The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

.... practical mechanics carried the day just like they did after the last war, so every time they got a diesel into the workshop with glazed bored, they put a cup of WAGreat into each cylinder and "Bob's your uncle", but this only ....

 

During Cappy's time in motor racing, he was in the pits at Bathurst, lolling around with his meticulously prepared machines, and he gave Phil Ward a hand to stick a brand new engine into his Ford. With the race soon to start and no time to run the engine in, Phil grabbed some Ajax and poured some into each plug hole. It was a little hard to start and nobody stood in line with the exhaust, but once out, it did the job and finished the race.

 

Note to BlueHead owners  ..... It doesn't work so well with 2 strokes.

Edited May 10 by Captain

[turboplanner]

............encouraged car owners to do the same, and the English cars which had rusted their way onto the Australian market, and which had suspensions that defied the most experienced Chiropractors in Australia, and seats which collapsed after the warranty expired disappeared almost overnight.

 

During the paper shortage of 1983, WA Sand was used in toilets which led to ..............

 

Turbo is in awe of Cappy being asked by Phil Ward, one of the pioneers of Bathurst, to help fit an engine.

Turbo walked around the pits many times but when offering to help was only told to XXXX off!

 

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

During the paper shortage of 1983, WA Sand was used in toilets which led to ..............

..... the other Great WA Scandal, when, like covid, Government Medical Officers advised the sand monkeys to use WA sand in their bidets to de-dag themselves in a paper free environment, saying that it was "Safe and Effective".

 

They then ran for cover and joined the boards of sand companies when many in the population started to enjoy their sand enemas and hold Sand Bidet parties..... while a high statistical proportion developed silicosis of the bum, and associated regional damage to their ....

 

Cappy apologises if he was one of those at Bathurst, that told Turbo to XXXX Off. Who would have thought that after that, they would become such close and life long mates, particularly given Turbo's extreme wealth and all.

 

Edited May 11 by Captain

[Captain]

On 10/05/2024 at 8:07 PM, Captain said:

Cappy apologises if he was one of those at Bathurst, that told Turbo to XXXX Off. Who would have thought that after that, they would become such close and life long mates, particularly given Turbo's extreme wealth and all.

 

For the non-hoons in the NES, Turbine Enterprises now owns Bathurst and all surrounding land through to 100 kms past Orange, including Cappy's ggg'father's blacksmith shop at Lucknow.

Turbine Precious Metals have reopened the Ophir, Hill End & Chamers Creek goldfields (They now supply directly to Fort Knox, bypassing they Perth Mint who cannot be trusted, given the latest sand scandal), the circuit has been rebranded as Mt Turbirama, Bathurst is now just called "Thirst" (after Turbine Psychology & Mental Health suggested that he face up to his so-called "Drinking Demons") and since he also owns 80% of the freehold in Orange, that name cannot be used to describe any fruit other than that which is grown by the Turbine Citrus Conglomerate around the world. 

Edited May 12 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........what was know as "The Blockages", not unlike the "Troubles" in Ireland which also started over a shortage of toilet paper. As we know, the Poms have always been frugal with "the paper" whereas the Irish would always help out a neighbour, and this difference inevitably led to civil war. Of course when the King sent soldiers to Ireland he was perplexed at how easy it was for the Irish to find concealed English soldiers and escape, but of course now we know.

 

This also was why ..............

 

Cappy's heartfelt explanation explains a few things that Turbo had always wondered about. When he was building the Jabiru, he'd made his own wheels, since wheelwright skills had been passed down the Cook family. This explains why the Jab had steel rimmed wagon wheels. It might be unfair to say this but there were wheel ruts all over the Kapooka Paddock, where the taxpayers, through the ADF had graded an airstrip) Another novel feature of his Jab was the girth strap and the draf chains, beautifully made, but limiting him to only one case of Brown Bros Red at their short strip.

 

Our US NES readers might ben interested to know that the symbol for Florida is no longer the Orange, but in a deal carved out by Turbo and the Governor or Florida Enrico Garcia, the State is limited to claiming Turbine Orange Juice, and Turbine Orange Blossom.

