The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

......lacking in the dress code for borking parties.

As much as Cappy was down on Epaulette, he almost always showed up at a party in a neat boiler suit with Captain epaulettes and a copy of the VFRG in his hip pocket (the other one reserved for his flask). That dresswouldn't do here. Things would be said like "We don't DO that here" or "Do we KNOW him" and Cappt would be a dead duck or ....................

[onetrack]

.....he would be refused admittance, which would pain him greatly, as he always wanted to find out what went on during borking parties. So, it would be left up to Cappy to decide whether he wore epaulettes and didn't get in - or he took the epaulettes off, and got in the door. But Cappy was a stickler for wearing those epaulettes ("I earnt them, after all!", he would cry), so he..............

[turboplanner]

.....wore a fox stole.

CT was in the audience and carrying ............

[Captain]

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....wore a fox stole.

CT was in the audience and carrying ............

..... a breakdown .223.

 

Cappy was a bit tired because he had got lucky the night before and had been borked into oblivion, so his magnificent mane of shoulder length blonde hair was a little disheveled. 

 

"I've never liked Crappy, so I reckon that I could put a warning shot through his right flapper" said CT.

 

With tacit encouragement from Ahlox, that CT assembled the .....

 

Edited July 16 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....equipment. It wasn't Cappy he was after but the fox stole.  Foxes killed and ate rabbits and that deprived him of income and when he saw it he lost control and forgot there was aCappy behind the foxskin.

To save on the cost of ammunition CT had bought several cases of ammo from Tinklin Water GoodTime Ammunition, based somewhere in the back blocks of China.

His first shot hit the ceiling; the second shot was a fizzer; the third shot hit the floor and CT swore. This attracted a Special Security Officer who had been trained by the US Secret Service and spent some time as an FoI. He walked over, hand on his gun, and said "You realise, you're not allowed to swear in here?"

CT ......................

 

[Captain]

20 hours ago, turboplanner said:

His first shot hit the ceiling; the second shot was a fizzer; the third shot hit the floor and CT swore. This attracted a Special Security Officer who had been trained by the US Secret Service and spent some time as an FoI. He walked over, hand on his gun, and said "You realise, you're not allowed to swear in here?"

CT ........

..... continued "F U mate, I should never have bought that special lightweight barrel from Happy Dragon Wonderful Feline Custom Barrels (HDWFCB) in Frankston". 

 

The "attracted Special Security Officer" was very attracted but not very attractive, and was a member of every one of the LMBTQXYZART organizations, which had qualified her for the job with maximum points, plus she offered the added advantage that she could scare every bad actor the death by just looking at them ............ but she somehow found the CT to be very (very) attractive ........... and she saw this as an opportunity to perhaps jump back over the dingo fence, no matter however briefly.

 

"I like Ossssies" she whispered in CT's shell-like ear (his shell-like looks like a cross between a mangled 308 Winchester shell casing, a torn pocket and a giant clam (Tridacna Gigas)).

 

She therefore holstered her gun after 5 or 6 attempts and sidled up to CT with a .........

Edited July 17 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...shadow of a smile. That was enough for CT of course, ask anyone who goes to "Parma Night" at the DG Inn.

 

While the many thousands of NES readers are noted for their respect and tolerance for minority groups, it might be timely to provide a warning about Zarts.

 

This group has infiltrated the minorities and they have some very dangerous backgrounds. It was Zarts who started the Russian revolution and killed the Czar, Zarts who pinched everyone's furniture and barricaded the streets on Montmartre in Paris. In the Indian-Texas wars of 1820 - 1875, in the Great Raid of 1840, Commanche led by Chief Buffalo Hump, with 400 warriors and 500 wives attacked a town and confiscated several top hats and umbrellas and were then joined by 500 Zarts who'd left their wives behind. They hunted the Texans out of Texas until the remnants of the US Army were able to arm themselves with the new repeating Turbine Centrefire rifles. It was too late though, the Zarts cross bred with the Comanche wives, obtained US citizenship and spread throughout the world. There were even some in New Zealand. At the DG Inn, Turbo had been called in to do the smoking ceremony and start the BBQ and he shouted a warning to CT but he was way too late. An over-eager OT had elbowed CT aside and was looking at the Zart with a silly grin. The Zart .............

