The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

44 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

That was until one of them said "I knew you were an Organ Grinder Onesey, but who's the monkey"

Errol had been an SAS Sergeant and now he ......................

..... could at long last have the fun of applying his skills domestically.

 

Errol withdrew the larger of the 2 ceremonial daggers and proceeded to .....

 

Edited July 11 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...........attempt to emasculate Onesy, but screamed as Onesy bit off half his ear.

He stabbed upwards, the sure-fire SAS way to destpatch an enemy, but Onesey had grabbed a manhole cover and broke his knife and then his teeth.

In desperation Errol ..........

[turboplanner]

........borked him in the jewels and then .......

[Captain]

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...........attempt to emasculate Onesy, but screamed as Onesy bit off half his ear.

He stabbed upwards, the sure-fire SAS way to destpatch an enemy, but Onesey had grabbed a manhole cover and broke his knife and then his teeth.

In desperation Errol ..........

This post, dear Readers, is in need of some clarifications.

1. Onesie has been working hard at his "Masculating" over many years and would have to one of the most masculate members of the Wreck Flying (avref) community in WA.
   He will therefore always be a target and will be very difficult to emasculate.
    
2. Onesie's deftness and natural fighting qualities are demonstrated here via his ability to access manhole covers at will and to then detooth Ecka after breaking the ceremonial dagger (to just refer to it as a knife diminishes Onesie's achievement).

[Captain]

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........borked him in the jewels and then .......

...... removed his jewels before borking him again in his .......

 

The above references the wealth of WA and the individual success of OT, in that he is always bedecked in jewels, even his jewels are bejeweled, from his time out around the mines.

[turboplanner]

........PNC #1.

This just provoked Onetrack to the point where he gave big E a fixed stare and then broke his arm in the gentlest ways.

This started .............

 

 

 

 

#1    Primary Nerve Centre.

 

 

 

[Captain]

..... a rather unseemly contest to see who .....

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

#1    Primary Nerve Centre.

Pedantary Note - You cannot get more "Primary" than #1 ...... just say'n.

[turboplanner]

....to see who could break the most parts, the winner to have the title "Breaker  .......................

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....to see who could break the most parts, the winner to have the title "Breaker  .......................

..... Moron" who would thereafter always operate and do all things using Rule 117.

 

They would have preferred to use Rule 303 but that ruins the fox pelts, the bounties for which most Western Australians use for beer money and as their stake each Saturday night at the Perth casino.

 

"If those are millimetres, I'd much prefer Rule 303" commented Mavis, who had gone over to WA to see if OT is OK after his long silence on the NES, to see if she could get him into the NEST, and to ......

[turboplanner]

....generally have a holiday and take in the landscape because Bone was boring, with its thousands of square kilometers of endless green sugar cane ensuring your horizon was 20 metres away and the only relief from a view of bitumen was a squashed snake or one of the ubiquitous HQ Holdens.

 

It was even more boring after bull left. Mavis had become heartily sick of him crapping on about one day becoming a trawler skipper, but now she pined for the deep vopice which filled the Bone RSL night after night.

 

That little XXXX OT had moved in though, having told everyone he was moving CAT parts out to a new warehouse closer to the mines when he had actually talked Virgin down 50% on a ticket to CQ claiming he was about to increase tourist traffic from Bone to Kalgoorlie.

 

His warehouse was one of the sheds at the edge of town and Mavis was about to fill it.

 

However, Mavis had already had enough of the endless sand punctuated only by rock and old VH Valiants strewn along the sides of the roads.

 

She thought "XXXX ...................................

 

 

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

She thought "XXXX ...............

..... this, I'm going to give OT a .......

[turboplanner]

...........model kit of a Cessna Centurion so he can occupy himself when the prawns aren't biting and ....................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...........model kit of a Cessna Centurion so he can occupy himself when the prawns aren't biting and ....................

..... it'll be fun watching him put the stickers on the outside, then adding the "Not approved for Aerobatics" label on the dash, right next to .....

[onetrack]

....the contrails dispensing switch. Not many of the general public knew that Cessna Centurions were the real contrail dispensing machines, not high-flying jets, as many thought - because the Cessna contrails were invisible, thanks to a secret formula that OT designed and patented, and which he sold to the CIA, thus ensuring OT his little-known place in history.