 

Here's a young Turbo playing Banjo (note the ring with the Turbine Family Crest. Playing along is the great Roy Clark who could play any instruments including a milk can. Turbo wrote this song for Florida.

 

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........what was know as "The Blockages", not unlike the "Troubles" in Ireland which also started over a shortage of toilet paper. As we know, the Poms have always been frugal with "the paper" whereas the Irish would always help out a neighbour, and this difference inevitably led to civil war. Of course when the King sent soldiers to Ireland he was perplexed at how easy it was for the Irish to find concealed English soldiers and escape, but of course now we know.

 

This also was why ........

...... what in WA was kmown as "The Struggles" (sometimes described as being SandBound) because the residents of Southern Cross disliked those in Mangeymuttinup, and both of those firmly disliked Prince Leonard and Ralph Sarich, who both sewed division and unhappiness more effectively than Ian Paisley and the dude with the dark hair from the IRA.

 

It took a great Statesman like the OnlyEverHadOneRoot to recover the .....

 

Turbo's  video solves the age old issue of why the rest of the platoon up the Khyber called him Scaggsy, and why he now still has a CowLick.

[turboplanner]

......calm with occasional murder atmosphere of the Lost State as WA is known in the East.

 

OEHOR pondered for a moment, still reeling at the news that Chairman Dan was heading for WA as Twiggy's Left Right Hand Man to fulfill his promise to China that they could have all that red dirt stuff in WA for a song. It was OEHOR's job to make sure it was a song that .................

[Captain]

..... the common and more basic peasant level Sand Monkeys could find foot tapping, so that they ......

[turboplanner]

.....would be a part of the great peoples of the West, even if only an irrelevant swill of swishing ..........

 

[Captain]

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....would be a part of the great peoples of the West, even if only an irrelevant swill of swishing ......

.... and swashing on the rump of Australian society, as a whole.

 

I fail to see why, but OEHOR took offense at Turbo's comment and said "But we have unique freedoms, perks and opportunities over here in the west, such as ......

Edited May 13 by Captain

[turboplanner]

5 hours ago, Captain said:

.... and swashing on the rump of Australian society, as a whole.

 

I fail to see why, but OEHOR took offense at Turbo's comment and said "But we have unique freedoms, perks and opportunities over here in the west, such as ......

...time off for church on Sundays, and mutton & pickles sandwiches, and Phenyl to cleam our homes, and ............................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...time off for church on Sundays, and mutton & pickles sandwiches, and Phenyl to cleam our homes, and ............................

.... Quokka biltong has become a staple since all the RSA farmers arrived, and before the .....

[turboplanner]

sheep farmers could step in four emigrants who'd sailed in on a typical Joburgh dingy had landed bringing four or their larns which immediately started to mate and produce young which systematically moved through the paddocks eatig sheep.Binnie, Winie Jannie and Bronte graded an airstrip, unpacked their Thrusters and toured around taking video shots of the endless velde and before long there was an infestation of Afrikaaners who brought along their Zulu cattle minders, the Zulu saw the sand hills and immediately claimed 45,000 square kilometres on the ground that this was the land of their ancestors, the Giant Sand Serpents and were given the land by Jack Kelly a tyical public servant who never checked anything. Tis was used by the Khosa contingent who's rafte across and claimed the Kimberley, and no one knew their orse frum their ulbow.

Eventually ..........................

Edited May 13 by turboplanner

[Captain]

..... the Boars had 3 members in the WA parliament, and Johannes became the most popular name in WA for the 5th year in a row, which .....

 

Cappy is aware from NES reader feedback, that you all find WA to be a little boring, however the Boars are something different again, and are seldom boring when they apply Rule 303, as they are prone to do.

 

It is further noted that the Boar members of the AUFWA only fly white aircraft (NTTIAWWT).

Edited May 13 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......upset the followers of High Chairman Markey who had moved into a Retirement home in Mangey, but still thought he was in charge of WA. It also upset Twiggy sand, the Al Bond sand and Lang sand (who used to broadcast "Handcock's half-hour".  

