The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

......when the crowds were disbursing - and they nearly always disbursed $10 and $20 notes, which Cappy would pick up with a sharpened stick at 60 knots or more, whilst leaning out of the cockpit and holding a 45° bank. However, during one of the disbursement stunts, Cappy misjudged, and speared a.............

... snag on a baby as he tried to harden the stick in the fire as Uncle Warren had shown him as a kiddie.

The Cook family had long believed in toughening up their nippers by emersing them in native cultures and this is why ........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

snag on a baby as he tried to harden the stick in the fire as Uncle Warren had shown him as a kiddie.

The Cook family had long believed in toughening up their nippers by emersing them in native cultures and this is why ........

The above should have read "snag on a barby (viz BBQ) as no babies were harmed during the preparation of this post, nor when the stick was hardened.

[turboplanner]

...n Elders Cattle salesman in the buttocks.

For the benefit of City people we should explain that there are thousands of these people around Australia, dressed in red checked open neck shirts, moleskins and RM Williams boots highly polished. They are tall with wavy off white hair, still wear watches on the left wrist with leather covers embossed with "RMW". They have big white teeth and smile a lot, and big booming voices. Before the sale they stand around in a circle with one knee bent towards the centre and the watch-hand resting on it, and the shoulders slightly turned, talking, and laughing together. About three minutes before the Auction the circle breaks up and they quickly redraft the cattle into the opposite order and start barking loud comments about the wonderful quality and breeding of each animal, sometimes receiving a horn in the rear for their trouble. After the sale they re-form the circle at the bar, the hand not on the knee holding a pot of beer until well after sunset when they go home.

It was one of these, called Chris that Cappy speared.   He grabbed the tail of the Jab and brought it to a stop, ...........................

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...n Elders Cattle salesman in the buttocks.

For the benefit of City people we should explain that there are thousands of these people around Australia, dressed in red checked open neck shirts, moleskins and RM Williams boots highly polished. They are tall with wavy off white hair, still wear watches on the left wrist with leather covers embossed with "RMW". They have big white teeth and smile a lot, and big booming voices. Before the sale they stand around in a circle with one knee bent towards the centre and the watch-hand resting on it, and the shoulders slightly turned, talking, and laughing together. About three minutes before the Auction the circle breaks up and they quickly redraft the cattle into the opposite order and start barking loud comments about the wonderful quality and breeding of each animal, sometimes receiving a horn in the rear for their trouble. After the sale they re-form the circle at the bar, the hand not on the knee holding a pot of beer until well after sunset when they go home.

It was one of these, called Chris that Cappy speared.   He grabbed the tail of the Jab and brought it to a stop, ............ 

So, the question now, Dear Readers, is do we just pretend that Turbo is still "with it" and we reply to his above-quoted post ...... or do we point out to him and the world, that he is responding to a post on a previous page and several posts ago.

For his mental well-being we should probably say nothing, but it is also a great opportunity to stick it up him (NTTIAWWT), ........ so to speak.

What should we do? I leave it to others as Crappy would give him a reaming if Mickey the Jedi had his way.

Edited February 16 by Captain

[turboplanner]

On the other hand, Dear Readers, do we praise him for quietly overlooking one post, where Cappy was spearing a baby, in the interests of modern diversity where not even Barnaby can have a lie down on the way home from the pub.

Edited February 16 by turboplanner

[Captain]

16 hours ago, turboplanner said:

On the other hand, Dear Readers, do we praise him for quietly overlooking one post, where Cappy was spearing a baby, in the interests of modern diversity where not even Barnaby can have a lie down on the way home from the pub.

Crappy accepts that speared babies is not a good look for the NES so he continues Turdy's thread below.

 

20 hours ago, turboplanner said:

It was one of these, called Chris that Cappy speared.   He grabbed the tail of the Jab and brought it to a stop, ........

...... and said "Elders can sell, at auction of course, that beautiful 230 for you for a substantial capital gain .... alternatively, we have the only supply of new thru-bolts on the planet, and while they are painted in Elders red & each comes with a free red shirt, they ......

[turboplanner]

.......have to be kept at a constant temperature of less than 20 degrees C and dosed in oil hourly or they get right out of control and that will cause you to .....................

[onetrack]

......suffer from the adverse effects of the through-bolts pointing at you, and making you feel extremely sick, to the point of wanting to die!

 

Cappy became rather alarmed about the thought of a through-bolt pointing directly at him - just the mere mention of it made him feel queasy, so he made sure that he..........

[Captain]

45 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Cappy became rather alarmed about the thought of a through-bolt pointing directly at him - just the mere mention of it made him feel queasy, so he made sure that he..........

..... wore his Kurdaitcha Man slippers to bed (Cappy is a certified Shaman able to practice in all states and Territories except the ACT) and stuck a rainbow serpent's feather up his .....

 

Cappy's very own KMSs after he took them off at the coffee shop this morning because they hurt his bunion. 

 

Edited February 18 by Captain

[onetrack]

....exhaust pipe, to keep the through-bolts pointed in the correct direction - and not directly at him. However, there came the time when, as Cappy was piloting his famous J230 wearing his KMS's (because they were good for flying, his Elder had told him) and he went to push on a rudder pedal, one of his KMS's tore in half, and the bottom half jammed in the...........