 

The U.S. Cessnas were used to spread contrail fumes over States that didn't vote in a majority for Donald Trump, thus ensuring that the voting went the way the MAGA mob intended. Unfortunately, a side effect of the fumes from OT's contrail concoction was that it led to........

 

Edited July 13 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.....a Congressional Inquiry where after a lgthy sessions, contrails were banned unless the operator haqd a permit for ......................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....a Congressional Inquiry where after a lgthy sessions, contrails were banned unless the operator had a permit for .......

....mulated by Bill Gates, and also had a lifetime subscription to Microsoft 365.

 

OT and Bill remain great mates to this day, in the manner of the lifelong friendship between Turbo and Ratty (which despite all the adventures up the Khyber is not a gay frolic [NTTIAWWT]).

 

Following OTs successful patenting (patenting in Perth involves pegging a piece of suitably worded parchment to the base of the clock tower, then paying the Town Cryer to spruik it for 5 days) of his CDS, he next took the device to ....

Edited July 13 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........a blacksmith  (WA still has two or three in every town).

The blacksmith sucked the air in through his nose and spat a few times, then said "........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........a blacksmith  (WA still has two or three in every town).

The blacksmith sucked the air in through his nose and spat a few times, then said "........

..... I - reckon - that - I - might - be - able - to - use - that ( - they - talk - slow - in - WA - ) - in - one - of - those - new - fangled - . - . - . - . - .

[turboplanner]

-.-.-.-.(the blacksmith was a "Pager" a word indigenous to WA which means someone who can talk faster than a page a minute but on this occasion he had the flu, so we are none the wiser on what he intended to say, except that ...................................

[onetrack]

.....when he brought his hammer down on the anvil, it stopped all the incessant chatter amongst the crowd, and got everyones attention. Despite the slow talk of the Blacko, OT learnt long ago, that those who talk slow, think fast. The slow talking is just to make the other party think they're dealing with an imbecile, whereas the fact of the matter is, slow talkers have minds like a steel trap.

 

As soon as the Blacko had dead silence amongst the crowd, he paused. Not a pause like the Remembrance Day pause, just a pause of around about 15 seconds, allowing the tension to build. The Blacko was a master of attention control. You have to be, when you're wielding big hammers at lightning speed with deadly accuracy.

At long last, the Blacko spoke...... "You know, there's one thing........

[turboplanner]

.....that really bugs me. Once upon a time you could buy borking tools everywhere but now people just use their fingers.

There was silence and embarrassed looks from the crowd; they knew they were uncouth by yesterday's standards, but one, the once prominent poster, raconteur and moderator, Commissioner Ahlocks who had dropped in to see his once coffee-companion Cappy, didn't mince words and yelled "they're two heavy, that's why.

The lightning fast mind of O,  who was known to have repainted a Lanz Bulldog yellow because his customer wanted a Cat, was whirring and his eyes settled on Blacko. "Could you make me some sets of borking tools, but much lighter?" he whispered. There was a burp and a rush of air rather like a Horwood Bagshaw starting up and Blacko said "SssssHsssshshshshshpfffffff" which meant yes in Blacksmith language.

Soon there were OneTrack borking sets near the registers of all Coles and Woolworth stores, and people had borking parties and borked ..................

 

Edited July 14 by turboplanner

[Captain]

...... at bork swapping parties, which sometimes turned into .....

[turboplanner]

.........bork attack parties or even borking pool parties which required ......................

 

 

Turbo apologises for his short posts; he has spent the night farwelling the bros at the CFMEU farewell party where he was thanked personally by JS (THEMAN!) and given some friendly advice not to talk by some of the other starts of the outgoing Union.

[bull]

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........bork attack parties or even borking pool parties which required ......................

 

 

Turbo apologises for his short posts; he has spent the night farwelling the bros at the CFMEU farewell party where he was thanked personally by JS (THEMAN!) and given some friendly advice not to talk by some of the other starts of the outgoing Union.

.......much more thought when deciding what to wear! Now it being so long since Ahlocks graced the pages again the NES was somewhat ................

Edited July 16 by bull