fare home and a couple of weeks of counter meals at the local pub.

Crappy thanks Turdy for the acknowledgement of his sensitivity and states, for the record, that all other events, as mentioned by the Turdster, are true and correct. 

[bull]

21 hours ago, Captain said:

Crappy thanks Turdy for the acknowledgement of his sensitivity and states, for the record, that all other events, as mentioned by the Turdster, are true and correct. 

...Weeelll not quite "true"said Bull,     [who had been busy studying the effects of the emissions caused by the monkey nut propulsion system ],  Turdo,s name started way back in the NES when he first stole an f16 [The one in his avatar photo!,yes he still has it hidden away somewhere ]  and brought it to Wagga Wagga [i was just gunna mount it on the roof officer really!] After an exhaustive multitude of tests it was soon found that amongst the emissions was a very unknown gas called Tokuji Toxic gas that was deadlier then mustard gas and that it  was heavier then air, and as it settled it then hibernated then later emerged from the ground  to emit a toxic cloud of gas that...................

 

22 hours ago, turboplanner said:

 

that was heavier then air and as it settled it hibernated then later emerged to emit a toxic cloud of gas that..............

Edited February 5 by bull

[onetrack]

......then gravitated to Tasmania, and it seriously affected bulls thought patterns, typing ability, and proof reading abilities - and which gas made him even more incoherent than he normally was. 

Poor old bull had forgotten there were 835 pages of the NES, and he'd started off reading Page 1 all over again, thus leading the NES readers to start scratching their............

 

Edited February 6 by onetrack

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

Poor old bull had forgotten there were 835 pages of the NES, and he'd started off reading Page 1 all over again, thus leading the NES readers to start scratching their ......

..... Instant Lottery Scratch-It cards ..... bull likes the ones where Tasmanians have to match the 3 people with the 6 heads, and also the game to match the country yokel with his sister, plus the ......

Edited February 6 by Captain

[turboplanner]

16 hours ago, Captain said:

..... Instant Lottery Scratch-It cards ..... bull likes the ones where Tasmanians have to match the 3 people with the 6 heads, and also the game to match the country yokel with his sister, plus the ......

....bingo games where its often said "Two heads are better than one."

As luck would have it, bull won the next lottery.

NES readers will know that bull is a shy retiring sort of person, but the win seemed to change him he went down to the shop in Hobart and bought a bright red suit, a cravatt and  pair of black and white shoes.

On Market Place he saw an ad for a Quicksilver on floats drove to Penguin and took a look at it and flew it home.

He repainted it red.

He grew his hair long on one side and could often be seen over Tasmanian towns waving, and looking over both sides which confused the townies who didn't realise he was lost because he was seeing in two directions at once (Mainlanders are probably unaware of this problem.) On this day after waving furiously, he got was he thought was a direction, with the townies in the streets all pointing to the south, they were pointing to ............................

[CT9000]

......the lost Polair chopper from Vic closing in fast from behind......

[turboplanner]

....and quickly passed over the Heads, did a U turn and SWAT CamoCops could be seen.................

[CT9000]

.......ready to take aim with their budget balancing equipment, sorry safety, sorry speed, (you get the idea) radar.......

[onetrack]

.......early warning systems that pick up.........

[bull]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

.......early warning systems that pick up.........

.the smell of two strokes,now this really upset.................