[Captain]

23 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Zart .........

..... recognized that WA people are nice but simple folk, and until yesterday was hopeful that The Twigster would be able to fulfil the Zart family's Hydrogen Dream (HD).

 

But clearly .......

[turboplanner]

.....the cunning Twigster had smelled a rat, possibly at one of the nightly parties on the base when 700 happy employees feeding on a cattle station full of steak then hopped into the free booze and one of the 275 Scientists who was know for shooting his mouth off let the secret out that the green H2 fuel was going to cost $17.98 per litre at the pumps if they could get it there.

 

The ABC had done its best, warning motorists to watch out for 700 scientists (the ABC likes the sound of scientists better than "tradies") on the Great Northern Highway.

 

This was typical of the cyclical nature of WA employment, always offering the quick dollar but never quite delivering. Their parents had worked for Allan Band or someone who had promised them the world before Green or H2 had even been thought of and that other character ..........

 

[onetrack]

.......from the East - Turbo, of Turbine Wind and Solar Energy notoriety, had led the way in scamming desperate punters and even State Govts out of their money.

 

It's a little known fact, that in the early 80's, with oil prices peaking at ballistic levels, Turbo scammed a large percentage of Australian investors (not just the W.A. ones) out of multiple billions with his claims to be able to produce low cost fuels and electrical energy from his Tasmanian cat farms, and also export it wirelessly to far-flung places such as W.A. and the N.T.

 

His claims were promoted by his old-school advertising front man, "Captain" Cook (no-one really knows where he got the title, some suspect it's simply an honorary title), who was formerly a noted sideshow spieler, able to part money from tightwads with smooth patter and ego-boosting direct talk, that made the punters feel more special than anyone else in the world.

 

"Captain" Cook went on TV, spouting the incredible planned fuels and energy output of the Turbine Inc cat farms, all generated by waste products, of course, and the money flowed in faster than a Trump dedicated PAC fundraiser. Then cracks started to appear in the Turbine Inc claims, especially when pointed questions were asked about the fine details and specific technology involved in the cat farms fuel and energy production. Cappy always deferred to Turbo for details (as he's always done), and Turbo started appearing on TV interviews and radio talk-back programmes, where he managed to........

[turboplanner]

..........convince the public that squeezing cats to get juice was OK because no animals were harmed in the prrocess. He'd backed that up with the spiel that "the science was in" and .........

[Captain]

On 19/07/2024 at 11:40 PM, turboplanner said:

..........convince the public that squeezing cats to get juice was OK because no animals were harmed in the prrocess. He'd backed that up with the spiel that "the science was in" and .........

...... he enlisted the input of his diminutive yet dynamic half brother Tony "Turbine" Fauci to further add credibility and weight to his "believe the science" malarkey.

 

Tony stepped forward, raised himself to his full height and added ".....

[turboplanner]

7 hours ago, Captain said:

...... he enlisted the input of his diminutive yet dynamic half brother Tony "Turbine" Fauci to further add credibility and weight to his "believe the science" malarkey.

 

Tony stepped forward, raised himself to his full height and added ".....

".....and they don't smell either."

This was an unhelpful remark; correct medically but an adverse leading comment in marketing terms because although they didn't, people will think they did, so Turbo kicked Tony in the icicles and went on "...............

 

[bull]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

".....and they don't smell either."

This was an unhelpful remark; correct medically but an adverse leading comment in marketing terms because although they didn't, people will think they did, so Turbo kicked Tony in the icicles and went on "...............

 

.....with the task, now after 150000 cats he had enough "catjuice" to power a......

Edited July 22 by bull

[Captain]

3 hours ago, bull said:

.....with the task, now after 150000 cats he had enough "catjuice" to power a ......

..... large cat juice export operation.

 

He was targetting China, Vietnam, Luxemburg, Bangladesh and Saint-Tropez because of their .......

Edited July 22 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......problems with sunburn and skin cancer, but having difficulty settling on a price so he called .................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......problems with sunburn and skin cancer, but having difficulty settling on a price so he called .................

.... Emanuel Macron's missus, because she/he (NTTIAWWT) has experience with ......

