The Never Ending Story

[Guest Decca]

Desperately wanting the 1,946th, Deccadent began quickly putting a post together, his very first for the NES.

 

“Better late than Never” said Trevor.

 

“That’s a lie” said BigPete. “Trevor’s last post here was 1072, when he pleaded for mercy, calling for an end to The Never Ending Story”

 

“That’s a lie too” said Planey. “BigPete’s last post here was 1594”

 

“That’s a lie too” said TurboTyper. “Planey’s last post here was 1655”

 

“Well” says Deccadent, “I rest my case for a new forum; We’ll call it The Liar’s Club - Ian should be able to organise that by this weekend”

 

“That’s a lie too” said Ian, spitting bits & bytes of data.

 

“Geez I’ve had to do some research for this long winded post,” said Deccadent. “And if anyone wants any vverifficcation of the accurraccy of the above please refer to the Never Ending Story.”

 

“And here’s another fact; since BigPete last appeared there are 5.3 posts appearing every day here”

 

Deccadent fast forwards to post 2080, vowing somehow to catch up with the present and the lolly gobbler of Dr. Dangle….

 

 

[Captain]

Desperately wanting the 1,946th, Deccadent began quickly putting a post together, his very first for the NES.

“Better late than Never” said Trevor.

 

“That’s a lie” said BigPete. “Trevor’s last post here was 1072, when he pleaded for mercy, calling for an end to The Never Ending Story”

 

“That’s a lie too” said Planey. “BigPete’s last post here was 1594”

 

“That’s a lie too” said TurboTyper. “Planey’s last post here was 1655”

 

“Well” says Deccadent, “I rest my case for a new forum; We’ll call it The Liar’s Club - Ian should be able to organise that by this weekend”

 

“That’s a lie too” said Ian, spitting bits & bytes of data.

 

“Geez I’ve had to do some research for this long winded post,” said Deccadent. “And if anyone wants any vverifficcation of the accurraccy of the above please refer to the Never Ending Story.”

 

“And here’s another fact; since BigPete last appeared there are 5.3 posts appearing every day here”

 

Deccadent fast forwards to post 2080, vowing somehow to catch up with the present and the lolly gobbler of Dr. Dangle….

"And Ten-dent's contribution was good and statistically correct" said Better-late-than-never Trevor, yet Dr Dangle the Turbo Dingler said nuth-think so it looks like one of the blue pills might be working as we type this, BigPete stayed schtumm, so we reckon that he has just been rebadged as the Turbodangler, and Planey hasn't been the same since that infamous incident known by to all as "The Knockback @ Narrowmind".

 

"It's a .............

 

 

[hihosland]

Its a...

 

Ill wind from Narrowind thought the now not so dangly Dr Dangle as he felt the wind chill on the up wind side of his newly discovered wind direction indicator ( historical aviation term).

 

"time is a pressing so I'll just make a rapid diversion to the Riverland where.........

 

 

[Captain]

Its a...Ill wind from Narrowind thought the now not so dangly Dr Dangle as he felt the wind chill on the up wind side of his newly discovered wind direction indicator ( historical aviation term).

 

"time is a pressing so I'll just make a rapid diversion to the Riverland where.........

....where love is not maligned ..... unlike at Narrowmind,

 

The wind is always fair, like the Riverland Lasses hair,

 

Yet a man can be free to let it do just that,

 

While some of the Lasses can put it in a platt,

 

And some of the better blokes have 11 or 12 knotches, not just 10 dents,

 

You know it makes ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

You know it makes ..............

....sense when Captain bursts into verse, and starts to sing.

 

Deccadent had tried to start off with an innocent story about statistics, but immediately given the game away by picking a name which inadvertently referred to too many nights down the pub with Foxhunter, who is a real high flyer.

 

Clearly this had excited El Ratster who had turned his attention from giving "Southern Outboards - Visa Cards Welcome" a beating.

 

"Maybe he'll get off my back" thought Turbo, grateful that the Rat still hadn't found that part of his carpet was missing.......

 

 

[ahlocks]

...or has Tink realised that el Ratto's cherub 'lollies' were left in foyer by mistake and were really aiming pucks for the men's washroom....

 

 

[turboplanner]

....Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhpppppppppppppppppppthettttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

[hihosland]

that's what happens when you let Bastille day go by without even a nod to the fly past by the Patrouille de France nor even a croisant or two.

 

you are left with a celebratory washroom puck and a .............

 

a

 

 

[ahlocks]

...hygienic and forest fresh breath.:ne_nau:

 

"Oooh, I luv a bloke with pine fresh breath" chirped Nanna :heart:

 

"Reminds me of the wild times I had an a Tiki Tour to Christchurch. So what's your name luv?

 

"Dikadint......"

 

 

[Guest Decca]

So the virgin Deccadent, whose alias is alas morphing into his real name, despite having the breath of a peppermint flavoured angel, can’t wait to find out what is in store….

 

HELP Tommo!

 

 

[ahlocks]

Shhh! Dikadint!!