 

 

Edited February 18 by onetrack
added more juicy bits....

[Captain]

10 minutes ago, onetrack said:

....exhaust pipe, to keep the through-bolts pointed in the correct direction - and not directly at him. However, there came the time when, as Cappy was piloting his famous J230 wearing his KMS's (because they were good for flying, his Elder had told him) and he went to push on a rudder pedal, one of his KMS's tore in half, and the bottom half jammed in the........

.... wombat entrails which Crappy had spread out around the cocjpit so as to 'read" them in order to determine wind direction and ......

[turboplanner]

...............and speed.

His flying as a result was always very accurate and he could place the aircraft very precisely whereas with the newer effeminate EFIS you wouldn't know whether you were approaching to land at DG International or Siberia.

 

Turbo had begun trialling bottled cat gut as an alternative. It had the advantage of no odour, but so fa could only achieve an accuracy of about 5%, so ....................

 

[Captain]

51 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo had begun trialling bottled cat gut as an alternative. It had the advantage of no odour, but so fa could only achieve an accuracy of about 5%, so .........

..... this clearly proved that as well as inventing AFL footy, the Moon Lander and the Mars Rover (severalsort-ofaviationrelatedavrefs), the Aussie native peoples also invented & perfected the EFIS just .......

Edited February 18 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....by putting into practice their 60,000 year old skills, even though cats hadn't been invented then.

Morton, Turbo's ancestor who would have been 37, 742 today, had he lived, often said "It's not what you think; it's what you do", but at that time no one knew what the hell he was talking about. "He was a man before his time" said Turbo when cursing the Bank staff laying about on beaches, or grocers making you pick fruit and vegetables, take it to be weighed and pay for it yourself instead of sending an accout like they used to. It especially applied .....................

[Captain]

.... to Morton's invention of the Cat Scan, which he had copied from an ancient cave painting that .....

[Captain]

.... to Morton's invention of the Cat Scan, which he had copied from an ancient cave painting that .....

[turboplanner]

................had been done by rainbowbullserpent back 59,860 years ago when he was a boy.

 

It showed a warrior lying down, clearly sick, his spears and woomera beside him. He'd walked all day without a drink across a scorching claypan on the way from Hughenden to Prairie, but didn't make it.

 

On the edge of the Prairie he'd found the cave with the almost perfectly round opening. The perspective in the picture, the only perspective ever found in an Aboriginal painter other than Namatjira, shows the warrior appearing to float into the cave.

 

rainbowbullserpent had ......................... 

[onetrack]

......been the main Dreamtime persona, that had been promoting Mortons Cat Scan. However, Mortons Cat Scan was superseded by the Dog Sniff, introduced to the backward peoples of the Eastern States, by none other than the famous Western Australian inventor, Onetrack.

 

A Dog Sniff was immediately recognised as being far superior to any Cat Scan, because as anyone knows, a Dog can pick up a zillion things with just a couple of sniffs - such as where you've been, who you've been with, whether you've rubbed up against another Dog.

 

However, when the Dog sniffed Cappy, he recoiled and began barking furiously. Onetrack said to Cappy, "He knows you've been using...........

[Captain]

.... invented the resurrection narrative and there in the corner of the painting was a structure baring a sign saying "Golgotha Arms" with Golgotha crossed out and Hughendon added.

This caused great interest from the .....

Edited February 19 by Captain

[onetrack]

(dear NES readers - I take it you'll understand that Cappy, being a resident of a particularly backward and slow area of NSW - namely the Southern suburbs of Wagga Wagga - means that he's also pretty slow on keeping up with many developments - especially as regards the development speed of the NES - so I trust you'll cut him some slack, for running an hour behind the last posting on the NES ......)

[turboplanner]

Hughenden Free Church group, because of course Golgotha hill was the crucifixion site of Jesus Christ.

Amos, the senior member aka "Amo's Dirst Bike shop and 4WD parts" expressed concern that there should be a pub in town and the members wnet out on a crusade, but no one could find it.

Eventually......................

[Captain]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

and the members wnet out on a crusade, but no one could find it.

Eventually......................

..... , when they returned from the Crusade, everyone was keen to hear stories of derring-do, as they had all read Danny Brown's book ..... but it turned out that this Crusade just went down to Charters Towers to attack the Masonic Lodge and to imbibe at the Workies Club and ....

[turboplanner]

..........climb some of the Towers. Tragically they didn't take photos because the next year Joh Bjelke-Peterson ordered all 12 towers razed to the ground after calling them an "Abomination". JOH of course had a female pilot who secretly ......................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..........climb some of the Towers. Tragically they didn't take photos because the next year Joh Bjelke-Peterson ordered all 12 towers razed to the ground after calling them an "Abomination". JOH of course had a female pilot who secretly ......................

 

..... adored him and when he would start to say "Well, don't you, don't you ...." she immediately would ..... touch it, and this became a problem for .....

[turboplanner]

.......Charters for this was the first tower Joh had kocked down.

This enraged the Charters Towers Progress Association because they had been advertising the towers as "The 12 Apostles" and tourists by the thousands used to visit Charters Towers (God knows, there was nothing else to see there), and they "mobilised". Not many people know the saying "Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned" was adapted for a modern Play from an older saying "Hell has no fury than a Western Queenslander scorned." and this was the beginning of Joh's downfall which ended ......................