[turboplanner]

...Emanuel, whose sister had a cousin who had terrible skin cancers from sunbaking on the Rock of Gibraltar every day. When asked .....................

[bull]

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...Emanuel, whose sister had a cousin who had terrible skin cancers from sunbaking on the Rock of Gibraltar every day. When asked .....................

.about the benefits of "catjuice" Emanuels sisters cousin explained that since she had been using "catjuice" her cancers had retreated but,her   are getting bigger and................. my....................

Edited July 23 by bull

[Captain]

3 hours ago, bull said:

.about the benefits of "catjuice" Emanuels sisters cousin explained that since she had been using "catjuice" her cancers had retreated but,her   are getting bigger and................. my.......

....., do I ever receive additional attention from the Gibraltar Barbary Macaques and the tourists that now pay extra to watch me sunbake". 

 

Expecting similar success, Emanuels's sister's cousin (see photo in bull's earlier post, but who, before Catjuice used to be an AFL footballer named Barry) placed another order for Catjuice, but when it came she/he was unhappy with the quality, the Use-By date was waaayyyy out and it turns out that shortcuts had been taken during manufacturing and quality control, because of .........

Edited July 23 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....the company policy that required a profitable sale, regardless of any rednecks who didn't understand the basics of marketing.

Not many people know that it was Jedediah Turbine, who founded the East India Company and appointed an out of work Sir Roger Cook to command his Army and Navy. It was Sir Roger who was often heard recounting, in The Bombay Hilton, his management of "difficult" trading partners. "The natives were restless that night so we sent a gunboat up the river and gave them a whiff of grape" 

This of course led to the term of being "Rogered".

It was during this well-managed trading era that about the same time as the automobile was invented, EIC found ink as their Buyers CT Barnum and long jack bull (who used lower case to hide his name from the British Empire Army) were walking through India. EIC called it "Indian Ink". Taking their lead from Henry Ford they only brought it out in black, inadvertently inventing the KISS marketing policy.

What they didn't broadcast was that EIC also found "Invisible" ink, but the British Empire's MI1, run by that little tell-tale rat Onetell forced EIC to only sell Invisible Ink to MI1, and it eventually took off around the world through the spy network which was like the Dark Web.

It wasn't long before Invisible ink got into the schools and ....................................

 

 

Source: Wikipedia.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 23 by turboplanner

[Captain]

..... without the ability to read & mark exam papers (invisible ink was invented by the EIC, but they forgot to invent any way to uninvisible it until Elon Turbine found a method 3 weeks ago), so for a couple of hundred years, academic awards were given based on the colour of the student's eyes and the size of their ......

[onetrack]

......middle finger on their right hand. This of course, led to protests from the Mollydookers who wrote with their left hands, as they claimed it was a distinct case of discrimination against Mollydookers.

 

Before long, the schools were being picketed as the Mollydookers held protests against the measurement, and the protests often became violent, when the Riot Police became involved. The Riot Police were at a distinct disadvantage, as they watched for weapons being held in the protestors right hands - and the Mollydookers caught them by surprise, by swinging weapons in their left hands.

 

Academic awards were totally forgotten in the regular melees, and very soon, the protestors were front page news items worldwide, which led to........

[Captain]

..... all major broadsheet newspapers being printed backwards to facilitate reading by mollydookers, Molly became the most popular female name for yuppy parents (with Dooky just outnumbering Turbine, which was still very popular for boys), and the Catholic Church implemented a policy of belting all righties across the knuckles with a ruler to convert them to lefties.

 

The popularity of .....

Edited July 24 by Captain

[bull]

On 24/07/2024 at 9:53 PM, Captain said:

..... all major broadsheet newspapers being printed backwards to facilitate reading by mollydookers, Molly became the most popular female name for yuppy parents (with Dooky just outnumbering Turbine, which was still very popular for boys), and the Catholic Church implemented a policy of belting all righties across the knuckles with a ruler to convert them to lefties.

 

The popularity of .....

.of these beltings soon had a que of degenerates all dressed in tight black leather outfits, [even Turdy could be seen down the back wearing an old outfit from the blue oyster days] all waiting for a "nice " belting [some even sticking their arses up in the air instead of a limp wrist.This caused a ............