 

Don't use that "V" word around Nanna, 'cuz she gets a bit carried away and then a couple of the natives will get all ribald and that'll draw the wrath of PeteThePure (WhoPete?) and the story will have no flow and Plainey will get the irrits and then Turbo will bang together a great missive and El Rateaux (future c asino owner and Bastille day reference) will ...... besides, Ditdash is at TAFE this week, so he ain't gunna save you.

 

 

[turboplanner]

Tommo isn't going to help you, Deccadence he's off at TAFE for a few days building his knowledge, and I might add cunning, judging by the quick responses.

 

It hadn't gone unnoticed by Slartipheartlast that once again High- hat had tried to divert the storyline to his favourite subject, the frech flypast thing just being a diversion.

 

High-hat had been heard to boast that if his Skyranger had floats he could land it on a sheep trough - sideways! but no one had ever seen it happen and in fact no one had ever seen him fly......but he was deadly fast on the uptake and the minds were boggling at what he might come up with next.......

 

 

[turboplanner]

Argh Rats! (Sorry Captain, I try to be politically correct), beaten by the very colourful display of what most people might think of as emoticons, but don't be fooled - he's been painting on all those unused rivet heads................

 

 

[Guest Decca]

Well it serves you guys right. If I remember correctly “you guys” forgot Bastille Day at around this time last year! Bad move second time round!

 

If I can’t rely on Tommo, you’ll do Ahli. The pure peppermint breath of a Dikadint angel may not hide virginity, but still cannot be swayed by the twain of the poetic Captain Rat, no matter how many motel bed(room)s are hidden behind the cupid…….

 

Oh Shoot, Tommo I didn’t do enough research. Who is Nanna? Ahlocks? Anyone?? Rat even?

 

 

[turboplanner]

"Turbo turned sadly to Deccadence and said: "You've heard about the Genie and the bottle? Well Nanna is the opposite of what you'd want to come out, but you've done it Deccadence and you'll just have to take the consequences."

 

"Poor Ahlocks" said Turbo, "I'd forgoten about him" When God handed out the decision making powers that allowed the smart money to buy Jabs, Ahlocks got caught in the queue when the lunch bell rang."

 

"Anyone" said Turbo, not fully understanding where this question was going, "Is anyone who's against us"

 

"Rat" he continued "may well be Darth Vader in disguise.....", but furter explanation was stifled by a loud CLANG!

 

Poor old Rat had put on his overcoat, merely to protect himself from the cold, and decided to take a walk down Bayliss St, merely to get fit.

 

His big mistake was to grab a handfull of lollies before he left.

 

He'd worked up quite a sweat when the Patrol Car slowly rolled down the street.

 

By an unfortunate coincidence he passed under a light, and the occupants of the patrol car saw an overcoat, a gleaming gold tooth, two skinny little legs in Nikes, and heard the rustle of lollies.

 

Out jumped Ms Doubtfire.......

 

 

[ahlocks]

....G'day, G'day, G'day... What's goin' on 'ere then?" :Disappointed: she said as she grabbed el Ratto by the the tail and gave it a twist. :ah_oh:

 

The Rat winced and shot her his bestest gilt toothed smile....."Wanna trough lolly Constable Doubtfire?" he offered. "Good for the breath and quite an effective mexican repellant." Doubtfire twisted El Ratto's appendage a half turn tighter , which drew him onto the tip of his toes:DevilDog:.

 

"You know something about one trying to do broadies in the main street last week?" demanded Doubtfire.

 

"No Sir, ma'am!!" replied Ratto, with an extra squeak to his voice, "But I do know there's a bloke with a kiwi sounding name asking about Nanna :smooch:, mother of the the riverlandmum :no no: who's mother of the Riverlandlass.

 

===============

 

DikaDint has joined the aunt's garden

 

 

[Captain]

....G'day, G'day, G'day... What's goin' on 'ere then?" :Disappointed: she said as she grabbed el Ratto by the the tail and gave it a twist. :ah_oh:

The Rat winced and shot her his bestest gilt toothed smile....."Wanna trough lolly Constable Doubtfire?" he offered. "Good for the breath and quite an effective mexican repellant." Doubtfire twisted El Ratto's appendage a half turn tighter , which drew him onto the tip of his toes:DevilDog:.

 

"You know something about one trying to do broadies in the main street last week?" demanded Doubtfire. :patch:

 

"No Sir, ma'am!!" replied Ratto, with an extra squeak to his voice, "But I do know there's a bloke with a kiwi sounding name asking about Nanna :smooch:, mother of the the riverlandmum :no no: who's mother of the Riverlandlass :heart::heart: .

 

===============

 

DikaDint has joined the aunt's garden

 

"Come over here Decca, and sit beside me on this blanket" said Nanna "For you have made a very welcome contribution to the NES and you need to be rewarded. Are you really limited to just ten?"

 

"Be gentle with me Nanna" he replied "But that doesn't mean ..... stop".

 

"So tell me a bit more about this mythical joint that you come from. Do you really have your own valley or are you looking to make use of Nanna's, and show me a photo of your snake".

 

"I'm the stud from Ballarat" said Decca.