 

Robert Holmes per Court of course was born an Africanner and had engineered WA's immigration laws with a clause giving  the Orange Free Staters preference over the Sudanese for entry to Australia.

 

This was the sceanrio that OEHOR was facing and no one quite knew how he would act. He was a lab most of the time, but put a scratch on one of his bulldozers and he turned into a ...................................

 

 

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

This was the sceanrio that OEHOR was facing and no one quite knew how he would act. He was a lab most of the time, but put a scratch on one of his bulldozers and he turned into a .........

...... 2024 version of Breaker Morant, which became blatantly obvious when he knocked up a few Prison Camps where nobody would see them in the earthquake belt just west of Southern Cross, and he started to publicise his soon to be infamous slogan "......

Edited May 16 by Captain

[turboplanner]

"Stick with me and you'll wear diamonds; XXXX with me and you'll have dirt for dessert!!"

His mining sites were a model of production, all worked by temp. visa Indians, and soon .............

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"Stick with me and you'll wear diamonds; XXXX with me and you'll have dirt for dessert!!"

His mining sites were a model of production, all worked by temp. visa Indians, and soon .............

.... the temperamental Indians that had been paid for by Visa, were joined by unreliable Harleys and hard to start Excelsiors, which .....

[Captain]

Cappy is concerned that OEHOR has been so quiet. Same with bull & his fishing boat.

 

Are you esteemed members OK?

[Captain]

On 15/05/2024 at 10:49 PM, Captain said:

.... the temperamental Indians that had been paid for by Visa, were joined by unreliable Harleys and hard to start Excelsiors, which .....

..... gave Turbo another V-twin flashback to his time up the Khyber, where he had been issued a brand new DOD Rudge with which to patrol the border.

 

"Don't talk to me about temperamental Indians, dot not feather." said Turbo "As they fired a couple of rounds at me, then ......

[turboplanner]

6 hours ago, Captain said:

..... gave Turbo another V-twin flashback to his time up the Khyber, where he had been issued a brand new DOD Rudge with which to patrol the border.

 

"Don't talk to me about temperamental Indians, dot not feather." said Turbo "As they fired a couple of rounds at me, then ......

....shot a couple of Drifter Pilots from Warracknabeal, then curried them in front of our eyes."

"Remember how I sneaked across the line when they were sound asleep and poured six bottles of gin into the pot, and we were able to shoot thirty two of them because none of them could shoot straight?" mused Cappy.

"We gained sixty three feet territory that day." replied Turbo "Our bet day in six weeks."

Cappy swatted a big scorpion and said "Pity about Jack and Arthur, but at least the British gave the buggers some curry!"

"We .....................

 

 

 

[Captain]

..... often go to Jack's and Arthur's memorial with a large pot of curry and a .....

[turboplanner]

"....bottle of gin and remember old times<" he continued. "This was before be built the 404. We haven't told people about it because it was designated Top Secret by His Majesty's army. We'd managed to scrounge bits frow war wreckage, old gin crates and tent canvas which our soldiers didn't need after they'd been shot. We constructed a small aircrtaft. We couldn't make an engine on the steep slopes of the Himalayas of course, so we employed Dak Runners to haul it up the Pass and Turbo or I or a former member of this site who declared "I tort meself to fly" would fly it off the clif and bring back vital intelligence to the General.Many decades later the aircraft was copied and given the name Drifter."

Turbo nodded at the memory and ..........................

 

[Captain]

...... downed a bottle of gin for Jack and a quart of Pims for Arthur.

 

Arthur, the Company Drifter, the Company Bike, and a barrel of Pims were the key components in the Khyber story about the ....

[turboplanner]

.......wayward Colonel Unlocks, a distinguished member of the Unlocks family. It was General Shaun Unlocks that carried out atrocities on behalf of Lord Cumberland after the Jacobites had surrendered at the Battle of Culloden, and founded The Black Watch which was stationed at Fort William and chased Highlanders for years, so it was fair to say that the Colonel was not totally trusted by all of the Khyber Pass stalwarts which included the Jacobite Turbine family, and so on that fateful day which started with an unusual rush from the Khybers ....................................