 

"Don't remind me of the Rat" answered Nanna "As I met a bloke up Bidgee way who went like one ......... but DO tell me about the 1st part of that town's name."

 

"They are ..................

 

 

[Captain]

"And tell me more about your name Deccadence" whispered Nanna "Does that mean that we will strike a chord and make beautiful music together ... ten times."

 

"I'll do me best to keep in time" responded Decca with an air of expectation and not a blue pill in sight.

 

"And do you fancy us older women, or will you go down Ahlock's route and just use me to get at my daughter?"

 

Decca thought for a while, scratched his bonce and said "............

 

 

[turboplanner]

"....How did I get into this one?......she's as ugly as sin...why did I think up the name Deccadence.....this is as bad as they days when Reg Ansett's old boilers used to raid the flight deck.......help, TOMO!

 

 

[Captain]

"....How did I get into this one?......she's as ugly as sin...why did I think up the name Deccadence.....this is as bad as they days when Reg Ansett's old boilers used to raid the flight deck.......help, TOMO!

"Still, ugly is just a state of mind and it is obvious that El Ratto and El Locko didn't find her too ugly, based on what she described."

 

"How's Tomo the Homo .... sapian going to help on this, anyway, as he has been closetted away in Dalby doing closet type things. This needs a man of the world like slartibuttcrack to tell me what to do."

 

 

[turboplanner]

Slarticrackedbutt looked up, his arms glistening with Armorall, the Cheetah was so heavily covered with spit and polish that it stank like a polecat, and was rapidly becoming too heavy to fly.

 

A well known developer from Girlburn had offered to feature it on a pole at the entrance to the Industrial 3000 complex and he was seriously considering this offer - then everyone driving past - thousands - would see the spotted cat for years.

 

He wondered if he really was in a position to give Deccadent serious advice.......

 

 

[Guest Decca]

Deccadent finds himself accidentally, voluntarily, quite suddenly, in a different world.

 

Is he about to lose his virginity?

 

Who is this Nanna?

 

Deccadent is justifiably worried, looking for some place to hide, like in Girlborn sitting in a Cheetah up a pole, with no Old Boilers, Trolley Dollies or tail gunners to worry about. Just a 7”notebook to tap away on, helping to welcome the newbies again.

 

But Deccadent realised the futility of calling for a Genie, opting to wait for the incoming serious advice while inching away from Nanna, who is now engrossed in an amazing colour photo of the creek which SNAKES its way through my valley.

 

Still worried for his safety, Deccadent tried to think of other things, & wondered if his name originated from ….

 

 

[hihosland]

... supping on a surfeit of Denkavit leading to a serious degredation of the gazelle's performance and a question in his mind as to whether it may have had a similar effect on his own performance should the flehmen featured Nana get her wicked way with him.

 

Finding himself caught like a roo in the headlights or a cheetah up a pole he........

 

 

[turboplanner]

Finding himself caught like a roo in the headlights or a cheetah up a pole he........

 

...kept on repeating:

 

"DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!, DON'T FORGET TO VOTE", DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!"

 

then

 

"...Who do I vote for? Who pays for this site and gives us all these

 

freedoms to express outselves?"

 

"I know" said Tomo "...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

"I know" said Tomo "...............

..........but there was only silence. Tomo was hard at work studying.

 

It was quiet in YSWG2 2. it was mid afternoon, when weary travellers usually started checking in to The Rattery.

 

Tap, tap tap....taptap tap.....tap tap tap........

 

From beneath the desk protruded two very skinny legs clad in huge Nikes.

 

Above the desk was a shrunken body clad in a brown overcoat, stained with the remains of many breakfasts.

 

El ratto wasn't happy - there should be more visitors.

 

Tapp, tap tap - always in threes. Ratto was tapping on the desk in frustration with his pencil - you had to watch expenses in this business, and he'd been sharpening the same pencil since it was handed out in class in 1959.

 

He looked up once again at the LED light he'd placed so his gold tooth would gleam brightly as customers arrived.

 

He went over to the mirror and practiced lifting his right lip to expose the gold molar.

 

Tap, tap tap - he was going to have to speak to the local constabulary. Keeping the streets free of drifters was fair enough, but too many people had heard the clang as Ms Doubtfire picked up innocent tourists, albeit Tasmanians who didn't want radios in aircraft, and threw them into the wagon.

 

Tap, tap tap........but finally there was the sound of a car in the Las Vegas style entrance and a traveller came puffing in.

 

The LED light came on, ratto lifted the right lip and there was a comforting gleam as the traveller put down his suitcase.

 

"I'm a bit late", he said "got held up by a huge crowd out at the airport"

 

"Two idiots were out there trying to start a white Ultralight with green stars on the tail" he said

 

"They were towing it with a Nissan, up and down the grass, bumping up and down, and scraping the rudders off two RPT aircraft........"

 

But he didn't get to finish.

 

Both Rat lips lifted in a rictus of rage, exposing his ugly fangs, there was a hiss of spitting anger, the lollies in his overcoat pocket rattled, and he climbed over the desk and ran down the street, the Nikes flip flopping in the breeze.......